Standard Disclaimer: Not mine…I just like to lick'em:9

A/N: So wow! It's done! I completely didn't see this coming when the original idea struck me, but all in all, I'm pleased. Half way through writing this, I started to hate it because of the massive angst-fest it was, but I had to follow the scenario to it's logical end…and well, I'm glad I did. It needed to be finished.

A thousand times thanks to Lokotei for poking at me to get this chapter out and sending speedy and relevant thoughts on the story and writing and fixing the odd typos that escape my own proofing. And a thousand times thanks to those of you who review and remind me why I bother doing this at all. Anyway, enjoy.

Please review and let me know what you think.

Not As It Was

Part 4:

We should have stopped her. Riku and I both knew that something was up. We had dealt with Heartless before, knew how they operated, but Kairi hadn't. She didn't know how they played on emotion, preyed on weakness. She didn't know that she was being manipulated. We should have held her back, kept ourselves between her and my Other, but we didn't. We had both been so focused on the Heartless in front of us that we never thought to keep an eye on Kairi.

I…I can't even really figure out everything that happened in those moments before we opened the Door. We were running and then he had her and she was screaming and he was just smiling like it was some kind of game…like he was just playing with us. And that was it in the end. That's exactly what he was doing. Playing; laughing; enjoying it all, and the sight of it made me wither inside. I could feel that place where my heart was supposed to be trying very hard to throb in remembered emotion, and the rest of me…every part of me was vibrating in desperate need to find a way to fix this. It was me standing there doing these things…part of me mocking and smiling, but there was nothing I could do to stop the other half of myself. I wanted to scream!

When he kept hurting Kairi, I knew that there was only one thing I could do to save her. I think Riku completely lost it in there somewhere. He tried to rush my Other with no regard for Kairi's safety. I almost lost the fight to hold him back, but I managed somehow and lifted my blade, focusing its power to the task of unlocking the Door. Sora did the same.

It took more than I expected to open the Door, but as the lock was freed and the seal broken, energy pulsed through the cave flooding light and darkness into the Destiny Islands. I felt the energy fill me and was momentarily dazed by the feeling. It was like waking from a waking dream. Everything that had seemed so surreal before came into sharp focus and reality. Then Kairi was falling and Sora was smiling. Riku was shaking with barely contained fury and we both rushed forward to get Kairi to safety. Riku checked her condition while I kept and eye on my Other.

I'm pretty sure that Riku was also feeling the disorienting rush that came with the flood of power, but as it seemed, Sora wasn't phased by it at all. He began speaking, taunting us, and I just watched him, listening as Riku tried to pull Kairi out of her stupor. He was saying something about getting a new key chain, but before my brain could fully register his intent, he was casting his magic. Stop.

We were frozen. Time had stopped around us, but we were still consciously aware of what was happening around us. A chill ran through me as he turned his attention to Kairi and Riku made a sound that told me he was almost hurting himself with the effort to release himself from the spell. Sora just smiled down at all of us as he plunged his hand into Kairi's chest. She released a choked gasp the like of which I hope never to hear again, and then she was jerking spastically, then crumbling to the floor unmoving.

I knew the spell had to be wearing off soon and I waited, focusing all of my attention on my Other as he cradled a glowing light in his hand. He smiled a smile that was entirely too excited under the circumstances as he merged the light with his Keyblade. In a flash of brightness, the blade transformed, a sparkling key chain appearing at its end in the shape of a split, misaligned heart. Half was pink, half was white, and from the whole radiated a dull, pulsing, blood red glow.

A word seemed to whisper through the air at the birth of the new Keyblade, and I felt my soul shudder in disgust as the name Oathbreaker was seared into my mind indefinitely.

"Now, that's cool," Sora said admiring the delicate lattice work of the black, semi-transparent blade, the glowing read and silver of the hand guard, and the raw power that radiated from the thing.

"Who knew that Kairi had it in her?" he chuckled, scratching his head. I could feel the spell slipping…knew it would release at any moment. "Heh, can't wait to try this puppy out." He looked up, a truly maniacal gleam in his yellow eyes. "Time to go visit the 'rents."

He faded into the darkness around us just as the spell wore off, and Riku released a near inhuman roar of rage as our prey escaped.

"Oh God, Kairi!" he moaned falling to her side yet again. I did likewise noting the pale, grayish color of her skin in the dim light of our flashes, and a sense of something very akin to horror seeped through my veins as I realized what lay before us.

"She's not Naminé," I said, quietly looking down at her.

