...you still love me right? even though i haven't updated in like 435724692675846592346559 years? or uh months?
will it help if i said i was sorry? no?
would it help if i gave you a cookie? no? with sprinkles? rainbow sprinkles?
oh poop. finnneeeeee i guess i can give you another chapter if that's what you reallyyyy want.
i'm sure you're happy to know that i'm NOT dead, that my winter season of track is over in a week, i took my midterms, AND my college apps are completely uhhh complete....anyone know what that means? well, i'll tell you. it means i have wayyyy too much free time, more than i know what to do with. SSSSSSSSSSOOOOOOO that means if i was given motivation, i could have one, maybe two more chapter within the next week or so.
i know i know, please hold your applause.
twin who likes to travel- i'm sorry. i know you're probably enraged because i have failed epically with the whole "updating all the time" thing.
paramorelover-i'm glad you enjoyed the last chapter. it might help to "freshen up" again and re-read a chapter...or skim it, just so you remember where we are lol. but i shouldn't laugh, considering this is entirely my fault.
begin to fray-thank you for answering my questions. they were very important. and you being english makes you like 458375045 times cooler in my book.
WonderousPlaceForAnEcho- I loveeeeeee pumpkin pie...not that you really needed to know that. i was enjoy your reviews for the insight. i hope you enjoy this one too. not much cutsie stuff for JK...oh that's a lie. of coarse there is. but there will be even more in the next few chapters.
baley-fo-life- i am honored you'd give up sleep just to read my stories (blushes), that's true dedication. thank you.
ok here we go. This chapter is mostly about Katie. She's in every scene...just because i love her. This is "Shattered" by Trading Yesterday...except i think they changed their name to like age of information but i don't want to confuse anyone or myself so....yeah enjoy yourselves =)
The combination of a something moving in the bed next to her and the rustling of sheets caused Katie's eyes to flutter open. The brightness of the sunlight breaking through the blinds of the window was too much for Katie's eyes and she instantly snapped them shut, regretting her decision to open them in the first place. Slowly she cracked one eye open and glanced at the clock by her bedside, reading the time to be seven. She let out a groan.
"Oh that can't be right. No way it's morning already."
"You're absolutely right. The sunlight is just an illusion." Katie rolled over and met a pair of bright blue eyes, amplified by the morning sun. She smiled.
"When did you get here?"
"Just a few minutes ago. You were still sleeping, i didn't have the heart to wake you up. Your snoring is kind of cute." Katie frowned.
"I do NOT snore." Jessie chuckled and leaned forward slightly to press her lips to the other girl's for a brief kiss.
"Anyway, i thought I'd hop into bed and snuggle with you for awhile. I hope you don't mind." The brunette smirked.
"Not At All." She leaned forward and connected her lips with the blonde, trying to suppress the urge to moan in the process. Jessie pulled away all too soon for Katie and jumped off of the bed, causing the girl to pout. The blonde bent down, out of sight of the other girl.
"That look will get you no where. Besides, i brought you a present." Katie's pout vanished at her girlfriend's words and she sat up in her bed, cringing at the pain she felt in her chest with her movement. Just as she settled into a position that was close to being comfortable, Jessie stood up with a large cardboard box.
Katie raised her eyebrow. "What's that?"
Jessie beamed. "My box of fun," she said matter-of-factly, setting the large box on the chair next to the bed.
"Umm…ok? What's a box of fun?" She rolled her eyes.
"A box of fun," she stated.
"OH! Well that clears it up then," she said sarcastically, "Did you bring drugs? 'Cause those are always fun." Jessie smirked.
"What, morphine not good enough for you?"
"Good point. So whatcha bring me? Food? Something shiny?" The blonde reached into the box and pulled out a book. Katie stared at it skeptically in her lap. "Eww learning? This isn't fun. I thought I was done with school." She shrugged.
"My dad thought you might like it. And you're not done with school. You still have a few months left." Katie picked up the book, quickly flipping through the pages before slamming it shut and tossing it to the end of the bed.
"ok, I'm done. What else?" Jessie chuckled and poured an assortment of knick-knacks, games, magazines and coloring books.
