Ch 4: When a Bajoran Loves a Woman
Ro sat quietly in the mostly empty mess hall, wringing her hands, occasionally glancing around the room. She was waiting for Guinan. The Listener was the only person she trusted on the Enterprise...at least with personal things. She didn't see the woman settle into the seat across her; her thoughts elsewhere. Guinan cleared her throat gently, dislodging the Bajoran from her reverie.
"I admit I was surprised when you said you wanted to talk." Guinan laced her fingers around the cup of coffee she had brought with her. She noticed dark circles beneath Ro's eyes and frowned, concerned. "Not sleeping well?"
"I've been having bad dreams. I find myself nervous to sleep." Ro rubbed the bridge of her nose, squinting her eyes shut to fend off her exhaustion. Guinan's face crinkled in sympathy, nudging the coffee cup towards the pale looking woman.
"What are you dreaming about?" Ro paused, her face screwing in discomfort.
"They are of a personal nature..." Guinan passed her a knowing look, affording the reticent officer the courtesy of understanding.
"I can assume I won't get a 'who' out of you..."
"The focal point of these...nightmares is Ensign T'Sant." Ro surprised herself with her willingness to admit the dark haired woman stole into her dreams and claimed her while she slept. A wry grin tweaked the Listener's mouth.
"You talked to her then?" Ro's forehead furrowed in irritation.
"This is not a situation I am taking lightly Guinan." She pushed long fingers into her hair, red headband pulling the skin of her face taught. "I can't stop thinking about her and all she did was hug me."
"Now there's a surprise." Guinan chuckled, patting Ro's arm gently. "So what exactly is the situation?"
"We just talked. She shared some personal memories with me," Guinan couldn't help but notice the corners of Ro's mouth twitch upwards. "Then she hugged me."
"I'm still not sure what the problem is, it sounds like you had a good time. If you like her, go tell her."
"It's not that simple." Ro slumped onto the table, groaning quietly.
"Why not?"
"Because she's..."
"A woman?" The Listener's eyes sparkled mischievously. Ro shook her head. Guinan sighed.
"What's the problem with her then?" Ro did not answer for a moment, her thoughts returning to the medical officer.
There wasn't a single problem with T'sant. She was beautiful and kind, her spirit strong and determined. The problem was Ro Laren. She had been stirred by the simple act the hug had been. She had been made vulnerable by the woman's story, her life, and in a moment Ro's walls were shattered, leaving only her self supported by the woman's strong embrace. For the first time since childhood she felt safe, protected. It frightened her; she could not bring herself to say.
"She's Romulan..." Ro lied, the words tasting sour in her mouth. Her stomach dropped, making her feel sick. Guinan's face tightened in anger.
"I'll have you know she's suffered enough at the hands of Starfleet personnel over something she can't change. The last person she needs that from is someone she trusted enough to talk to. You disrespect Dr. Crusher and diminish T'Sant's ability and achievements to get here."
Ro felt every word like a pin in her flesh. She chose to stay the course, growing argumentative.
"What does Dr. Crusher have to do with anything?"
"Beverly Crusher is the sole reason T'Sant isn't in a Federation prison right now." Guinan stood to leave, disappointed in the Bajoran. She knew the younger woman was lying but it was not her place to correct her; she listened, she did not force confessions.
"What do you mean?" Ro felt bad about calling the woman over to talk, then behaving like a child. She grasped the Listener by the wrist to stop her from leaving; Guinan paused, debating.
"T'sant spent 4 months in captivity when she registered for Starfleet Academy. She donated blood to keep on file and because of her ignorance of her father, the Academy believed she was a Romulan spy sent to steal Federation medical advances. Dr. Crusher intervened on her behalf and acquired her a position here when she completed her training. A position she has earned more than once over."
Ro felt a squeeze in her chest, like a fist closing around her heart. This bit of information only served to flame her passion. She wanted to cradle the hybrid in her arms, make her feel welcome, respected and...no, she wouldn't think that. This wasn't that. She released the Listener's hand, returning her fingers to their place in her hair.
"Look, she's let you in this far. Maybe it's time you let her in." Ro did not look at her and Guinan moved away, a knowing smirk, hidden from the Bajoran, played across her face.
When Ro looked up again, her body ran cold. At some point in the last half hour, T'Sant had entered the room and taken up a lively conversation with a busty, golden haired waitress. She watched as the other woman laughed at something, running her fingers through T'Sant's untidy bangs. Ro felt a heat creep into her neck as she observed the pair, unseen. She clenched her jaw at the lingering touch the blonde gave the woman's shoulder.
Once the waitress had walked away, Ro resolved to go talk to T'Sant. Her legs failed her as she watched the woman retrieve her abused copy of Grey's Anatomy, her deft fingers locating her spot, bottom lip trapped between teeth in concentration. Ro released a breath she didn't know she had been holding.
She hadn't seen T'Sant in over two weeks. Her memory did not do the woman justice in the light of her newly admitted attraction. She stared, lips slightly parted, admiring the focus in T'Sant's eyes while she read.
