A/N: I'll probably be rewriting the poetry from Conspiracy: Writing just because it's making me mad that that was the best I could do last night. Be prepared for something soon!

In the meantime, also prepare for some interesting Valentine's Day stories about my friends to be related through my dear Ruby-chan. (I am SO happy none of my IRL friends read my fics; otherwise, they'd kill me in the most grotesque way imaginable – and my friends have quite the imagination.)

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN CCS! … Please don't sue.

Conspiracy: Phone Calls

Eriol didn't even wait until school was over to find Ruby to discuss – and by discuss, Eriol actually meant "rip Ruby to shreds" – the Poetry Fiasco. Those poor girls, innocent victims of Ruby's 'evil' plotting! Though, in all fairness, he had told Ruby to get them together. Now, he was questioning the intelligence of that particular order.

Ruby sensed Eriol behind her in the lunch line, but determinedly ignored him. Well, she giggled a little, but that was all.

Eriol waited until he had paid for his lunch from the rather confused lunch lady (Why was an elementary schooler buying lunch in the high school cafeteria? Or wait, maybe he was just abnormally small for his age, yes, that must be it, he was too confident to be a little kid…) before he walked up to Ruby.

"We need to talk," he murmured pleasantly to Ruby's back.

Ruby heard him and shivered a little bit at his 'pleasant' tone. Eriol was only ever that 'pleasant' when he was really, really, really mad. She caught Spinel Sun's smirk from her open purse and stuck her tongue out at him.

"It's not like you're not going to get it, too!" she hissed at her partner-in-crime.

"Yes, but I'm not the one who wrote 'Your hands are like ice cream' about the master's lady-love!"

Ruby sighed, remembering her 'poem'. "That was an adorable line, wasn't it?"

Eriol interrupted whatever response Spinel would've made by gripping Ruby's arm with a hold like handcuffs. "This way, my dear."

Ruby winced. "Not so hard!" she whined.

Eriol's only response was to tighten his hold. Ruby could hear Spinel Sun's snickering as he steered her out of the cafeteria towards the cluster of decorative cherry trees on the school grounds that would provide a more private venue for Eriol's inevitable rant than the crowded cafeteria.

OOoOoOoOoOo

"…And that's the last time I want that to happen, Ruby-san!" Eriol finished. He looked at Ruby, who was the very paragon of attentive listening. Spinel Sun had tried to sneak away halfway through Eriol's tirade to find something to eat, but Eriol had pinned him with an "Eriol glare of Doom", as Ruby called those oh-so-special Eriol looks. Spinel was now sulking in one of the lowest tree branches, half hidden by cherry blossoms.

Eriol sighed and slumped against the tree. "You really did it this time, Ruby-san."

Ruby tried a small smile, and when Eriol didn't launch into a rant about how one must maintain a proper semblance of dignity and solemnity while one is being rebuked, she smiled a little bigger. "Oh, how so, Eriol-kun?" She caught his raised eyebrow and quickly amended, "Eriol-san." Obviously he wasn't in a good enough humor to permit the typical familiarity.

He groaned. He buried his face in his hands, and even Spinel leaned forward to hear his muffled words, "Poor Tomo- Daidouji-san hasn't been able to go anywhere today without someone bringing up that poem. Sensei-san even used it as an example in Literature class today, along with that other…abomination."

Ruby clapped her hands with delight. "Hoe! You mean as an example so others can aspire to write like me?!"

Eriol had to chuckle a little. "No. As the example of how not to do something."

Ruby pouted. "That's not very nice!"

Eriol frowned. "What you did to Sakura-san and Daidouji-san wasn't particularly kind."

"No, what I did to Sakura-chan and Tomoyo-kun wasn't particularly kind," Ruby corrected. She frowned. "Though I still think it was cute." Eriol frowned more deeply and began to respond, so Ruby hurriedly cut him off. "Though of course I won't do that again."

Something about the way she said 'that' made Eriol peer at Ruby suspiciously. She grinned at him. Spinel rolled his eyes.

