Title: I Saw the End, chapter four
Author: Shoka-chan
Rating: PG-13
07/01
A/N: Hey! It was speedy this time, wasn't it? I really think that a lot of people missed chapter three for this story because ff.net was having problems…hmm…I hate that. But if you did youget two chapters, so…Anyway, here's a cartload of Drama/angst/etc. Not much humor here, but pan'll get that dry wit back soon ^_^
***
The day after the incident school was cancelled-I should have figured- so I could have stayed with my parents the night before, but, truthfully, it didn't matter to me. I had gotten as much sleep at Trunks' as I would have there and Trunks was treating me as if I were about to break. My parents would have been ten times worse. I could just imagine it. "Honey do you want anything? Are you all right? How did you sleep?" I shudder to think of it.
I suppose Trunks had a reason to, though, after last nights "episode." Honestly, I felt fine, or so I thought. I was a bit unsettled, but everything had turned out all right. So the leaders blank green eyes haunted me, and his virulent words ran rivers through my head. I was okay. All I needed, I thought, was a calm, restful day.
By noon I was feeling restive and began to pace and walk around for no reason. Finally Trunks sighed-almost growled, actually.
"Stop that!"
I smiled sheepishly. "Sorry. I'm just-" I sighed this time, deeply. "Just…something. Bored, I guess, but that's not exactly it."
I really couldn't explain what it was. Even now the best word I can come up with is discontent, but that's not exactly it either.
"Well why don't we do something?" he suggested.
I shrugged. "Okay, what?"
He thought a moment. "Movie?"
I licked my lips. "Fine." Why was my heart beating so fast. Why was that fearful feeling from yesterday returning? I shook my head as if to clear it of thoughts, feelings, fear. It was irrational, I thought.
We got to the theatre five minutes before the movie we wanted to see started. I looked around me at the crowd of latecomers surrounding the ticket booth and snack counter. People seemed to close around me. I frantically searched faces, knowing I wouldn't see him, but looking anyway. My breathing became fast, shallow, labored.
Trunks looked at me with a mixture of concern and confusion.
"Panny-chan, what's wrong?"
I blinked and breathed easier when I felt his hand on my arm. I forced a smile.
"Nothing. I'm good."
Trunks nodded, his eyes narrow with disbelief, but he accepted the lie anyway. "Well," he said slowly, "while I get the tickets ho about you grab us some junk food?"
I nodded and took the twenty he held out to me. I made my way to the snack counter and leisurely perused the candy list. I was about to step in line when a young man collided with me. Automatically we both mumbled apologies and looked at each other. I froze when I saw his eyes. His green eyes. I could feel a horrible pounding in my head, and my stomach pulled itself into a knot. My throat closed up. I was over my head in a maelstrom of fear and I felt myself swirl deeper under the surface. My skin felt cold and my legs were so tense they ached.
Without another word I turned and ran. I knew, knew that it wasn't him. They hadn't had the same hair color, didn't look even vaguely alike, but his eye had been green and that was enough to send me running. I knew there was nothing to fear, but for some reason another part of my mind-the one in control- wouldn't listen. I felt my eyes shine over with tears and was horribly embarrassed, but couldn't stop the horribly panic attack. It was mild, as panic attacks go, but so frightening. I just couldn't help myself, though the rational part of my mind was screaming to be heard.
I saw Trunks emerge from the crowd and ran right at him. When I reached him I hadn't slowed down, couldn't, felt for some reason that he was coming after me. I ran smack into him and wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my face into his shoulder. I could feel myself tremble. I also felt it as Trunks wrapped his arms around me. I heard his voice but couldn't concentrate enough to make out the words.
"I want to go home," I whispered raggedly. "Home-" My voice gave out on me.
The next thing I knew we were outside and my feet were brushing the sidewalk, but all of my support came from Trunks. Slowly I disattached myself from his neck, and wondered if I looked anything like those silly stuffed animals that you can but at the zoo with Velcro on their hands so you can wear them around your neck.
"Panny? Panny-chan?" I heard his voice seeping into my ears as the panic receded and I looked at him.
"What happened?" he asked softly.
