Debating if I should continue this or not!

Xeno

n. the smallest measurable unit of human connection, typically exchanged between passing strangers

Nagisa had hardly managed to sleep at all that night. Thoughts had whirred around his mind for hours (What if Gakushuu doesn't want anything to do with me again? What if Karma hates me for lying? Has Karma worked out what's going on between me and Gakushuu? What will he do- will he tell people? Will he be disgusted? Why does Gakushuu feel like he can blame me for everything to make himself feel better? What if it is my fault?)

A large part of Nagisa was tempted just to take the day off from school and hid from his troubles. But no. That would be so much worse, and would only delay the inevitable, he'd rather just get this day over with than be forced to prolong the tension, and be left alone at home with his thoughts. Besides. if he did take the day off, that would likely make Karma even more suspicious.

So, feeling almost weak with exhaustion, Nagisa arrived in class that day his eyes puffy and his face pale. As he walked in, he acknowledged Karma with a smile and a wave, trying to act natural. Karma smiled back, although he raised his eyebrow slightly, questioning. If Karma asked why he'd lied, Nagisa would just say that he was embarrassed about needing extra tutoring and didn't want Karma to think he was stupid- that was convincing, right? Part of him hated lying to his friend though.. it just felt so wrong.

Fortunately, Nagisa had arrived a little late that day, so he didn't have time to talk to Karma before homeroom started. Or rather, unfortunately, because now Nagisa had more time to sit and stew and think of worst case scenarios.

It seemed to take an age for the lunch bell to ring, but as soon as it did, Nagisa felt suddenly unprepared. Calm down, this isn't such a big deal. Stop making it into a big deal. If he asks just tell him about the tutoring, it'll be easy. He doesn't always eat with you anyway, maybe he wont even try to talk to you. Just calm down.

"Hey, Nagisa- It's sunny. Want to go outside for lunch?" Karma asked, suddenly standing above Nagisa, that playful smile still in place. What did this mean? Karma never asked him to eat outside before. Karma's hiding it well, but Nagisa could sense he had something to ask.

"Sure." Nagisa replied with a smile, and the two of them headed outside together.

"So, you and the student council president?" Karma said casually, once the two of them were sat outside on the benches, the afternoon sun glaring down on them. The school was quite beautiful really, especially in the sunlighy the grounds were full of lush trees and flowers. But right now, neither of them were focused on the aesthetics of the school. Nagisa began his explanation

"Oh- I'm sorry I lied about it. I was too embarrassed to admit it, but I've not been doing so well in lessons so he's been tutoring me- "

"- Nagisa, I know he's fucking you."

Karma said it so casually it was like he was commenting on the weather. Nagisa choked. He somehow managed to splutter on air itself, and was left in a violent coughing fit (Karma did not just say that, did he? I'm imagining things, right?. Nagisa was vaguely aware that Karma was patting him on the back.

"Karma, is that some sort of joke?" He spluttered, face red from the sudden coughing fit (and because of Karma's accusation). Karma glared at him. His amber eyes suddenly looked so cold, and so full of rage that Nagisa genuinely looked afraid.

"Don't lie to me, Nagisa." Karma commanded. Nagisa couldn't help but shrink away. He neither confirmed or denied what Nagisa said, but rather, simply looked down, his long blue hair hiding his eyes. He bit his lip, and felt his blood run cold.. Would Karma think he was disgusting now? A few moments passed in silence. When it was clear that Nagisa wasn't going to reply, Karma spoke again.

"Listen, Nagisa. Can't say I'm not surprised, but you can sleep with whoever you want, I'm not going to judge you for that." Karma said. Nagisa looked up at him, surprised. That was the last thing he expected Karma to say. "But you aren't letting that Asano kid take advantage of you, are you? Not trying to insult your... lover... but the guy seems like a real asshole."

"He is.. an asshole." Nagisa admitted, remembering how Gakushuu had treated him the last time he saw him. How he'd always treated him. "But there's more to him than that."

Karma raised an eyebrow, giving Nagisa a skeptical expression. "Oh, I'm sure he's also sunshine and rainbows deep, deep down." Karma said. Karma admittedly didn't know Asano at all, but he already didn't like him; He had never seen Asano interact with Nagisa before. It seems to Karma as if Asano was just using him.. It made him furious.

