a/n: ok slightly darker lemons than usual - just a little warning.

Enjoy

Chapter 3

BPOV

I heard the front door slam close and I bolted up right in my bed, being snapped from my sleep. All I heard after it was an aggravated shout. Alice.

Alice and Jasper were here and I was still sleeping. My guess also that it was Edward who had slammed the door behind him.

I sat up in bed, it was late afternoon and only waking from the fitful sleep I had after Edward had soothed me. He had been so sweet. I couldn't understand my sudden urge to give up and cry like I had. Edward was still here with me, there was no battle between us. I could only put it down to something deep in the back of my mind.

Rose was unable to have children because she couldn't conceive, I couldn't have children because as long as I was with Edward, he would most likely never agree to have a child, why else would he continually shoot me down every time I tried to bring it up.

I rubbed at my eyes before I focused on the t-shirt I wore. Washington State. It was Edwards college t-shirt, worn out and huge on me but he knew I liked to wear it. I hadn't even noticed what one he had put on me before I fell asleep, only that it was his.

A small knock came from the other side of the door and I called them in only to be surprised at Jaspers face rather than Alice's. It was usually her that came in, though she did tend to forgo the warning by never actually chapping on the door.

I smiled up at him as he walked in with a small hesitant smile on his face. I didn't want to hear what was about to come out from his mouth. It was obviously the reason for the slammed front door.

He sat down on the edge of my bed handing me my black sugary coffee that I knew I was going to need. "Thanks." I told him with a small smile as I leaned back a little. I was waiting, waiting for it, for whatever was causing that look on his face.

"Edward…" he started.

"Slammed the door?" I asked but it sounded more like a statement. I really didn't need to ask, I knew it had been him.

He nodded softly.

"He's gone?" I asked in more ways than one. My Edward did slam doors but I knew that this wasn't my Edward, not this time, time had ran out on his latest visit and that Edward was back.

"He and Alice had words. He was off with her from the start, I-I-"

I cut him off. "Jazz…Really… I was expecting it." I knew it was coming.

Ok I had let my mind get carried away slightly earlier and felt some excitement that perhaps he wouldn't leave me this time but once again, I was wrong. Of course he was going to. It was Edward. I had to stop thinking like this.

But something in me felt like he was going to be leaving me soon. It had been a while since any form of episode and I knew it was just a matter of time, hours. That why the tears had come.

I took a long drink of the black coffee and felt the hot liquid slide down my insides. I knew I was going to need more than just this cup to get me though today. I still felt tired and I knew there was going to be things needing dealt with, with Edward gone, Alice was first.

"I'll just give you a few minutes. Alice and I will be in the kitchen." His head leaned to the side, looking at me with sympathy. Something about Jasper and the way he just seemed to look at you could calm you down. He wasn't one for words as such, he was honest at times but everything he wanted to say could be said by a look and it would just simply wash over you, easing you.

I nodded at him, letting him know I had heard him before he got up and softly closed the door behind him.

I took another long drink of coffee before sitting it down on Edwards's bed side table and reaching for Edward's joggers that I had discarded last night. Picking up my coffee I headed through to the kitchen to see Alice and Jasper.

"Morning." I greeted with the best smile I could. I knew I looked like crap. I had literally cried myself to sleep and that though alone made me not want to look in the mirror.

"Afternoon." Alice corrected with a small teasing smile trying to lighten me.

There was a pink elephant sitting in the corner and no one was mentioning it. No one was mentioning Edward walking out the front door.

"How are you Alice?" I sat down in front of her, still concerned of her lack of speech last night.

She looked down at the table before twitching a pout off to the side and shrugging. "I was just a little…shocked." it sounded like a question, as if asking is she really had been in shock.

"I'm sorry, I should have been better, I…I just got caught a little off guard." She tried to explain.

"Alice, its fine you don't need to explain." I told her gently as I reached for her hand that lay on the table.

"Edward seems to think I need to." She mumbled.

"Is that why he stormed off out of here?" I couldn't believe he would pull up his own sister about her reactions when he could act the way he did. I was seriously pissed off at him now, mood or no mood, he should have understood better than anyone.