"I-I…" I stopped then and the force of what had happened hit me. My face flamed red and I embarrassed myself even more by bursting into tears of mortification. "I'm sorry," I sobbed and then sat on the sidewalk outside the theatre and covered my face with my hands, my body shaking as I tried to keep silent.
I felt his presence as he sat down beside me and then wrapped his arms around me again. He pulled me to his chest and I sobbed softly, my arms trapped between his chest and mine. Finally he picked me up and walked to the car. I kept my face pressed to his shirt, not wanting to know if anybody was witnessing my attack. Stupid, I thought as my tears soaked his shirt. Stupid, stupid, stupid!
He placed me I the passenger side then got in himself. Quickly he maneuvered us out of the parking lot and onto the street.
"I wanna go home," I said again, but in my heart I didn't know what that meant. Where was home?
"Okay," he murmured and reached over from the driver's side to smooth my hair.
"I wanna go home," I repeated tiredly, and closed my eyes. I didn't sleep, though, I just came back to myself. I rubbed at my eyes with a fist like a child, trying to rid myself of tears and the telling redness, but succeeding only in worsening my tear-stained appearance. I looked out the window and noticed we were going back to Trunks' house.
"Can we go to my apartment, please?" I entreated. My voice had shaken at the end of the question and so I took a deep cleansing breath. Trunks glanced at me, worry etched onto his features.
"Pan, I don't think-"
"My apartment, please." I interrupted, not looking at him.
We reached it soon after and Trunks walked me inside. He led me over to the couch and had me sit. He then kneeled in front of me, our hands clasped. He looked so concerned…
"What happened?" he asked. To my horror I felt my eyes fill again.
"Oh, Trunks!" I cried. "Something's wrong with me!" With that said I grabbed a hold of him and once again drowned his shirt.
A few minutes later I was sitting at the kitchen table hiccupping, a glass of water in one hand and a tissue in the other. Trunks sat patiently across from me and I steadily avoided his gaze, avoided talking.
"Are you ready to talk to me, Panny-chan?"
No, and I'll probably never be, I thought.
"Yes," I answered and swallowed.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing," I answered quickly, knowing he'd never accept that.
"B-S," he commented. "What happened today?" Hard question, kind voice.
"I-I don't know," I said. "This guy bumped into me and when I looked up his-" I stopped, knowing how stupid it would sound.
"His what?" Trunks demanded. I saw anger veiled in his gaze. My eyes widened as I realized he thought the guy had groped me or something.
"His eyes were green," I finished weakly.
"What?" Trunks asked, truly confused. All signs of anger were gone.
"His eyes were green…just…just like yesterday." I closed my eyes and could still feel the cold metal of the gun pressing into my skin, those green eyes calm and level above it, his last acerbic words echoing in my mind.
Silence reigned for a few seconds before Trunks responded.
"The man from yesterday had green eyes?"
I nodded, feeling tears form in my eyes again and hating myself for it. I swiped at them with the tissue. Trunks leaned over and grabbed my hand.
"Pan, why are you afraid?"
I shook my head, afraid that if I spoke I wouldn't be able to hold back my tears.
"I don't know," I choked out.
He smiled reassuringly at me. "Pan, you kicked their asses and could do it again. If any of them comes near you your father will kill them. I'll kill them, I swear."
I nodded.
"Maybe," he continued, "you should see a doctor."
I sat straight up in my chair.
"I don't need a doctor!"
"Please, just once. You might need help." His eyes pleaded with me.
I ripped my hand away. "If you think I'm messed up just say so," I said coldly.
He sighed. "I don't think you're messed up, just that you're stressed and you might need help to relax."
"Pills?" I spat at him nastily.
He blinked. "No! Just talk to someone, get it off your chest."
I glared at him. "I'm fine."
"A doctor can interpret what you feel and tell you how to-"
"I don't need a doctor, Damn it!" I yelled defensively.
"Pan, I'm not saying you're messed up," he said. "You were in a hostage situation yesterday, for God's sake! After seeing you with a gun pressed against your head I might need to see a doctor!"
"Well I don't!" I yelled. After a few minutes of silence he stood and walked to the door. Just before he left he turned back to me.
