I've been such a bad girl, I think I need a spanking. ;) Really though, I know its been months since I updated, but in my defense its been an absolutely insane few months. Seriously, if you had been dealing with… anyway, I graduated from college. Is that a good enough excuse? In any case, I always finish what I start, so I plan on completing this story even though I haven't actually seen most of season 3b because it was getting kind of lame. I'll probably be going back to make a few edits in earlier chapters to make the story a little more consistent, but only if I feel like it. (I probably won't.) Enjoy!
Disclaimer: Who owns Once and the Princess and the Frog again…?
Several days later, Emma threw rocks at Regina's bedroom window with much more precision than her reasoning behind disturbing the older woman at one thirty in the morning. She rocked back and forth on her heels and waited as a thrilling jolt of excitement raced down her spine. She wondered if the Queen would be upset that she was bothering her like this instead of calling her or visiting her office like a sensible person—probably.
The dimly lit window high above her opened and Regina's sleek, black head appeared. She was wearing the reading glasses Emma had seen her in before and a grumpy expression. "What the Hell are you doing, Miss Swan?" the brunette barked down at her. "I'm trying to sleep!"
"Oh yeah?" Emma called up to her coyly. "Laying awake thinking about me?"
She thought she saw Regina blush fetchingly before she called down, "Don't be ridiculous!"
"That's not what you said the other night on your front porch!" Emma sang. She had no idea what she was doing, or why. But at this particular moment it felt perfectly logical and even pleasant. The look on Regina's face was well worth it.
"I had too much to drink that night and was merely toying with you for my own amusement!" The mayor huffed. "So stop grinning at me like an idiot and go away."
"Well, I would, but I'm a little buzzed, so I don't think I remember where I live," Emma called back up. "I stole some of Frog's goodies from your trash can."
Regina could be seen throwing up her hands. "Oh, for heaven's sake! I'm living in an after school special! Between you, her and the pirate I'm going to have to appropriate funds for a Storybrooke Betty Ford Clinic!"
"Oh geez, will you relax?" Emma rolled her eyes. "I'm just trying to have a good time. A joint and a few shots won't kill me. Besides, I wanted to talk to you about Frog and Hook. Can I come up?"
"No!" Regina disappeared from the window before slamming it shut.
Emma chuckled to herself. Regina had made a mistake when she decided to teach Emma magic. She darted to the side of the mansion and tapped it with her palm. Several strong vines oozed out of the siding and crept up to Regina's windowsill. Whistling, the Sheriff grabbed them and began to climb up like the sly fox she was. She almost fell only once—wait, no. She was falling now.
Oh, no! She was falling!
A loud groan expelled itself from her body as she felt it slam into the ground. Sharp pain shot up her back and stinging tears sprang up in her eyes.
"What the—" The window opened above her and Regina's head poked out again. Emma gurgled up at her. "You—Emma? You idiot! Have you lost your mind?"
"I was trying to be slick and climb into your window," Emma moaned. This was going to hurt in the morning.
"Stupid Princess!" She heard Regina say before purple smoke swirled in front of her eyes. A moment later she found herself in Regina's large master bedroom, laying in what was presumably her huge, obnoxiously luxurious California king.
Funny how she'd ended up here.
"Are you hurt, Sheriff?" Regina drawled, saying the last word with obvious sarcasm.
Emma wiggled around and sat up, wincing only slightly at the ache in her back. "Everything seems to be working right. I didn't fall that far." She turned to look at Regina and felt an embarrassing heat in her lower abdomen. The brunette was only wearing a pale blue silk nighty. She held a copy of the Wall Street Journal—of course she read that when she couldn't sleep—and was scowling in her particular way that caused a line to appear in between her eyebrows. She had no make-up on, so it was less intimidating than normal, even cute.
"It's a shame," Regina growled. "Perhaps if you'd been knocked in the head hard enough your personality would have altered into something more tolerable. What do you want?"
