AN: Thanks to AReiss215, Eliley, ShanouNash, and Taitlin for reviewing! And sorry for the delay; life's gotten a little crazy lately. Hopefully I'll be able to get back to weekly updates now that school's winding down.
In a way, Barry gets to spend the second day of spring break exactly the way he'd envisioned it.
Or rather, the way he envisioned it before he let himself get dragged along to the beach.
With Caitlin sleeping and Cisco… preoccupied… he finds himself staring slack-jawed at the television screen for an extended period of time. Just as nature intended.
Although he does have to roll out of bed every once in a while for the essentials: a cup of water, a snack from the vending machine, a bathroom break, or the like. But for the most part he confines himself to his room, basking in the mellow laziness. After so many months of stress, this is the best possible way he could be spending his time.
Well, almost the best.
Barry would be lying if he said that he was 100% satisfied with his activities. There's an inexplicable urge to be out and about. To socialize. To hang out with people.
Or a person. Maybe one person. Not that he has anyone in mind. Maybe Caitlin. That would be nice.
He suspects the vibe is getting to him.
But it doesn't matter all that much. She's catching up on some much needed rest, snoring the day away in peace. Or maybe she's not snoring. He wonders absentmindedly if she snores.
And he has very little to complain about. His room is a cool 65 degrees, his pillows are soft, his blankets are comfy, and he found a channel that reruns old cartoons. He's at ease and that's what matters.
It's around lunchtime when he finally has human contact again, running into Cisco on a trek to the cafeteria for some more hot cocoa.
"My friend," Cisco says, a wide grins stretched across his face. He looks as if he's just jumped into a lake, dripping wet and shivering. "You will not believe the day I've had."
"Okay, before you tell me, quick pop quiz: would describing your day be rated anything over PG?"
Cisco thinks it over for a few moments.
"I mean, sure, parental guidance might be recommended."
"Follow-up quiz—"
"—not how that works—"
"—does the thing you're trying to tell me have gross innuendos that will make me want to vomit?"
"Fam, how am I supposed to know what's gonna trigger your gag reflex? You vomit over the silliest things!"
"I do not!"
Despite his protests Barry's stomach is, in reality, incredibly weak. In the past month alone he's thrown up because of a dissection in science, food poisoning, a horror movie, and stress. He doesn't want to add Cisco and Gypsy's make-out sessions to that ever-growing list.
"We didn't even kiss."
Barry pauses.
"What?"
"Yeah, dude, seriously."
"So like… what did you do then?"
"We basically just ran around the whole town and saw the sights and bought cool tourist-y stuff." He nods down at his soaked Hawaiian shirt, noticeably different from the one he wore earlier.
"You've been doing that for the last four hours? Aren't you cold or something?"
"Oh, I'm pretty sure I have hypothermia." Barry shakes his head as Cisco shivers. "But it was so fun and awesome and she's even cooler than I thought."
"I'm happy for you," Barry says with a smile. "Glad you're not rushing things."
"I mean I would totally be going faster. I really wanna kiss her but I think she might wanna take it slow." Barry nods, a little surprised at Cisco's consideration. "Although she did hold my hand when we were running away from the security guard."
Barry's eyes widen.
"Uh, why were you running away from a security guard?"
Cisco shrugs.
"I think she stole something. I dunno. I was just looking at sun hats and then she was dragging me out and laughing." He gets that dreamy look on his face. "She's so hot."
"Why is that hot to you?" He sighs. Better not to ask. "Nevermind, just… don't let her get you into trouble. I don't want to have to bail you out of beach jail."
"Beach jail. Sounds tropical."
"I'm serious, Cisco."
"Hi serious, I'm Cisco."
Crickets. Actual crickets.
Cisco adds, "Don't worry. She's really good at not getting caught."
"That is not at all reassuring." Cisco shrugs again. "Whatever, look, please be safe."
Cisco gives a thumbs-up. "I've got condoms in my wallet."
Barry cringes. "You know that's not what I meant."
"Just making sure you know I'm not doing anything stupid."
"Uh-huh," Barry says, an unamused look on his face.
"On a related note, I need help from my wingman."
