A long way to go
When Kakashi brought Sasuke home, the boy has been crying for hours and Kakashi thought the child would never stop. The whole time, Kakashi had sat by Sasuke´s side and tried to comfort the child. He had stroked Sasuke´s back the whole time in a calming and comforting manner. He knew that Sasuke was tensed against him but in this moment, the boy didn´t care. The little Uchiha was grieving and this feeling was so overwhelming that he didn´t care about Kakashi´s presence.
The Jonin had hoped that Sasuke would fall asleep from exhaustion but he was wrong. As the boy finally stopped crying, he sat with his legs pulled to his chest on his bed and he stared into emptiness again. Exactly like the days before. This behaviour worried Kakashi because he didn´t know how he should handle Sasuke then. If the boy was crying, he could comfort him and show him that he was grieving with him together. But even so, Kakashi was really overtaxed.
He knew from his own experience that different ways to grieving existed and that everyone handled the pain different. But he had find out on his own, that it was the best to cry and scream everything out, because sometime you can´t push down the pain anymore. But Kakashi was desperate because he had no idea how he should care for Sasuke, when the boy was in this shock state. The boy needed to eat and to sleep but in this state, Sasuke didn´t care about anything. Kakashi couldn´t agree with his conscience to put Sasuke under another genjutsu and he had to admit that this was not a solution anyway. The boy needed to eat again, but after everything the boy went through, it was no wonder the child was traumatized so much.
Nevertheless... Maybe Kakashi had thought it would be easier. From now on, it was his task to make sure that the child would be alright again. And if the boy wouldn´t eat and sleep right, then the child would be getting sick in no time.
Since Sasuke didn´t reacted to anything Kakashi tried, the Jonin decided it would be best to let the child some privacy. Firstly, he was sure that Sasuke wanted to be left alone for some time and secondly, he had to think carefully how it should continue from now on.
Kakashi sighed and let himself fall onto the couch in the living room. He pulled down his mask and spread his hands over his face. He had not eaten and sleep much himself in the last few days and he noted how worried he already was. The man looked up on the clock. He was surprised that it was already ten o´clock pm. He hadn´t noticed how time passed. It was too late for Sasuke to stay awake, but under the circumstance, it was no wonder if the boy wouldn´t sleep.
But Kakashi remembered that Sasuke hadn´t eaten anything for the whole day and he doubted that the boy had drunk some water either. The jonin ran his fingers through his grey hair. He was worried. And even if the boy totally was not himself in this moment, Kakashi couldn´t tolerate that Sasuke would get sick. And if the boy wouldn´t eat, drink and sleep, this would soon happen for sure. He decided to prepare something to eat for Sasuke, maybe he should try to make the child to eat again.
The Jonin went into the kitchen and cooked some tea, while he prepared some Onigiri. After he was done, he placed the tea cup and the food on a tray and went to Sasuke´s room. Slowly, he opened the door. His eyes widened as he stepped inside the room.
Kakashi thought he had expected everything. That Sasuke would cry or that the boy would be still under shock. But he had never expected what he found. The Jonin almost let go of the tray, because he was so shocked. The room was empty!
The room was empty and the window was open. Sasuke ran away and in this state the boy was...
With shaky hands, Kakashi placed the tray on the table and went to the open window. The apartment was in the second floor and he had to admit that the boy definitely had some great Ninja skills. How else could the boy leave this apartment without Kakashi noticing? But the boy was an Uchiha and it wasn't unusual that a child from this clan showed promising talent in the early years.
But this didn´t matter because Kakashi was really worried where the boy would be in his state. He thought about two places, the Uchiha district or the cemetery. The Jonin decided for the first option, because it seemed to make more sense that Sasuke would run back to his old home than to the cemetery in the darkness. Besides Kakashi knew that Sasuke felt uncomfortable here in this apartment with him - he was after all still a stranger for the boy.
Kakashi didn´t bother to go through the gate. He merely jumped over the fence which was surrounding the now empty Uchiha district. It was raining and it reminded Kakashi painfully of his last talk with Itachi.
As he walked inside the now empty Uchiha district, he had to breathe heavily because he didn´t want to think about all the dead corpses from last week. It was still difficult to believe that the Uchiha clan no longer existed in Konoha but this was the terrible truth. Kakashi could still see blood stains on the streets and he shuddered. Not even the rain could wash away all these blood from the empty streets. This place was now a ghost town. Inwardly Kakashi was angry at himself. How come he never noticed that Sasuke has left the apartment? His mistake was unacceptable - he shouldn´t let Sasuke out of his sight. Not now!
The Jonin knew if Sasuke was here, the boy would be at his old house. He went straight to the big compound which once belonged to the Clan leader and his family. As he arrived, he panted heavily. This was now the worst place for Sasuke and Kakashi should have prevented Sasuke to see this place again. Especially now, when the boy was still traumatized.
The masked man stopped before the biggest house in the district. This used to be Sasuke´s home. The sliding door was open and this was prove that Sasuke must be inside the house. With a heavy feeling in his chest, he entered the house. He was scared in which state he would find the boy.
At first he looked for the boy downstairs, he moved slowly because he didn´t want to frighten the boy.
"Sasuke!" The Jonin called out.
The living room and the kitchen were empty. As he entered the room in which Fugaku and Mikoto were killed, killed by their own son, the jonin could still see the big, dried blood patch on the floor.
He took a deep breath as he quickly left the room and closed the door behind him. He prayed that Sasuke didn´t enter this room. He didn´t want to think about what this would do to the boy, because it was clear that the child wouldn´t be able to forget such image again.