"I think this will entertain you." Katie grabbed her hand and pulled her close.
"Thank you for this. But you know, I can think of some other things that can entertain me quite well." Jessie leaned down to meet Katie's lips pulling away just a moment later.
"Aww that's it?" Katie pouted as Jessie swung her bag over her shoulder.
"Well if I don't leave now, I'm gonna be late." Katie's eyes widened.
B+W testimonial: Katie: What could possibly be more important than making out with me?
"For what?"
"Class. Remember?" The older girl ran her fingers through her hair.
"Wait, you're going to school? Without me?"
"Yeah. I'll be back after eighth ok?" She kissed her forehead and rushed out of the room, leaving a lost Katie to stare at the wall in silence.
For hours Katie did nothing but stare at the ceiling. Finally she pressed the call button. She tried her best to sit up as the nurse walked through the door.
"You rang Ms. Singer?" The nurse said playfully. Katie bit her lip.
"I...i want to see someone. Can you take me?"
"You can't leave the hospital." Katie sighed.
"We won't have to."
The nurse wheeled Katie down the hall to a door and stopped. Checking the IV, she turned to Katie.
"I'll be back in a few minutes to check up on you. Remember to take it easy, try not to move so much and-" Katie didn't wait for her to finish as she pushed the door open and wheeled herself in. Hearing the sound of the door clicking shut she turned to the figure in the bed. She stared for a few minutes until it started to stir. Liz slowly opened her eyes, taking a few seconds to adjust to the light. Her gaze fell upon Katie. After a few seconds of intense staring, Katie used what little strength she had to wheel herself over to the bed. She attentively reached out and took her hand. Liz smiled softly.
"How are you?" she asked, her voice weak and scratchy. Katie shrugged and looked down at their hands.
"Better than you I guess." Liz finally noticed the wheelchair and looked at the other girl questioningly.
"Why are you here?" She shrugged again.
"I was in the neighborhood. Heard you were awake." Liz nodded.
"Katie…what happened? I don't remember and no one will tell me." The brunette took a deep breath and stroked her hand. Hesitantly she recalled the account for Liz.
As the story ended Liz squeezed her hand, trying to comfort her.
"And Tad's better?" She nodded.
"He'll be playing football again in no time."
"And you?" Katie inwardly cringed.
"I'm fine," she lied. She looked up to see Liz's eyes drooping. "And I think that's my cue to leave."
"You don't have to," she said, but her eyes told Katie otherwise. She gently let go of Liz's hand and started to wheel herself to the door.
"Will you come back?" Katie froze. Without turning away she nodded, rolling the wheels again to the door.
The sound of the door clicking shut for the thousandth time that day did not faze Katie. she continued to read the magazine, in bored fascination, ignoring the screeching of a chair being dragged across the floor. As the other occupant took a seat, she flipped the page, pretending to be engrossed in the article. After hearing the other person clear their throat for the third time she rolled her eyes, tossed the magazine onto the table, crossed her arms and addressed the man.
"Fantastic! It's you again. Come here to brighten my day?" He smirked.
"Great to see you brought your sense of humor to the table Kathryn." Hearing her full name pass through his lips made her fist clench unconsciously.
"For the last frickin time it's Katie. KAY-TEE. It's not that hard Phil."
"It's Mr. John."
"Wow that's original. i like Phil instead. Mr. John sounds like something you'd hear in a porno for an office romance." He cleared his throat.
"Kathryn-" She clapped her hands together.
"Oh Mr. John, i have those papers you requested. Should i lean over the desk so you can get them out of my-"
"KATIE!" Her mouth snapped shut and she smiled, placing her hands into her lap.
"See? that wasn't so hard. I knew you could do it. Good boy." He cleared his throat once again and loosened the tie that was hanging from his neck.
B+W testimonial:Katie: Great. And here it comes. He'll ask how I'm feeling, I'll give him a stupid answer. he'll feel like an ass. Then that's followed by the silence of this sound. Wonderful really. i just love those awkward silences."
"So...Katie...how are you feeling today?" The brunette chuckled under breath.
"Oh I'm just swell. How are you Mr. Johny?"
"Could you try to be serious today?"