"A related note?"
"Yes, I need your assistance. A bunch of us have decided since we can't go to the beach we're gonna have some fun here. We'll be playing a classic, sexy game."
"How is that a related note?"
"The quintessential teenage game," Cisco continues, undeterred. "The rite-of-passage game. The greatest game."
"Is it too much to hope it's Super Mario Bros?"
"A good, old-fashioned game of spin-the-bottle."
Barry sighs, rubbing his temples.
"Cisco, I am not playing spin-the-bottle with you."
"I don't want you to play spin-the-bottle with me. I don't swing that way," he says with a chuckle. "But if I did you'd totally be my first choice."
Barry, despite his aggravation, is a teensy bit flattered by that.
"Great. So why do you need me?"
"To play spin-the-bottle!"
Barry blinks.
"Okay, so to clarify, I'm playing spin-the-bottle with you by not playing spin-the-bottle with you."
"What? No. That doesn't even make any sense."
"Nothing you say makes sense!"
Cisco slaps a palm to his forehead.
"I need you there to help!"
Barry gives the most confused look he can muster.
"Why in the hell do you need help to play spin-the-bottle? It's not like you can play it poorly."
"Dude, come on, just be there for me."
"It's like asking me to help you flip a coin. If you need help then you shouldn't have a coin in the first place."
"Come oooooon, it's your duty as my wingman!"
"You don't need a wingman."
"You're wrong."
"Am not."
"Are too."
"Am not!"
"Are too!"
"Am not!"
"Are too!"
"What is happening?"
Caitlin's voice cuts their infantile bickering short.
"Hey," Barry says with a smile, trying to act like he didn't just jump out of his skin and let out a pre-pubescent squeak. "How was your nap?"
"Very nice," she says, returning the smile. "Thank you."
"Oh, hey, wet Caitlin," Cisco says absentmindedly. Caitlin's hair is damp and hanging in front of her eyes a little. She looks well-rested and freshly-showered.
Beautiful.
Barry blinks.
Why was that the first word he thought of.
Sure, Caitlin's pretty. It's not like he ever thought she was unattractive or anything. At the last dance he thought she looked stunning, even. But that was what he thought about Iris too. Just a platonic acknowledgment of attraction.
But this isn't just an acknowledgment. It's a feeling. A little twitch in his fingers. A tingle in his stomach. It's… she's… beautiful.
Huh.
"So, what was that about?" she asks.
"Barry doesn't want to support me!"
Cisco elaborates after her confused look.
"He refuses to be my spin-the-bottle wingman!"
Her face scrunches up in disapproval. "You're playing spin-the-bottle?" It's a cute look on her.
Barry shakes his head.
"I told you it was a stupid idea," he says.
"What is so wrong with spin-the-bottle? I could be doing cocaine or binge-drinking right now! It's like the least bad thing I could be doing on this trip."
"Yet you admit it's a bad thing," Caitlin helpfully points out.
"Stop ganging up on me! You're supposed to be supportive!"
"We are," she replies. "This isn't a great idea. Why not just kiss her? Why make a game out of it?"
"Thank you!" Barry exclaims. Cisco scoffs.
"What, am I supposed to just be like hey boo you wanna get funky fresh?"
Caitlin cringes.
"Please never say that again."
"To anyone," Barry adds. "Ever."
"Then how am I supposed to kiss her, huh?"
"Like a normal person!" Barry exclaims. "Wait for the right moment. Don't rely on a stupid game that might not even work. What if you don't get to kiss her? What if you kiss someone you hate? Or a dude or something?"
"What's wrong with kissing a dude?" Cisco asks, immediately indignant.
"Nothing. But do you wanna do it?"
Cisco holds up a finger like he's about to go on a tirade but stops himself before any words come out.
"That's what I thought," says Barry.
"Look, guys, I'm not asking for you to approve or play or anything. Just come hang out for a little while."
"Isn't being there a form of approval?" Caitlin asks.
"Yeah, are you trying to trick us into approving of your poor decisions?"
"No! I'm just…" He pauses. "I'm nervous, okay? I'm really nervous. And it would mean a lot if you guys were there for me."
