Mordecai and Rigby cruised down the highway into downtown City. Rigby noticed that the longer he spent with Mordecai, the less the voices speaking to him bothered him, and the quieter they became.
"So dude, I was thinking we could stop by the coffee shop just before it closes, so I can ask out Margret." Mordecai said.
"Oh God." Was all Rigby could say.
"What, dude? Why can't you be more supportive of me, man? This is important to me." Mordecai said.
"I am being supportive of you, bro, just not in the way want. Nobody ever likes getting real advice. Look, Margret isn't a good fit for you, dude. I'm pretty sure the only reason you went after her in the first place was because, one, she's also a bird, and two, she was single – and those are pretty lame reasons to go after someone. I mean sure, it's fine to make sure someone is single, but going after anyone just because they're single is a bad idea dude. Plus, there's other species, you know this isn't the 19th century." Rigby said
"Hey dude, I like Margret for more than the fact she's the same species," Mordecai said, "And besides, I can't see myself dating outside of my species." He added.
"But you have nothing in common with her besides that fact!" Rigby said, exasperated.
"That doesn't matter dude. You don't need to have stuff in common to be in a relationship with someone," Mordecai said.
"That's only true to a certain extent, man," Rigby said, "You need at least one or two things in common to get the ball rolling. Then you'll be set to deal with all your differences" Rigby said.
"Listen man, I don't know why I should be taking relationship advice from you; you've never had a girlfriend" Mordecai said. Rigby winced a little – that comment hurt. Mordecai hadn't said it in a mean tone, because he knew Rigby was just trying to help, but it still hurt. And the voices knew that it had hurt.
'Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha' The sound of dozens of voices laughing at him filled his mind. Before it was too late to stop the water works coming out, Rigby bit his lip, and composed himself.
"Neither have you," Rigby said, "And you voted to reelect Shaw in 2012. He has thirty years experience, and he's absolutely awful. He was absolutely awful in 2008, and he was absolutely awful in 2012, and you voted for him," He added. Mordecai shook his head and smiled. Rigby could make a good comeback when he really needed to.
"Okay dude. You win. I'm sorry." Mordecai said.
"Hmmm hmmm." Rigby said, nodding.
"Shaw is not absolutely awful though." Mordecai said
"Dude" was all Rigby could say.
"What? He's taking a hardline stance against the Soviet Union." Mordecai said, somewhat desperately.
"He'll kill us all!" Rigby said, throwing his arms up.
"No, the Communists will." Mordecai countered.
"Whatever man. I know the only reason you voted Shaw was cause he promised to change the drinking age back to the pre-1984 age."
"That's not true" Mordecai lied.
"I don't see why you couldn't have pinched some from your mothe-" Rigby began to say
"Don't." Mordecai said solemnly. They sat in awkward silence for a couple moments, and then Rigby started up again.
"Haha, dude, I remember he got it done a few months after he got voted in cause he had congress. You got fucking obliterated the same day it was law," Rigby said
"I wasn't 'obliterated'" Mordecai said, teeth gritted.
"You puked up bile halfway up my arm, we thought you had alcohol poisoning!" Rigby said, then he started laughing.
"Hahaha, oh man, I'm gonna get you a t-shirt that says 'I voted for Shaw, and all I got was a bad hangover'" He said.
"Who did you vote for then?" Mordecai asked
"I didn't vote" Rigby said proudly.
"How come?" Mordecai asked.
"The election was 'a mockery of a sham,'" Rigby said.
"Haha, where the hell did you read that, dude?" Mordecai asked
"Reddit" Rigby said, confidently.
"Whatever man. I still say Shaw is the only person who can end the Cold War" Mordecai said
"Man, if I knew anything about politics you'd be sooooo wrong right now" Rigby said. Mordecai chuckled and pulled up to the Laundromat.
"Awww man, can't we go for lunch before we do stuff?" Rigby whined.
"No dude, we need to get a few things done first. Besides it's… like… ten in the morning" Mordecai said
"Brunch then?" Rigby asked. Mordecai ignored him, and got out of the truck, retrieving the tablecloths and linens from the truck bed.
"Uggggggggghhhhhhhh" Rigby said, and hopped out of the truck.
"This won't take long dude," Mordecai lied. They stepped into the Laundromat and stuffed the laundry into several washing machines, used the quarters Benson had given them to pay, and started up the machines.
"So how long will this take?" Rigby asked
"Uhh… it's thirty minutes for the washing machine, and an hour for the drier, I think" Mordecai said.