Emma ran her fingers through her currently tamed blonde hair and sighed. "I came to talk about Frog and Hook, but mostly Frog. She's out of control."
"No, really?' Regina gasped in mock surprise.
"Will you cut the bull shit for two seconds, Regina? This is serious!"
"Serious enough for you to crawl in my window lit like a Christmas tree? I suppose I am properly chided."
"Frog is your responsibility," Emma said firmly, ignoring the brunette's usual snark. ""So you can stop pretending you don't care, because I know you do. Do you remember what you did?" The blonde narrowed her eyes at her former enemy and watched her face carefully. It twitched slightly and the mask of arrogance wavered before Mayor Mills returned in full force.
"Just tell me what the problem is, Sherriff," Regina replied coldly.
"After I released Frog the other day I found her the very next and she was not in good shape. She'd gone out drinking with Hook the night before at the rabbit hole and they got completely tanked. Hook was passed out naked in the middle of Main Street because Frog won his pirate clothes in a poker game. And you know that is literally the only outfit he wears. I found Frog while she was on her way to meet our son for lunch, rolling balls on some magical mushrooms she'd gotten from God-knows-where. She thought I was a seven-headed mongoose—her words, not mine. She got a facebook account and posted a video of herself dragging Cinderella by her hair across the floor of Granny's Diner. "
Regina was frowning. "Has Henry seen her facebook?"
"No, I hacked into her account to block him, only to find that she all ready had. Henry said she told him he couldn't see it because you would probably kill her."
"The Princess Frog knows me well," Regina muttered darkly. "Very well, Sheriff. I'll tell Archie to begin a twelve-step program and see to it that Frog attends. I suppose your mother's dwarf and the pirate should be convinced to go as well. I do apologize if that may prevent you from seeing him naked as often."
Emma smirked at the obvious jealousy in her voice. She didn't know why but it thrilled her. This whole thing—climbing into Regina's window, kissing her on her front porch, seeing her in her sexy nighty-felt so wrong and yet it somehow made total sense. It was different than how it was with Hook. It felt dirtier and somehow more taboo, which made it that much more exciting. "Why did you kiss me?" she blurted out suddenly.
Regina blushed and inched away from the bed. "I told you all ready."
"But you were lying," Emma insisted. "I can tell when you're lying, remember?"
Regina turned away from her and moved to the now closed window to look out of it broodingly. Emma rolled her eyes as she waited for her to answer. After a few moments the Queen turned around and looked back at the Savior. "I don't know."
Emma sighed. "Well… here." She opened up one of her palms and concentrated the way the other woman had shown her. She thought about the way she'd stood on Regina's porch with her mouth hanging open like a goldfish for ten minutes after she'd planted one on her. An apple dipped in hardened, pure gold appeared in her hand. "This is to make us even."
Regina stared at her.
Emma sighed again and squirmed on the bed. "After our date, remember? You said I owed you for molesting me. Just take the god damn apple."
The embarrassing heat returned to her abdomen as Regina's fingertips brushed against hers and took the golden apple. She looked down at it for a moment and then looked back up at Emma. "Was there anything else, Sheriff?"
Her voice was cold again, but Emma didn't feel bothered by it. She grinned. "Yeah. I wanted to tell you that Mary Margaret found the dental dam. She tried to play it cool and it was really hilarious at first but she got me back in the end. She wants to have some stupid event called the Beltane Ball. Apparently I have to dance or something and wear some frilly dress. She said its from the Enchanted Forest and you all used it to help unmarried women find suitors. I suppose she's not too keen on Hook at the moment, since he went out drinking with Frog. Anyway, she wanted me let you know she needs to use the party room in city hall."
Regina laughed out loud at that. "A Beltane Ball, for you? Perhaps I don't give Snow enough credit. Very well, I'll book the community room for her."
Emma played with the tips of her hair, suddenly feeling very shy. "Well, Henry says he wants to go with you. I'm supposed to go by myself, so… yeah. Later."