"What?" Riku snapped angrily glaring at me. Any warmth that he had been showing me seemed to have vanished along with my Other.

"She's not Naminé," I repeated glaring right back. "If he had just taken her heart, then she would be Naminé now," I explained with as much patience as I could manage. "She's not. This is just her body, which means that he took both her heart and her soul to make that thing.

"Well what does that matter, we're getting Kairi back either way!"

"It matters because a body can't live for long on its own without a heart or a soul." Riku's eyes went completely dead of emotions as I told him this. He looked back down at the still form lying between us and didn't look up as he spoke next.

"Are you telling me she's dead?" I sighed running a hand though my hair as I tried to organize my thoughts.

"Not yet," I told him. "But she will be if we don't hurry." He was on his feet hefting Kairi's body and walking towards the cave exit without another word. I followed after him. We moved in silence to the dock, the night completely dark now, void of moonlight even. I called my Ultimaweapon and used its light to see by since we left the flashlights in the cave and came up beside Riku who was staring down at the place where we had docked our boat. I followed his gaze and saw…water. Just water. Our boat was gone.

"Can you open a corridor?" he asked without looking up.

"I don't belong to the darkness anymore," I told him flatly. "I can't control it that way now." He had already turned to me, dropping Kairi carefully in my arms.

"Wait here," he told me, then walked back the way we had come, fading into the darkness of the still and quiet night. So I waited. I had an idea of what he was going to do, and I didn't like it at all, but we had no time. Our options were limited, and this time, Kairi's life was on the line along with the fate of this world and every other world out there. Risks had to be taken.

I stepped a bit from the edge of the dock and sat down, carefully adjusting Kairi in my lap. I listened to the swirling of the water below me, the gentle crash of waves, and after what seemed like no time at all, Riku was back. Again, without a word, he opened a corridor through darkness, took Kairi from me, and stepped through the rippling black of the portal. I followed, and we stepped out into Riku's room. He was already settling Kairi on his bed, gently brushing stray hairs from her face.

"You know," I was startled when Riku's voice suddenly broke the silence, "it seems only fitting that things would end this way. I started this…I brought it all here. So now it's up to me to end it." I didn't like the sound of his voice as he said that. There was something off, but I just couldn't put my finger on it. It was almost like he was trying to convince himself of something, forcing his words to say something that his heart didn't really want.

"What is that supposed to mean?" I asked trying to get a hold of the truth behind his words.

"It means I have to end this," he growled out, "so let's end it." With that, he stood and opened another corridor without looking back to see if I was following.

When I stepped out on the other side, I was surrounded by chaos. We were standing in the wreckage of a home…what used to be my home. I looked down in fascination at what was left of the dining room table where I had been sitting just hours before and tried to suppress the strange tingling that rushing across my skin.

The place was crawling with Heartless, Shadows climbing over the wreckage like maggots on a carcass. The destruction was insane. If all he wanted was our parents, then there was no need to completely tear the place apart, but there was not a wall left unbroken, not a single object in the house spared, and all of it had been done in the few minutes it had taken us to get from the island to the house.

We barely paid attention to the minor Heartless we encountered; they were mosquitoes in comparison to the very large bloodthirsty dragon we were hunting and barely worth the effort. Every one that was stupid enough to try to attack us fell with pathetic ease to our blades as we searched for signs of where my Other could have gone.

Of our parents, there was no sign.

"Where would he go next?" Riku asked no one in particular, because he really wasn't speaking to me much for whatever reason.

"He's looking for revenge," I told him. "He's pissed at a lot of people for a lot of reasons, and I don't think he's leaving the islands until he's personally seen to it that they all are punished." Riku eyed me like a puppy that had started spouting Shakespeare before asking:

"Where do you think he's gone?"

"My best guess," I said thinking back to all the kids who had avoided and ignored me, "the school."

"Why would he go there at this time of night? There's no one there."

"Why would he destroy our entire house if he was just going after our parents? Why would he leave us alive when he had every opportunity to kill us back in the cave? He's playing with us Riku, and he's playing with his new 'toy.' He's just destroying things for the fun of it, and I think that maybe he's hoping that we'll find him, so that he can play with us more." Riku eyed me critically for a moment before turning away and lifting his hand to open a new portal.

