Dinner is a funny thing when you have something on your mind.
"How was the first day back?" my Dad was smiling, his words escaping like a soundtrack to the background silence filling our big, quiet house. Even though there always were a number of appliances creating noise, our empty living space always felt eerily silent. The TV was gleaming in the living room, a 40-year-old male reporter with a cheesy grin babbling about tomorrow's weather. When my mom had the house, she tried to respect dinner as mother-daughter meal time. TV off, nice home cooked food on our plates, table set neatly. I knew she was trying, which made it all worse. With my Dad, I had a feeling he left everything on for the exact purpose that had the opposite effect. He wanted the house to feel as if a family lived there, that the chaos of two little girls and the comfort of a young, smiling wife were still there.
"Good." I hadn't digested enough of the day myself to really give any further description. I had also developed an irrevocable urge to check the clock periodically, as if Eli had given me a time and told me not to be late.
"Any interesting classes?" He inquired, while stuffing the pizza he had ordered—Hawaiian pineapple and Canadian bacon—into his mouth, making for a very muffled sentence.
I thought back to the endless speeches and pointless handouts I had suffered through all day. Then, the faces of Miss Gump, Rookie Defender Boy, and Cory all simultaneously pop into my mind. I remembered spelling my name and hearing a chorus of voices echo it back, the eccentric demeanor and bad jokes of our offbeat director, worn in black and white vans…
"Nope. Nothing really exciting. First day, handouts, that kind of thing." I smiled and looked down at my plate, finishing off my last bite of pizza.
And that was it. That was all the daily conversation required by the Parent-Teenager handbook. So my dad said he loved me as we both got up, and went on his merry way to the couch. Not a surprising activity he picked. I'm pretty sure the weather segment is over and they've moved on to news anchorwoman Halley King, the news reporter who gets more credit for her appearance than her journalism.
I loved my dad, but he really wasn't one for quality time. Maybe that's one reason for…
Oh well. Time to go upstairs and check Skype.
My walk up the stairs could only politely be called a skip. I wanted to hear what Eli had to say, and officially thank him for the CD. Plus, it would be the almost as good as talking to him in person. Okay, that's not true, but it would be better than texts and phone calls.
I opened my laptop, my desktop background beaming at me. I smiled. It was a picture from the summer after sophomore year with the faces of Eli, Adam, and me. We were all wearing blissful expressions, while I extended my arm out attempting to capture us all in the frame. I couldn't tell you exactly where we were, because that day had been filled with numerous activities, but it must've been outside. The picture is bright in a way that only natural daylight can cause.
I don't need to call Eli on Skype, since the second I go online he does just that. I hope he hasn't been waiting.
But I don't need to worry about anything, because the second the screen connects he smiles. God. It's so good to see him smile. It's good to see him at all.
"Hi." I say it first, in a way that surprises even me. The pitch of my voice raises in the middle so it ends up sounding more like hi-a-i.
He chuckles. "Hi Clare. I'm so happy to see you." Eli says, still smiling. Even the Wicked Witch of the West would be melting if she were in my shoes. Oh, wait…
"I'm happy to see you too." I say in a small voice. Not necessarily small as it was baby-voice. Even the best of us fall short from long-distance relationship syndrome I guess.
I take a moment to look at the background. He's in his dorm room, which is already covered in various posters and photographs. He must be on the floor, because his bed is in the background. I try not to think about the fact that those sheets are the same ones I slept peacefully in not too long ago, Eli's arm placed protectively around me.
Tried, and failed. Miserably.
He's wearing his Dead Hand tee shirt that I've seen all too many times, and his hair looks freshly showered. Someone opens the door, grabs something within a foot of the entryway, and promptly leaves without speaking, all in a second.
"Roomate?" I ask, eyebrow raised.
"Yeah, that's Nate. He doesn't talk much. Or just doesn't talk to me. I'm not really sure. But he's left me the room for a while, which is all that matters." He says, nonchalant. Eli always said he wasn't one for social activity. But then I wonder why he didn't just get a single.
Something else is present. It's not in the posters, or his shirt, or even that comforter. He's relaxed, unfazed, comfortable. He's not in high school anymore. There is no hint of nervousness that most adolescent guys carry, in one way or another.
It was strange, on one hand. On the other, I found myself wishing I could feel this new comfort with him, as if by touching him in some way it would be shared with me. Transferred to reach a state of perfect equilibrium.
"So…" I began slowly. I didn't want to come right out and ask him, but I was hoping I could hint him into telling me whatever was on his mind.
He sighed. He was not oblivious. He knew me too well. "Clare… I can't come down the weekend after your fall break like I thought I could."