Barry sighs, and he and Caitlin share a hesitant look.
"Alright." she says.
"Fine. Please don't make out with anyone."
"No promises!"
And then he prances off down the hall toward the dining room. Barry and Caitlin follow, significantly less enthused.
"I can't believe he keeps roping me into these shenanigans," Barry grumbles. "Those stupid puppy-dog eyes."
"You know he doesn't do that on purpose."
"I know. That makes it worse. You can't just say no to a puppy. Might as well be kicking it. What kind of monster kicks a puppy?"
Caitlin gives him a questioning look.
"Why are you so set on the dog comparison?"
"I mean… y'know, he's kinda got that energetic, hyperactive, ADHD way about him." She nods.
A crack of thunder makes them both jump.
"Has the storm not cleared up yet?" she asks, a hand over her heart.
"Not even a little."
She frowns.
"I hope today is the anomaly. I was looking forward to the beach."
He raises an eyebrow.
"You didn't even want to come until last week."
She shrugs.
"Might as well make the most of it," she says. "Plus I need some sun. I'm essentially a ghost."
Barry rolls his eyes.
"You don't. You look great."
The compliment just sort of came out, like the filter between Barry's brain and his mouth took a coffee break.
"Thanks," she says with a shy smile. He offers an equally-shy smile.
"Yeah, uh… sure."
Before the awkwardness can set in, they reach the dining room. It's filled to the brim with noise and teenagers, as expected. Barry wonders how long it will be before they receive noise complaints and the hotel manager gives them all a stern talking to.
(Hopefully not too long.)
They pass an older-looking couple who appear to be trying to enjoy lunch. The operative word in that sentence being trying. Barry gives them a look that he hopes communicates I'm so very sorry we're intruding on your vacation. Please bear with us.
Caitlin takes her seat at a table a good distance from the crowd and commotion, despite Cisco's gesturing to come near. Barry sits next to her as Cisco dashes over.
"Come on, the party's about to start! Join the fun!"
"We can be supportive from a distance," Caitlin says.
"Yeah, you said nothing about actually being in the circle."
Cisco looks back and forth between the two of them, trying to think of a response. He eventually gives up and heads back to the group, where people are shifting tables and chairs out of the way to make space for a circle on the ground. The noise becomes marginally less obnoxious as everyone takes their seats.
"How long do you think it'll be before the hotel people break this up?"
Caitlin considers it.
"Half an hour, maybe."
He chuckles, eyes wandering over to the circle again. Cynthia is in the very center of it all. Everyone falls dead silent as the bottle spins and spins and spins and begins slowing down. From this side of the room Barry can't tell who it landed on, but the excess of cheering and catcalling indicates it's probably good. Or whatever. Judging by the look on Cisco's face (and the lack of Cynthia on Cisco's face) it didn't land on him. He turns back to Caitlin.
"Why are we here?" Barry asks.
"Because he asked," Caitlin says matter-of-factly.
"No, I mean why does he need us here? How would us watching make him less nervous? If anything I feel like it'd make it worse."
She shrugs.
"Maybe it's a confidence boost. Like having your parents cheer you on in the stands at a big game."
Barry thinks about it for a few seconds.
"What's that like?"
Her eyes widen.
"Oh, no, Barry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean… I wasn't…"
"Wait, sorry." He looks at her sheepishly. "I wasn't trying to be a dick, I just meant… y'know, I don't play sports and if I did they wouldn't be there."
She nods.
"Because they died and stuff."
There's a pause where Barry contemplates cutting out his tongue.
"Sorry, that was really stupid I dunno why I said that. I promise I'm not trying to make you feel bad."
"You don't have to apologize." She sighs. "I shouldn't have said anything."
"Hey," he says as he puts a hand on her shoulder. Her eyes dart to his hand, and then up at him, and then down at the table. "Don't worry about it. I'm fine. You didn't upset me or anything."
A silence follows, only interrupted by the whooping and hollering horde of teenagers on the other side of the room. Cynthia crosses the circle and plants a kiss on the lips of a girl Barry doesn't recognize. He catches sight of Cisco's frown amongst a sea of excited expressions.