There was no sign of Sasuke downstairs. So Kakashi made his way upstairs. Kakashi continued his way through the long corridor and checked every room that he passed by. Most of them were empty.
"Sasuke!" Kakashi called again.
Then he found Sasuke´s old room. It was obvious that this was the room of a child, with all the toys and childish possession in there. Kakashi´s chest hurt. He would never be able to give Sasuke all these - what his parents gave to him.
He studied the boy´s room carefully, he didn´t want to miss a detail because he realized now what a happy child Sasuke has been, before Itachi had destroyed everything. How could Itachi do this? He still couldn´t believe it sometimes.
He wondered why Sasuke wasn´t in his own room and he grew worried inside. Nevertheless the boy must be here somewhere. He left the boy´s old room and continued his search. As he entered the last door at the end of the corridor, his breathe hitched.
This must be the master bedroom of Fugaku and Mikoto Uchiha. But this wasn´t what shocked him. His visible eye widened as he saw Sasuke sleeping on his parents' bed, with a blanket wrapped around his tiny figure. Kakashi stepped closer and he saw dried tear strains on Sasuke´s face and it was obvious that the boy had cried before he had fallen asleep.
But nevertheless, it pained Kakashi to think that the smell of his parents had calmed Sasuke down. The boy missed them and he searched for the familiar presence of his family. The feeling to be near them helped Sasuke to calm down.
The Jonin doubted that he would be able to fill this hole. The lost of his entire family had destroyed so much for the poor boy. Maybe Sasuke would never be able to be like a normal child again. But at the same time, he didn´t want to doubt, because he had swore to himself that he would be there for the child and since the beginning, he had already known that this wouldn´t be easy. And now, he knew he was everything that was left for the boy and because of that, he had to stay strong. He had to help Sasuke to go forward again and he would stay by Sasuke´s side along the way.
Kakashi bent down and tugged the blanket firmer around Sasuke´s body, before he scooped up the boy carefully in his arms. Sasuke didn´t wake up as the Jonin left the house and the Uchiha district with him. The boy seemed to be so exhausted that he slept very deeply. His body finally took the rest the boy needed and if Sasuke needed the smell of his parents to sleep, Kakashi had no problem to let the boy sleep in their blanket.
Maybe it wasn´t such a good idea to take everything away from his old life. Everything was so new and strange for Sasuke, it made it more difficult for the boy to grieve.
When the Jonin arrived back at their apartment, he placed Sasuke onto the bed at once. Sasuke was still deeply asleep and the silver haired Jonin didn´t left Sasuke´s side, because he had enough surprises that day. He sat on the edge of Sasuke´s bed and stayed there the whole night until Sasuke began to wake up the next forenoon.
The jonin was very tired himself but as he noticed that Sasuke´s eyes began to open, he was full awake at once.
Sasuke blinked. He still wasn´t fully awake yet and Kakashi placed his hand gently on the boy´s shoulder.
"Mama...?" Sasuke mumbled, still with half closed eyes.
Kakashi pulled his hand back, almost automatically. His heart stung after this simple word. He took a deep breath before he answered with a simple "No..."
The black eyes of the boy opened completely as he stared at Kakashi. "It wasn´t a dream, was it?"
This was the first words Sasuke had spoken directly to him but the Jonin couldn´t find any pleasure about that. In contrary, the child had just confronted the cruel reality. It was too much even for the Jonin or ex-Anbu captain. The boy was still so young; he was only seven years old. And if he was honest, if he didn´t know it better, Kakashi would think the boy was even younger than that. Because Sasuke was a small and dainty child, he looked not much older than five years old.
It was some art strange how different the brothers could be. Itachi had always seemed and acted older for his age. Even when he was thirteen, Itachi had looked like sixteen. Kakashi could only hope that the two brothers would have difference in their path too.
And now, there were no right words which he could tell Sasuke. It didn´t matter what he would tell the boy, it would hurt him anyway.
" No, it´s not a dream. I´m so sorry..." What could he tell more? Kakashi had no more words either.
The sadness on the boy´s face hurt Kakashi. It was an expression which a child shouldn´t wear. Sasuke pulled the blanket firmer aroung himself and he looked down.
"Mama and Papa... are they really in the cemetary?" Sasuke asked in a very low voice. "And all the others too?"
Kakashi closed his eye. He didn´t have any idea of the logic of a child and he wanted to tell Sasuke everything as softly as possible. But what should he explain? Sasuke had seen the dead corpses of his family with his own innocent eyes. And now the boy realised that this wasn´t any nightmare or a genjutsu. This was the cruel reality.
"Yes.." This was Kakashi´s only answer.
" And they won´t come back?" Sasuke asked and he could hear the desperation in the boy´s voice.
Kakashi shook his head with a sad expression, even if he knew that Sasuke didn´t see him because the boy avoided looking directly at him. "No, that´s not possible. But..."
The Jonin stopped his speech as he heart a soft sob from Sasuke. After the first sob, many more followed until Sasuke began to cry openly. The little boy hid his face in the covers of his bed and the older man felt helpless. He reminded himself on the promise which he made. That he would be there for the child. He had never comforted any child before and he acted on instinct as he pulled Sasuke up on his small shoulders and pulled the boy into a firm embrace. To his surprise, Sasuke didn´t fight against him. He only cried all his pain out. It was too much pain, too much, even for an adult and definitely too much pain for a child.
In this moment, Kakashi realised that they had still a long way to go.
Special Thanks to een nihc, for her great help :)
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