"He didn't storm out." Alice tried to lie.

"Don't cover for him, I heard the door, he's pissed at nothing just because he having another episode. He can't take it out on people like that, and especially over something like that."

"She's right." Jasper added backing me up.

Just because he was heading for a fall with his own emotions didn't give him the right to pull someone else down with him, its one thing to try and fight and argue over something stupid and ridiculous, but its quite another being pulled down with him because of a tiny moment you weren't the person someone needed you to be.

"He was in a mood as soon as he answered the door. I could see him gunning for her, for anything." Jasper shook his head a little disappointed in his own friend. He knew deep down it wasn't truly Edward but Jasper was looking out for his wife, his main concern.

"Well I should have been there for Rose, Edward was right." Alice argued, not wanting the reality of the situation to be so blatant.

"Forget about Edward." I told them. "Are you ok, Alice?" I asked again.

"Fine. How are Rose and Emmett? Edward growled something about you two going over."

"Em came to the door in the middle of the night. Rose wanted me to go in and see her in the hope Emmett would talk to Edward. He got some of it off his chest. Nothing much, but it's better than nothing."

Alice only nodded softly at my response.

"I told them to contact us when they were ready. I didn't want us to go in there bothering them."

"Yeh, mum had said to do the same thing this morning." Alice said. "I think that's what they need, some time alone." She nodded to herself.

"How are you?" Jasper asked directing the question at me.

"Fine." I mumbled, dazing down at the table with my mind stuck on Rose and Emmett and wondering where the hell Edward had disappeared to this time.

"Fine?" He questioned.

I looked up at him in the eyes, was he suggesting I wasn't. That I couldn't cope.

"I'm ok." I told him firmly. "I just want to know where Edward went to." I told him honestly.

"He just headed out, you know him, not one for talking when he's like that. Why don't you give him a dose of his own medicine and the three of us go for some dinner? He can come back to an empty apartment." Jasper shrugged.

It sounded pretty mean. I knew it wasn't Edwards fault the way he reacted so I didn't like to retaliate and get his back up more. Some times he would challenge me, the glare in his eyes telling me, but this time he walked out after an argument with Alice and I didn't know how he was.

Was he challenging her, Jasper said he was gunning for her, that he seemed to be looking for a fight rather than just being moody. I wanted to see Edward for myself before I acted out in any way. He might have just been mad at Alice; he might want to see me.

I didn't want to leave him, not until I seen how he was.

"No, I think I'm just going to wait on him-"

"Bella, you're always waiting on him when he's like this. Don't do it to yourself. We know you love him but he is an adult, he can look after himself. If you come with us all you are doing is staying out of his line of fire for a little while." Alice told me.

I nodded knowing she was right, but I still didn't want to leave the apartment. "I know, I just don't want to leave. I don't want to go." I was still feeling a little tired and to be honest I wasn't hungry.

"Well, we will get take away." She told me firmly.

"No, its fine. I'm not really even hungry. You two go for dinner."

"Are you alright?" Alice asked eyeing me up.

"Fine." I told her, the look of confusion no doubt written across my face.

"Really?" she raised one of her perfectly plucked brows at me.

"I'm just worried about Edward and also Rose and Emmett."

"If you say so…"

"Alice-"

"Bella, she wasn't being rude, you... you just seem a little off colour today is all." Jasper defended jumping in between us.

"It was a long night." I lied. It had been draining to see Rose like that but I would have been worse if I hadn't seen her, it wasn't that bad, on me at least. I just didn't want to go into detail with them about my own little breakdown. They didn't need to hear about that right now with everything else that was going on around us.

"Ok, I'm sorry. Are you sure you don't want to come with us. We could be quick, before Edward even gets back." She said trying to tempt me. But it was true, I wasn't really that hungry.

"Really, you go. The coffee was enough for me."

"You can't just drink that." she told me flatly and a little worried.

"I'll get something when I want it." For the first time in my life I just wanted Alice gone. I wanted to crawl into bed and mop about, I wanted my Edward just now and he was gone.