"May I ask something?"
Caitlin's voice is small, tentative. Barry hadn't realized until now but her voice had been much more confident and carefree since yesterday. But now it's sinking back into its lower, reserved register, and he's frankly a little concerned.
He nods hesitantly.
"Do you ever stop… missing them?" He cocks his head to the side. "Does it ever stop hurting?"
Barry uncharacteristically takes a few moments to consider his next words.
"Because you just… you talk about them so easily. And I can barely think about Ronnie without wanting to cry."
He bites his lip.
"No." Her faces falls. He quickly amends, "But it doesn't get worse. And it doesn't stay the same either." She looks none-too-comforted by what he's trying to say. "Sorry, this probably isn't helping."
"It's okay," she says quietly. "Thank you for being honest."
He sighs.
"It gets easier was the point I was trying to make, I think." Barry shakes his head. He probably should've just said that in the first place. "It'll take a long time. And I won't lie to you, some mornings I wake up and cry because I can't have breakfast with my parents and I won't ever be able to again."
The look Caitlin gives him is overwhelmingly tender and empathetic.
"But the hurt fades. Eventually I guess you come to terms with it. Not that it ever stops hurting, but there's, like, a light at the end of the tunnel. The longer you head towards it the brighter things get. You figure out how to get by without them."
He pauses, reconsidering his words.
"That's probably not the right way to say it. I mean it's not like your life is better without them. That's not what I meant. Not that you thought I meant that. I don't know what you thought. Uh, I just mean—"
His babbling is cut mercifully short as Caitlin wraps her arms around him. He returns the gesture in earnest.
"Are you just hugging me to get me stop rambling?" he asks over her shoulder.
She lets out a soft chuckle, her breath against his skin sending warm tingles down his spine.
"Maybe a tiny bit."
They separate, sitting noticeably closer than before. She smiles at him and the tension evaporates. Barry lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding, feeling considerably lighter. He nudges her shoulder playfully and she nudges him back.
Noise rings out from the circle again as Gypsy kisses yet another non-Cisco person.
"Oof," Barry says. Cisco's frown has intensified into a pout. "He's zero for two." Caitlin nods. "I still don't get why he wants to play so badly."
"Have they kissed yet?" she asks.
He shakes his head. "Apparently 'let's go on a walk in the pouring rain' just means 'let's go on a walk in the pouring rain.' Who would've guessed?"
She bites her lip thoughtfully, and Barry finds it inexplicably endearing. He wonders why; it's not like this is the first time he's seen it.
"Perhaps he's just that desperate to kiss her."
"Well, yeah, but why not just ask her then?"
"Maybe it's not that easy."
Barry rolls his eyes.
"Of course it is. It's just a question."
She gives him a challenging look.
"It's a little more than that."
He shrugs.
"Do you want to kiss me?"
She raises an eyebrow.
"I beg your pardon?"
"Do you want to kiss me?" he repeats, undeterred.
"I uh… why do you ask?"
He frowns.
"Well, I was trying to make the point that it is just a question."
"Well you didn't make it very well," she says, a playful bite lacing her words. He chuckles.
"I guess not."
"Cisco is probably afraid of the same response."
"Afraid enough to risk both of them kissing other people?"
She nods to the circle. "Evidently so."
They watch the game continue. Spin, holler, kiss, spin, holler, kiss, spin, rinse, kiss, repeat, spin, holler, rinse, kiss, repeat, spin, holler, kiss, and spin ad nauseam. After a while it becomes rhythmic, mesmerizing in a way. Eventually Barry's motormouth decides the silence is too much, so he asks the most basic thing that comes to mind.
"How was your nap?"
She turns to him, eyebrow quirked.
"You already asked me that."
Smooth.
His expression turns sheepish.
"Oh, sorry. Uh, what did you say again?"
"It was very nice, thank you." His cheeks heat up. "Am I so unmemorable?"
He knows she's teasing but it doesn't stop him from feeling like an ass.
"Of course not. You're… you're super memorable."
Stay up all night thinking of that one?
"Mhm," she hums with a smirk as she gets up out of her seat. "I'm going to get a drink. Do you want anything?"