Regina wasn't the only one who could make a dramatic exit. Emma darted to her window, opened it, and climbed down her vines before running back home.
Frog stared into space, alone in her cell at the Sherriff's Station after being thrown in there a second time by Regina's new bitch. Emma Swan was just the individual to trigger her at a time like this. The mushrooms were wearing off and she was slowly slipping back into her unpleasant reality. The darkness waited for her there. She'd thought that after the genie removed the curse of the Frog Demon it might get easier, but…
She slipped the sleeve of her jacket up so she could look at the ugly frog shaped scar on her wrist. Another consequence of her wish to have the curse removed. At least she didn't have to wear her crown anymore.
Emma's parting words surfaced in her foggy memory—though it was more like an acid flashback. "When I was your age I had a rough patch too," the seven mongoose heads had babbled. "I had just gotten out of the clink, had given up my son—I was a mess. I lived under a bridge for a few years, nearly drowned in the river once when I took too many Dramamines. Did some drugs, got involved with some bad guys. It wasn't until I got my job as a bounty hunter and started busting some bitches on the same path as me that I got straight. You need to change course, Frog. And I'm gonna make sure Regina helps you do that."
On and on and on the Sheriff had droned. Just when she thought she'd never stop flapping her jaw the Swan Princess finally left, saying something about how she was going to "go get help." Three guesses as to what that meant. Regina always did like them a little rough around the edges.
But what room did Frog have to talk? She had once thrown people in dungeons herself for the Queen's benefit. Back when she'd been the "Evil Princess." She was much more evil now, or at least felt like she was.
"Frog!" The Evil Queen barked.
Tiana went obediently to the Queen's side. "Your majesty?"
"A lesson in monarchy, Frog." She pointed at a group of soldiers at the foot of the throne, the commander of which looked as though he was ready to crap his pants. "This unit of my soldiers has failed to bring me the head of an outlaw and his band of merry idiots, all of whom pillage and thieve while masquerading as charitable heroes."
"Your majesty!" The commander squeaked, obviously terrified. "The one who calls himself Robin Hood is a master of evasion…"
The Evil Queen leaned towards her apprentice. "You see Frog, the Enchanted Forest pays its taxes to teach these imbeciles the arts of the very same camouflage and evasion. By failing this simple mission, he cheats his land and his Queen. What do you suppose we ought to do with them?"
Tiana looked pityingly on the men trembling with terror. There was a pale yellow puddle near one of them, who was, by the smell of him, not just wetting himself. The Queen wrinkled her nose in disgust but waited for Tiana's response.
"Robin Hood steals from the rich to give to the poor, does he not?" the dark-skinned girl tried.
"A thief is a thief, Frog. Try again."
"I suppose that's true." Tiana glanced nervously at the trembling soldiers. "But I suppose we could give the commander and his company a fair trial? Or demote them, if all else fails."
"Bless you, sweet girl!" The Commander cried. "Your Majesty's apprentice shows mercy. If the rumors are true and you plan to crown her as a regent princess, then she will make a fine ruler one day."
"I don't believe I asked for your opinion, Commander Faron." The Queen flicked her wrist and his neck snapped. He fell to the ground, dead. One of his soldiers began to cry like a baby.
"That wasn't necessary, your Majesty!" Tiana gasped, horrified.
"It wasn't?" The Queen raised an eyebrow up at her student.
Frog watched in horror as another soldier screamed and tried to run for the door. The Queen raised her hand almost lazily and he dropped dead a moment later.
"Stop!" Tiana yelled. "You can't just throw their lives away like they don't mean a thing!"
"Not even to send you back to your family, Frog? A pity how your poor younger sister must be starving without you there to help run your father's silly pub that you care about so much."
Tiana felt her eyes fill with tears. "Tell me what I have to do."
The Queen leaned back on her throne. "Take their hearts and bring them to me."