"He always acts perfect in front of everyone but I'm the only one who gets to see him when he's not!" Nagisa tried to explain. He knew his relationship with Gakushuu was twisted, he couldn't believe how fast Karma had managed to work that out. The next thing he knew, he felt Karma grab his wrist and pull the long sleeve of his jumper. Nagisa let out a gasp, as before he could stop it, Karma had exposed the bruises on his wrist. Nagisa pulled his wrists away.

"He did that to you, didn't he?" Karma demanded, his expression suddenly darkening. Nagisa quickly pulled his sleeves back down; He hadn't realised how tightly Gakushuu had been grabbing him yesterday. This was bad.

"I bruise easily. This is really nothing." Nagisa tried to explain. Oh God.. what would Gakushuu think if he knew Karma knew? He'd kill him for sure.

"He's hurting you. It's not right." Karma said, eyes flashing with rage. "How did you even get involved with someone like him in the first place?"

Well, Kamra already knew the worst of it, there was no use hiding anything.

"In middle school we were in the same music club for a short while. I think he could tell I liked him." Nagisa said, remembering back to when Gakushuu had first approach him. He couldn't believe how many years ago that was now.

"Middle school!? Jesus." Karma said; That was so young. He'd thought Nagisa was completely innocent and pure. The bell rung, signalling the end to that conversation.

"Karma. Please don't let Gakushuu know that you've worked out about us." Nagisa begged. The look in his blue eyes were desperate verging on fearful. "Please don't tell anyone."

That just made Karma's dislike Gakushuu even more. What had he done to make Nagisa so scared? Karma had a lot of questions, and a lot of conflicting feelings, but for now all he could do was go back to class.

It was evening time, the sun had almost completely set, outside the windows, Karma could see the city illuminated only by street lights. The classroom was completely empty, all except for one person. Nagisa was sat on one of the desks. His blue hair was out of it's usual ties and spilt over his narrow shoulders. His white school shirt looked strangely see-though, revealing the pale skin underneath. The look his blue eyes looked sultry, and the way he was sprawled over the desk was somewhat wanton. As soon as he noticed Nagisa ending, he looked up and smiled.

"Karma. I'm glad you came." He said, standing up from the desk and walking over to karma. He placed a hand to the other's chest. Karma raised an eyebrow.

"What is this?" He asked, confused by Nagisa's sudden touchiness. Nagisa just laughed.

"Come on, we both know you want this." Nagisa said. Karma felt himself blush- why was Nagisa doing this? Was it a joke? and why did it make his heart race but feel warm at the same time. Almost by instinct, Karma put his arms around Nagisa. Nagisa was so much smaller than him, he seemed to fit perfectly in Karma's embrace.

"You're such a little tease." Karma growled, feeling a stirring below his stomach. Nagisa grinned at him, and Karma just let his feelings take over. He grabbed Nagisa by the shoulders and pushed him back against the desk, attaching his mouth to Nagisa's neck.

Nagisa let out a soft moan and gripped onto Karma tighter. This spurred Karma on further, he held Nagisa tighter, and ripped off Nagisa's already thin shirt revealing pale skin. Karma grabbed Nagisa's leg, hooking it around his waist before leaning forward and kissing him hard on the mouth. He ran his hands through Nagisa's hair. it was so soft, and Nagisa tasted so sweet. Karma's hand traveled down, pulling at Nagisa's waistband.

Karma pulled away from the kiss, looking at Nagisa. But suddenly, it wasn't Nagisa that Karma was making out with. Sat in front of him was a boy with strawberry blond hair and sharp violet eyes. Gakushuu Asano.

Karma woke up in bed, his heart racing covered in a thin sheen of sweat breathing heavily. Holy shit what sort of dream is that? What is wrong with me!? He glanced underneath his covers. He'd have to take a cold shower. Damnit.

Ever since he'd found out about Nagisa and Asano yesterday, he couldn't stop thinking about it. (What did Nagisa look like when Asano did those things to him? What does it feel like to kiss Nagisa and hold him so tight he bruises? Why did Nagisa chose Asano?) He shoved those thoughts to the back of his mind.. He couldn't be thinking about this. He shouldn't get involved. But Karma knew that wouldn't happen.