IV. Stockholm Syndrome
Sarah
She stays still in the armchair for several minutes, exhausted, vaguely aware of Delphine speaking softly to her. She feels the doctor's warm hands on her face, wiping away her tears, and bringing a glass of water to her mouth to rinse the metallic tastes of blood and incomprehension. She cannot move, cannot look away.
Finally, it is Swan that gets her out of her torpor: Delphine puts the baby on her lap and Sarah cannot help but to slowly come back to life. She smiles at the little girl through teary eyes. Swan babbles with joy and curls against Sarah's chest. They stay like that for awhile, again. Until Sarah remembers it must be time for the baby to have her milk in the garden and enjoy half an hour of sunlight. It is pure maternal instinct.
Delphine accompanies them outside. They sit on the wooden bench and don't speak for a moment, the baby filling the silences by gulping her milk with appetite. It is Sarah who finally speaks first :
"I don't understand, what happened to Rachel when she gave birth to Swan?"
"I can only make suppositions. I guess Neolution's technology was not strong enough to allow Rachel's uterus to keep the baby until the end of the pregnancy. She wanted a baby with all her soul but her body finally rejected Swan. Fortunately, you were there."
"But it doesn't explain the blood poisoning."
"You're right, it doesn't. It is another problem, based on the fact that it was not Rachel's egg, but yours. You are clones but you are not the same. Especially you and Helena. Your DNA is different from your other "sisters". I guess it was ok for Swan to have her mother's blood when there was an intra-uterine connection between them, but when she was born it didn't work anymore. That kind of problem can appear, for example, when mother and baby have discordant blood groups. When the mother has a negative rhesus and the baby a positive one."
Sarah listens with interest, the baby playing with the rubber nipple of her bottle.
"Swan was beginning to choke when I suspected it could be blood poisoning. I took the risk to perform what we call an exsanguino-transfusion I exchanged Swan's blood with yours. It was a great risk to take, the baby was premature, you were very weak, and we were not in proper conditions to practice such a complex medical procedure. But it worked. I- I am sorry Sarah, I could have killed you playing Doctor Frankenstein with your lives."
"You did the right thing, Delphine."
The French woman is pale under the lazy afternoon sun, her beautiful hair floating around her shoulders. She looks like an angel, and at this very moment, Sarah completely understands Cosima's attraction to her. It makes her smile inwardly to think about Delphine as an attractive person where her personal and intimate life is so deeply buried inside her that she is not sure she will have it back one day.
"What I don't understand is, why did Rachel act like that when you told her I could die ? Why give her blood to save me?"
"I am still asking myself that question. I guess she wanted to thank you for saving her baby's life."
"It is not Rachel's style to say thank you."
"I know. But there are a lots of things she did or said after that that are not Rachel-like."
"Indeed."
They smile at each other.
"Delphine? There is something else I would like to ask."
"Yes?"
"If Swan was made with my egg, and if she has my blood, does that mean that Swan is my- my daughter?" Her voice breaks into a sob. Delphine envelops Sarah's shoulders in her arms and whispers :
"I can't answer this question with yes or no. You know deep inside that Swan is not your baby, she is Rachel's. And yet, genetically, yes, she has your blood and came from one of your eggs." Sarah buries her face in Delphine's warm neck " You are well-placed to know that genetics don't make parents. Love does that."
They stay in that position until it is too cold for Swan to stay outside. When they reach the fireplace to warm themselves, Delphine says gently :
"Sarah, can you promise me you will not watch the other videos in Susan's office?"
"No. I can't."
Delphine smiles.
"I was sure you would say that. Please, at least promise me you won't tell Rachel."
"Sure. Thank you Delphine."
They spend the rest of the afternoon and the evening taking care of Swan, giving her a warm bath and listening to classic music with her. When the baby starts showing signs of tiredness, Sarah sings her a song she used to sing to Kira when she was a baby.
Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
How I wonder what you are!
Up above the world so high,
Like a diamond in the sky.
Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
How I wonder what you are!
And Swan falls asleep, her little warm body abandoned in Sarah's arms. She carefully puts her in her bed and quietly leaves the room. She heads straight to Susan's office. Delphine is waiting for her with a full mug of coffee.
"You know this is going to be painful."
"I know. I need to understand why she is like that. Or was. Whatever."