Her gaze was intense, magnified by severe arching brows. The small woman brought a thumb to her mouth, nibbling thoughtfully on the tip as she turned the page. Ro found her feet and slowly made her way to the figure that haunted her dreams.
"Interesting reading material." Ro was rewarded with a smile that touched T'Sant's eyes.
"It's quite fascinating. These humans were almost barbaric in their pursuits to discover their physiology." T'sant blushed faintly. "I must admit this material is a guilty pleasure. I treat it like most people do fiction." She closed the book gingerly. Ro sat down across from her, nerves stilling her tongue and shaking her limbs. Strange how a platoon of Cardassians could not make her quake, yet this diminutive woman set her heart racing.
"Are you alright Ro? You look pale." Ro snapped back to attention. She waved her hand dismissively.
"Yes I'm fine, thank you."
"Did you need something?"
"I just...wanted to talk. I haven't seen you much lately." Ro kept her voice level.
"Dr. Crusher has been keeping me very busy with a viral pathogen the science team collected recently." T'Sant's brow furrowed. "I apologize if you have been seeking my company."
"I haven't." Ro spoke too quickly, her tone harsher than intended. T'Sant's face fell before smoothing into Vulcan stoicism.
"Oh..."
"I mean to say I've been busy as well." The smaller woman remained emotionless, lacing her fingers together in front of her.
"Who was that girl just now? The blonde." Ro fought to keep the edge from her voice. T'Sant's cheeks colored darkly; she looked away embarrassed.
"She is just a friend," She mumbled.
"I thought you didn't have many friends." Ro regretted the words as they left her mouth. T'Sant's jaw tightened briefly, betraying her anger.
"I do not. She is one of them."
"I did not mean to upset you...look the real reason I came over is..." Ro faltered.
"Is what?" T'Sant snapped, unafraid to show her anger with Ro.
"Guinan told me about how Dr. Crusher had a hand in releasing you from prison. I hadn't known you were incarcerated and I merely wished to express my sympathy...we have more in common than I thought." Ro blurted out, groaning and laying her head upon the table, a slight knock ringing when her forehead touched the gray plastic surface. Her half answer seemed to appease the younger woman, who relaxed.
"Oh...yes Dr. Crusher is an amazing person. I owe much to her." T'Sant's voice took on a dreamy quality when she spoke of the redhead. A flare of jealousy curled around Ro's stomach but she bit her lip to keep from feeling it. She couldn't stop herself.
"You like her then?"
"Of course, she is intelligent and kind. She is my superior officer. Do you have an issue with Dr. Crusher?"
"No not like that..." Ro blushed. T'Sant looked at her strangely. Ro sighed. "I mean romantically...you are attracted to her?" It was T'Sant's turn to blush.
"Have you been talking to Troi as well?" Ro was shocked by the admission.
"I have not...just there's this sparkle in your eye when you said her name just now."
"Well...yes. There was a period of time where my attraction to Dr. Crusher was quite intense. I spent the better part of a year in counsel with Lt. Commander Troi because it distracted me to the point I could not work in the same room. It is embarrassing for me. I understand now my affection was misplaced gratitude for her saving my life, but the fact remains.
"Have you always been attracted to women?" Ro found her mouth was dry. She knew what she wanted the answer to be. T'Sant nodded.
"There were brief, awkward couplings with men during my time at Starfleet. It was not satisfying. When I received my commission, I realized that I wanted Beverly Crusher to kiss me, to hold me the way those boys had tried. I could not act on these impulses. This was a taxing strain on my body." T'Sant looked away.
"How did you deal with that?" Ro tried to imagine working with and being attracted to Commander Riker. The proximity would be maddening.
"Counselor Troi suggested I find a physical outlet for my sexual frustrations. I am not a physical person. She recommended I find another person to...engage with."
"Did you?" Ro blanched, her insides dropping. T'Sant cast a glance to the busty waitress, who waved girlishly girlishly back at them. Ro narrowed her eyes, nose ridges deepening.
"I did. She and I have an arrangement." T'Sant spoke quickly as if she'd rather not discuss it. Ro indulged her petty self, enjoying seeing the younger woman made as uncomfortable as she was.
"What kind of an arrangement." T'Sant sighed deeply.
"We have a casual sexual relationship set to be terminated upon the event one of us finds someone significant to share our lives with." Ro felt the icy fist around her heart again. If there was anything Ro Laren was not, it was significant.
"That is mature." Ro couldn't help the sinking feeling in her stomach, her voice very quiet. A silence crept between them.
"Can I get you a drink sweetheart?" The waitress had come over to check on them. Ro barely contained her sneer. She had no right to be jealous but she was all the same. The waitress waited for a reply, snapping a large bubble of gum. The pop grated Ro's ears.
"I'm fine." Ro kept her answer short and sharp. The waitress turned to T'Sant, eyebrows lifted mischieviously. "What about you?"