"Only one way to find out." He said vanishing into the darkness yet again. I was worried about how much he was using dark energy even if it had only been less than an hour. It consumes you as you use it. The more power that you allow to channel through you, the more of you that is channeled away, and it's only a matter of time before you belong completely to the darkness. Riku had escaped that fate just barely before, but he still lost a lot of himself before he was pulled back from that spiraling edge. Back then, he had friends to help him; powerful allies from the side of light. Those friends were no longer here though, and without them he seemed to be almost willingly plunging further and further into the abyss. I was all he had left and I hardly felt that I was qualified to pull anyone back from darkness. That was job for my heart…and as things were, he was more likely to pull Riku right in with him if given half a chance. I sighed heavily knowing that things were going to get a whole lot worse before they got better, if they ever got better again that is.

The school grounds where disturbingly quiet as we arrived. Everything was still in the darkness that had gathered just as they had been when we first landed at our little island. We walked across the field towards the main building searching for shadows within shadows, eyes straining to look in every direction at once, but we could see nothing. I intensified the light from my Keyblade, but it only served to deepen the shadows. He was staying hidden from us, but I still knew that he was there.

"Sora!" I called into the stillness. "We know you're here so stop hiding!"

"Hiding? Who's hiding?" His voice seemed to speak from the night itself. Riku and I both shifted uncomfortably, trying to identify where the attack would come from. We stood back-to-back, blades drawn and ready to attack.

"I'm right here, if you guys are smart enough to find me." He was taunting us again.

"Besides, why should I hide from you?" This time the voice seemed to whisper directly into my ear, cool breath ruffling my hair. I swung my Keyblade to where I thought my enemy had appeared only to pull back short to avoid hitting Riku.

"What the fuck are you doing?!" he hissed at me angrily, but my attention was already trying to relocate my prey.

"Yeah, Roxas, what the FUCK are you doing." His voice whispered again, and I swear I felt a tongue flick across the shell of my ear that time. I swung wildly in the opposite direction, but again, there was nothing there; nothing but the darkness broken only by my light. I used that light to scan around me, and it was then that I realized that I was now standing alone. Riku was gone.

I searched around me as calmly as I could, nerves tingling uncomfortably in a strange parody of emotions that I wasn't supposed to be able to feel. I focused on remaining in control of it. I was far from helpless even if I was alone, and it would not help the situation if I chose that moment to have my first ever panic attack. Sora was playing with us. Nothing more. I wouldn't let myself become another one of his toys.

I stood where I was, waiting, listening, searching with all of my senses. From somewhere closer to the school building, there came a solid concussion and I launched myself toward it without a thought. The front door of the school exploded as I approached, and I threw up a light shield to protect myself from the flying glass, wood shards and…Riku that came hurdling at me.

I fell back a little at the impact and looked up just in time to see a pair of glowing yellow eyes emerge from the darkness inside the school.

"Oh, come on, Riku! You use to actually be a challenge. I know you can do better than that!" Sora taunted as his body materialized from the night. "Do you really even want to save Kairi? Maybe you're just trying to keep me all to yourself. Don't think I didn't see you checkin' out my ass back on the beach," he mocked, then raised his Oathbreaker to speak directly to the key chain hanging from it.

"Hear that Kairi? Looks like Riku was just using your ass because he really wanted a piece of mine!"

A sound of near animalistic rage ripped itself from Riku's throat as he threw himself bodily at my Other. He was losing control, I could see it in every move that he made. Sora knew every button to push and the exact sequence in which to push them to hack into Riku's will, and he was doing it without shame.

Sora easily avoided Riku's advance, tucking back into the shadows of the school, and Riku chased after him, firing blast after blast of concussive dark energy trying to obliterate his target. At the rate he was going he was going to destroy Kairi too. I ran after him, dodging dark blasts that he didn't realize he was throwing in my direction, throwing up light shields to protect him from attacks he didn't see coming.

"Riku!" I called, trying to get through to him. "We have to regroup! We gotta get out of here!" He turned on me and snarled, slashing his Keyblade down angrily.

"Shit!" I exclaimed blocking the attack. "Would you look at yourself?! You're completely losing your grip on reality!" Before either of us saw it coming, Riku was suddenly hit from behind by a blast so powerful it sent him crashing through the lunch room doors behind me and across the room, buried in a heap of chairs and tables. I tried to go to him, but then Sora was smiling in front of me, arms crossed behind his head.

"And just what do you think you know about reality, Roxy?" he cooed, taking a step towards me. "You. Don't. Even. Exist!" He punctuated the last word with a flick of his finger to my forehead that sent me flying back down the hall.