"Ok. I'll come for you if Swan wakes up."
"Thank you, Delphine."
She closes the door behind her. She needs to be alone to do this. Sarah sits on the leather armchair, leans back and breathes deeply before pressing the play button.
Rachel Duncan, May-September 1992
This videotape is the property of the DYAD Institute - For internal use only
Bedroom Camera, DYAD Institute (May 26th, 1992) :
A young professor Leekie is holding a little girl by the hand. They stand in a child's pink bedroom. The girl looks superficially calm but her eyes are red and tired, and her free hand tightens firmly on a blond doll with a green dress. She has perfectly symmetrical brown braids and she is wearing a black dress with big white dots on it.
The professor says in a gentle voice :"Rachel, this is your new room. I hope you like it."
"Yes. Thank you, Professor."
"I am sure you'll be happy here. Look, we brought your clothes and toys from your previous house."
"That is kind of you, Professor."
"You can call me Aldous, Rachel."
"Ok, Professor- Aldous."
Leekie smiles at the child. He kneels down and turns her small face to look at him :"Listen, I know it's hard. But you will get used to it. I was a good friend of your parents, they wanted this for you in case something happened to them. And in September you will start a new school, you will make friends, ok?"
"Yes-"
"You are really important Rachel. You don't understand yet but your are promised to a great future." He stands on his feet "Look, take your time to discover you room and I will come back to take you to dinner, ok? If you need anything, you can use that button, and Tony will come to see you. Ok?"
"Ok. Thank you."
"Good girl."
He leans to kiss her forehead and is about to leave the room when Rachel says in a little voice :
"Professor Leekie? Aldous-"
"Yes Rachel?"
"My parents – can they see me? From heaven?"
The professor represses a smile and answers with a condescending voice :"No, Rachel. There is no heaven, you know that don't you? Your parents are dead. They are not watching anyone from anywhere."Then he closes the door. And locks it.
The little girl sits on the edge of the bed, her doll against her chest. She fixes the walls and starts crying silently.
Rachel Duncan, September-December 1992
This videotape is the property of the DYAD Institute - For internal use only
Embedded hidden camera, boarding school - England (September 1st, 1992)
She is wearing a navy blue uniform and stands still in the middle of a very well-maintained garden. The large, gray stone manor exudes the promise of a strict, heartless, elitist education that British lords and rich parents from all over the world want for their heirs. Tony is next to her, carrying the suitcase with her personal effects for the year to come. At least, for once, she is not the only child without her parents. Most of the kids around her are accompanied by a servant or a driver. For the first time in months, she feels almost normal.
"I'll leave you here, Miss Duncan. I'll come back for you for Christmas holidays."
"Thank you, Tony."
She would like to take him in her arms, she is afraid, her bare legs are trembling from both the weather and the fear.
Tony seems to notice that, he smiles and says in a less professional voice :"I'm sure you'll be fine kiddo. Trust yourself, you are a warrior."
He gives her an affectionate caress on the head and leaves her there. Rachel sighs to give herself courage and she enters the austere manor, carrying her heavy suitcase with both hands.
Rachel Duncan, June-August 1993
This videotape is the property of DYAD Institute - For internal use only
Lab camera, DYAD institute (July 30th 1993)
The young girl is sitting quietly on a large armchair. Eyes fixed on her feet, she looks morose. The people around her do not pay attention to her, since she has sat here every morning since the beginning of summer holidays, waiting for a doctor, a nurse, a psychiatrist, someone wearing a white blouse to come and take her to make tests. Today is a scary day. They told her she was going to have a lumbar puncture. She doesn't know what it is, but she imagines something bad, much more painful than a blood sample or even a session with the psychologist that forces her to watch videos of her with her parents and talk about what she feels for what seems hours. A blond nurse comes to her and says in a falsely cheerful voice :
"Hello Miss Duncan, let's start ! Could you please remove your dress?"
Her smile looks so fake that Rachel tries to avoid eyes contact with the nurse. She undresses and stands, shaking, next to the operating table.
"All right, lay on your side, please."
Rachel feels her courage decreasing while she climbs on the table and lies down. She closes her eyes to prevent them from being seen crying. A male doctor enters the room, he put a cold hand on her naked hip, making her jump.