"I'm good, thanks."
Barry sighs, eyes trailing after her as she heads to the coffee counter to prepare something. Why does he have to be so damn awkward all the time? Always so thoughtless, so impulsive, so unobservant—
"Barry."
Speaking of.
He was so busy watching Caitlin that he didn't notice Iris sitting down across from him. He jumps.
"Oh, uh, hi." she smirks.
"Hello to you too. So how long has this"—she looks back and forth between him and Caitlin—"been a thing?"
He blinks.
"What?"
She rolls her eyes.
"Don't play dumb, Barry."
"A thing? Like, a romantic thing?" He scoffs. "We're not a romantic thing."
"But you're totally into her, right?"
He musters his best confused look.
"Why else would you guys be back here instead of playing?"
"Because it's a stupid game."
She gives him a really? look.
"Then why are you here at all?"
He groans in exasperation.
"Because Cisco guilt-tripped us into coming. He wanted us to be supportive or something."
Iris looks over at the circle and then back at Barry.
"Yeah, because you're doing a whole lot of supporting from all the way over here."
"We're not a thing, Iris."
"But you're totally super into her."
He rubs his temples frustratedly.
"Why would you even think that?"
"Uh, how about the fact that it took you thirty seconds to notice me sitting down because you were checking her out."
"It was not thirty seconds." Barry doesn't sound nearly as confident as he's trying to sound. "And I was not checking her out!"
Iris snickers and his face heats up. In retrospect, he probably shouldn't have said that so loudly. Luckily, the wall of noise from the game prevents Caitlin from hearing him all the way across the room.
"Uh-huh."
Iris stands, grinning smugly.
"I'm not into her," he mumbles, not meeting her eyes.
"Tell me that again at the end of the week."
Barry frowns as she returns to the circle.
Okay, even if he was into Caitlin it's not like he could do anything about it. She's still heartbroken over Ronnie. You don't just bounce back into the dating world after your high school sweetheart dies.
And even if she was ready to move on, it's spring break. It's not the time for steady relationships. Sure, maybe they have feelings now but what if it's just because of the vibe? That's all it is. That spring break feeling. That sweet spot between the delusional invincibility of childhood and the dangerous freedom of adulthood. Their feelings are fleeting. Temporary. A very pretty ice sculpture.
Barry shakes his head.
There aren't even any feelings in the first place! It's ridiculous. Iris is ridiculous. Caitlin is like his sister.
His face scrunches up.
Okay, maybe not his sister. More like… a friend. Just a friend. His best friend. Like Cisco. Barry wouldn't date Cisco.
And Iris' challenge is a point against her anyways. Yeah, sure, maybe he'll be able to say he has feelings at the end of the week. But what about a month from then? Two weeks? A day?
Caitlin returns to her seat, sipping her tea. Barry tries to push the thoughts deep into his pit of repressed thoughts, right in between 'Memories of Clowns' and 'Idiotic Impulses That I'm Going to Regret Giving Into.'
(Come to think of it, he should probably file these thoughts under the latter.)
Her shoulder touches his and his heart jumps a little.
"Hey," he says.
"Hey," she replies, smiling. "Miss me?"
He blinks.
"Uh, ha, yeah, definitely."
Why are his palms getting clammy?
She raises an eyebrow.
"Everything alright?"
"Oh, yeah. Iris was just… Iris and I were talking."
"Oh. Is something wrong?"
Think, Barry, think.
"She just… she was wondering… she was asking why we weren't playing."
Alright, not your worst performance.
Caitlin doesn't look entirely convinced, but she doesn't question him. There's a pause as she takes another sip of her tea. She sighs in satisfaction.
After a few moments, she tilts her head against his shoulder, scooting a little bit closer. He finds himself almost reflexively resting his head atop hers. They continue watching the game in silence. His heartbeat picks up, his palms sweat, and he feels tingles running up and down his spine with every little movement Caitlin makes. Maybe comparing her to Cisco wasn't as apt as he thought, because Cisco sure as hell doesn't make him feel like this.
"Hey, Barry?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm really glad I came. On the trip, I mean."
He smiles.
"Me too."
Oh boy.