"You're so pathetic!" he shouted sending his blade spinning towards me, and for the first time, he actually sounded angry. I rolled out of the blades path and fired light in his general direction hoping to make contact. He dodged my attack and caught his Keyblade, advancing on me once again.

"Why are you even fighting this?! You want this as much as I do; hate these people as much as I do!! Yet here you are, trying to stop me! I'm doing this for both of us! WHY CAN'T YOU SEE THAT??!?!"

He raised his blade across his shoulder preparing to slash down at me, and I took the opening to launch myself from the ground with my arms, kicking at his middle with both feet in one of Riku's favorite moves. For once it seemed that I had caught him of guard and I fired light blasts at him trying to take full advantage. He melted into shadow before my light could reach him, and after an almost painful moment of silent stillness, I could hear him whispering in my ear again.

"Just give it up. Roxas," he told me. "You and I both know this is pointless. Your heart's just not into it, is it?" The words were speaking to some part of me, resonating, and it took all of my concentration and will to hold on to my own thoughts as he continued speaking.

"We need each other, Roxas. Stay with me. Together, we can do anything; finally know what true freedom is. We could travel the stars together; see everything there is out there to see. Do you really want to be alone again? Do you really want to live with that hollow emptiness inside? Why are you fighting to be that way again? Why are you fighting to keep us apart?"

I stood, shaking, as the words caressed my mind. Everything he said tore at the defenses I had tried so hard to keep up. He was right. I didn't want to be alone; I couldn't stand the thought of being separated from my other half like I had been before. Just having him near me was enough to ease the ache of nothingness inside of me. His words were soothing, pulling me towards compliance, and I just wanted to give in. I wanted him to lead me wherever he would go. I wanted to taste all of the freedom he had promised, but there was something holding me back; something keeping me grounded.

Somewhere in me, I remembered who we were supposed to be. I remembered the worlds we had saved back when we were whole, the friends we had made, and I knew that if Sora set foot on any of those places as he was, it would mean the end. All of those friends and faces would be swallowed by darkness, and all that we had been through to fight back that darkness would have been for nothing.

"No, Sora." I told him simply, speaking to the darkness that surrounded me. "You can't play me like that. I'm you, remember? You've never been very good at fooling yourself." I thought I heard an angry hiss, but then I was shoved violently from behind sending me to the ground once more and I looked up to see both Riku and Sora standing over me. In the light of my Keyblade, I could see that the whites of Riku's eyes had become completely black, his sea-green irises shining with careless malice. That thing that was trying to be panic in me earlier made its presence known once more.

"Shit," I swore under my breath.

"Yup! You're in tons of that right now," Sora said brightly. "And deep." All cheer left his voice as he glowered down at me. "You should have listened to me, Roxas. I didn't want to hurt you. You brought this on yourself." I glared ahead of me, trying to keep an eye on both of them as I stood and settled into a defensive position. This, Sora found extremely amusing.

"Aww lookit him, Riku. He so determined. Isn't that cute?" The last he said in the annoying voice adults usually reserved for one-year-olds. I didn't find it particularly amusing.

"Oh, c'mon Rox, get the stick out of your ass." Riku said lightly. "Give it up. You lost, no big. Accept it and move on."

"Don't bother," Sora told him with a shrug. "You know how stubborn I can be."

Irritated by their banter and tired of waiting for them to decide to attack me, I decided to take the offensive in hope of surprising them enough to get away. Maybe I'd be able to get back to the door and seal it somehow on my own, or send a message to the King or Donald and Goofy or someone from the outside who could help. If I could just get away…

I launched myself backwards and fired a barrage of light blasts at both of them. Riku leapt in front of Sora raising as dark shield as Sora stood behind him calling lightning to rain down on me. I blocked the worst of it with a light shield, but still took a couple of shocks. I used the lasts of my energy to fire a shower of light over my shoulder as I ran for the nearest window, but before I could make it even two steps, a shadow Sora was crouched in front of me, dark tendrils wafting from his body as his glowing yellow eyes pierced into my own.

Figures that he can still shift into anti-form…

That was my last thought before his claws descended and my senses were flooded with darkness.

o-oOo-o

I was dreaming of Axel.

This struck me as particularly strange because before my adventures in the Matrix a.k.a. fake Twilight Town, I had never really dreamed at all.

Well, that's what happens when you put your whole being into an attack, you know what I mean?

He didn't have to do it. I'd faced worse odds and come out fine in the end…why did he…?