"Hello Rachel, I am Doctor Smith. I am going to practice a small local anesthesia on your lower back. It will probably sting a little."
Her whole body starts shaking uncontrollably. She can't help moaning with fear when she sees the large needle they are going to use. She tries to raise but two strong hands retain her. She begs with a trembling voice :
"Please, let me go-"
"Don't move Rachel, it is very important." the doctor caresses her cheek, increasing her urge to escape.
"Please, do not touch me"
She struggles with all her strength, but suddenly she is pushed flat on her stomach by the massive powerful hands, and someone put cuffs around her wrists to hold her still. She screams with a broken voice :
"Let me go! Don't touch me! Please!"
The strong hands maintain her lower back still, hurting her more than the needle that enters her spine. She has the feeling that hands are burning her flesh permanently, that no one could touch her again, ever. She can hear through her own screams, the sweetish voice of the nurse :
"It's for your own good"
She nearly faints when they start sampling the bone cannot see, but she can still hear the voices.
"Maybe we should have sedated her."
"It is not necessary, she can perfectly handle this"
"Not for her, but for us. Her screaming hurt my ears!"
"Yeah. That is the problem when you work with humans instead of robots"
"According to what I know, they are trying hard to make this one a human robot."
She hears them laugh hard, then she hears nothing more.
When she wakes up, a burning pain enfolds her whole body. She notices a bandage around her right wrist. Eyes half closed, she recognizes Leekie's voice from the corridor, speaking to a man, and visibly angry :
"You broke her wrist in the process, are you mad ?"
"She tried to escape, we couldn't predict such a reaction, Professor."
"You should have sedated her in that case."
"I know, it won't happen again."
"No it won't doctor Smith. You are not working here anymore. Damaging the Institute's equipment is a violation of your employment contract."
Rachel Duncan, June-August 1994
This videotape is the property of the DYAD Institute - For internal use only
Bedroom Camera, DYAD Institute (July 1st, 1994)
Back in her pink room for the summer, she asks herself what kind of holidays Leekie and the institute are preparing for her. At least it will be hard to be worst than last year.
Professor Leekie is there to welcome her :"Hello Rachel, welcome back home!"
"Home? Maybe it is a little presumptuous to call this room home."
"Well, they forgot to teach you good manners this school year, it seems."
"I don't want to spend my summer like last year." She looks determined, stubborn.
"Oh? What was wrong last year?"
"I spent two months undergoing medical tests for you and the Institute !"
The professor smiles kindly."Ok, I understand. But we need to be sure you are in good health."
"You can do that in a day!"
"Well. Ok. What would you like to do this summer?"
"I want to learn how to play the violin!"
"Oh, really? It doesn't sound like a lazy holiday. The violin is a very hard musical instrument to learn."
"I can do it."
"Ok. I will see what I can do."
"Thank you, Aldous."
He closes the door. She doesn't pay attention to the locking sound anymore. She is trapped, but even if she was not, where would she go?
Car Camera, DYAD Institute (August 22nd, 1994)
"Tony?"
"Yes, Miss Duncan?"
"Do you have children?"
"No, Miss Duncan. Why?"
"I think you should."
"Oh yes? Why?"
"You are kind with them. I mean- at least you are kind with me..."
"Hey, kid ! What's wrong with you?"
He stops the car. Next to him, Rachel is crying silently. He know he should probably not be doing it, but he takes her in his arms and says gently :
"Who's unkind to you, kiddo?"
"No one."
"You can tell me, ok?"
"No, I can't. You would repeat it back to Professor Leekie."
"Hey ! Hey ! I'm not a traitor ! If you need to say something to me, you can say it, I won't betray you-"
"I- I miss my parents."
He strokes her back for a while."Look kid, I can't make your parents come back but- I can take you to their grave."
"Really? You can?"
"I'm a driver, remember?"
Rachel throw herself in his arms and stays here for long minutes, crying with gratitude.
"All right, clean up the mess on your face, or we'll be late for your violin lesson."He gives her a paper tissue and starts the car.
Bedroom Camera, Dyad Institute (August 31st, 1994)
Rachel has just finished packing her suitcase when someone enters the room. She is used to this lack of privacy. Even if on some rare occasion, someone actually knocks on the door, no one waits for her to say yes before entering.
She doesn't know the man standing on the doorstep : "Are you ready to go, Miss Duncan ? I will accompany you to your school."