"But where's the fun in that?" She faked confusion. He let out a sigh.
"I get it. Believe it or not i do. I just want to help you. I've seen what happens when people don't cope. I'd never wish that on you."
"But you're getting paid to do it." He shrugged.
"Well yes. Quite well actually. But if you remember i also chose to go through over eight years of school to spend the rest of my life in this profession. Now why would i do that if i didn't like helping people?" Katie was taken aback for a moment, her resolve weakening.
"What if you can't help me?"
"It can't hurt to try can it? If i have learned one thing in my life, it's that you can't save everyone. But Katie...if you want my help, you'll get it." She bit her lower lip and nodded slowly. He placed his notepad onto his crossed legs and took his glasses out of his front pocket, placing them onto the bridge of his nose. "So tell me what you're thinking. Not about the situation, but about you. About everyone else. Be frank." Her eyes drifted to the window. Somehow the sun went down. She almost felt guilt for not noticing. All she could see was a blurry reflection.
"We're all just...shattered. Broken pieces of ourselves. And no matter what any shrink or cop or parent says, it's not going to change anything." His eyebrows knitted together.
"Do you truly believe that? That all is lost? You must have some hope that things will get better." She shook her head, her anger slowly rising again in her chest, making the pain in her heart increase.
"The most traumatizing experience of a person's life and you think that hope remains in their heart? Are you sure you're qualified for this profession?"
"I assure you i am. I'm doing this because the war isn't over. You aren't just going to forget about all of this when you get home. All this time spent in vain. It's not the right way to handle this, and you know it. Now tell me the truth."
"The truth? The truth is i lost who i am and i can't understand how that happened. My heart's broken. LITERALLY." She let out a sigh. "This isn't where i belong. I shouldn't be here." She looked at her reflection in the window again. "So get this. There's this cemetery, Pinelawn. I pass it every time i drive to school. Passing the graves of the unknown...but that's not true anymore is it? My friends...their going to be there, rotting away. This whole thing didn't feel real before today." He rested his head on his chin, leaning forward slightly.
"Why's that? What makes today different from the past week?" She rubbed her arm up and down in an attempt to calm the goosebumps.
"I ummm...I heard an old friend of mine was in the same hospital so i went to see her. When i saw her on that bed, all those tubes attached to her, it just hit me. Someone that innocent...her body practically destroyed...it really happened, you know?" He nodded. "Then i found out they buried To- umm the shooter. They buried him today. His funeral. Our school wasn't perfect, far from it actually, but i never thought it would ever be this bad." He sat up, uncapped his pen and scribbled something on the notepad.
"I think that reason is clouding your eyes. You're trying to think rationally. Logically, this wasn't suppose to happen. It's too far away from normal routine that even your body would try to trick you into thinking it's just as simple as a dream. i understand it's easier to just pretend it never happened." Katie scoffed.
"You understand? How could you when i don't even understand?" He let out a sigh and looked down at his watch to check the time before turning his attention back towards the girl.
"Both my parents died when i was a kid. So i do understand loss. But our time is up. If you want I'll save my life story for next time." He stood up with his notepad and walked to the door ignoring the look of loathing Katie was sending him, and stopped with his hand on the knob.
"Do you know why hope dies?"
"Because the world is just a hollow place with nothing but death to look forward to?" She stated sarcastically. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
"BECAUSE people look for a quick fix, an easy way out. Truth is it's never that simple. Don't give up Katie. Your future can be...incredible if you overcome this." With that said, he walked out of the room, leaving Katie alone, once again with only her reflection in the window glaring at her.
As Katie finished her session, Jessie started hers. She sat in the leather seat of her therapist's office, picking at the stitching on her denim jeans.
"This day's ending is proof." He gave her a half smile.
"Looks like we're jumping right into it today. Proof of what?"
"Of time killing all the faith i know." He raised an eyebrow at her.
"You lost me." She let out a low sigh.
"By the end of today, half of my...they'll be buried, and everyone will have completed a full day of school for the first time since." She paused, gathering her thoughts. "I had faith that things would get better, but this is reality. Soon it will all be forgotten. All of the faith i hold will just...turn to dust." He tapped his pen against his notepad a few times before abruptly stopping.