"UGGHHHHHHHHH" Rigby whined. He picked up a random magazine, lit a cigarette, and sat down in the waiting area, in a bit of a huff. He looked down at his magazine – it said The State of the Planet Brief – some kind of political affairs magazine. Rigby sighed, trust him to pick up the most boring magazine ever. But he felt too lazy to go up and get another one, so he opened The State of the Planet Brief. He glanced over the first article US SEC OF STATE SAYS LITTLE HOPE FOR GERMAN REUNIFICATION BEFORE 2020. Rigby skimmed over the paragraphs, noting all the words he didn't understand, like "Amalgamation," and "Macroeconomical," and "Vehemence," and "Efficient," and "Dedicated." Ugh, this stinks, thought Rigby. It was so boring, that even the voices had no comment. He flipped the page. UK PM CLARKSON VOWS UK TO RETURN TO PRE-WWII PROMINENCE. Nope thought Rigby. Next page. TOP CANADAIAN ECONOMIST: "INDIA WILL NOT BE FIRST WORLD BEFORE END OF DECADE" INDIAN GOVERNMENT ANGERED. Rigby laid the magazine flat in his lap, ashing his cigarette in an ashtray on the table.
"Hey Mordecai," Rigby said grinning, "Have you amalgamated today?" He asked.
"What? Where did you learn that word? Mordecai asked
"It came to me because I'm just that smart" Rigby replied. Mordecai lifted the magazine Rigby was reading.
"Oh, that's where you saw it." Mordecai said, looking at the cover. Rigby took the magazine back from Mordecai, and flipped to a new article. Forth time's the charm Rigby thought. US NATIONAL SECURITY AGENCY ADMITS POSSIBILITY OF WIDESPREAD SOVIET SPYING. Rigby sat up a little. He began reading the article.
"- and the agency is taking no chances. A spokeswoman for the NSA said that the USSR may have gone as far as to assign spies to monitor individual Americans, which analysts believe may be to gather information about American life, and to use negative aspects in Soviet propaganda, and to compare and contrast the successes of either economies, and gauge individual Americans allegiance to the Federal Government. The NSA believes young adults in particular may have been targeted, however, the agency lacks concrete evidence of espionage…"
Soviet spies… Rigby thought to himself.
'Communists coming to get you'
'Shhh don't tell him'
'Quiet'
'They're here, and it's all your fault'
'You need to use your mind to stop it. This is all your fault'
'Mind your mind, please' the voices were in full swing. Rigby started sweating; he looked at the people around them in the waiting room. Any of them could be a spy. He felt nauseous, and felt like he couldn't breathe properly. He stubbed out his cigarette, and turned to Mordecai.
"Mordecai… Mordecai?" Rigby said weakly.
"Hmm?" Mordecai said, glancing over a copy of Modern Avian Life
"Can… can we uh… get out of here?" Rigby asked. Mordecai checked his phone for the time.
"Dude… the washing machine still has another fifteen minutes, and it's an hour for the drier after that" Mordecai said
"Please dude… I don't feel so good. We need to get out of here," Rigby pleaded. Mordecai was slightly confused, but he thought for a minute, and decided it wouldn't be a big deal if they stepped out for a few minutes as long as he kept track of the time.
"Uh… all right, dude, let's step outside." Mordecai said. The two got up, and quietly left the Laundromat. Once outside, Rigby went round to the side of the building, leaned his back against the wall and took a few deep breaths.
"Hey dude, what's wrong?" Mordecai asked, slightly concerned, "Is it cause it's too hot in there?" Mordecai asked.
"Yeah… yeah it's too warm" Rigby lied.
"Well… listen, why don't you go get in the car, and you can turn the AC on, okay?" Mordecai said
"Uh… okay." Rigby said, and accepted the truck keys from Mordecai. Mordecai said he had to watch the laundry, and went back into the Laundromat, leaving Rigby alone. Quickly, Rigby unlocked the truck, climbed in, and locked the doors behind him. He kept his head down, and slid the keys into the ignition. The dashboard lit up, and the air conditioning came on, which Rigby had to admit, did feel better. He turned on the radio; some West German synthpop song was on that he didn't much care for, but it quickly ended. Then the DJ came on and addressed him.
