Thank you for all the positive feedback :D Glad you all like it and are willing to stick with it.

As it was Lady Sybil's first season, the family had been spending a lot of time outside of Grantham house so Carson found himself with nothing to do, he spent some time with Mr Bates, but he and Anna were nearly always together so they only spoke briefly.
He had a little study at Grantham house, not as big as his pantry back at Downton but adequate for the short amount of time he spent there.
He found he regularly thought about Elsie's diary, he 'd locked it in a drawer, it really would be the end of the world is a prying lady's maid or footman were to find it, that would be bad enough, let alone if they read it. He was very careful not to make it noticed, all his companions had been preoccupied on the train so he'd gotten away with it, but now they were all bored with nothing to do, he was careful not to let anyone see him with it.
He'd also taken it to bed with him, but that was only because he wanted to know it was safe, not at all because it had the familiar scent of lavender about it.
He'd considered writing to her, they usually exchanged letters as they were so close, but he wondered if he should inform her of the mistake, though he thought she probably already knew, he couldn't decide though. Would she trust him not to have read it even though he must have looked to find out it was hers. But then, if she hadn't realised she has his diary, could her trust her not to read it now. 'Maybe I should read some more before I decide whether to write.'

He found himself alone one evening so decided he would have another sneak peek at another entry, he wasn't making a habit of it, he hadn't looked at it since the train and that was 3 days ago.

He took the diary out of his drawer and held it up so he could kiss the soft cover the scent of lavender engulfing him in memories. Her head had always been at the right height so whenever she stood next to him the smell wafted up from her hair, he suspected she must put some on her comb so her hair always smelt nice.

He'd last read about how she was waiting to be promoted to housekeeper, he chose however to read further on, to when she was housekeeper, their relationship became closer when she moved up to be his equal, they spent more time together and gradually became very close friends.

14th February 1894

Valentine's day today, brilliant(!) I've been in a foul mood all day; I thought you were supposed to be happy on this day of love – well not me!
It started this morning, my stomach was knotted and I didn't know why until I came down to my sitting room to look at the calendar and see what day it was. I remember staring at the calendar for ages until I jumped out of my skin when he knocked at my door. Charles stood there looking reasonably cheerful (well at least he was happy, that relieved me a bit) he wished me a happy Valentine's day and reminded me I needed to see Lady Grantham about some family friends she wanted to stay soon. I could barely reply, I wanted so badly to just run to him, throw my arms around his neck and kiss him until Christmas – but I cant. On the day of love, I'm restricted to sitting at the side lines watching all these maids and footman giving each other little gifts and stealing kisses when they think I'm not looking and I can't do any of that with the man I love – well I could, but I'd be thrown over very quickly.

'If only she had' he thought, another opportunity they'd missed because they were too scared of the other not feeling the same way.

This carried on the whole day, at lunch time I finished quicker than he did and saw his hand lying on the table, I so desperately wanted to reach out and take it in mine – but I couldn't. I excused myself early and ran to my room, I began to cry, this is crazy, I cannot go on like this – watching him and having to restrain myself. It's too hard!
Once I composed myself I carried on with my work, ate dinner as fast as I could and practically ran to my sitting room. I couldn't bear to look at him any longer – if he can't be mine, I don't want to have to face him.

He leaned back against his chair, 'had she got so upset that she'd repressed all her love and replaced it with hate?' he wondered, 'no, she'd never shown any signs of hating him, only friendship. But then again, she'd never shown any signs of loving him and here she was confessing it'
She certainly was good at hiding her feelings.

15th February 1894

I had that stupid dream again last night, that one where I find a bunch of roses on my desk, but this time they were Valentine Roses. I thought I knew what love was but I clearly don't because this is taking over my entire life, I have to try so hard not to be distracted while I work, as well as trying to discreetly hide my glances around the family and at meals. It's just too hard to resist him, I could write forever about how and why I love him, but there isn't enough paper in the world for me to do so. The only thing I can confide in about my feelings is this, he is my closet friend otherwise and we are beginning to talk a lot more in the evening and we discuss business regularly, but I'm not about to go and confess my love to him all that soon.
I didn't like to think of him yesterday all alone in his pantry on Valentine's day when I would so happily be there with him, I'd go anyway for him, I'd follow him to the ends of the Earth if he asked me to, of course Im not so naïve I would just go and give everything up straight away for him but it wouldn't take me long to do so anyway, maybe a few hours after he'd asked me?
Well I don't have to worry about that, I'm sure he'd prefer a more mature women, in fact I'm not sure what he'd prefer, I just can't imagine him being all that interested in me.

'Oh Elsie, if only you'd have said something, you'd have found that I was interested in you, so very interested'
He almost hated to read it, read how she worked herself up thinking he wouldn't look twice at her when really all he ever looked at was her, he read on.

It's just silly really, I came into service, turning down a marriage proposal because I wanted to do this, I shouldn't now be wanting to change my mind. I've made my decision and I must stick to it – I came to Downton to work, not to love and that is exactly what I'll do!

He dropped the diary on the floor and stared at it, lying upside down. She was upset because she thought he didn't love her, she gave up because she thought he didn't love her, she stopped loving him …

Because she thought he didn't love her.

Reviews welcome as ever :)