"What? Where is Tony? He was supposed to come with me to London?"
"I am sorry Miss Duncan. Tony died last night. A car crash. It is a great loss for the Institute."
Rachel feels her legs not carrying her anymore, she can't breath due to the scream trapped in her throat. She faints and fallsto the floor.
Rachel Duncan, September-December 1994
This videotape is the property of DYAD Institute - For internal use only
Bedroom Camera, boarding school - England (October 17th 1994)
Rachel is sitting on the only chair in her austere room. She doesn't look at Professor Leekie, who is sitting in from of her on the little bed. She looks at the wooden floor instead, stubbornly silent.
"Rachel, your teachers made me jump on the first plane yesterday because they were worried about you. Since the beginning of the year, you have refused to work in class, you barely eat, and yesterday you fell from a horse because clearly you hadn't had a proper meal for two days. What is wrong with you?"
The girl doesn't answer, eyes fixed on the floor, lips tightened hard. Leekie sighs, visibly annoyed.
"I don't have the whole afternoon, young lady."
He waits for a few seconds and suddenly stands up, making Rachel jump in her chair.
"Rachel Duncan ! Look at me, now!" His voice is low and threatening. She lifts her eyes to look at Leekie.
"I will not deal with a stupid, silent child!" He grabs the back of the chair with anger and turns it violently so that Rachel is now facing her little desk. She represses a cry of pain and fear. He puts a little computer in front of her and presses the play button.
"You don't want to talk? Then watch."
On screen, a little girl that looks like her, so much so that it could be her, is praying at church with a woman who could be a mother next to her. Leekie presses another button.
There is another little Rachel playing on a field with three other children. They are building a hut with sticks and old sheets. The girl's hair is different, shorter and quite disheveled. Apart from that, she is a perfect replica of Rachel herself.
Another scene : Again, a little Rachel, this time dressed in a real princess dress. She receives a 'Mini Miss' first prize.
Rachel feels so strange that she whispers :"Please, stop."
Leekie pauses the video. More gently than before, he turns the chair so Rachel is facing him again. She has tears in her eyes, her hands shake.
"Do you know who these little girls are?"
"Yes. They are my sisters."
"Your parents told you?"
"My father."
"They are not your sisters. They are your clones. Do you know what a clone is?"
"Yes."
"What is a clone, Rachel?"
"It is the same person as the original one."
"Exactly. And what does it mean for you?"
"It means…that I am not alone." she whispers the end of her phrase like a prayer.
"Wrong. You are alone. It means you are not irreplaceable."
His eyes are cold on her, making her whole body shiver.
"Now listen to me carefully. I am not your enemy. All I want from you is that you follow the path we chose for you. You are young, you don't understand why all of this is important. But one day Rachel, you will lead the DYADInstitute. You will be one of the most influencial people in the world."
He smiles at her, caressing her cheek, making her tremble with fear and disgust.
"And if you want to rule the world, you have to learn at school, do you understand?"
"Yes."
"So. You will go back to work then?"
"Yes. But-"
"Yes?"
"If I fail, will you-replace me with another sister. I mean another clone?"
"I don't think it will be necessary. Will it?"
"No. It won't."
A hand on the girl's neck, he presses her against him gently.
"That's my Rachel. Good girl. Now, go back to class."
She stands up quickly, visibly happy to escape Leekie's embrace. When she stands at the door, she turns to face him and asks :
"Aldous, can I ask you a question?"
"Certainly."
"Why did you…why did the institute kill Tony?" Her look is defiant again, apart from the tears still shining in her eyes.
"No one killed Tony. He died in a car crash. You can trust me, it was an unfortunate accident."
She is smart enough to keep her thoughts to herself and she leaves the room to return to class.
Rachel Duncan, May-September 1998
This videotape is the property of DYAD Institute - For internal use only
Bedroom Camera, DYAD Institute (June 21st 1998)
"I'm proud of you Rachel."
"Thank you, Aldous."
"You've proved to me that I can count on you."
"No. I proved to myself that if I work hard I can achieve whatever I want."
He smiles to her. She is an teenager now. She can see pride in his eyes, and maybe a bit of worry for the years to come. She is not a child anymore. She won't be so easily malleable.
"Aldous, there is something I would like to ask you. A favor."
