January 13, 2004
Disclaimer: I made the effort, can you imagine the rest? :D
Notes at the end today! Hope you enjoy the chapter!
~
Walking into St. Mungo's with a backpack full of your own clothes is one of the worst feelings in the world. To walk up to that Inquiries counter and ask that annoyed little blonde witch where registered patient check-in is located makes your stomach feel like you've just swallowed the entire world's population of snails alive and none of them like you too much for doing it. Walking down that hallway makes every defense you have inside start to crumble.
We are led by a chipper little candy-striper who definitely loves volunteering at the place way to much to be healthily normal. Mad-Eye seems especially put-off by the double-braided girl but that's not what makes it so bad.
The worst of it is walking beside Remus.
We have no idea what to say to each other. Sure, we'd talked about the possibility of this day ever since we'd made the agreement just shy of a month ago, but I don't think either of us really expected it to happen.
I can tell that deep down he's searching for something to say, or maybe to just put his hand on my shoulder like perhaps my dad would have done, but instead we just walk straight ahead, turn some corners, climb some stairs.
It doesn't matter now that I'm nervous, that I'm scared. It doesn't matter that I would rather be any place in the world than under this roof. It doesn't matter that I know I will be alone here, and that while my hope should soar at the possibility of them helping me, my hope disintegrates, blowing away in cool breeze... being swallowed up by the fish of the sea.
"This is the floor," the girl says, jarring me back to reality. She's been talking the whole time, probably with only Mrs. Weasley and Tonks as her audience. She can't be a year or two older than me. "This is Kevin," she says as we walk through some doors, motioning to a dark haired, early twenty-something, James Dean looking guy about ten feet in front of us. "He'll take you to your room from here. I hope you enjoy your stay," and she turns back to the hallway we have just come from.
Yeah, I'll enjoy being here, I sarcastically think. This will be an absolute riot.
"Wow, Harry, I assume?" Kevin says, shaking my hand. "You've got quite the entourage here. Do you think I can rent them for an evening? Make sure my baby sister isn't harassed on her first date tonight?" he says with a smile.
"Think before 'ya speak, sonny," Mad-Eye says with a growl. "We've got more important things to do than play Private Eye because you were never taught to properly examine your sister's little schoolmates." But Kevin still winks at me as he respectfully bows to Mad-Eye, making the "he sure is crazy" gesture as we turn to continue down the hall.
"I saw that!" he growls again, but it is quickly followed by Mrs. Weasley whispering, "Oh, hush up, Alastor! Stop being such a grumbly old fool!" and both of us have a very difficult time trying to contain our laughter, which only makes it turn to snorts. Perhaps I won't be entirely alone here after all… Soon we come upon a hallway running perpendicular to the one that we are on and are thus forced to choose a direction to continue in.
"Your room will be down this hallway," Kevin says straightening up. "You can always tell which one you want because the healer is not pointing to it. If he should shift positions however," and the painting shifts sitting positions in animation to the prompt, "just remember to go to the left," and then both he and the painting begin to laugh. Apparently this was a joke that they told to everyone, or everyone they wanted to mess around with. We begin to turn down the left hallway and continue along, but before we've taken more than ten steps, a voice yells out, "Good luck, young man!" It came from the portrait.
Kevin hastily picks up, "Sir Vincent Nircolemps. He was the first wizard deemed to have narcolepsy and was very close to finding the cure. Unfortunately, as he was mixing the finally ingredients in the potion, his illness kicked in and he fell asleep. I guess he mixed in too much of the wrong thing because the entire lab blew up, losing all of his notes along with him. So the only place that he was ever able to overcome the illness entirely is in his portraits. He's got a great sense of humor, that man, and timing." Already, Kevin reminds me of the Weasleys: serious when need be, but preferring to look on the brighter side of life at all times.
"And then we have some doors, do-do-do… That one right there," he says conspiratorially, pointing to a dark wooden one on the right, "is a broom closet. Remember that for when you meet Healer Hantke. Very nice… very roomy," and again I am forced to stifle a laugh.
"Anyway! This is going to be your room riiiiiiiiiight, here," he says, jumping to a stop in front of an open door.
Looking in, I thank God the moment I see that I have a room to myself. I've never heard if I make any noise in my sleep, but if Remus has been waking up every night for the past four weeks to come and see what's wrong, I can only assume that I don't rest quietly. The last thing that I want is my picture on the front of The Daily Prophet again, headline, "'Boy-Who-Lived' now 'Boy-Who-Screams-Relentlessly-Through-the-Night'!"
