Consideration
Sleep did not come easy. It may have even come at a price. When I did wake I felt intense pressure in my head. I lifted my hand and felt the familiar pulsing behind the brace. I moaned and slowly opened my eyes to his hand offering up two more Tylenol. "I think you should take these." He instructed.
"I think your right," I said slowly trying to sit up using my good hand and swinging my feet of the side of the bed. The movement of switching my head from the horizontal position to vertical increased the pain five times. What a way to start the morning. I sighed and dropped my gaze to the floor. Opening my eyes just a bit I saw a cup before my face. "Thank you." I said taking the cup of water and downing the pain killers.
"I really think you should rest until those take effect. I need to go and speak with Alice. Will you promise me you will stay here and rest?" he requested.
"What time is it? I have to work later." I tried to focus but it was barely light enough in my room to see.
"It's only ten after 5, all the more reason for you to go back to sleep." He answered.
I yawned and said "Fine, sure. Oh, here, give this back to her. She's expecting it." I handed him the guest list picking it up off the floor. Feeling irritated I lay back down on my bed on my side facing away from him. I heard the rustle of my curtains and knew he had left. I closed my eyes, trying to relax and trying even harder not to fall asleep. I was sure I had revisited my dream again last night because the covers on my bed were in more disarray than was normal. What did Edward witness last night? Had I tipped my hand? The thought of this made me feel nauseous or maybe it was just the headache.
I starred at the blank wall before me. My lids felt weighted. I wasn't going to let myself sleep. I got up, turned on my computer and went to the bathroom. Turning on the shower I heard a distinct knock on the door. "Bella, it's early. Are you okay?" Charlie asked.
"Yes I'm fine. I just couldn't sleep. Did I wake you? I'm really sorry."
"No my alarm went off 20 minutes ago."
"Oh, I'll be done in just 15 minutes, is that okay?"
"Sure, fine. I'll just go make some coffee." I heard him taking the stairs down to the kitchen.
The water was hot, almost scalding. I turned it down not wanting to use all the hot water before Charlie had his turn. I did only what was necessary and hurried out. My computer beckoned with spam ads that I quickly closed to get to my inbox. It was time to answer the emails Renee had left over the last couple of days. I started with the oldest first.
Bella, are you sure this is the right thing? You are so young. I made that mistake. You are the best thing that ever happened to me. But being married so young faded fast and ending it was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. Please don't rush into anything. I'm here for you. Please call me or email, Love Mom.
The next email was sent only an hour later.
Honey I am sorry if the last email sounded judgmental. It was not what I meant. I just don't want you to make the same mistakes I did. I want you to be happy. If this boy makes you happy then you should be with him, but you both need to communicate and
be sure. Communication is the foundation to every good relationship. Phil and I talk all the time. That shouldn't change once the wedding has happened. You have to have the relationship in place because it really is the same after the wedding. Your father told me you both were going to Alaska for school. Maybe you should get some of your college out of the way before committing to a marriage. You always were the grounded one. Please let me know what you are thinking. I love you more than air. Mom
Maybe mom was right. Maybe I am not so good for Edward. I remembered back to when he used to warn me of how dangerous he was. If I couldn't tell Edward what I was struggling with now, what kind of wife would I end up being? No, I knew this secret was worth keeping. I needed to handle this alone. I had to keep the hurt confined. I was sure that this was the reason Edward was not meant to read my mind. If he could, how disappointed would he be in me?
The last email was so Renee.
It's been a day and I still have not heard from you. I hope you're not upset with me. I know weddings are a happy time in every girl's life. I'm your mom and I am happy for you. Have you set a date yet? What plans have you made? Do you need me to help you? I'm sure there is a lot to do and getting ready for college too. Is the weather warming up? I can come up for awhile and help if you need me to. We could go shopping for your dress. Have you considered maybe a beach wedding? You could make the reception like a luau. Please contact me soon and let me know things are good with us. With all my love, Mom.
My headache was barely noticeable and my thoughts were a bit clearer. I decided that it was better to resolve Renee's concerns sooner rather than later. I began typing my defense.
Mom, don't worry, I'm not upset with you. You're my mom and my best friend and I love you. I don't want to tell you all the cliché lines even though they all would be true. We are very much in love. I want to spend forever with him. We have discussed this and we do communicate. I know in my heart this is not a mistake. Alice has graciously agreed to plan the wedding. It's not really my thing. I'm sure she will be in touch with you. Alice found me the perfect dress that was just like one her and I had talked about when I stayed the night at her house. The date will be July 15th. I know that is soon but it is before we have to go away to college.