"Oh." was all I could say. Why is it that in the state of disappointment the classic response is 'oh'? Why can't I be lovely, and chipper, and just effortlessly say the right things? But there is no right response to this. Disappointment is one of the hardest things to mask.
"Clare." He looked genuinely upset. "I'm sorry. I really wanted to be there for you. It's just there's all this stuff due around that time and I just know I won't be able to make it. I'd rather disappoint you now than cancel last minute and have you angry because you'd have a weekend full of empty plans."
My face stayed the same, eyes observing the floor. The truth was, my weekend was going to be empty without him no matter what other plans I made. But I didn't want to say that. It wasn't his fault. "It's okay, Eli. I know college is hard."
"Being without you is harder." He said the words quietly, but his eyes were straight towards mine.
"Stop it. It's fine, really. There'll be other weekends. We still have Thanksgiving break, and Christmas, and then we're halfway through." I said, somewhat like a teacher reassuring her students. Some things were easier to be encouraging about if you left your personal feelings out of it. I was weird like that; I could be hopeless and desperate and just downright depressed, but I liked being a friend to people more than anything. Sometimes listening is better than venting, even if you need it more.
"I love you." Eli said. "And I miss you."
I smiled. "I know. I have the CD, remember? The one I am so thankful for, by the way." I paused. "I love you, Eli."
At the very best moment possible, Nate walks in, turns off the light, and flops into bed, in one swift motion. He must've had a pretty terrible day, because it's only 10:00.
You are very lucky Eli. That is one fine human being you have as a roommate there. I typed, not wanting to be overheard by the roommate in question.
He detected my sarcasm, luckily, so he responded to my smile with a smirk.
Clare… I can't even. You're the best.
I started typing again, but I heard a muffled groan from my speaker.
His face is underneath his pillow, Eli typed, chuckling.
It's probably your computer screen. You're so inconsiderate, Eli. I half-smiled as I typed. Being with Eli for so long had stirred up a love for sarcasm that I probably paraded too often.
I would have gotten a single if they offered that to freshmen, his reply stated.
Aha. I knew it.
You'll get by. I know you will.
Thanks Clare. I love you.
You said that already, goof. I smiled, feeling his eyes on me as I replied.
I know. I just really mean it.
Goodnight, Eli. I love you too.
This time he looked at me instead of at his keyboard. "Do we have to say goodbye?" his eyes caught mine.
Only I couldn't answer, because an irritated 'yes' escaped from the darkness behind Eli.
I couldn't help it, I laughed. What a guy. I typed.
He just sighed, so I waved goodbye.
We were both sad, and if he felt like I did, we were both dissatisfied. Tonight would have to suffice, but it wasn't enough.
xXx
Later that week I walked into school, seeing posters for the upcoming student council elections littering the floors and plastered to the walls. Adam saw me from down the hall and beamed, pointing at his shirt. It had a sleek colored design on the front, featuring his face and the words 'Team Torres'. It was green, unsurprisingly.
Wow. So he was seriously going after this. Cool. I couldn't help feeling proud of him, even if he didn't actually do anything yet but enter.
I walked down the hall with him to my locker, listening to all the details of how he planned to run his campaign. Alli was waiting at our lockers, so he said goodbye and headed off to Physics.
"So Adam's running this year? What for?" Alli said, obviously noticing his advertising apparel.
"President." I stated, almost feeling the shock in the air as soon as Alli absorbed the word.
"Really? Wow." She said.
"Wow what?" I asked.
"Just wow."
I shrugged it off and got my books out of my locker. "You know, you really should vote for him. He's got a lot of great ideas." I thought back to the previous conversation with Adam.
"Is he more of a Sav or a Holly J?" Alli asked jokingly.
"Well, it's not that his entire approach is academics vs. student activities, he just has a lot of great individual ideas in and of themselves. I think he intends to do both though." I said, still looking at the books in my locker.
"Cool. He sounds like he'd do great. If…" Alli's words trailed off.
"If what?" I paused, looking at her.
"Well you know. If enough people vote for him, that's all. I mean I would, but you know some people might have a problem with-"
"Are you really saying what I think you're saying?" I said, a look of disbelief breaking on my face.
"Clare… I just don't want yours or his hopes to get up. You know what people are like around here." She said, looking around the halls.
I sighed. She had good intentions. But I didn't want to worry about something that wasn't even reality yet. "I'm going to support his campaign. And if people decide to be jerks, then that's their problem."
Alli frowned before closing her locker. We walked away, preparing for the long day ahead of us.
xXx
"I'm so nervous." Adam turned to me before walking up to the podium. But he was excited. I could tell. It was time for him to give his pre-election speech.
"You're gonna do great, Adam. I believe in you." I smiled reassuringly.
"Thanks Clare. Well, I guess I better go up there." He said, his words drawing out towards the end of his sentence. His feet seemed heavily glued to the ground.
