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Disclaimer: I do not own twilight or anything related to it.

4

I am lost

When I was ten I overheard a conversation between my soon to be foster parents and the workers in the "adoption" center. They were going through the check list that was of course for my benefit and I was sitting in the room next to them. I wouldn't have heard a thing if it hadn't been for the door. It wasn't properly closed and with my hearing everything they said went through. I was young, wearing a cute blue dress. The woman who came to see me had braided my hair and she told me that my new foster parents had come to pick me up so that she didn't have to drive me. It surprised me how I had become a file and a job for one of the women there. Her name was Anna Kingsley and she took me everywhere I had to be, she made sure I had somewhere to live and I was her responsibility until I turned eighteen. That day she would not have to take care of me at all anymore, but as I said I was only her work. And today her work was to ship me off to new foster parents just like she had done before.

"Oh and Mrs. Kingsley, just one more question," I heard the sweet voice of a woman who I had been told was Victoria Main, a married woman with no children. "Yes?" Anna's darker voice said and I sighed loudly. Honestly I just wanted Anna to hurry so that I could go already. "What happened to her parents?" My heart was beating fast, so fast that I thought it was going to break through my ribs. They had never told me what happened, I wasn't allowed to know, I was too young. My breathing fastened and I clenched my hands together to prevent any reaction. Anna took a deep breath on the other side of the door and I could almost imagine her close her eyes in distress like she had done so many times before. "When Melanie was one year old both her parents and she were driving in a small car, it was hit by a truck and the car was shredded to pieces. Her parents died instantly and the police thought everyone was dead until they found Melanie behind some parts of the car crying loudly. She has some saving angel," I heard the loud gasp from Victoria and covered my face with my hands. They died in a car accident and I survived? How was that even possible? "Where was this? Something like that would surely have been on the news!" I was trembling, shock driving through my veins. "La Push."

I watched him, wondering if he was bipolar or if he had two personalities. His parents must have dropped him on the ground one too many times when he was a baby. "What was that? I've never heard anyone laugh like that in my whole entire life!" Seth said, still laughing at my cost. I sent him a questioning look and shook my head. My eyes were still looking at Paul, only I wasn't really looking at him. I was rather watching him from the corner of my eye. Somehow he had the ability to be on my mind and have my attention even when I didn't want it. Because I didn't like him, I really didn't.

I wasn't laughing anymore, the mood was gone and I felt like I had before. Scared. It reminded me so much of that vampire dream that I didn't know what to think of it. As if there was some connection between that wolf and the dream. "Melanie, if you want something to eat you better get some now, before the boys eat it all," I heard Emily say somewhere in the room, I had been staring into clean air as thoughts had invaded my mind. "Yeah, sure;" I said, snapping out of my trance and smiled.

Throughout the last couple of days that I had stayed with Sam and Emily I had noticed that every time Sam's friends came to the house there was always missing someone, at least two people. Today though I didn't see anyone missing but Sam. I sat down on the kitchen chair next to Emily, she was eating quietly and I gave her a soft smile hoping that she wasn't angry about the way I had acted before. It wasn't that I cared all the much, but I wanted them to like me, they had to like me. This was their golden opportunity to kick me out or to exclude me from their little family and that scared the shit out of me. Nothing had ever been at stake, every foster family had been just another place before the next one, but these people, Sam, was blood.

"Hey, Emily is there some of your friends that I haven't met yet?" I asked curiously and glanced over at Emily. She gave me a skeptical look probably wondering why I was asking. "You know since there's always missing two or three people when your friends come from dinner and today it's only Sam who's not here," I tried to explain but I think I sounded like some crazy person who was observing their every single move. Buggers.