She sighed, defeated. "Ok, we will leave you. But call us if you need us, if Edward is being a true dick or if you hear anything from Rose and Emmett."

"I will do." I told them both looking between them as Alice stood up beside Jasper.

"We will see you soon." She nodded.

I nodded back before they got up and left me alone in the kitchen making there own way out.

Slowly I made my way back to my room before I crawled under the covers again. I wish I had Edward beside me but once again, I was alone.

EPOV

I raked my hands through my hair, almost pulling the damn stuff out. I couldn't help it. I just seen Alice and I snapped.

She had went all quiet on us last night and it niggled at me that it was Bella that had to support Rosalie herself when Alice should have been at least trying to help. Bella was exhausted and it was evident as she cried her self to sleep. I felt it was Alice's fault. As irrational as I knew it was I couldn't help but blame her for Bella's state.

I knew something wasn't right when I tired to suggest we do something and all Bella wanted to do was to stay in bed, it wasn't even as if I had seen that cheeky smirk play on her face that let me know she had other ideas how to spend our time. This morning she gripped into me as if I was leaving her for good. I knew it was half my own damn fault also.

I should have kept quiet about how I was feeling. My good mood I just couldn't hide and I should have tried to tone it down if only a little, for Bella's sake. She seen the smile I held and I had infected her with it. To put someone in a good mood would never be a bad thing except when it made Bella think I was growing out of this condition.

I set her up for the fall.

Alice not being there and adding extra pressure on to her had just made me snap. I shouted and before I knew it I was walking out of my own home and leaving my love in her bed unaware of where I had went to.

Would she look for me when she woke up?

I didn't want to face Bella either. I knew I would only growl at her. My grey cloud was well and truly above my head and with it came the rain, drowning me in a flood of self pity at my own hope, at my condition leaving me, being shattered.

I had to admit I had been a little hopeful, when I seen the sad look in Bella's eye I could feel the cold steely blade below my feet, the knifes edge that I balanced on once again. I held on tight not wanting to leave her when I could see she needed someone, that she needed me to be strong for her. I offered her a shower in the hope of easing her but she only struggled more and before I knew it small tears escaped her.

I knew it was me she was crying for, the realization that my Mister Hyde was soon to come tearing out of me. I had boasted about the record I had broken of going without an episode but I had only emphasized the lack of time I had left, leaving Bella to think about it more than I should have allowed. It was stupid of me and now she was torn apart and here I was, Hyde and on the run.

I wanted to go back to her, check she was ok. I knew that I would have to reign in my temper and mood and try and be there for her. I needed to be there for her. She never expected it from me, but I had to step up and be there for her. She was struggling with Rosalie and Emmett, concerned for how they were but I knew it would have raised a few thought of her own on the matter.

I looked out to the water, the black liquid looking almost intimidating. It was at times inviting, the deep dark black letting me know the hard days could be over with.

The darkest of days I felt like this, exasperated with the pains of my mind and body. The only thing to ever stop me from plunging into the icy waters was Bella.

She had saved me more ways than she would ever know and I knew I had to be there for her, support her with the struggle she seemed to have earlier. I had to go back to her. Shifting the Volvo into reverse I headed for home.

I opened the door quietly as I sneaked though the hallways so not to disturb Bella if she was still asleep, though I'm sure my sister would have woken her up.

She wasn't to be found in the living room or the kitchen. The bathroom lay open and vacant also.

I padded my trainers along the deep carpet of the hall until I reached our room.

Opening the door I peaked around the corner to find Bella sleeping. She had been up though. She lay above the covers this time and wearing my joggers along with my college t-shirt that she seemed to love so much.

I made my way over to the bed and sat on the edge. She lay asleep on my side of the bed, cuddling into my pillow and I immediately felt guilty for letting Alice get to me so much that I walked out.

I reached for her shoulder, gently shaking her as I kissed her forehead.

"Love." I called to her and she began to stir, her nose twitching as she came too. I kissed that too.