"Actually I need to talk to you Daisy. Please sit down." T'Sant looked over at Ro, all emotion gone from her face. "Could you please excuse us Ensign Ro." A small part of Ro winced at her formality. She clenched her jaw and nodded, standing quickly and leaving the pair to their conversation.
It was not until she reached her quarters that Ro allowed herself to seethe. She punched the cushion of her couch. She was not mad at T'Sant. Ro Laren felt weak, allowing someone close enough to affect her then falling to pieces when she could not bring herself to share her feelings.
It was wrong of her to assume the woman had no romantic interests, selfish to think she had all the time in the world to come to terms with her desires. She fell backwards onto her mattress, her thoughts centering on the waitress and T'Sant, all of them focused on the sexual nature of their relationship. She felt like she was going mad, her overheated brain replacing the buxom blonde with her own hands, mouth and teeth. Ro asked for the time.
"The time is 00:47."
The computer's mechanical voice calmed her somewhat. Ro Laren stepped into her hydroshower, turning the water to full cold. It was going to be even harder to sleep tonight.
T'Sant bit into the soft flesh of her finger, her head falling back to the pillow gently. Her breath came in deep heaving gasps as she savored the fire that spread across her body from the intensity of her orgasm. A quiet moan escaped her as deft fingers found the engorged ridge of her sex once more. T'Sant ached with need, her thoughts swirling, transforming her own hands into those of Ro Laren. Her chest heaved as she peaked again. T'Sant opened her eyes to stare at the ceiling, sweat beading on her fierce brow. Six. Tsant forced herself to sit up, sliding slick fingers from the waistband of her black shorts. She crossed her legs and assumed her favorite meditative posture. Her duty shift was in three hours and she wanted to be clear headed.
The first thoughts to enter her mind were of Ro: her mouth wide in pleasure, her hands stroking, sliding...they were gone, soothed by a vision of crystal clear waters and white sand. She held on to the image until she could smell the salty air and feel the warm sun upon her skin.
The next thoughts were of Daisy. These were harder to clear. The look of disappointment and almost pain on her face, an awkward embrace. T'Sant knew humans had difficulties separating emotions from sex but she had been diligent with the young woman, keeping their liaisons brief and infrequent. The ocean view took on a glorious sunset; T'Sant gave all her attention to the colors in the sky, the raw beauty of nature. Her feelings were nothing in this majesty, her wants insignificant in the face of such a magnanimous display of bending light. A loud, hard knock startled her from her meditation.
The knock came again, fast and urgent. She grew concerned, pulling a thin shiny robe over her bare chest and shoulders and tying it tightly around her waist. A third time the knock came. T'Sant pushed the panel button. The door slid back to reveal a tired, clearly distressed Ro Laren. Before she had time to speak, the tall woman pushed her way into the small room, the door hissing shut behind her. T'Sant couldn't help the tremor that edged into her voice.
"What are you doing?" Ro took a step towards her, causing T'Sant to retreat. Two more steps. T'Sant felt her shoulders collide roughly with a wall. She closed her eyes, exhaling deeply to ease her fright. Long fingers seized her wrists, pinning her to the wall; she could feel the closeness of the Bajoran, their bodies centimeters apart. T'Sant opened her eyes. Ro stared down at her.
"What are you doing?" Her voice was barely a whisper.
"I don't know." Ro's voice was husky thick. T'Sant began to shake, hearing the desire in her words. Ro moved closer, the space between them gone. T'Sant could not stop the low moan that issued from her throat at the contact, heat flooding her small body. Her eyes closed once again, swallowing hard, unsure if she was dreaming or awake. Soft lips pressed against her mouth. She was awake.
T'Sant felt her knees give way, relishing the pain in her wrists where Ro held her against the wall. The kiss deepened as Ro released her wrists to curl her hands around the back of T'Sant's neck, pulling her closer. T'Sant slid her hands around the Bajoran's thin waist, holding her in place, unwilling to relinquish the sensation. Ro ran her thumbs along T'Sant's jaw, her lips parting to allow velvet tongues to meet.
Electricity ran through T'Sant's spine, her hair standing on end. She reached up and pulled the headband from Ro's hair.
Suddenly Ro pulled away, removing her hands from T'Sant's cheek. The hybrid whimpered pitifully, opening her eyes. Ro stood away from her, covering kissed-swollen lips with her hands. T'Sant reached out to her, taking a step towards her. It was Ro's turn to back away. A horrified look crossed Ro's face as if realizing where she was for first time.
"I..I have to go." Ro Laren sprinted from the room. T'Sant stared after her before falling to her knees. A few minutes passed as she tried to reign in her emotions. She got to her feet and ran to the hall; Ro Laren was gone.
A/N: I woke up three days ago with Rod Stewart in my head...that's where the title comes from. Thank you for taking the time to read my work. I hope this is sexy enough! It's about to get real. Hope you enjoyed it and hope you're looking forward to more.