"Tell me."
"I need- Well I need privacy. The cameras, I would like them off. Sometimes."
"Since when do you know about the cameras?"
"Since you showed me the other clones when I was ten. And I guess, since I saw a man discreetly - well not that discreetly - following me to my music class two years ago. Look, I understand the importance of the monitoring. But please, at least tell the guards that are following me everywhere to stop. I have proved I was trustworthy, have I not? I do what I am asked and all I do is study in class, practice in the orchestra, and go to my sports session twice a week. I even let your shrink study my dreams and worry about my 'lack of social interactions' every summer."
"All right." He gives her a condescending, disillusioned smile. As to say sorry in the only way he could. "I'll ask the guards to stop following you."
"Thank you. I will not disappoint you."
"I know."
"There is something else -I want to learn Japanese. Not French. It is more interesting for my - career."
"Well, you have a good point. I will see what I can do."
"Thank you."
He is about to leave the room when he pauses instead and says in a gentle voice :
"Thank you again for tonight. You made me love The Four Seasons even more."
Rachel Duncan, September-December 2000
This videotape is the property of DYAD Institute - For internal use only
Embedded hidden camera, School / Conservatory music path - England
(November 18th 2000)
She is walking quickly on the dark road. She had missed the bus because she was absorbed in her history assignment. Her violin on her back swings as she hurries along. She is listening to Mozart's Third Concerto for Violin on her MP3 player, very loud. So loud that she doesn't hear the person approaching her from behind and grabbing her violently by the arm. She tries to scream but her voice stays locked in her throat.
The tall, strong man tears her earphones off, puts a massive hand on her mouth and says in her ear :"You scream, I kill you."
He doesn't wait for an answer and pushes her in front of her, leading her to the edge of the surrounding forest. She is shaking so much that she nearly falls on the grass. The man grabs her by the waist and carry her to a tree where he pushes her against the trunk. She cannot see his face, there are too many tears and fear in her eyes. She says in a broken voice :
"Please-please, don't hurt me-", her voice broken by fear.
"Shut up, Princess. If you move, it'll hurt more."
He presses a cold knife against her chest, making her choke out a sob. With his free hand, he roughly gropes her inner thighs.
"This uniform doesn't do justice to your spectacular body." And in a fluid, expert movement, he rips her shirt with his knife, making Rachel whimper :
"Please don't touch me."
That last sentence makes her aggressor laugh with gusto, then he punches her hard in the face. Her lower lips splits, smudging her bare chest with blood.
"Shut up."
His hands grab her throat and he begins to strangle her."You speak again and I'll break your neck."
She can barely breathe. Only the flow of adrenalin coursing through her body is preventing her from fainting at this point. Then, suddenly, her eyes focus on the camera, as if she had actually spotted it. Her eyes and mouth silently beg for help. The camera doesn't move and keeps filming, like a traitorous, cowardly bystander.
Abruptly, in an impulse of self preservation, she uses her shaking knee to hit him in the groin, just as the man lowers his grip on her to focus on her exposed chest. That self-defense gesture was buried so deep in her brain, she didn't even know she had it. The pain makes him drop the knife, and she hits him again with all her strength. According to the cracking noise and pain she feels in her fist when she hits him in the face, she has probably broken her wrist in breaking his nose. She finds her violin, which she doesn't even remember dropping, and hits the man blindly with it, unable to stop her rage and barely aware of what she is doing. Suddenly she realises the man is no longer moving. She drops the broken violin, turns around to look for the camera man - who is still filming, hidden in the depths of the forest. She gets up, her bare chest covered in blood, and screams :
"Help me!"
Then, she falls on the ground.
Embedded hidden camera, local clinic - England (November 19th 2000)
She is sitting on an hospital bed, her face and bare arms covered in cuts and bruises. Her left hand and forearm are in a cast. Leekie is there. She is shouting :
"You promised me there would be no more guards and cameras everywhere Aldous! You promised me ! And when I discover there is still someone following me, the idiot doesn't move while that man was about to rape me ! "
"I know, I am so sorry."
"I could have died!"
"Rachel, I am sorry."
"You said you wanted me safe ! What am I to you, Aldous? What was that? Another experiment to see if I could manage an assault? Look at the video –it is quite conclusive!"