"Go!" I smiled, giving him a gentle push. He got in front of the podium, looking at me. I gave him a confident thumbs-up.
"H-hi. My name is Adam Torres and I'm-"
"Traaaaannyyyyy." The word escaped from the crowd, in a low pitched voice. A chorus of giggles erupted.
My jaw dropped. Adam's eyes darted to me desperately.
Mr. Simpson tried to hush the crowd, but a loud murmur had now stirred amongst everyone.
Adam didn't know what to do, so he just kept going. "I'm running for your student council president. I promise to-"
"Booooooo."
"Get off the stage!"
I couldn't believe my ears. What the hell was wrong with these people?
Adam tried to keep going, but he lost it when a wad of paper hit his face before he could react. He ran off the stage and out of the auditorium, while my heart dropped out of my chest.
I stood up. I couldn't believe I was about to do this. But Adam was more important than any shyness I harbored.
I stormed up to the podium, looking at the sea of chaos in front of me. "Hey." I said into the microphone. "Hey!" I said when no one acknowledged me. A few people glanced at me. Not good enough. I cleared my throat. "HEY!" I said, now yelling at the top of my lungs. Finally, one group by one, they looked.
And that's when I realized I had nothing to say. People in the books and the movies never really shed any light on their glory days. They just leave you thinking it all went perfectly without a hitch. Horror bunched inside of me, clinging to my throat. Blank stares hit me like bricks. If I didn't speak now, things would return back to the way they were and I would fail.
"People… people always tell you that high school sucks." Where was I going with this? I had no idea, but they were listening to me. Continue, Clare, continue! "And I know I don't have to ask you all here today about that, because, in truth, it really does."
My mind was whirring at a speed I couldn't control. I had no idea what I was doing.
"But what makes it worth while?" I asked. And then I realized that I had just shot myself in the mouth, because no teenager in their right mind responds to questions asked in a speech.
I waited, and waited, awkwardly. I sincerely thought that Mr. Simpson was going to pull me off the stage.
"Friends." Alli said loudly, and I looked at her gratefully.
I paused to look at the crowd. "Adam Torres is one of the best friends I have. He's one of the best people I know. And I know he would be the best president Degrassi has ever had."
I heard a single clap, my eyes meeting…
Rookie Defender Boy. You know, I'll have to actually learn his name one of these days. His applause was followed by Alli's, until more and more clapping followed. I hurried off the stage, not bothering to wait for the rest of the crowd to make up their minds.
I scanned the empty hallway, hoping that Adam hadn't ditched school by now. Relief hit me as I found him crouched down in the corner at the end of the hallway, huddled up with his knees to his chest, his head buried in his arms.
"Adam..." I said, rushing towards him.
He looked up, revealing his red eyes and wet cheeks. I can't imagine what he must've been going through. I wanted to scream at those people for doing this to him, tell them they were cruel and rude and wastes of space.
Adam doesn't cry too often. He fights as hard as he can not to. The only time I ever saw him cry was when Fiona broke things off with them when she left for college. He didn't even cry the whole time span of Eli graduating and leaving.
"Adam." I slid down next to him, leaning against the wall as I went. I put my arm around him and looked him in the eyes.
"I thought… I really wanted…" He tried to speak, but all he could do was cry harder.
I stroked his hair gently, something my mother had done to me many times before when I was upset like this. I got the feeling that his own mom hadn't ever done anything like it.
"The election isn't over." I said.
"Clare." He laughed bitterly. "Are you crazy? Were you there?"
"Of course. But I was there when you weren't." I said.
"What do you mean?" He turned to look at me.
I smiled mischievously, all the while keeping up my motherly actions.
"Oh God. What did you do?" He said. He had stopped crying now but still sounded slightly congested.
I looked straight ahead, at the wall facing the both of us. "Well, you know, they were all just so terrible. I was so mad. I got up there with every intention of telling all of them off."
"Got up there?" He repeated.
"Don't worry. I didn't. I ended up making some crap speech about friends and high school sucking." I said.
Adam just laughed, a good laugh this time. The window was now shining sunlight into the dim hallway, much like that picture on my desktop. Brightness.
Except that one of our pieces was missing. It feels kind of wrong without him. Eli should be here next to us.
"But at the end," I continued, focusing back on Adam, "I talked about how great you are, and how you should be our president."
He raised his eyebrows at me expectantly.
"And then they clapped." I finished.
"Shut up, you're BS-ing me." Adam snorted.
"No I'm not. I don't know how it worked, but it did. I'm not saying the votes will turn out in your favor, but I think a lot of people maybe felt bad." I said.
"Or they were high and you just like seeing the good in everyone." He said, in all seriousness.
