Lana hated many things: brown people, black people, Unovans, non-Kalosian white people, people who specialized in Dark or Fighting Pokemon, weeaboos... Pretty much everyone that wasn't her or her Pokemon, honestly. And wouldn't you know it? Ugly, lumpy, bland legendaries were near the top of her list. (Right above college athletes, but below biracial white-Hispanics, which she called "the Chipotle of people.")

Of course, the gigantic monster before her was going to hear about it... About her dislike of ugly, lumpy, bland legendaries, not about the other stuff.

Lana pointed a flawlessly-manicured finger at the beast. "You stupid, ugly fucker! I'm talking to you, obsidian dipshit!"

Lana 3 grabbed the bottom of their shirt, holding it tight. They walked ever so slowly towards Lana, though kept their eyes on Necrozma.

"L-Lana, ma'am..." 3 said nervously. "Maybe we shouldn't antagonize something that's big enough to squash us."

"Opinion noted and ignored," Lana responded. "I'm not letting a retarded rock golem intimidate me. I'm Lana Thorn, one of the richest people alive."

Now, back to the retarded rock golem. "Hear that, you malformed Diancie? You don't scare me. So just back off, pack your dirty ass back into the ground, and don't ever come near me, or my Pokemon, or my minions again!"

Necrozma stared down at her. Its expression remained unchanged. But anyone who wasn't a complete sociopath could sense the growing tension in the air, the feel of anger. Fury that boiled over the Lanas, filling them with dread for the inevitable.

Except Lana, who was completely oblivious, and the now-heavily inebriated and jaded Lana 4.

Lana turned to Lana 2. "See this fucking rock idiot? Too fucking dumb to respond! I should have known better than to think that this creature had any intelligent thought."

As Lana spoke, Lana 3 slowly rose their hand up. "Um... Maybe Rocelle can talk to the monster?"

"Who's Rocelle?" Lana asked curiously.

"My name, before I became Lana 2," Lana 2 explained.

"Ah."

Lana 2 brought a finger to her chin. "But I can't talk to this thing. Why would you think I could?"

"Because..." Lana 3 said. "I mean... You're both-"

"Black?" Lana 2 said scornfully.

"N-no, not at all!" Lana 3 pleaded. "And-and you're more gray than-"

Lana 2 lifted up her fists. "Bitch, I'll maul you if you keep talking."

3 quickly took a step back and kept their head down. Once again, they were reminded why they didn't want to make waves amongst the group.

They could hear a rumble. Turning back to the monster in black, the Lanas could see its face illuminated. To answer this, Lana raised up her right hand, showing off a specific finger to the creature.

And that was when Necrozma fired a stream of light at her.

Lana was unable to move. She was left still, like a Deerling caught in the headlights, just watching as the light enveloped her vision.

She nearly blacked out for a moment. She could feel herself falling down. And then she could feel pain.

Someone called out her name.

Lana she could hear the sound of an explosion. The sound of rocks tumbling down in the distance. She could hear the sound of screaming.

Her eyes opened. Lana 2 was on top of her, looking down at her. Her hands, on Lana's shoulders, were shaking violently.

"L-Lana...!" she wheezed.

Lana furrowed her brow. "What the fuck, Lana 2?! Why did you knock me down?"

Lana 3 appeared from behind Rocelle. Lana 2 took their hand, and she was helped up by her friend.

Now standing, Lana 2 looked down to her master. "I couldn't let you get killed, Lana!"

Lana rolled her eyes. "Please, Lana 2. Spare me your pithy excuses."

"Hey, listen-"

"Don't you tell me what to do, you second-rate prostitute!"

Lana 2 looked down at Lana. But instead of being angry, she looked down in sympathy and remorse. She bent her knees and extended a hand to her friend.

"Look, I'm sorry we fought, Lana," she said quickly.

Lana looked to the hand. This girl dared to try and touch Lana Thorn? The girl who had every skin cell on her body ensured? Hell no.

She looked back up to Lana 2, who was looking anxious. Her eyes drifted over to the wild Pokemon, who Lana could see in the corner of her own eyes.