They remaining three soldiers stood in acceptance, like lambs going to slaughter. One by one, Tiana asked for their forgiveness and for God's as she ripped their hearts from their chests. The Frog Demon's venom coursed through her veins and her skin felt like it was on fire. By the time she returned to the throne with three glowing hearts, she openly wept from the pain. "Your majesty, I'll do anything you ask, but at least help with the venom. I can't take it any longer."
The Queen looked expressionlessly at her tears before smiling humorlessly. "You've pleased me today, Frog." The hearts in Tiana's hands dissolved and morphed into a black cloud. The cloud twisted and shimmered before transforming into a green and black tiara with a silver frog in the center. "Kneel," she commanded.
Tiana fell to the Queen's feet and bowed her head. She wiped a few of her tears away but it was no use, more leaked out of her eyes. "There, there dear," The Evil Queen purred. She put her forefinger under her apprentice's feet and lifted her chin, forcing her to look into her empty dark eyes. "This tiara will serve as an amulet. When you do my bidding, you will feel no pain from the curse of the Frog Demon. It is a crown fit for a princess." She placed the tiara in Tiana's hair. It was heavy and squeezed the girl's head uncomfortably.
"I'm not a princess," The Queen's apprentice sniffed. "Just a waitress."
"In this land, Frog, you wait on no one but me. Rise, your highness, the Princess Frog."
The memory made Frog's throat ache and burn for a drink. So much for every little girl dreaming of being a princess. What the hell did the Sheriff know anyway? She didn't remember the Evil Queen like Frog did. She wasn't apprentice to the same woman who had taught Frog… or was she?
"People don't change," Frog said out loud to no one in particular. "They just become better or worse versions of themselves. Folks are the sum of many parts."
"That's an interesting observation, Tiana."
Apparently she wasn't alone. "Who's there?"
One of the lamp lights at the desk turned on and illuminated the figure of Snow White. "Oh, Hell no," Frog groaned. "No one calls me that anymore, Snow, because that person no longer exists. Leave."
Snow White leaned against the bars of Frog's cell and peered at her in a way that would have made her heart melt long ago. "What happened to you, Tiana? When I knew you, you were a sweet girl. Maybe a little sassy, but I liked that. And now look at yourself. It just goes to show that people really do change."
"Lord have mercy, Snow. I made out with you and saved your life a million years ago. You don't know shit."
Snow blushed a little but steeled her face determinately. "I'm pretty sure I was your first kiss, aside from that Frog Demon."
"Shame isn't it?" Frog sighed. "In my defense, there were white people as far as the eye could see in the Enchanted Forest. It was a moment of weakness that made no difference in the end. You found your Prince Charming."
"It never would have worked out between us, Tiana. You were dead set on going back to New Orleans. What was it you said to me the day you gave me up to Regina?"
Frog clenched her teeth. "That you weren't real. None of it was real. Family and friendships are real, not that true love, unicorns and rainbows horseshit."
"Well, I'm real now. And so is my grandson."
"Yeah," Frog agreed. "He reminds me of your dumb ass sometimes."
"Which brings me to the reason I'm here," Snow yammered on. Like mother, like daughter. "Emma texted me and told me that Archie may start a recovery program and Regina and I—well, we want to see you get better."
"I see. You're the good step-daughter now. You never could get over the fact that Regina preferred me to you. Primarily because I'm capable of keeping my fat trap shut."
"I remember the uniform she made you wear looked just like the tunic I wore in the woods," Snow sighed whimsically. "You looked good in it. But this isn't a competition. Regina wants to help you."
"If I tell you I'll think about it will you leave me the hell alone?"
Snow smiled and looked for a moment as though she wanted to reach through the cell bars and touch her old frenemy. "Its strange how time comes full circle, isn't it?"
"Yeah, yeah. Now unless you can get me some liquor, I'd like to get back to my nap."
The Frog Princess waited until she was sure Snow White was gone before she overturned her cot in a fit of rage.