"Love." I called to her again and her brown eyes finally revealed themselves to me, fluttering open.

I heeled off my trainers and slid up beside her as she crawled in tight to my side.

"I didn't know when you would be back." She told me quietly. I couldn't help but see the double meaning to the question, intentional or not.

"I just needed to cool down, try and compose myself a little." It was true. It was what I needed to do. I had managed to reach up and hold back on to that ledge and would fight it as long as I could for Bella.

She took her face out from my side and looked up at me. "Are you ok?"

I sighed; I had to tell her the truth. "I lost it for a little, but I know you need me, I'm fighting it."

"I always need you." she told me and my heart exploded at all the times I had let her down.

"No you don't. You're a tough cookie, you don't need me at all." she really didn't need me. It would make her life so much easier if I was just to vanish, but I also knew that she loved me so I never could do that to her and if I was honest, I was too selfish to do it to myself.

"Yes I do. Don't ever think I don't. Ok, Edward, don't think I can live without you." she cuddled into my side. She was firm, her emotional side calmer than it had been earlier. She was right, she had been tired.

"What did you have for dinner?" I asked trying to change the topic. It needed to be changed to a lighter note.

"Nothing, I was waiting on you." she told me as she sat up. "What have you had to eat today?" she looked a little concerned.

I thought about it, I hadn't had anything since yesterday lunch time. "Nothing." I stammered out nervously, she was going to give me hell, she knew I had had no dinner last night like her.

"Edward." She slammed her palms off of the mattress.

"I wasn't thinking, sorry." I told her honestly. "What have you had?"

"Nothing." She told me flatly. And she was telling me off.

"You should have eaten something at least." I sighed, she hadn't eaten much over the past few days and I had noticed. She didn't need to lose anymore weight. She was tiny as it was.

"You're the one that could make yourself ill. You are being selfish." She chided me.

"Selfish? How the hell am I selfish?" I asked a little surprised she was whipping my arse over this they way she was.

"I need you, I need you to stay with me and not eating is going to bring down a depression when it may not have come."

"Bella…" I sighed. What was I to say, I couldn't help it when they came, not eating could trigger it but it had already came. It was me that had pulled myself up but Bella was about to knock me back down.

"You know you need to eat." She told me coldly as she climbed across me and tried to get off the bed. I reached for her waist, stilling her over me.

"Stop, please." My hands squeezed at her sides, letting her see my desperation. I didn't want to go and leave her but right now she was pushing me.

"You should have eaten." She told me firmly again.

I sat up, my face inches away form hers. "Stop." I warned firmly with a light small shout.

Her eyes dropped and I hated myself for implying that she was going to cause an episode even though it was true.

"I love you." I told her because I knew it was what she needed to hear. She knew I was still truly with her if I told her that. I always loved her but in bouts of depression and anger and anxiety I would tell her constantly I never. I would try and put doubt in her head, trying to force her away.

Her eyes looked back up and met mine before she reached forward and kissed me firmly on the lips, almost hungry.

I broke away assessing her features and looking deep into here eyes. There still seemed to be a shift in her, it was different from earlier but it was still different form how she normally was.

She seemed almost needy and desperate. She had seemed fragile with it earlier but now she was firmer, more defiant almost.

"What?" she asked me a little sharply.

I tried to hide my look of confusion on my face. "Nothing, you…you just seem a little…off colour?" I treaded carefully.

She scoffed at my words and before I knew it she was off of my knees and furiously tying her hair back. I hated her hair back. I loved it down so I could smell it and run my fingers through it.

"Bella…" I tried to call her back to me, to let her know if wasn't a dig, it was only concern.

"I'm going to make some dinner." She told me firmly before almost running away from me, heading to the kitchen.

Dinner was quiet; Bella never spoke as she prepared the food. She placed the plate down in front of me with a little thud before she sat down at the table across from me. I played with it, my concern for Bella overshadowing the need for any food. I was nervous with how she was; she was on edge after our words in the bedroom.

"Don't you like it?" she asked pointedly.

I shrugged. "I'm not too hungry." I had for the most part chased the food around the plate.