"I think you'll find the room comfortable," Kevin tells us, walking in and opening the shades, allowing the light to come flooding in. "Not much to it but the bed is nice which I hear is part of why you're with us? You're having trouble sleeping?"
Looking down, for some reason ashamed, I nod my head.
"Well, we'll see about that. With any luck we'll have you out of here by the time the week is out. I'll go get Healer Rainer for you. Go ahead and have a seat," he says just before he walks out of the room. "Oh, yeah," he adds, "I'm sort of like your head nurse, dude, thing," he says, shaking his head and shrugging. "For some reason they think that being top of my class for, well, forever, and being the youngest guy to graduate from "Healer School," that I know what I'm doing so they gave me this cool uniform and a stethoscope." He shrugs again and raises his eyebrows in a "Who-da-thunk-it?" sort of fashion before walking out of the room backwards, saying, "Welcome to Mungo's," before he's out of sight.
"I don't like him," Mad-Eye speaks up right away. "He doesn't take his job seriously, nor does he take us seriously."
"He's just trying to be nice, Moody," Remus says. "I think it's kind of refreshing actually. The last thing people want when they're stuck here is some stuck up old hag telling everybody to be quiet and eat their Jell-O."
"Yeah, have a sense of humor, Mad-Eye," Tonks adds, winking at me in the process. "Or are you just upset because you saw with your magic eye that Healer Hantke isn't here today?" The laughter all slips out so suddenly that nobody really has time to catch themselves. Even Mrs. Weasley falls victim to joking on Moody's behalf.
"Hardly," he replies, "I just wish these punk kids would take something seriously here. This is a hospital after all!"
"Now, Alastor, I'm sure he's perfectly professional when need be. He's just trying to lighten the mood is all," Mrs. Weasley cooed, just barely finished suppressing her giggles.
"I see you've all met Kevin," a woman asks as she strides into the room without warning. "For being something of a child genius he sure can make an idiot of himself, can't he? I'm Healer Rainer. It's nice to meet all of you."
"It's nice to meet you too," Remus says, stepping forward to shake her hand. Quickly he goes around the room with introductions. "I'm Remus Lupin, this is Bill and Charlie Weasley, Nymphadora Tonks, Alastor Moody, Molly Weasley, and Harry."
"Of course. It's nice to finally meet you Harry." I nod in return. "I wonder if I could speak with you and Remus alone please?" and just as soon as she says it, Mrs. Weasley begins shooing everybody out the door and down the hall, closing the door behind them. "Do you always travel around with a group that big?" she asks with a sly smile.
"Yes," Remus replies, "unfortunately it is something of a necessity."
"Raging fans in the streets?" she asks.
"I wish," is his solemn reply.
With a non-definitive "hmm," she turns to me just as the door flies open again and Kevin comes sliding on his shoes into the room, closing the door behind him.
"Healer Hantke find out what you've been telling people again?" she asks amusedly.
"Not yet! Don't blow my cover!" he replies with a laugh, but with a glance at the scene before him, Remus and I sitting on my bed with Healer Rainer standing in front of us, he quickly straightens up, professional on a cue and pulls a chart out of nowhere to begin taking notes. The change is startling and complete and for a moment I find it hard to believe that this studious looking guy was a carefree, prank pulling jokester just seconds ago.
"I'd like you to tell us what's been happening, Mr. Potter. Why are you here? And is there something we can do to make you feel better here?"
For a moment I sit shocked. They want me to talk? To them? About stuff I refuse to even tell my best friends? No way!
"Harry?" she prompts.
When I don't say anything again, Remus says cautiously in my stead, "I'm sorry, he hasn't talked to anyone in just over three weeks save this morning, not counting myself, but our conversations are pretty few and far between as well."
"I see," she replies. "We shall have to find a way to remedy that. We can't help you if you can't tell us what's wrong…"
I know I have to do it. If I don't tell them then there's nothing for it and if they don't know the whole story… but I just can't tell them all of it now. I don't even know them. I don't know if I can trust them.
"You can trust us, Harry," she says lightly. Am I really that obvious? I suppose so. But they can't do anything until I make the first move. The world has always been on my shoulders, but now I need to start taking care of myself.
"Do I have to tell you all of it now?" I ask. I can't believe the look I see on Remus' face from the corner of my eye, but it is understandable. Not only were my conversations with Charlie and Mrs. Weasley the first time I'd spoken to anybody in a long time, this was the first time I'd spoken to a group of people in those same three weeks. He looks happy and proud, but there's something there that says he's also sad too. I wonder why.