Emily offered a smile. "Leah Clearwater's out working with Sam, she just got back from a small vacation, that's why you haven't seen her yet," she said and I noted the way her eyes turned to two big pools of pity when she said Leah's name. Guilt covered her face, just for a second as she probably thought of something between them and I understood enough not to ask. I finished my plate of food and glanced at the clock hanging on the wall. In fifteen minutes I had to be in the diner taking orders and giving out food. "Thanks for the food Em, I'm going to get going now, work," Emily stood up quickly and I knew what she was at. "No problem, I'll get one of the guys to drive you," She was about to walk out of the kitchen, but I stopped her, wanting badly to be alone tonight. "Emily no, I prefer walking and it isn't far away at all," I tried sounding convincing but I saw something flicker in her eyes. "It's dark I don't think that's such a good idea." Either she was very overprotective or she knew something was out there. I stared at her for a couple of seconds refusing to lose on this. "It's a ten minute walk, with a trail. I'll manage just fine," I answered, with a voice that clearly stated that there would be no other option and that I would, in fact, walk to that diner alone.

I had to think, I had to make decisions and make up stories that would somehow explain all the strange happenings I had been through. And I had to do it now. Emily, who most likely wanted to be on my good side, had agreed on letting me go alone to the diner and this was my only possibility in the nearest future to be alone. At least as alone as I could be… my eyes searched the woods next to the trail while I walked, and I felt afraid. Something was in there, something was watching me and I couldn't do shit about it. Shivers went through my spine and a sudden coldness invaded me.

I wondered why Paul was acting so strange around me, it had only been three days since I came here and in that time he had been angry, nice, and just plain rude. And the fact that I was constantly thinking of him didn't help, even if it wasn't anything positive going through my mind. Emily was right when she said it was dark outside and I was starting to regret going out on my own, what if that wolf came out or if a bear slashed my face, no one would be able to save me! I was halfway to the diner and just… yeah. I was being stupid. Wolfs keep inside the woods and so do bears.

Five minutes left.

"Melanie! Wait up!" My head whipped around quickly and my eyes widened. That voice… I felt myself fill with anger. "Paul, what the hell are you doing here?" I yelled as I watched him jog towards me. He was wearing nothing but cut offs and I couldn't help but to stare at his well defined chest. A grin was plastered on his face. "Like what you see?" he asked with a cocky tinge to his raspy voice when he reached me. I gave him a glare and kept walking towards the diner, he was not getting to me."Hey, wait up," I being the stubborn girl I was, kept walking and ignored him even when he reached me. "Stop being a bitch, I'm doing you a fucking favor," I heard from him and realized how close he was to me. My fists clenched and I felt like hitting something. That fucking asshole, if I had ever liked him even the tiniest bit it disappeared right there and then. "What is your problem?" I demanded and gave him the most disgusted look I could mister. "I never asked you to come, actually I did my best to make sure Emily would let me go alone." Paul's face turned into a smirk, but I saw how his body tensed at my words. "You were fucking shitting yourself in fear," he said, a dry laugh following. I stared at him and wondered if he had been watching me and if so how long? And how on earth had he known that I was scared? That wasn't possible to see and only animals felt fear. My eyes didn't leave his form as I thought about his rudeness. "So what? Are you stalking me now?" I asked and threw my hands up in the air. I was so sick of him, three days and he was still an ass. He took a step closer to me, lifting up his trembling hand. "I would never find you important enough to stalk,"

He wasn't joking anymore, he was being serious and I didn't like it. I stared at him, stared at his eyes. My lips didn't say any words and my body stood still. Somehow he had hurt me and I could feel it in my whole body, I could feel it in my heart. I had to get away. "Then leave me alone," Paul had a startled look on his face, not from what I had said I don't even know if he heard me, but from what he had said. And he had been staring at me with an intense apologizing gaze. He had crossed a line, hit a sore spot, found out where I was weak. And even though my words sounded dry and crippled I pretended that they were strong and I walked away from him.