"You need to eat."

"So do you."

"Edward…" she sighed.

"Bella…" I mimicked her.

We were going to kill each other before the night was out if this didn't stop.

I couldn't think what it was, why the change in her. Was she still tired? Was my condition finally enough for her, the rest of my families problems becoming to much of a burden on her.

It wasn't like her to act this way, stubborn; yes, aggressive; not really.

She knew how to push my buttons better than anyone but she wasn't doing that, she was just…just…being…I had no idea what she was trying to do to me. She was acting like me, when my moods take over. Did she see what she was doing, what she was like?

She stood up and scraped at her almost full plate before leaving it in the sink and heading out the room.

I sat there a little dumbfounded but I couldn't be bothered eating so I copied her moves and emptied the plate after eating almost nothing.

I washed up the dishes and I could feel the emotion getting to me, my condition pulling on me, its grip strangling me.

I fought against it and focused on the soap bubbles in front of me, trying to let my concern of Bella ease so not to knock me over.

Once I was finished washing I left them to dry and headed to our bed room.

Bella was under the covers with my t-shirt still on and her hair still pulled back. It was early but I still stripped and climbed under the covers before easing back into my pillow.

I was still fighting to hold on to reality but Bella's emotions radiated from her.

I closed my eyes and felt s shift on the bed and Bella climbing over me, straddling my waist.

Opening my eyes I sat there shocked as she leaned into me kissing me harshly.

"What are you doing?" I asked a little shocked after I broke away from our kiss.

"What does it look like Edward?" She shrugged and tried to reach for my lips once again.

"Bella…" I spoke her name as I evaded her lips.

Bella wasn't shy on taking the lead in our sex life but something was odd with this. She wasn't her usual self and neither was I, right now. We had made love before after fall outs and even sometimes when my anxiety was rife but this was something else.

We were both on the edge it seemed. I was about to topple over and Bella was acting erratic.

She ground against my groin and I felt myself harden at the action. I wanted her but I wasn't going to do this. It wasn't fair to her. She was still obviously in shock and this would be taking advantage.

"Bella." I croaked out, her actions having the effect they wanted.

She rocked against me again and I let out a small groan.

"Come on…" she almost begged.

"No, not like this." I told her firmly.

"Like what?" she asked a little confused. "You're going to leave me soon, I need you."

"No, I don't care. Bella something is up with you weather you can see it or not."

"Something's up with me?" she asked incredulously. "Please Edward…Don't make me beg." She spoke softly, despretly. Fuck, like I could watch her do that, beg me to take her. I was completely stunned.

"Not unless you can't manage…" Now she was just being a tease but she fed into the monster in me, she fed into the Mister Hyde and before I knew It I was hovering above her.

I felt my self plummet off the edge and into the oblivion as I tugged harshly at my t-shirt that Bella wore. As she sat up, helping me free her body from the cotton I pilled on the bobble that tied her hair back and freed it, letting her hair cascade down her back. It only made me want her more.

I pulled my own boxers off as I looked down at her in desperation. I always fought myself away from her when I was like this, afraid to hurt her but she had dragged it out of me and I wasn't going to stop. I couldn't seem to.

I paused for a moment, hesitant, feeling a little sick. Could I have her when I was like this? I knew I could have got up and walked straight out but now I was naked and so was Bella except from the underwear she wore.

Her hand reached out for mine and she tried to pull me down to her. I fought against what was right and what was wrong.

"Don't you have it in you?" she almost snapped and at her words I quickly and harshly pulled at her underwear, pulling them from her.

Her hands reached for my hair, her fingers raking though the strands as she tugged at me, pushing me on.

I felt my self get lost as I felt her need as she groaned. At it I quickly entered her and hated myself for succumbing to her so easily.

She rocked her hips forward slightly, pushing me further into her and I groaned out at the sensation.

Fuck I loved it. I loved her.

I pushed forward and groaned her name into her ear. Letting her know how much I needed her. That I always would.