"Oh dear. She's planning something. What are you planning, Ruby-san?"

"Who me?" Ruby looked up with a mock-hurt expression. "How you wound me with such unwarranted attacks!"

Eriol snorted. "Unwarranted my –"

The bell rang.

"Oh no, I'm late!" Ruby squealed. Before Spinel could move, she grabbed the small guardian and stuffed him in her purse. She flashed a smile at the bemused Eriol. "Don't worry, Eriol-kun! I'll do better next time, I promise!" She hurried to the high school, leaving Eriol no time to respond. Eriol stared at Ruby's retreating back incredulously.

"'Don't worry'?! When she says that, I can't help but worry!"

oOoOoOoOoOo

Spinel was reading the latest edition of the Tomoeda Times, trying to relax after a harrowing afternoon spent bouncing around in Ruby's crowded (and smelly…!) purse, and drinking his customary evening cup of coffee (black) when Ruby clattered into the kitchen, dark eyes bright with excitement.

She impatiently pushed her bangs out of her face and said, "Suppie-chan, do you know where the phonebook is?"

Spinel looked up from his paper with mild curiosity. "Whatever could you possibly need the phonebook for?"

Ruby rolled her eyes. "Just tell me."

"Over there." Spinel returned his gaze to the newspaper and waved his tail in the direction of the cabinet beside the refrigerator. "Put it back when you're done."

"Hai!"

Ruby rifled through the pile of take-out menus and old junk mail. She extracted the rather dusty book from the bottom of the pile and dashed out of the kitchen with it clutched to her chest. Spinel listened to her crash up the steps to her room and shook his head. Ruby had no sense of grace whatsoever in her human form!

His eyes strayed to the cupboard Ruby had taken the phone book from. She'd left the door open.

Spinel's eye twitched. His claws needed the forgotten newspaper, itching to close the door. It shouldn't be left open. Mice and spiders and who-knew-what-else could crawl and ooze and slime its way into the cabinet and infect everything with its dirty dirtiness.

Spinel sat for a full five minutes, just staring at the door, willing it to close. He was not going to go over there and close it, no matter how much he wanted to. He hadn't opened the door; he should not have to close it. It was neither his job nor his responsibility to close it. He wouldn't, he wouldn't, he wouldn't…

A small draft blew into the kitchen. Gently, the breeze tickled up the first few sheaves of paper, shuffling them around slightly. One flyer draped itself across the bottom corner of the cupboard. It was going to fall in a few short seconds –

With a feral shriek, Spinel dashed to the cupboard. He slapped the page inside and slammed the door shut. He zoomed to Ruby's room, fully intent on giving her a piece of his mind, when he stopped.

Ruby was clutching a telephone receiver to her ear, the phonebook highlighted and dog-earred in front of her. Spinel's manners gripped him by the ear, and he hovered by Ruby's door, politely waiting for her to finish her call before he yelled at her. With his excellent hearing, Spinel could hear the faint ringing on the other line. After three more rings, a little boy answered.

"Moshi moshi, Kinomoto residence."

Ruby grinned and slammed the phone onto the cradle. She looked up and saw Spinel staring at her. "Oh hi, Suppie-chan!"

"What the- Who was- Why in the-" Spinel spluttered, poleaxed by the telephone menace just sitting there and smiling like there was nothing wrong. "Hell!"

Ruby tsked, shaking her finger at him. "We mustn't say that naughty word, Suppie-chan!" She ruined the scolding by giggling.

Spinel flew to Ruby and whacked her head. "Ow! Hey! What was that for?"

"That was for your terrible phone etiquette!" Spinel snarled. He started to float away, but remembered something. He darted back and slapped the other side of her head. "And that was for leaving the cabinet door open downstairs."

Ruby clutched her head, tears welling up in her eyes. "Okay, okay, I get it! Sor-ry… Hey, do you want to help?" She gestured at the telephone and the book with her elbow.