Thinking quickly, building up my alibi, I fabricated the next part. It was much easier to lie in email.
Being married should help me to get financial aid. We really want to do this on our own. You have always told me how responsible I am. I know I can do this mom. It feels very right. Edward makes me feel safe and secure. Aside from our marriage, our educations are our priorities. The weather is getting nicer. I would love for you to visit but what about Phil? How is his leg? I have only a week and a half of work left at Newton's. I need to finalize my arrangements for college, but most of it is falling right into place. I will let you know my schedule if you really want to come and visit, but if Phil needs you, I understand. I would do the same for Edward. I really am sure about this. I love you so much. Bella.
I was hesitant to hit the send button, so I left it up on the screen. I had only managed to burn up an hour since Edward had left. I decided to do some laundry and make a grocery list. I gathered up my clothes, the towels from the bathroom and took them downstairs. I had a load washing
within minutes. The shopping list took even less time when I realized that I had started one a couple of days before. I fixed myself some toast and a glass of milk. I heard the shower turn on upstairs and rushed to stop the washer from competing with Charlie's shower.
Charlie had left the TV on in the other room. He had been catching up on sports talk from games the night before. The announcers droned on about triple plays and pop flies. I sat alone at the kitchen table staring at the crumbs on my plate. I forced myself to finish all that I had fixed. It wasn't much, but I knew if I didn't eat something it would catch up to me later at work.
I didn't notice when Charlie came into the room to put his coffee mug in the sink. "Big plans today, Bells?" he asked.
"No dad, just work and I need to choose my classes and email them to my counselor."
"I am really proud of you. I know I haven't said so but I am now. School is very important and can really help you get somewhere in your future. Success in college can really help out down the road. These are important choices. Do you think that maybe your choice about getting …"
"No Dad, I know what I'm choosing is right" I cut him off quick. I knew where he was going with this. He wasn't the most subtle when it came to changing subjects, from college to wedding. I had made my decision and that was that. "I know where my priorities lie and school is at the top. Edward wants the same for me, for us both. I'm just adding to my support group. I wish you, of all people, could understand."
"Actually Bella, in a way I do." Charlie paused. I could see a look of hesitation on his face. It looked like he was trying to decide if he had more to say. He sighed and said "Your mom was everything to me. I often wonder if my satisfaction with keeping things the same was what drove your mom away. She is a very free sole and she thrives on new experiences no matter how sporadic and spontaneous they are. I prefer the constant and stable. They say opposites attract but the true test is staying together. We really are two very different people. I know Edward cares for you a lot and I know you believe you feel the same for him, but do you both have the same expectations in life? I'm not lecturing; I just would feel better if you would think about it."
"Yes, Dad, I have, I am and I will. I want to be with him and I need to be with him. I'm not mom. I can appreciate constant and stable. Edward does this for me and he always will. He wants what is best for me on my terms." Mostly I thought to myself. "Really Dad, this is a good thing and I want you to be happy for me."
He sighed and smiled what I believe to be a fatherly smile. "If this makes you happy and it's truly what you want, then I am happy for you. I just need time to get used to the fact. It just seems like I got my little girl home and she wasn't a little girl very long. She's a beautiful young woman starting her life." I could sense saying these things was difficult for him and he quickly changed the subject. "Well, I have to get to work. It's eight o'clock already." He said looking at the clock on the wall. "You have a good day and I will see you later." He slid his feet into his boots, grabbed his gun belt and exited out the front door.
That was probably the closest heart to heart Charlie and I would ever have. It was not a comfortable situation for either of us. This made me realize how much like him I really was. The most important difference was my situation was far from Charlie and Renee. I knew I was right,
and Edward was right for me. I washed the few dishes in the sink, dried them and put them away in the cabinet. I restarted the washer and headed back upstairs.
As I entered my room to get the sheets from my bed, I was startled when I heard. "Were you going to send this?" Edward was setting at my computer and had read the email to Renee.
"I am but I want to be sure I have said everything I need to" I said. I began to take the sheets off the bed and he got up to help me. "Did you hear our conversation?" I probed.