"We're friends, right?" Lana 2 said. "Mayb- Maybe we can work this out, okay? After we run away, I mean."

Lana looked to the hand again. She raised up her own hand and slapped it away.

She rolled onto her knees, then forced herself onto her feet. She moved her eyes away from Necrozma and onto the other Lanas and Lanana, her Swadloon.

She looked beyond them; could see a part of the rocky walls that surrounded them; a new hole had been made, revealing the inside of Ten Carat Hill.

Lana turned her head to Necrozma. "Hey! Hey, stupid monster!"

Necrozma's body turned to Lana. For a moment, it chose not to move or attack. It stood there, as if it was waiting for Lana's response.

Lana pointed up to Lana 2. "She fucking tackled me, like the greasy animal she is! If you'd be so kind enough to kill this beast?"

Necrozma looked down at the woman. And for a moment, it stayed silent. Its expression, as strange as it was, still conveyed a feeling of pain and anger.

Lana, of course, was oblivious to this.

After a moment of silence, Necrozma's face started to glow once more. This time, its light was a deep, dark red.

Lana looked to her team. "Lanana, get ready to use Protect."

The Swadloon looked right back at her. Its eyes were cold and unfeeling, and it stayed in its place.

"Lanana, come on," Lana insisted. "Use Protect."

Again, the Pokemon did nothing. It stayed firmly in place and refused to budge.

It was not a great time to ignore the enormous Pokemon behind them. But a furious Lana turned her back to Necrozma and stepped towards her Pokemon.

"Lanana, why aren't you listening?" she questioned. "It's me, Lana!"

Lana 2 walked behind her master, watching her from other her shoulder. She said to her, "Maybe Lanana's tired. I don't think we should put her in danger, queen."

The other Lanas had their own reactions: Lana 3 kept their eyes on Necrozma while they started to take a step back, inching towards the exit. Lana 4 simply took a long, long drag from her cigarette while she watched Lana Prime. Lanas 5 and 6 didn't matter because they were just extras.

Lana held out her arms to her Pokemon. "Sweetie, listen to Lana. You need to use Protect before that thing kills me."

The Pokemon refused to respond. Even as Lana knelt down and scooped her up into her arms, Lana chose not to obey.

Lana let out a sigh, then turned to back to Necrozma. Was its face still glowing?

Actually, yes it was. Now Necrozma's entire head was enveloped with red light. That... that probably wasn't good.

Lana rolled her eyes. "Just like an Alolan Pokemon to be so fucking slow at attacking. Jesus Christ, this region sucks."

"That's what you got from this?" Lana 5 questioned. "Not the fact that we're going to die?"

"I also got that you need to stop choking on some dicks and do something useful, 5."

Necrozma let out a loud, bellowing cry. It was not like an animal's roar, but like pieces of metal clashing against each other. It was loud, echoing through the meadow like the sound of thunder.

And, as if to answer its cries, lighting fell down from the sky, hitting the Pokemon directly on its head. The light of electricity the electricity completely overtook the red glow, and it exploded into sparks that ran over Necrozma's body.

The creature let out another, more screeching cry. It sank down and its face fell to the ground below. It pressed its hands against the ground, but struggled in vain to force itself back up. It was like its own weight was keeping it down.

The girls, meanwhile, all looked to each other. No words were exchanged, because none were necessary. They all knew that this was their chance to run.

As they ran through the cave, the girls could hear the monster's cries in the distance. This was followed by the sound of booming thunder, and flashes of light that poured through the holes in the wall.

The girls payed it no mind. As Lana lead the cavalry towards the cave's entrance, they were completely focused on escape. The Lanas all ran behind Lana, giving her the chance to be saved first... And because they were never allowed to move ahead of Lana, lest people mistake Lana for a follower.

Finally, they passed through the mouth of the cave and stepped onto the outside world. They were now bathed in the light of Alola's sun, and met with the fresh, salty sea breeze.