"No, you don't," Healer Rainer says, "It might help us, but if you don't feel comfortable telling us all of it at once, you may do it in pieces. You can always speak with me or Kevin or somebody else on the staff... If you would like to tell one of your friends and have them write it down, or you could write it yourself… it doesn't matter who you tell, Harry, as long as somehow the whole story comes out. Understand?"
I nod again. "Yes, ma'am."
"Very good," she says lightly. She seems very understanding, but I suppose that's part of her job. "Can you tell us, generally, why you are here? You don't have to tell us anything specific." She moves to sit in a chair across from us, Kevin doing the same. She's trying to level the field, make herself seem less ominous so that I'm the one in control. Even though I see through her subtle tricks, I can't help but feel comforted in them although something tells me I should be insulted that she thinks I don't see it.
Even so, I hesitantly say, "I can't sleep."
"Why?" she encourages.
"I keep remembering stuff." It doesn't get much more general than that.
"Can you tell me what kind of stuff?" she tries.
"Bad memories, from earlier this summer," I add, knowing she'll ask.
"Can you tell me about one?"
"Can I tell you later?" I ask.
She looks a little dejected but replies in the affirmative. "Sure. Why don't you go ahead and get settled in while Kevin and I get some paperwork done? We'll be back in a little while."
I want to say 'Thanks,' but it's strange enough talking to all of these people when I haven't done it in so long, so I just nod gratefully and they both walk out the door.
"That was good, Harry," Remus says, "If you just keep talking to them you'll be out of here before you know it." I nod again and begin putting what few sets of clothes I've brought into a chest of drawers on the other side of my bed, the sunlight warm and blinding. "Are you going to be okay tonight?" he asks quietly.
I sigh, shoulders drooping. "I don't have much of a choice, do I?" I can hear the desperation in his breath and before he can speak again, I ask him one more question that's been bothering me for quite some time. I know I won't be able to say it without my voice cracking. "Remus," I begin, "am I safe here?"
"Yes Harry, of course you're safe here." I can feel the tears starting to spill. "The spell isn't on a house, it's on you. Hey," he says, walking around my bed to come over to me, "it's okay. They won't find you here. You're going to be alright."
I nod quickly, trying to wipe them all away before too many fall, before my eyes turn all red and I embarrass myself even further.
"Just remember, don't tell anybody who you are other than Kevin and Ms. Rainer. I talked to Professor Dumbledore, he said that you can talk to other people about what happened but as long as they don't hear your name and that you're here from you or me, they won't realize that it is you. And it has to be your full name; you'll be fine."
"Okay," I struggle to get out. I've been stressing over that question nearly six days now; it's been forefront in my mind without a hint of letting go and now that it has, I inexplicably feel that I have to cry about it.
"What's wrong?" he asks, squinting against the sun.
"I'm sorry, I've just… I've been really worried about that all week and then we got here and I was worried I'd be stuck here-"
"It's alright," he cuts me off. "Nothing is going to happen here. There is always somebody here for you even if The Order is not. Just remember that and everything will be…" he falters. He looks really pale all of sudden. "Everything will be… fine…"
"Oh, no," I whisper. The windows! I help him sit down and with as much speed as possible, I close the blinds.
"Are you okay?" I ask.
"Yeah, I'm fine…" he says with effort. He looks on the verge of passing out. "I just… I just need to sit here for a few minutes is all…" he trails.
"No, you need to go home," I tell him firmly. True, it's the last thing I want, but it's what has to be done.
"No, it's not even ten o'clock in the morning yet. I'm not just going to leave you here so soon," he argues.
"You have to," I say. It must sound pretty final because he looks at me kind of strangely as he sits there in the dark. I can't let him do this to himself just for me. It's not fair, nor is it right. He looks down slowly; his appearance just screams exhaustion. With any luck he'll be better in the morning…
After a few moments, I ask him again how he feels and he tells me a convincing-enough "better," so I help him up and slowly we walk out to the waiting room of the hospital where the remnants of my escort, some of the final members of The Order of the Phoenix, await.
~
Authors Note: Do you know how exciting it is to see that you have 13 reviews, and then post a new chapter and see no more than 5 minutes later that you have 14 reviews? It is like, the coolest feeling in the world! ANYwhoo… all my reviewers rock my socks! So this one's for all you cool cats out there: Terence (no, I am not planning on being a real writer… sadly I have nothing real to say!), Wiccan PussyKat, ParanoiaIn2005 (Thanks for the review! It totally brightens my day!), Kate, Rubberduckie713, jaycee, cb, Kimmy 2, leggo-my-legolas (I love your name!), alternativelysliced (your name rocks too!), Katie, Melissa, anzie and angel74! Anywhoo, chapter 4!
Hope everyone is doing well! See ya!
~Tini