"Yes," he replied "I was idling around the corner, waiting for Charlie to leave for work. I was aware that Charlie had his concerns. Most fathers have concerns about the man being good enough for their daughters. I have heard it before. I've just never had it be about me. What matters most, though, is how you feel." He took the wad of sheets and blankets from my arms and set them on the bed. Wrapping his arms around me, pulling me close, he leaned his face into my hair "Charlie is beginning to understand, Bella. I expect that Renee will too after she gets your email. It will work out. It will be fine. I will see to it. I have to admit the financial aid detail adds a nice touch, but you know that will not be an issue."
I stepped back to look up into his golden eyes. "It is a convincing detail. I need the paper trail to keep my parent's off my back until I figure out how to severe the ties." Saying those last words caused a lump to form in my throat. I was sure this minute bit of pain I was currently feeling would be nothing compared to what they would eventually feel upon learning of my end. I had read once that no parent wants to outlive their children. The fact remained that if I was to be changed, I would have to severe contact. They could never know what I had become. That was the rule. I closed my eyes and swallowed hard to force the emotion away.
"Oh," he said pausing. "I'm sorry, Bella, I hadn't considered what you must be thinking. It never occurred to me that you would be planning your own fictional demise. I just assumed I would handle those details." He pulled me close again and just held me in silence for several comforting minutes. "Is that what is giving you nightmares?" he asked breaking the silence.
"No, maybe, I don't know. It's just stupid dreams, but yes I have been thinking about this a lot. I know the rules and in a way my choices are very similar to what yours were. The Volturi are expecting me to change. You know better than I do what their alternative is. Anyway, it is part of the rules. My parents can't know what I'm going to become. I'm just new to this faking your death thing. I haven't figured it out yet." I couldn't look him in the eye so I picked up the sheets and blanket again and turned to the door. "I really need to start these and get ready for work". I heard him sigh and I could read the frustration in the sound.
Going down the stairs I listened intently to hear if he was following me. The lack of steps assured me I had avoided continuing this conversation. I put the load of clothes in the dryer and the sheets and blanket into the wash. I turned the settings and started the machine. Resting my hands on top of the washing machine I felt the warm air escape from the cracks in the lid. I bowed my head, closed my eyes and tried to strengthen my resolve and present a calm, collected attitude before I went back upstairs to get ready for work. I was startled when his hands slid onto my shoulders from behind.
"I'm so sorry, Bella." his voice just a whisper. "Your situation is so different from any I have known. You know my circumstance was black and white. I will help you figure this out." I was sure for a moment that I could read his mind. I could hear him saying again that there was
another choice. It was that my changing did not have to happen. He would say we could run from the Volturi and hide from them. This was not the life I wanted to have with him. I did not want to put him or his family at risk. It would never be as easy as it would be to say it. This was a decision I was going to stand firm about. I was grateful that he did not vocalize the opinion because I would just have to list all the reasons that this choice was the worst option. First and foremost was the fact I wanted to be with Edward forever. To change was the only option that made sense and would cause the least amount of physical damage and risk to anyone I loved. My choice was concrete. This was my chosen path.
"They are my parents. I accept your suggestions but the responsibility is primarily mine. " I adamantly stated.
"Not exactly," he began. "After we are married the responsibility is shared. Bella, don't shut me out." I looked into his eyes and they held the sincerest form of hurt. I reached up to touch his face and he took my hand guiding it to his lips. His tenderness radiated within me and I could feel myself smiling. These moments were why I needed him for eternity.
"Can I drive you to work? Alice says the cloud cover will not break until noon." He asked.
"Really, it is not necessary. I can drive my truck. I'm only working till two, and the sun will be out then. I still have things to finish up before I can leave. You wouldn't want to wait around doing nothing."
"I don't have to wait. I can help. I can pick you up in Carlisle's car. The windows are specially tinted remember. He's not on call today. Indulge me, please" he smiled and my resolve melted again.
"Yes, of course." I caved.
"Put me to work. Your wish is my command." He jested.
"Really?" I smiled a sinister grin.
"Seriously, Bella you have to be at work in an hour and fifteen minutes. Not that I wouldn't prefer that you quit that job and spent more time with me, but responsibility builds character" He said in a parental tone but I could tell he was trying to stifle a laugh.