"I swear that it was not planned!"
"I don't trust you, Aldous. How could you do that to me ? You have already done so much- do you think I'm stupid? Do you think I still believe Tony died in a car crash? Or that the only friend I made after four years of school suddenly disappeared, after we shared a kiss?" Her eyes are full of tears of rage.
"Listen, I can assure you that this will never happen again. No more hidden cameras. I-"
"Maybe this was the way the Institute found for me to never think about sex anymore."
"Rachel don't be stupid, we are not such...control freaks."
"Aren't you?"
"Look, please forgive me. It won't happen again."
"No it won't. From now we will work according my rules. Or you will have to find yourself another puppet that looks like me to do the job."
"It won't be necessary. You have my word." He is about to caress her bruised cheek with a gentle hand when she moves back sharply to avoid the contact.
"Don't. Touch. Me."
He retreats slowly, and whispers : "I am so sorry, Rachel."
He stands still at the door, looks at her with a worried, apologetic look and adds : "You know, you were very strong last night. Your parents- they would be proud of you."
A sarcastic laugh painfully escapes her injured mouth:
"My parents? Seriously? My parents are dead, Aldous, they are not proud, for they are not watching anyone from anywhere. You told me that exact phrase when I was eight."
She holds her gaze for several seconds and as Leekie is about to leave the room she says:
"Two more things. You can return the new violin you offered me, I'm done with music. And I want a talk with the cameraman from yesterday. Alone."
Rachel Duncan, June-September 2002
This videotape is the property of DYAD Institute - For internal use only
Bedroom Camera, DYAD Institute (June 29th 2002)
Leekie is sitting on the bed, a piece of paper in his hands. He looks preoccupied. Suddenly, Alan Nealon enters the room. He greets him quickly.
"What was so important you could not say it on the phone, Aldous?"
"She's gone."
"What?"
"Yes, she didn't came back from school this morning. She was not on the plane."
"Oh, dear God!"
"And there is more. She hacked the DYAD's computer system. She emptied two of the offshore bank accounts we have."
"How much did she take?"
"Two million."
"Damn it. We have to find her."
"I know."
"At any price, Aldous. She is the only one Westmoreland truly cares about."
Aldous Leekie's office Camera, DYAD Institute (September 15th 2002)
She sits comfortably in one of Leekie's soft leather armchairs. Legs crossed, she is wearing silvery high heels that make her look much older, with a white and silver classic straight dress. Aldous Leekie is looking at her with mixed respect and fear.
"Your hair, it's beautiful, Rachel."
"Thank you, Aldous. Brown was too popular with the clone club.
A short, blond haircut frames her sophisticatedly made-up face. Her lips shine with a dark red lipstick.
"I came back with some conditions I would like to discuss with you."
"Sure. I am glad you are back, Rachel. Truly."
"Here are my requests : I want both an office here, next to yours, and an apartment. I am done with England. Columbia University offers an ideal distance-learning program. And then you can introduce me to the DYAD's partners and clients. It is time for you to share the leadership of the Institute."
"That sounds like a good idea."
"From now I will choose my monitors. And the places where cameras will be."
"Fine."
"And, lastly, no more secrets. Or I will disappear for good. The changes you made on the computer system won't stop me."
"I agree to your conditions."
"We have a deal, then. I will see you tomorrow."
She gets up, elegant and confident, smiles at Leekie and turns on her heels to leave. He stops her with a question.
"Rachel. Where have you been?"
"You are going to laugh, Aldous. I was in France. Too bad I didn't know their language."
Her smile looks fake. He knows for certain she will never trust him again.
"If I had learnedFrench, maybe I won't have had my left nipple pierced. Oh sorry, you look all, I thought it was important for you to know that I permanently damaged the DYAD's highly valuable property."
She leaves the room with a victorious smile on her face. Leekie feels certain she is not just talking about the piercing.
Back in Susan's office on the island, when Sarah finally turns off the screen, her eyes are red with exhaustion and too many emotions. It is 3 a.m., and her only wish is to sleep for as long as possible. She goes straight to her room where Swan is slumbering quietly. She takes the baby in her arms, so in need of her warm, innocent body that she risks waking her up. She slips under the bedsheets, lays the little girl next to her, and falls asleep almost immediately, rocked by Swan's calm and rhythmic breathing.