Lana 6 fell to her knees. Lana 4 let out a horrid, gagging wheeze as she tried to force down the lung she was almost puking out. Lana 2 held her burning thighs and let out a small, but exhausted sigh. Lanana had jumped from her master's arms and hopped over to Lana 3, who leaned against a rocky cliff side and let out a heavy sigh.

Lana was fine, of course. She was exhausted and annoyed, but she wasn't showing her exhaustion. Not even a drop of sweat came from her, though this was largely because she had her sweat glands removed.

The girls were all so absorbed in themselves, they almost didn't notice the fat old man that was staring at them.

"Oh! You there!" said the man. "Girls! Is everything alright?"

"Who the fuck are you?" Lana said disdainfully.

"I'm the Kahuna with the cojones!" the man said. He threw his head back and let out a big, bellowing laugh. "My name is Hala!"

"Did you come here to watch us run?" 5 asked nervously. "You're not a molester, are you?"

Hala shook his head. "Goodness, no! I just came to see what the ruckus was!"

Lana put her hands on her hips and gave the man her cutest, most sarcastic tone of voice, "Oh, wow, that's so good! Because we could have used your help five minutes ago."

Hala stopped laughing. Though he tried to straighten up and keep a serious face, he still had the cracks of a smile on his face.

"What happened?" he questioned.

"While you were waddling your fat ass over here, you mentally-deficient Slowpoke," Lana growled. "We had to escape from an enormous, demonic entity that was trying to kill me."

Lana narrowed her eyes. Not too much, because she didn't want anyone to mistake her for an Asian. "And you were too busy being fat and stupid to show up on time, so I had to handle the problem myself."

The man's expression became more stern now. Though his eyes were closed, he still looked determined to take Lana's words seriously.

"When I saw Tapu Koko fly to the scene, I knew something serious must have been going down."

"T-Tapu Koko?" 3 stammered. "I heard... It was in one of the... the brochures in the hotel lobby..."

Their voice was quiet, almost like they were talking to themselves. But it was loud enough for Lana to hear. She angrily turned back to her minion.

"What the fuck is that, 3?" Lana asked. "I command you to speak."

"Best answer," 2 advised 3. Her voice was soft and sympathetic.

Lana 3 put their hands over their mouth. "Well... Tapu Koko is a is a guardian deity... It's like a legendary Pokemon from Alolan lore."

Lana raised up a hand. "Ugh, so it's an Alola thing."

"You shouldn't have answered," 2 told 3. "You know Lana hates learning about other cultures."

"Now she was assaulted by knowledge and had to learn a fact," 5 added. "It was nice knowing you, 3."

Lana 3 frowned. "Damn it, Lana 5... You suck."

That's right, take our anger out a Lana of lower rank and drawing attention to them. That as how Lanas would avoid the first Lana's wrath.

Hala could read the air. He decided to lighten the mood and keep the conversation going.

"You girls must be pretty special if Tapu Koko came to your aid!"

"No, no, no!" chuckled our leading Lana. "Actually, I'm the only one who's special. Let's just be honest here."

Lana turned to her minions. "See, I'm a good friend. I won't lie to you and make you out to be something you're not. I know you all well enough to know how much you're really worth."

"Thank you for putting us in our place, Lana!" an earnest Lana 5 answered.

"Of course Lana's special, though!" Lana 2 exclaimed. "She's the greatest woman on earth, puppy-kicking notwithstanding."

"She's really good at kicking, though," 3 added.

"Yeah," 2 admitted. "Even though that was mean, I totally admire how far she was able to send that Rockruff flying."

Hala rubbed his chin. "I'm not sure I follow... You're telling me she-"

"You! Swollen man!" Lana declared. "How about you go back in that cave for me, mmkay?"

"Beg yer pardon?" Hala asked her.

"I came to this cave for a reason," Lana explained to him. "I just wanted Roggenrola, so I could attack buildings. You would be doing me a great service if you went back in and caught me some of those rock beasts."

Hala said nothing. The girls all looked to him, waiting for an answer. And after facing Necrozma, all but Lana were worried about yet another confrontation.

"Of course, I don't expect you to do this for free," Lana said.