Spinel, despite his annoyance, was still curious. "Alright." He landed on the open book and scanned the column of names. "Khao…Kinta…Kinomoto?" Spinel rolled his eyes. "I should've guessed." He looked at the names again, and his eyes grew wide. "I didn't know there were that many Kinomoto's in Japan, let alone Tomoeda!" The first ten or so listings under "Kinomoto" had been marked with a bright pink highlighter. "What's all this about?"

Ruby grinned and reached for the book. "I highlight the names that I call and aren't Sakura-chan's house, so I can keep track. There are still three names left. Do you want to call one?"

Spinel sniffed and eyed the phone as if it would reach up and bite him. "You want me to call some poor, innocent soul, see if it's Kinomoto-san's house, and whether or not it is or isn't, just hang up on them. No. I won't do it."

"Please?" Ruby made puppy eyes. "Pwetty pwease?"

Spinel took one look at her face and caved. "Fine. I'll do it. But pay attention; I'll only do this once!"

"Yay! Arigatou, Suppie-chan!" Ruby snatched Spinel from the air and squeezed him. "Arigatou!"

"Can't…breathe…!"

"Oh, sorry!" Ruby released the hapless creature and allowed him to sink onto her nauseatingly pink bedspread. "Call, call!"

Spinel glared at Ruby and began dialing the next number on the list, muttering under his breath. Ring ring… Ring ring… Ring ring… Ring –

"Moshi moshi, Kinomoto residence."

It was a young girl who picked up, a girl whose voice reminded people of cotton candy and baby laughter – a voice very familiar to the group.

Spinel froze.

He couldn't say anything. His mouth just wouldn't move. He frantically pushed air out with his diaphragm and a strangled squeak emerged.

"Hoe? Hello?"

Hello. She said 'hello'. He knew 'hello'. Didn't he? "Hello!"

"… This is Sakura…?"

"Hai! Sakura-san!" More words he knew. This wasn't so hard. He could do this!

"Tomoyo-chan? Is that you?"

"…No!"

"Um, did you need someone here… Or want to sell me something… Or something?"

In the part of his brain that was still working despite the debilitating paralysis, Spinel rolled his eyes (mentally, of course). Only Sakura-san would actually invite telemarketers to stay on the line longer.

"No."

"Um, so…"

Ruby grabbed the phone from a frozen Spinel's paw. "I'm terribly sorry, ma'am, but this is the wrong number. Otaku-san loves to dial the telephone, doesn't he?" she cooed at Spinel, but he was still too frozen to respond. "Otaku-san is getting a little feeble-minded in his old age," she continued, twirling a piece of hair around her finger. "He just dials whatever number pops into his old, liver-spotted head, and doesn't think twice! Why, just last month, the phone company charged us for three calls to Russia! Can you believe it? Trying to swindle an old man out of his last savings, there's no honor left in this world, I tell you. Again, I apologize for Otaku-san. Good night, and blessings on you and your progeny!" Ruby hung up and grinned at a now-animated and livid Spinel.

"What?"

"'Liver-spotted'?" Spinel shrieked. "'Feeble-minded'?!"

Ruby rolled her eyes and huffed at the drama-king. "Look, I had to come up with a story fast and that was the first one I thought of, okay?"

"'Feeble-minded'?!"

"I think it's time for someone's nap, don't you, Otaku-san?" Ruby sing-songed mockingly.

"I help you and this is the thanks I get?!"

"Hey, I saved your butt! I never thought the perfect, oh-so-polite Suppie-chan would freeze up on a phone call, otherwise I never would've let you do it!"

"Oh, well, I, that is…" Spinel trailed off and looked properly ashamed. "Well, now you know. I hate calling people. I hate bad phone manners, but I'm not one iota better."

Ruby smiled fondly and kissed the top of his head. "It's okay. I'm not mad. Sleep well."

Spinel yawned and floated away, his head still drooping a bit from his newly-discovered shame. "Yes, good night."

Ruby waited until Spinel was out of the room before putting a giant green star beside Sakura's phone number. She made sure the page was dog-earred, too, and heaved a stack of pages to the side to get to the D's. She grinned like a cat with a canary. It was going to be a long – but oh-so-fun – night!