"Fine, fine, let's go." I went back up to my room and took a clean set of sheets from the top of my closet. As I turned around to face him he reached to take the sheets from me but I did not release them. "Are you sure you know how. It's not like you have any experience. You don't sleep and don't need a bed."
"Yes, but you do sleep and I do have a bed now, who do you think makes it?" A puzzled look crossed his face.
"I just assumed Esme or Alice. I'm sorry that was very chauvinistic of me. I should have known since you are good at everything." I felt very bad for underestimating him. Of all people I should've know better. "While you do that, I will finish my email."
I read through it again and there was nothing I would change. I took a deep breath and hit send. Before signing off I opened the welcome to UAS email again. I accessed the online catalog and began scanning the pages. I noticed that the Ketchikan campus had the most promising climate relative to cloudy days. Then after moving farther back in the catalogue I found it. The solution to one of my minor problems was Distance Education Services. I could actually complete course work and not have to be in contact with any humans. Would this be
feasible? I would need a place with some serious technology installed. The booklet talked about audio conferencing and web interaction. It was reassuringly promising.
"What next?" Edward announced approaching from behind.
"Okay, just let me fill out this form and send it to my counselor. Then I need to get to Newton's." I quickly filled in my intended degree as Bachelor of Liberal Arts with an emphasis on General Studies and a minor in Literature. I checked the box indicating to the counselor to suggest a course load that I could review at a later time. In my peripheral view I could see Edward nod with approval. I shut down my PC and we headed out of the house.
Edward had opened the passenger door and his inhuman speed had him standing outside the driver's side before I ever reached the car. "I thought Esme told you showing off was rude?" I laughed.
"I wouldn't want to be the reason you were late to work. It might get back to Charlie and he might think me a bad influence" the sarcasm was thick in his velvety tenor. As if I would ever be late anywhere with the way he drove. I was sure to fasten my belt because for one he would expect it and two his driving still made me nervous. In no time at all we were parked in the farthest space on the right in front of the sporting goods store.
I saw by the clock on the dash that I had 15 minutes before start time. Mike's mom did the schedule and since my employment stint was nearing an end, she had given most of my hours to Katie, my replacement. I liked Katie well enough. She was more of a people person than I was. Her personality was bubbly but her aptitude for details about the merchandise was lacking. She was a very girly girl and I think this is why Mrs. Newton employed her. It gave her someone to relate to on the slow days.
Recently the traffic into the store was picking up. Mr. Newton had requested that I be assigned inventory of the stockroom and the floor. He hinted that since he was losing me as an employee it would be best to get this done before the good help left. His confidence in me made me feel good and a little guilty for bailing on him. I was committed to getting the task done before my last day.
"I'll be back at 2 o'clock sharp but in the Mercedes." Edward reminded. "I thought it would be nice to go to the meadow, relax and enjoy the sun."
"Yes, that would be nice." I said smiling, remembering how the ultraviolet rays of the sun danced across his skin, his every movement creating its own light show. The meadow on its own was a dream place of serenity, but with him there, it was a masterpiece beyond any in any museum. Without looking, I subconsciously checked to be sure the ring on my left hand was still there and secure. Just three days before, while we were at the meadow, Edward had materialized the ring from his pocket upon my request. I knew this gesture gave him great comfort. He was well aware of my feelings for him, but this was the largest hurdle of my commitment.
"You'd better get going. The sooner you start, may be the sooner you're done." I started to turn to open the door and from the corner of my eye I saw Mike coming around the side of the store. He was coming to work the same as me. In that very same instant Edward had tugged my arm with such precision that I was immediately turned back around facing him. My face stopped less than an inch from his. "I will be counting the minutes and you know minutes don't mean that much to me." He whispered. Then he placed his right hand on the side of my face and kissed me incredibly slowly. My hands moved up to his shoulders and around his neck. I had a sense that we were being watched. He exhaled into my face and I was intoxicated with the aroma. With my eyes closed I was sure I had the most contented grin on my face. "You're going to be late." His comment awakened me to the responsible world.
As I started to turn back to open the door, I noticed that Mike had passed in front of the car and was on his way toward the front door of the store. When he reached to open the door he half glanced back at the car and his appearance seemed a bit tense. "Was that for his benefit or mine?" I accused.
"I would have to say the benefit was mostly mine, although the look on your face tells me it could be a tie. The look on his face though," he paused and laughed "was priceless".