"Shhhh, young Skywalker. Learned the negative ways of Eli, you have." I giggled.
He smiled. "You miss him a lot, don't you." It wasn't a question. It was a statement.
"Is it that obvious?" I said.
Adam sighed. "Hang in there, Clare. And thanks."
"Any time Adam. You know you can talk to me about things, right? I mean I'm not Eli, and I know I don't get guy stuff, but I'm here for you." I said.
"Yeah, I know." He said simply.
I stood up, stretching out my hand. "Come on. Let's get back in there."
"Uh…" Adam looked at the doorway with hesitation.
"Trust me, Adam." I said, pulling him up.
"Okay. But be warned, I will hate you eternally if they start ridiculing me again." He said, sounding only half-serious.
"Good to know." I said, pushing the door open. A junior was at the podium now, Adam's competition. It was a tall, gangly girl who was trying to make a speech. The key word being trying. She was having a bit of trouble getting her words out, judging by the stuttering. Even though she was running against Adam, I genuinely felt bad for her.
"So, in, um, in con-conclusion, I, uh, p-promise to repre-, uh, represent you all to the best of m-my abi-ability." She said. A few scattered claps broke out around the room. Poor girl.
I looked for Mr. Simpson. He was standing by the end of the stage, probably ready to end the assembly. I swiftly walked over to him, begging to give Adam a second chance.
"Please. I think it would go better this time." I pleaded.
He paused, looking at me, chewing it over. "Fine." He sighed.
I smiled, then motioned over to Adam, who was looking at me like a deer in headlights.
Come on, I mouthed.
No. Not happening. He mouthed back.
I walked over to him, mic in hand. "Come on Adam." I said to him. "Don't let them win." I took his hand, slapping the mic into it. "You're better than that."
He reluctantly walked up the stage steps, facing the podium. Alli let out a cheer. Somehow, that must've given him the power to start.
"Hello. My name is Adam Torres, and I want to be your Degrassi student council president. I've been here for three years, and I've come to love this school, through all the changes, for better or for worse. But now, I believe it's time for something new. In the past, you've heard approaches that oppose each other. It has seemed like you must choose between strength in academics, strength in sports, strength in social events, etcetera. But I come to offer something new. Something better. Something that you, the students of Degrassi, deserve. I promise to bring in better communication between the students and the school board, focus on clubs and electives as well as academics and sports, with support for pep rallies, fundraisers, dances, job fairs, and more. We will be bringing representatives from noted colleges in events such as college fairs, connecting you with opportunities you could only dream about. Juniors and Seniors, I promise to bring you a prom that you can be proud of, and for all students dances that aren't held in the school gym." A cheerful holler came from the middle of the section. He was fired up now. And they seemed to be really listening. He continued for a while, until he noticed Mr. Simpson looking anxiously at the clock.
"In short, I promise to be everything that you've ever wanted in a president. Vote for Adam Torres. Thank you." He breathed a sigh of relief before rushing off the stage to me, loud whoops and hollers and applause and cheering blaring in my ears.
I stopped clapping long enough to jump into a hug with him. If anyone doubted him before, his speech sent them over the edge.
The cheering died down, and he was still hugging me. He whispered, "Thanks Clare."
We left the auditorium with Alli next to us, badgering Adam, suggesting things to do if he got elected. She was excited, and I couldn't help but laugh. Adam and I just kept blissfully walking, as if we were in on a joke that no one else could get, or in some kind of secret club.
Today, we had come out feeling like champions. Even though some things were still missing.
Only one thing, really.
Adklsdkgsjlgjl okay, I'm sorry, I know I absolutely SUCK at updating. I promise I won't let the update slip away again. I've been going crazy with the drama in these Eclare/Fitz RPers on tumblr. I swear, they're almost as good as the real thing.
Soooo. How was it? I know this chapter was less Eclare, but them and Adam are a package deal, yknow? haha.
Also, I've been wondering, should I throw in Alli/Adam, or let Alli be kind of off in the sidelines with an OC guy? And vice versa for Adam, maybe?
I promise, the best of the Eclare drama is yet to come. I'll probably be done with this story by the end of January, or in time for the rest of season 10 to premiere.
heatherpoulette- Thank you so much for the awesome feedback! I love it when reviews are detailed. Makes me smile. As for the M thing, I'm kind of still deciding. Certain elements have to play out, I guess.
And thanks everyone for the great words about this. Really, thank you. It helps when you get reviews.
I'm also sorry if this chapter was poor. I feel like I tried to finish it kind of quickly. Ah. Oh well. The next one will be less error-ridden, I promise. I'm kind of a spelling/grammar Nazi when it comes to stories. It sucks that you can't edit stuff when it's published.
I love you all : )
-B