Voices pulled me back into wakefulness though I didn't move. I didn't want my captors to know that I was listening in on their conversation.

"It's too risky, Sora. We'd have to keep an eye on him every second. Just get rid of him"

"Right, and it'll be your ass I kick into oblivion if it turns out your Keyblade isn't enough to unlock those gateways and I actually need him."

"Then put him in a summons stone or at least keep him dazed until you can convince him to behave."

"I'd love to, Riku, but in case you hadn't noticed, we're a little limited on supplies here!"

It seemed odd to me that they would be arguing. Maybe there really was more of both of them left in their bodies than any of us realized. I was laying on hard rock somewhere, the roar of the ocean not far away. The energy in the air seemed particularly concentrated here, and I knew immediately that we were at the Door to Darkness inside the Secret Place.

They were arguing over what to do with me, I realized, and they wouldn't be going through until they made a decision. It was time for me to make some decisions of my own. I had to figure out what I was going to do. I couldn't fight them on my own; I knew that for certain. But I wouldn't join them either; that I knew for certain as well. So then what could I do? Pretend to join them and then slip away while they weren't looking? Too risky. If I got caught then all the worlds out there were doomed…but then what other option did I have?

…that's what happens when you put your whole being into an attack…

What would happen if I put my whole being into an attack? Would it be enough to take both of them out with me? Not likely. Maybe one, but definitely not both. But maybe…

All of this started because of these doorways. They were the only paths that could allow the outside worlds and the darkness and light from those worlds to interact. Without the doorways, everything remains disconnected…So would I be able to destroy the doorway completely? Was there enough power in my being to do something like that?

"Riku, we're not arguing about this anymore. We're taking him and that's final!"

I was out of time. I had to make a choice. Was I really willing to sacrifice myself for something that may not even work?

…he made me feel like I had a heart…

Hearts. I thought about Kairi, whose life we couldn't save, I thought of the Organization and their desperate need to find their hearts again. I thought of Leon, and Yuffie…Cloud and Tifa, Ariel, Sebastian, Simba, Nala, Jack, Will, Elizabeth…all of the faces, all of the lives, all of the hearts that were living beyond that doorway. I thought of what would become of them if this darkness that had been born in this world managed to spread, and in that moment, I realized that there were far more important things in all the worlds than my singular questionable existence.

I rolled to my feet as Sora was reaching to lift me, and there was nothing either of them could do as I ran at the door and lay my Ultimaweapon flat across the opening. I focused all of my will, all of my desperation, all of my hope, all of my determination…everything that I had, I focused into the singular goal of destroying that doorway. As I did, it became so clear to me that this was the only way. I couldn't live as I had before, empty and seeking…always seeking but never understanding what I was looking for or where to find it. I couldn't live knowing that the blight that was my Other and his best friend would spread throughout the worlds, destroying and devouring everything that they touched. And in there somewhere, there was a selfish part of me that was glad. Even if this didn't work, even if my sacrifice was for nothing, at least I wouldn't have to see. I would be oblivious to the chaos that half of me caused. I wouldn't have to be there to watch the faces of friends fade into darkness. At the very least, I would definitely be depriving Sora of his other half.

It was almost a relief to be able to just let go that way. Everything faded into purifying light. I could hear Sora's screams of rage, feel as Riku tried to blast me away from the Door, but none of it mattered. I was enveloped in light, shutting out the darkness forever. This world would probably fall to their rage, but the others would be safe, and that was enough for me. I had done all that I could, and with this knowledge, I released a sigh, and closed my eyes to rest.

o-oOo-o

Far away in another world that few know of and even fewer have seen, a lone King stared up into the sky as a single star flickered, then blinked out of existence. A tear rolled down his cheek as he turn from his window and completed the final entry in a small volume labeled "King's Report":

"The Keyblade is a wondrous and powerful weapon. It has the potential to banish darkness and bring light and peace into all of the worlds, but woe to those chosen to bear the Blade. Though these Masters are given the ability to save countless worlds from certain destruction, once their destiny is complete, their lives are forfeit; unknowing sacrifices to the darkness they once banished."

Closing the book, he turned to walk a dark corridor of swirling black energy for the last time into a place that never was. He stood before eleven red glowing monuments, the only remaining proof of the existence of 11 beings who had fallen to darkness in search of their light. He walked towards the single place that still shone blue though even as he watched, the light began to shift, fading to purple and continuing to change. Placing the volume upon this space, directly on top of an emblem showing two crossed keys, the King turned and walked away, red light staining his black clad back.