The ride back home was silent; Murphy stared out the window, his mind racing with everything that had happened so far, and Connor drove, sitting stiffly in his seat and never taking his eyes off the road. It was so silent that not even the radio was on. Murphy didn't think he could take any more of this, this torturous silence and insecurity, sure it had all happened so quickly, but it was also going nowhere just as fast. He needed it to go somewhere. Suddenly his pondering was interrupted by the sound of the engine cutting off and he turned his head just in time to see Connor practically fly from the car, not taking any time in leaving, taking their things with him. Murphy stayed seated for a minute, not wanting to rush in after him. The best thing to do right now would probably be to think out his next approach, to actually have an idea of what he should do; he couldn't just barge in there and demand Connor to let out his feelings, he had to be cautious, go about things gently. And that's what he would do, no matter how frustrated he was. Finally he got out and slowly walked up to their place, letting his brother have some space, even if it was for just a moment more. He was nervous, and his chest tightened at the thought of what might occur now that they'd be alone together, but he was determined, more determined than he'd ever been about anything. Reaching the front door he entered and immediately heard Connor putting things away, maybe a bit too roughly. He sighed and tried his best to slow down his heartbeat as he moved though doorways until he found his twin. Connor seemed ticked off, slamming things just barely enough to show his frustration, most likely the same frustration Murphy was feeling. It had to be now, now and no later, Murphy knew that, they had to talk right now, no matter how scared he was, how scared they both were. "Connor..." he began, his voice soft and weary, "We really need to talk..." He bit his lip, waiting for a response, practically holding his breath.
At the sound of Murphy's voice Connor froze before setting his palms flat on the counter in front of him and hanging his head with his eyes closed. "Yeah, I know," he answered quietly. He wasn't ready to talk about it, but maybe he never would be, so he had to just face it, ready or not.
Murphy nodded his head at the response, even though his brother couldn't see, but now he was having a hard time coming up with how to start the actual conversation. He chewed on his lip for a moment before just saying what came to him, "Why are you denying what's happening between us?"
Connor could hear the hurt in his twin's voice and it made his face scrunch up with guilt as he tried to hold himself together; he never wanted to cause his brother any kind of pain. "I..." he attempted to speak, but his voice quivered. He brought a hand to his forehead, choking on a sob, "I..." he tried again. Murphy's body tensed and his eyes widened in fear, was Connor crying? He was about to try and comfort him when Connor took a deep, shaky breath, "I'm not denying it... I'm holding back because God wouldn't approve." There was a shudder before he continued, "I feel sick for doing what I did to you..."
Murphy shook his head, stepping closer, "You didn't do anything to me."
It was then that Connor broke and let his sobs out, his whole body shaking, "I seduced you... I'm corrupting you..."
Now Murphy was really worried, he hardly ever saw his brother like this. He closed the distance, placing one hand on Connor's left shoulder and the other on his upper arm, gripping him firmly and shaking him a bit, "Stop it Conn, you didn't do anything wrong. You're not corrupting me and you didn't seduce me." When Connor kept crying Murphy gently turned him around, shushing him, and cupped his cheek, looking into his brother's eyes even though he was looking down and wiping his tears away, "And if God didn't want us doing this.. then he wouldn't have let us have these feelings..."
Murphy was right, he was completely right, and Connor couldn't deny that; if it was so wrong then they wouldn't be experiencing it. Still looking down he gave a slight nod, allowing himself to calm down, "I just want things to be fucking normal," he stated blankly. He knew it sounded bad, saying what they had wasn't normal, but he couldn't help it, he wanted to be happy with his brother without things being complicated.
Murphy stroked his twin's cheek and forced him to look up, "Whatever we choose to do is normal for us, even if it's not normal to others; you hear me?"
Connor looked into Murphy's eyes, immense love showing through but also a sense of fear, "I wish it wasn't so hard for me to accept..."
Now Murphy held Connor's face in both hands and shifted so he was right in front of him, "It's new and unexpected, of course it's hard, but we'll take it slow. We'll ease into it, ok?" His eyes searched his brother's, his voice timid again, "You do want this, right...?" His heartbeat was speeding up again as he waited for the answer, praying he said yes. He really thought he would die if Connor said no.
After a few seconds Connor nodded and breathed out a single word, "Yes..."
That was all Murphy needed, his brother's simple permission, that one word. He'd never heard anything in his whole life that made him as happy as what Connor had just uttered. He nodded back as he drew closer, "Slow," he whispered assuredly. They were so close again, their chests heaving, Murphy's probably a bit more than Connor's, and they looked at each other's mouths, taking their time and savoring the moment before they actually connected. It was still odd, being brothers and sharing this burning desire, but it had always been there, even though Connor hadn't realized it until just the other day, and he now understood it was alright to act on it.
With Murphy's hands still holding his twin's face he finally let their lips brush together, the softest, most gentle touch, and they both inhaled deeply, their bodies shuddering. Murphy shifted closer, making sure his hold on Connor was secure, causing Connor to step back into the counter, before pressing their lips together firmly. It was their second kiss but it felt like the first, the dominant brother trying his best to keep it tender, not wanting it to be too much for the other.
Connor had never felt so heated, never felt like his legs were going to collapse on him any second, kissing Murphy was the most incredible sensation. He'd been waiting his whole life to feel this way. He kissed back, letting his lips move softly and rhythmically with his brother's, his hands slowly going up to rest on Murphy's hips. Then he felt Murphy's body press into his, their chests and abdomens touching for a brief moment, causing him to let out a muffled whine into his twin's mouth. At the whine Murphy's tongue delved into Connor, penetrating him in the only way he could at the time; entering him, being inside him, tasting him, and lord his taste drove him wild. With the kiss deepening Connor's arousal began to grow and he gripped at Murphy's shirt, pulling at it desperately. Murphy was just as aroused, letting out a whimper of his own and driving his fingers through Connor's hair. Murphy had never kissed someone so passionately, and he sort of hoped Connor hadn't either.
The kiss was getting heavy and it was getting to that point where hands would be roaming and things would be going further and Connor didn't really want that, even though he did at the same time; he didn't want it going by in a flurry of hazy motions. "Oh my god..." he moaned as he reluctantly pushed his brother away at the hips and pulled his head away, breathing harshly and trying to put his thoughts in order. Murphy complied, but just as reluctantly, his face redder and flushed more than Connor could have ever imagined possible, which Connor thought was absolutely beautiful. "Fuck," he tried to catch his breath, looking into his twin's eyes, "I want to... I want to go further but, fuck, I don't know why but I just can't..." The truth of the matter was that he was scared; he wished he wasn't, but he was.
Murphy brushed his had along Connor's cheek one more time before stepping away, nodding and swallowing, "No, it's alright Conn, we shouldn't get carried away. I don't want us to go too fast either."
Connor bit his lip, a small smirk appearing on his face at how incredibly adorable his brother was, "My god, Murph, what are you doing to me?"