I was gone and once this was finished I knew I would banish her from coming near me, I would recoil from her loving touch as usual so I had to let her know. Let her know it would only ever be her that I wanted.

I felt a sharp pain to my shoulder and snapped back when I realized it was Bella biting me. She liked to do it, to tease and push me on, she also just did it around the house being playful. But this was sharper and her face flashed realization of how sharp it had been when I looked down to her. She reached for me, licking it, soothing the bite but gave another firm bite again.

I pulled away form her, out of her before I turned her around and pulled her back flushed against my chest and reconnecting with her.

I was firmer wit her and she only pulled me into her further, her arm wrapping around my neck behind her.

I pushed her forward and feeling more of her as I rocked at her hips, her breath becoming laboured and mines also.

I felt the tight ball ready to explode as I let my hand search out her clit, bringing her to our own little edge, together.

I felt her walls tremble and at it I unravelled, spilling into her as I collapsed onto her back, pulling her onto her side so not to hurt her with my weight.

I felt my eyes flutter close instantly and I could do nothing to stop from sleep taking over me, my body spend.

BPOV

I felt a tight squeeze on my side, tight like he had held me as he had taken me earlier. It had been so animalistic but it had been me who had pushed for it.

I loved how he could satisfy me and I loved the small dull feel of where he had been between my legs.

I had just needed him so bad, so desperately. I could see his eyes cloud over as I pushed him, my Edward leaving me but I knew that he was still in there and I could only hope he wasn't too mad for me pushing him like I had and demanding him.

I knew he was still in there, that there would be a side of him in fear of letting his so called 'monster' out and hurting me. But I knew he never would. As certain as I knew he would never strike me even when I pushed at him when he was struggling to see what was in front of him.

I felt it again, his firm grip squeezing down on my side. I heard a stutter of air from behind me along with a small tremble through the mattress. His hand swiped at my hip and instantly I turned around, switching on the lamp.

Panic flooded me.

Edward was shaking with a sheen of sweat over him. His eyes opened and panicked also.

"M..." he mumbled quietly as he trembled.

I took a quick moment composing myself and thinking what I needed to do for him.

Reaching into his bedside drawer I pulled out the little bottle of tablets and poured two into my hand.

I reached for the half filled glass of day old water that sat on my side of the bed. Gently I pulled at his head lifting him up a little, against me, before placing the tablets on his tongue and helping him drink them down with the rank water.

He swallowed hard but began coughing as to much water filled him.

I pulled him onto his side and slapped his back gently, helping him breath.

He still trembled in my arms but I wouldn't let go of him. His hand clasped onto my forearm, as his forehead rested against it too.

He had swallowed the pills he needed but they would need a moment to kick in. I combed his hair back with my fingers cursing myself for forcing myself on him when he was like how he was and especially when he had ate almost nothing in two days.

This was my fault.

His body began to quickly settle and I let out a sigh of relief knowing that this would mean a couple of days in bed for him but at least he didn't need to go to the hospital.

No real emergency tonight.

I reached down and kissed his head knowing I could get away with it, that he was too weak in this moment to fight me off. He would refuse any signs of love when his emotions got the better of him but he was frail right now and I would show him how much I loved him while I could.

I loved him unconditionally, I only loved him more when he would fight me away because I knew that he needed me more and he needed the proof to be loud and clear and right in front of him.

His breathing calmed and I heard the small shallow breaths telling me he had fallen back to sleep. His body was drained and he needed all the rest he could get. He was fine just now but I would have Carlisle check him over in the morning.

I continued running my fingers though his messy hair as I reached for the covers pulling them back around him securely. He still rested against me, his head on my chest, leaning against my arm that he had gripped onto.

It was our usual sleeping pose except we had reversed rolls.

This time Edward clung onto me, not wanting me to leave him.

a/n: Ok a little darker than usual, please let me know what you think, I dont see it getting any darker - more drama, but not any darker - unless you liked it - let me know.

Please Review

Oh, one more question - In HOTRS there was planned scenes that never happened, things were cut out or just didnt run too well - would you like to see outtakes and deletes scenes that were missed out? let me know! xx