MULTIPLE FURSONALITY
PART 4
Like any sensible being who went from cursed to curse-free, Remus swapped his previously pious lifestyle to a fullblown hedonistic one. He became a new person. Almost too new.
For some reason this caused James to be plagued with thoughts of a most annoying and invasive nature.
"I am plagued by thoughts of a most annoying and invasive nature," he confessed to Sirius one evening.
"Pray tell, my friend."
"It's Moo."
"Shocking!"
"He just doesn't seem like himself at all. Do you know what I mean?"
"Could you give an example?"
"I don't know if it's the relentless partying, drug abuse or the fact that he seems to be going for some Male Slut award."
"I know! Isn't it wonderful?"
"I guess it would be, wasn't it also for the rude graffiti, cheating at poker games and making Sprout cry."
"You've done all those things."
"Yeah but it's normal when I do it!"
"Oh come on! Let the boy have some fun for once in his life. Who'd act any other way, in that situation?"
"Of course you're right. I guess it's mostly the unprovoked arson I can't make any sense of."
"Kids! The things we do sometimes!"
"But to a rabbit farm in Hogsmead?"
"Your problem is you're trying to find a problem with all this. This situation does have an air of Too-Good-To-Last looming over it. But it's just your overactive imagination. No reason we can't all rejoice in this. You're just suffering from exam stress."
"I guess you're right."
"Now Slug's got his toupees. We got this box of Demon Lice. Let's let out some of that exam steam! And lice."
They were wandering down the dungeon, where Slughorn had his chamber.
They didn't expect to run into anybody here at this hour, so they didn't pay much attention to where they stepped. This was how Sirius came to nearly trip over Raz Vicious. Thankfully he didn't drop that box.
"What the..," said James.
It was quite a disturbing sight. Raz Vicious sat on the floor, sobbing. The only place he didn't have bubblegum was his ears. The chaps could see this because his pants were also down.
"Oh wow," said James. "Right in the Excuse Me."
"What, his penis?" Sirius asked.
"No, his bottom!"
"Oh!"
Raz Vicious was a Slytherin jerk, so the chaps had no qualms about just leaving him there, thinking he had got his just deserts. It had just looked so upsetting. James could not shaked the image from his mind.
"Served him right!" he said, to reassure himself.
Yet for some crazy reason, he did not feel any glee at all. And he hated Slytherins! What was wrong with him?
"Ok I'm scared now," Sirius whispered.
But then James understood perfectly, and felt much better.
"I think I know what's going on," he said.
"Ok what?"
"Sometimes quiet pushovers just lose it completely. It's because they'r repressing a trauma. As a way to deal with their unprocessed issues they develope an alternate personality in order to express their frustration."
"Wow you sure know a lot about this! Where did you learn all that?"
"Spells & Curses."
"Then it must be true!"
"I know! They wouldn't, like, just make stuff up!"
"But why snap now, when things are great?"
"Alas, I just don't know."
Despite this theory being really plausible, they still needed to find a way to make sure.