"You know what i think?"
"What?"
"That what you said was WAY too depressing." She let out a sigh.
"I'm trying to hold it together...for Katie...for me, but i don't know how long i can do it."
"Why do you think that she needs you to be strong? Has she told you? Has she broken down?"
"Well no, she's Katie." She explained as if that made perfect sense.
"Even so, what happened to her, to all of you, it's not something that you just get over tomorrow. It's ok for you to break down now. Katie will do it on her own time." She bit her lip but nodded. "If you want to help her, then tell her how you feel. She'd like to know. Be with her, let her know she's not the only one feeling like this. And most importantly, remind her that she's alive. That she's still part of the world and that she has plenty of people here on earth that love her." She sat silent for a moment, contemplating his words.
"So...what should i do?"
"Rise and shine sleeping beauty." Katie groaned as Jessie's perkiness and threw a pillow toward the door that she just walked through. She tossed the blanket over her head in an attempt to hide.
"I'm putting a bolt on that door." Jessie rolled her eyes and walked toward the bed, ripping the sheets off of Katie.
"Don't be such a drama queen. Now get up." The brunette groaned again.
"Didn't you hear? Yesterday i died. I'm not fit enough to get up."
"Actually it was last week. You're fine now so quit complaining and get on the wheelchair." The older girl looked at her skeptically.
"Are you kidnapping me Ms. Sammler?"
"Yes i am now move your butt."
"...Wow. This place is amazing." Jessie pushed Katie's wheelchair down the stone path that ran across the courtyard of the hospital. She parked the chair next to a small bench surrounded by an assortment of flowers and took a seat.
"Yeah. Who knew such a dark and dreary place would actually have something nice to look at." Katie reached over and took her girlfriend's hand, resting it in her lap.
"Thank you, for getting me out of there. That room just makes me crazy." Jessie smiled.
"I thought you might enjoy breathing in real air." She chuckled and turned away from Katie to watch a few birds on a near by tree. "It's so beautiful."
"Yeah, you are." The young Sammler fought back her smile at the corniness of her girlfriend's words and turned back to her.
"I was talking about the garden."
"And i was talking about you." Jessie rolled her eyes playfully and bent down for a kiss.
"You just want in my pants."
"Is that so bad?" They both laughed together, ignoring the odd looks of passers by.
"What you smiling about?" The girl glanced up from the tray of food in front of her to look at her father, sitting in a chair with an identical tray of food in his lap.
"Nothing. Jessie took me outside today. It was nice." he smiled.
"Well I'm glad. You should get away from this place." He looked down at his food and took another bite. "And this food. You'd think being in the navy i could stomach anything but this is even too repulsive for me."
"Dad?" He placed his fork down and looked up at his daughter once again.
"Yes Kat?" She hesitated a moment before pushing her tray away.
"Take me home? Please? Let me go?" He let out a deep breath.
"Are you sure you're ready for that?"
"Being here." She searched for the right words. "It's just more than i can deal with. i can't move passed it if I'm constantly being reminded every second. Please, i want to go home." He stood up with his food and placed the tray on the now empty seat.
"I can't take care of you. You're going to need a lot of care and i have to get back to the base by the end of the week."
"Ethan said he'd stay. And Jessie will help me, you know she will. I'll go to all of my physical therapy sessions, I'll see the shrink, I'll take all of my meds just please let me come home." He crossed his arms and walked to the window to stare out at the night sky, his all white navy uniform reflecting off.
"Ok. If the doctor says you're stable enough you can come home. But the MOMENT something...if your chest starts hurting, you come straight back here. Deal?" He turned and walked over to the bed, dropping his arms in the process. Katie smiled up at him and nodded. He leaned down and kissed her cheek.
"It will be nice to have you home again. I'm just going to go talk to the doctor. be right back." As he left the room the young Singer let her head fall back onto her pillow. She let out a shaky breath.
"Thank God."
satisfied? well...good...i'm glad...review for more chapters. ok i may be selfish because i know what happens in later chapters and i reallyyyy want to get to them. =)
Come on vamanos, everybody let's go! come on vama-...oh...you're still here...well then...goodbye.