When I reached the diner I was glad to find out that I wasn't late. Sue Clearwater was running it and she had been very nice to me, she struck me as the perfect housemother and it made me smile. I served people food and made sure everything was running smoothly. I had worked as a waitress many times before so this wasn't new to me at all, I was good at what I was doing and I knew it very well. "Melanie, I think we should change your working hours, you can't work so late when you have school!" I heard Sue say while I was washing the last table. The clock was almost midnight and I would have to call Sam to pick me up or walk home, I wasn't sure what was more tempting. Sue was a small woman with long dark hair and a beautiful smile. She lit up the room and she had a way of seeming happy all the time, not once had she yelled at me today even though I made plenty of mistakes.

"Nah, that's fine it gives me the time to do homework before work and not after," I said dismissively and got my things from behind the counter. Sue looked at me with a careful eye, probably trying to see if I was lying. "Sweetheart, who is driving you home?" she asked and let a sigh escape her lips. "Sam is picking me up, don't worry," I lied and gave myself an approving mental note about how good I had become at lying. "See you tomorrow," I waved as I walked out of the diner and quickly followed the trail I had come. Being stupid wasn't new with me, but I wanted to take care of myself and I didn't want to be anyone's problem.

The rain was falling harshly down around me and I was starting to get really cold. My jacket was helpful though as it covered most of my upper body, I couldn't say the same for my new jeans. "Shit," I murmured and closed my eyes. As soon as I was out of sight from the restaurant I took a deep breath with air and stopped. My feet were pressed hard down in the gravel and I clenched down so that I was almost sitting. The harsh wind was slapping me in the face but I just hid my head in my hands. Sam had barely tried to get to know me, he was never there and Emily didn't like me. I wondered what their plan was, why they were so indifferent.

"Melanie, I'm driving you home," My head snapped up in surprise when I heard a car come towards me and was even more surprise when Embry came out of it. He had a deep frown on his face which upset me. "Come on, I don't want you to get sick," he spoke again, this time with a happier voice. The car he was driving was old, and it probably needed some work done. I stood up from my cramped position and quickly got into the car. It smelled of wet dog and trees. "Hey, don't hesitate to call when your shift is over, someone will always be able to pick you up," Embry was smiling and he started to drive the two minute drive to Sam's house. "But I don't have problems walking home… I like it", I pressed letting my stubborn self intervene. "We like you and don't want you to get killed, okay? Call next time," Embry was even more stubborn than me and I knew that I wasn't winning with it.

"I heard you and Paul got into a fight today, are you okay?" Embry asked and sent me a look. He was really one of the most gorgeous guys I had ever met and I felt as if everyone there was like that. I was ugly in comparison with the people living in this town. "Yeah, I'm fine," I hoped that he didn't pick up the hesitation in my voice. "I'm not easy to break, Embry, I've been in foster care my whole life." it was a statement and I wanted him to take it in and to remember it. I wasn't a porcelain doll, I was a strong independent girl. He stared at me for what must have been a few seconds, but it felt like minutes. His face held this blank contemplating expression and I felt the annoyance build as I didn't know what he was thinking. It wasn't before he looked away that I realized the car had stopped moving and that we were sitting outside Sam's house.

"Even the strong ones need someone to lean on sometimes," he stopped talking for a second and it seemed like he was trying to get the words right, as if saying them wrong would ruin something. "Sam is the strongest person I've ever met, he's been through a lot, but he has Emily and he has us," Embry was staring at me by now and nodded my head three times to show him that I was listening. "And sometimes you're being the strongest when you let someone help you," he finished talking and I knew he expected me to say something, something personal. At least at some level, but Embry didn't know me. He didn't know that I never talked to people about my fears and weaknesses; he didn't know that I had gotten the same talk plenty of times before. It all had the same reason, the same reason as to why I never let anyone hug me. Getting close to people was the same as asking for hurt.

"Okay," I said and opened the car door. I gave him a small smile before I stepped out of the car and walked into the house I was going to live in for the next couple of months. At least I had that reassurance that they couldn't kick me out before I turned eighteen. The wind was teasing me and again I felt the familiar feeling of water on my skin. Even after three days I wasn't used to it.

And as I opened the front door to Sam's house I just couldn't help to wonder when I would be.

Merry christmas and A Happy new year! thanks for reading :):)

-Emma