I'm back! And I'm feeling absolutely ecstatic right now, because (a) I'm getting such wonderful reviews from you all, and (b) I saw "Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street" for the fourth time today! Honestly, it gets better every time I go see it; plus, I've been given some great inspiration for future chapters!

So let's get on with Part 4, shall we?

Read, enjoy, and review if you'd like! I think I feel a chapter coming on; it must be…

Sweeney Todd: The Demon Parody of Fleet Street – Part 4

Meanwhiiiiile… Our gallant (yet slightly girly) young Anthony roams the streets of London, wondering if he should go meet Mr. Todd at that opium den after all, when…

Johanna – (with a voice higher than every hippie in the world combined) Ooooooh, my avian, feathered friends! My life has so many problems! (…Stop singing, by Jingo, and listen to me!) I mean, I'm the (makes finger quotes) "ward" of a psycho-perve-nut-job, who's probably watching me as we speak-

Judge Turpin – (puts the picture of naked people back over the peephole) Dammit. Foiled again.

Johanna – Not to mention I have to sit up here all day cross-stitching elaborate pornographic scenes for the judge, because he doesn't quite think I'm "ready to be broken in" yet, and on top of that I don't know who the hell my mom is! For all I know, she could be that crazy, tattered-looking beggar woman leaning on that… that rugged, manly sailor boy down there on the sidewalk!!! Oooo, Joanna likes!

Anthony – (drooling a little) Hubba hubba. I'd tap that.

Beggar Woman – HEY PUNK! I'M STARVING OVER HERE! (Anthony begrudgingly gives her money) Asinine teenagers… (begins to have a seizure) ChiiicKeN WiiinnNg!

Anthony – Hey, lady, can you like, stop shouting about KFC and tell me who that hottie is up there?

Beggar Woman – OoooOooOOhhhhhh, that's Johanna! She's the judge's tasty-niblet-captive-child. (Here comes another seizure) GggolllDden LlleopppaaAArrrRD!! (And the seizure passes) There are rumors that the only words he ever taught her to speak are, "Of course I'll have sex with you, milord!"

Anthony – Well, that's all about to change, by God! I'm going to steal her, take her to the mountains of Peru, shelter her in a cave and teach her how to say, "Of course I'll have sex with you, Anthony!"

Purists in the Theater – No! No, no, no! Anthony, you're supposed to be the young, innocent, lighthearted ingénue! Er… oh wait, an ingénue is a girl. Um, we mean, you're supposed to the young, innocent, lighthearted male ingénue!

(Random Talking Webster's Dictionary – ingénue: \an-jə-nü, än-; aⁿ-zhə-, äⁿ-\ 1. a naïve girl or young woman. 2. the stage role of an ingénue; also : the actress playing such a role. 3. Anthony. Except when he's being perverted.)

Judge Turpin – (magically apparating… um, I mean appearing in the doorway) Come in, miss! Don't worry, I won't bite; I only have teeth for Johanna! Oh wait… you're a boy. Or at least I think you are… Well, no matter, come in anyway.

Harry Potter – Don't do it, Snape is evil!!!!

People in the Theater Who Have Read the Last "Harry Potter" – No he's not!!! And where the hell did you come from?

Harry – Goddamn! Hermione, I thought you said you fixed the invisibility cloak!!

Hermione – Well, how was I supposed to know Ron was gonna use it to shield himself from Crookshanks?!

Harry – Bitch!

Hermione – Dumbhead!

They both disapparate in a cloud of teenage-wizard-angst.

Judge Turpin – So let me get this straight, you were looking for an opium den… why?

Anthony – Well, first it was because some of my fellow crewmembers said that I should, (uses finger quotes because he saw Johanna do it) "get some balls."

Rat in the Corner of the Room – (magically transforming in Beadle Bamford) Why would you want balls? Aren't you a girl?

Anthony – I'm just going to pretend you didn't say that.

Judge Turpin – You know, if you want some balls, all you have to do is look at one of my ba-jillions of Playboy magazines, get turned on, go somewhere secret with yourself and make some magic happen – I've been doing it for years!

People in the Theater Who Look for Plot Holes – You know there's like, a thousand whores in London that you could pay to keep quiet about sleeping with you…

The Spartan Cheerleaders from "Saturday Night Live" – SEX CAN WAIT, MASTURBATE!!!

Anthony – The mysterious voices are right, you know, on both accounts. I got such a creepy rash from those native chicks… So anyway, getting balls was my original reason for going to the opium den, but now I want to go there to get high and hallucinate about humping Johanna-

People in the Theater Who Feel Sorry for Anthony – Gasp!

Anthony – Oops.

Random Five-Year-Old in the Theater – Does he mean he's going chop a hump off of a camel and put it on the girl's back?

Judge Turpin – Okay, that's it!! TEN YEARS OF DETENTION, WEASLEY!!!

Anthony – Um, WTF?

Tim Burton – Alan's still working out the kinks of playing a new role. Take it easy there, Alan!

Judge Turpin – My name is Judge Turpin!

Tim Burton – Attaboy!

Judge Turpin – Okay, so I suppose you know the drill, sonny. (gets his face within a centimeter of Anthony's)

AnthonyTurpin Shippers – (if there are currently any of these out there) KISS!! SMOOCH!! SNOG!! MAKE OUT!!

Judge Turpin – Whoever these mysterious voices are, they're quite disturbing… not to mention they're making me question my overall sexuality…

Anthony – If you don't mind… (gulps) sir… you're definitely all up in my grill right about now, so I'd appreciate it if you get the $# out of it.

Beat of silence.

Anthony – Please.

Judge Turpin – Only if you get out of here, go find your freaking opium den, and instead of hallucinating about Johanna, hallucinate about kissing my big, evil ass!

Badasses in the Theater Who Got Dragged There by Their Girlfriends Who Wanted to See Johnny Depp – Yeah, Judge dude! You tell him, you baller, you!

Anthony – (struggling to find a better insult) Well… I don't… You… Your mom is… I THINK YOUR OUTFIT IS REALLY UGLY AND SHOULD BE IN THE "FASHION POLICE" SECTION OF "US WEEKLY" MAGAZINE!!

Anthony starts to storm off.

AnthonyTurpin Shippers – Almost die. But end up surviving because they knew nothing was probably gonna happen anyway. Then they go write some AnthonyTurpin fics to repair their broken souls.

Beadle Bamford – Beats up Anthony. (Because Anthony has no balls, of course). Then drops Anthony's rucksack on top of Anthony's back just as he's trying to pick himself up off the sidewalk.

Cynics in the Theater – (fall down on the ground laughing) That was… (haaahhahahaha) the best timing… (heeheehoomwahaha) EVER!!

People Who Feel Sorry for Anthony – Maul the Cynics.

Random Fangirl – WHAT THE FRIGGIN' HELL??!! THERE'S NO SWEENEY IN THIS ENTIRE DAMN SCENE!! I WANT MY $8.57 BACK RIGHT FLIPPIN' NOW, AMC!!!

And that's all for now! But don't worry Random Fangirls across the nation… Sweeney will be back in Part 5! Until then; thanks again folks!