Lana dug into her pockets. She produced a pink fur-trimmed, spotted Versace wallet, which she then opened up. She produced a few coins, then gently tossed them at Hala. The coins bounced off his belly and fell onto the grass beneath him.

Lana went on, "I know you poor, sad ethnics have never seen this much money, since your people live only to appeal to foreign tourists in order to preserve your irrelevant 'culture' through quirky souvenirs, and therefore don't make enough money to upgrade your mud huts to real people houses. I am nothing if not generous and beautiful."

The man took a couple of steps forward. He was within close range of Lana. And all the other Lanas kept on watching, wondering which one of them would strike first.

Luckily, Hala's response was to just let out a small chuckle and scratched at his belly.

"You've got a lot of heart, kid!" he declared. "How about you use that heart to better yourself?"

"But I'm already perfect," Lana told him. "I'm the paragon, the apex of humanity. There's nothing I can improve on."

Hala smiled, then smacked Lana's back. The girl fell forward into Hala's stomach. This was followed by gasps from every single one of the Lanas sans Lana 4, who was still busy hacking her brains out.

"You've got confidence!" the man laughed. "But you gotta temper that with experience!"

Lana was shaking with rage. She pressed her hands on Hala's stomach and pushed him back. Her eyes with filled with so much fury, so much rage. She hated him. More than she hated Necrozma and white-Hispanics. This man. This man did not know of the fury that he just unleashed onto the world.

He really didn't, because he simply went on, "The Island Trials would be perfect for you! You'll become stronger, learn about Alola's ways, and master the power of Z-Moves!"

"What are Z-Moves?" 2 questioned. "They sound retarded."

Hala smiled. "Far from it, girl. Z-Moves are actually incredibly powerful. Only the most skilled trainers can wield them?"

Lana blinked. "So you're saying that I can attain incredible power?"

"Thought that might interest you," Hala responded. "It always interests the tourists. But yes, doing the Island Challenge's Trials will grant you access to Z-Moves."

Lana's face softened. "Interesting..."

"And you know what?" Hala continued. "The Island Challenge will also teach you about respect, humility, and the bonds between trainer and Pokemon. It's a sacred right of passage for all-"

"Shut it, dough boy," Lana said quickly. "I'm currently brainstorming ways to abuse this power."

"You can't really abuse it," Hala said, frowning. "Come by Iki Town tomorrow, and I'll explain the details to you."

"Yes, good to know," Lana answered. "You may leave us now, island native."

Hala raised his hands, then let them fall to his sides. It was the traditional Alolan way of greeting people, as well as a way to say goodbye to someone. Not that Lana knew what these motions meant.

"Hopefully, I'll see you tomorrow then!" Hala said warmly. "I'll be looking forward to teaching you a lesson."

And with that ominous statement, the man turned on his heel and walked away from the scene. As he walked, he started to hum a tune under his breath. Again, it was something that Lana didn't recognize or care about.

The girls watched as Hala walked away from them. And once the man was out of earshot, the Lanas and Lanana all converged around their master Lana.

"I wouldn't pay too much attention to that old man," 2 said to their leader. "These stupid natives still worship Tiki idols, or something. If they knew how to think like real, normal people, they wouldn't be poor, ugly, and brown."

"Obviously," Lana scoffed. "Still, he raises a good point."

"About the Trial?" 3 asked.

"No, about how your flat ass can't fill out any jeans. Of course I meant the Trial, you fucking horse cunt."

3 didn't respond with anything but a small, lowly murmur.

"Perhaps I will take part in these Trials," Lana went on. "And then, when I have gained the power of the Alolans, I will use it to wreak my revenge on the fat man. I will use his own culture and customs against him, and remind him that Lana Thorn is superior!."

"You mean...?"

"Yes!" Lana answered with confidence. "Starting tomorrow, the Lanas are going to endure the Island Challenge."

And with those words, Lana had officially started to walk on the path of heroism. She did not know it then, but this one decision would impact all of Alola. She would become the hero that everyone needed.

May God have mercy on their souls.