'Heyyy Rigby. I see what you're doing there. I know what you're thinking, and you can't stop it. They're coming for you, loser, and you can't stop it. They're all part of the plot. Hahahahahahaha, yes, not much longer now, Rigby, in fact, they'll be here any minute. Nothing can save you now. You should have used your mind to stop it, but you're such a loser, you couldn't. Hahahaha… this next song is juuuust for you' And the song that had just finished on the radio came back on again, but the lyrics were different
'Ooooh you know, you know I see you baby
Oh, come now, they won't kill you (maybe)
But it's just so scary to see
All those commies coming for me
And they'll search under the tree
Oh yeah
They'll look across the sea
And they'll cover Tennessseeeeeee
And they'll rip up Ken-tucky
Just to find you and meeeee
And you'll be their detaineeeeee
Yeah, this an emergency
And now you're never gonna be free
And I hope you will agreeeeeee
This is all your fault, baby
And they'll search under the tree
Oh yeah
They'll look across the sea
And they'll cover Tennessseeeeeee
And they'll rip up Ken-tucky
Just to find you and meeeee
And you'll be their detaineeeeee…
Nonononono Rigby thought, and kept pressing the on/off switch to the radio, but the music wouldn't stop, it just got louder. He removed the key from the ignition, but it still didn't stop. The air conditioning got colder, and came out faster. Rigby shivered. He tried unlocking the doors, but they stayed locked. He tried the handle, but it wouldn't budge. Quickly, he jumped down onto the floor, by the pedals, and curled up as tight as he could, repeating to him self, aloud "This isn't happening, this isn't happening, this isn't happening."
This is all real now, baby
Yeah, they'll make you an amputeeee
Now you're just an escapee, yeah baby
And I guaranteeeeee
That they'll search under the treeeeee…
"Stop stop stop…" Rigby moaned. He didn't move for ages. The horrible song kept playing over and over again, and he could hear people whispering all around him, but he didn't look up, because he didn't want to find anything. The cold air was still coming out of the air vents, it was freezing, and the cuts on his hand began to burn. After a lifetime, Rigby heard tapping on the window. Jesus, they've come for me Rigby said. The knot in his stomach tightened, and he started shaking. The tapping came louder this time.
"Rigby? Rigby!" It was Mordecai's voice. Ever so slowly, Rigby turned his head, and looked out the window. It was Mordecai. Holding his breath, Rigby again tried to unlock and open the door, and this time, the door handle pulled out, clicked, and the door opened.
"Hey dude… everything okay in here? Why were you on the floor?" Mordecai asked.
"Oh… hey dude. Uh… I got kind of tired, and it was dark down there, so I kinna just fell asleep" Rigby lied.
"Oh, sleep well?" Mordecai asked.
"No." Rigby said, bluntly.
"Sorry to hear it, dude… anyway, the laundry's done. Let's get going. We can have lunch now" Mordecai said.
"Oh… cool." Rigby said unenthusiastically. They drove off; Mordecai had said he wanted to try a new fast food place that opened several blocks down. Rigby didn't particularly care much where they ate. They pulled up and got out of the car. Mordecai was pretty eager to try the place out. It was called Dynasty Grill – it advertised itself as a Chinese barbeque restaurant. Rigby would usually be pretty eager to try it as well, but today, he didn't particularly care, but he followed Mordecai inside quietly.
"Okay dude, what do you want?" Mordecai asked "I'm gonna get the grilled chicken with orange sauce and duck rolls – yeeaaah-uhh" Mordecai said.
"Uhhh…" Rigby scanned the menu. All of the items actually looked pretty appealing to him. But just then, he glanced at the kitchen behind the counter, and saw a dark figure moving behind the grills. It came out from behind the back, and Rigby looked at it. It almost appeared to be made of pitch-black smoke. It floated above the ground, and had no real definition to it. Rigby looked up at its face, and jumped. There was no face – only a human skull, smiling at him. It was death. The room grew cold, and all around Rigby, voices started chanting 'Poison, poison, poison, poison.' Rigby felt his legs go weak, and he leaned against Mordecai for support. Mordecai looked down at Rigby, and shook him gently, concerned.
"Hey… hey man, what's wrong." Mordecai asked. Rigby concentrated on Mordecai, and avoided looking anywhere else around the room. In a couple moments, everything had returned to normal.
"Nothing. Nothing's wrong, dude. I'm just… not really hungry right now," Rigby said.
"Awww what? Dude! Just two hours ago you were begging to go to lunch, and now you don't want anything? Is it the place? Cause I mean, it's okay. I can just get something here, then I'll take you wherever you want, but I thought this place would be right up your alley." Mordecai said
"No, I mean, yeah, dude, this place looks good, but I'm just not hungry anymore." Rigby said.
"I can't believe that dude," Mordecai said, "You've hardly been eating anything the past couple days. You've lost weight, and you weren't even heavy to begin with. I'm not gonna lie, I'm worried about you." Mordecai said.
"Nah, man, you're seeing things," Rigby said, quietly.
Okay, there's chapter 4. I had hoped to get it out yesterday, but I wanted to get it just right - also, for some reason, I felt the overwhelming urge to start writing chapter 6 beforehand, so that didn't help... Anyway! Looks like things are starting to pick up, huh? Hopefully, chapter 5 should be up on or before Wednesday.
And thank you so much to everyone who's reviewed! I feel so flattered!