"I'm just worried about you, Panny-chan."
The door closed softly behind him, and for a moment I just stared at it, then placed my face in my hands as hopeless tears began to fall. Once I had that under control I picked up the phone and called my doctor for a psychiatrist recommendation.
***
I went to my appointment the next day. I had gotten one so soon because of my "special circumstances." I met with the doctor just after lunch. She was slightly taller than me and had a kind face. At the end of my visit she summarized her thoughts.
"Ms. Son, I believe that you are suffering from extreme stress, some tension, and possibly a little depression. All in all, after your hostage situation, you're coping normally. I'm going to give you a prescription for a small amount of pill to help you with this. I'm going to suggest you come back for a few more visits and" she smiled lightly, "maybe get a massage."
I smiled back. "Thanks. I really thought I was having a nervous breakdown or a panic attack…something like that."
"You probably came close," she replied, "but I think you'll be fine, now. The anxiety should go away soon, but if it doesn't diminish be sure to tell me."
"Sure," I answered. "But I still can't help but feel embarrassed by my fit at the theatre. It was so…irrational."
She gave me a comforting smile. "Fear is rarely ruled by rationality."
That statement hit close to home.
After leaving her office I stood by my car, filled with uncertainty. I knew what I had to do, but I balked at the thought. After a few minutes I steeled myself. No one had ever said Son Pan was a coward.
I drove my car over to Trunks,' wondering if he'd be there and hoping he wasn't. When I stood on the porch in front of the door I took a moment to straighten my knee-length red dress, and then rang the bell. The door swung open a few seconds later, revealing a relaxed-looking Trunks. He wore baggy cargo pants and a dark blue T-shirt.
"I'm sorry," I blurted out first thing, then cringed.
He stepped back and gestured through the door. "Come on in, Panny."
I held back a sigh of relief. If he called me Panny he wasn't angry. I would have felt better if he'd have called me Panny-chan, though.
I came in and he let me in front of him. I decided to go to the kitchen. It was comforting to me. It was like when I was very young and sat watching my mother or grandmother cook, the sunlight streaming through the window, warming my face. I sat at the antique wooden table and traced the character scars on its surface.
"Pan, I'm sorry, too," he said, sitting in the chair beside mine, though he turned to face me. "It really was none of my business."
"You were worried, I know. You just wanted to help me. I admit I was out of it yesterday."
"Maybe I jumped the gun," he commented, and I grinned at his analogy. For a moment there was silence, then I let out a sigh.
"I saw a psychiatrist this morning."
He looked at me carefully. "And?"
"She said what I was going through is normal, under the circumstances."
"Do you feel better?" he inquired.
I paused. "Yes…but you helped more than the doctor, I think."
He brushed a lavender lock of hair out of his eyes. "Why do you say that?"
I shrugged. "You've been there for me, Trunks, more than anyone. I know if I called my parents…my family, or Bra, even, they'd be here in a flash. They'd help however I asked, but you're here anyway." I looked into his eyes and grinned. They were blue, blessed blue.
"I'm glad." The sincerity was evident in his voice. He held my gaze for a moment then stood up and walked to the sink. He pulled a glass from a cabinet about it and then filled it with water.
"Want anything?"
I shook my head and stood. "Well, I better be going."
He turned back to me. "Why?"
I blushed, having no reason. "I dunno."
He grinned. "Good grammar, Son-sensei," he teased.
I laughed. "Hey is all my stuff still here?"
"Yup, why?"
"I have to take it all back home." Suddenly something hit me and I groaned.
"What?" he asked.
"I packed up all my dishes and stuff so I wouldn't have to wash them after the fumigation! I have to get it from mom and unpack it all!"
He grinned wider and pulled me out the front door. "Come on, I'll help you get it all done."
I flashed him another smile and threaded my arm through his. "Cool."
***
How's that for Dramatic. Poor Pan, I'm not done with her yet, I'm planning something big for her *sniff* Heartache-but not the kind you're thinking I'm sure. ^_^ Geez…that was kinda short wasn't it? Sorry, sorry! K, well, I hoped you liked it—please review.
-shoka