I sat there and he rattled on and on about things he liked and things he disliked. I wanted to punch him and drag to a river and hold his head under the water. I chuckled slightly to myself.
"What's so funny?" Jesse asked interrupting my thoughts once again.
"Nothing that you would find funny," I answered.
"Were you thinking about killing me? Again?" Jesse asked with the most bored look on his face.
"Yeah pretty much," I said with a grin. He rolled his eyes and I wanted to ripe that smug look off his face.
"Is that all you ever think about, Johan?" he asked and I looked out my window. I tried to keep my smirk back but it was harder than I thought.
"Not always, brat. Your not the only thing on my mind yeah know," I spoke softly and once again I let my voice get soft. I was really hating what Jesse was doing to me.
"Okay. Spill. What's on your mind?" he asked and sat next to me and I moved away from him. I, again, sat by my window.
"Why would I tell you?" I questioned.
"'Cause, unlike you, I want to get to know you better and be friends," he replied.
"Well, like you put it, I don't want to be friends. I was happy knowing you were never even alive. I won't be able to be happy again. Not with you breathing," I growled back at him.
He stared at me with them emerald-amber eyes. I found that funny cause only Jehu had amber eyes. I just sat there watching him. He looked away and laid on my bed and grabbed a pillow and a blanket and laid on my window. Jesse was asleep in minutes and I also grabbed my sketch book and turned to one page where I drew a picture of Michael. I held back so many tears, but seeing that picture and I lost it. I set it down and quietly sobbed to myself.
Sometime during all my crying, I fell asleep and woke up to the sun barely about the hills by the forest. I look over to my bed and Jesse was sleeping. I still hated how much he looked like Jehu. I couldn't move. I felt like I was being held in place. Then my door opened and my eyes snapped up to see Dr. Rhodes.
"Morning Johan," she greeted quietly.
"Morning..." I replied.
"You let him sleep in here?" she asked.
"No. He just came in here and said he was staying and he wouldn't leave," I answered.
"Oh I see," she said and she sounded sad. I don't blame her, she wants us to get along but I just couldn't do it.
"So what time do we leave?" I asked I want to know when so we could get through it quickly.
"Its in about two more hours, sweetie. It's at nine o'clock," she replied sensing my sadness.
I nodded and got up. I tensed for a second and rubbed my side. I pull my shirt up, wondering why it hurt and saw a large black and blue bruise. I stared at it for a few minutes. Where the hell did that come from, I thought to myself. I shrugged it off and put on a pair of black jeans and a plain black shirt. I was never one for suits or any kind of fancy clothes. I began to fix my hair but could get it to brush. I sighed and shock my head like a wet dog and it straighten up slightly. I ran the brush through it and stared into the mirror. I saw myself as a child pulling the knife out of my mother's chest and I couldn't hold in my smirk.
It was so strange that I was going to a funeral. I didn't go to my mother's, father's, or brother's funeral. This was the first one I've ever been to. Another sigh and I walked out of the bathroom and looked once more at my bed. Jesse was still sleeping and I still wanted to throw him out the window. I looked over to the window and saw my sketch book till there where I left it. I picked it up and closed then hid it cause I didn't want anyone to see what was inside.
Once it was hidden I went down stairs to see Dr. Rhodes making coffee. I smiled knowing I wouldn't have to go see Michael alone. I sat down and she looked at me with sad eyes. I didn't want to speak. And I won't not even if she asked me to. I just couldn't believe this day has come.
"Hey sweetie. You ready?" Dr. Rhodes asks me with a soft voice. I just nod and get up. I grabbed my jacket and slid my shoes on and sat in the car. She sighed and got in the driver side.
When we got there something I never expected happened. There were Michael's parents. I got out and was staring in complete shock then the anger settled in. I stood and when I saw Michael in the coffin it was so strange. They put him in a suit. I chuckled at him.
"You would have hated this Michael..." I spoke softly and I loosen the tie and unbutton the shirt and messed his hair up. I smiled at him and whispered, "Now you look like you."
His parents saw me do it but said nothing. I was till shocked that they even cared for Michael. The preacher continued to talk about how good Michael was but I doubt he meant a single word he was saying. Dr. Rhodes sat beside me. She kept sending me side-ways glances to see how I was doing. I was clutching the sides of my chair wanting more than anything to give Michael a second chance. I won't cry, I won't cry I thought as a few tears slid down my cheeks.
I looked down at the ground and when the preacher stopped talking it began to rain. Dr. Rhodes opens an umbrella and she held it over the two of us. I stood up and walked up the coffin. I welcomed the cold rain onto my skin. Dr. Rhodes began to walk over to me but she sat back down, knowing I had to stay here for a minute. I ran my fingers over his skin. It was still soft, but now instead of his peach skin, it was pale.
Everyone went inside but me. I sat by Michael's coffin. I didn't want to let him go. I still can't believe he was even in the damn thing. I looked at him again, wishing this was a trick and he would open his eyes. Then he would smile and we would go back to the church a few yards away from me. Dr. Rhodes came back saying they were going to bury him now. I finally let it out and I fell to my knees crying and refusing to let them put Michael in the ground. She stared at me in shock. I know it was shock. I never cry. At least, I never cried in front of her.
She came over to me and hugged me as I sobbed into her shoulder. I have never felt more hollow and alone in my life. She finally pulled me away from the coffin and I watched them close it and lower it into the ground. I stared in disbelief. I couldn't make my mind wrap around the fact that he was truly gone.
"Come on, sweetie. Lets get you home and out of theses wet clothes," Dr. Rhodes's voice startled me. But I nodded and followed her to the car.
The ride home was silent. I didn't care this time. I just never knew this would come. As we pulled into the driveway, Jesse was waving from the front door. I froze. I forgot he was here and my face was coated in tears I dried them and got out of the car.
"Hey Jesse," Dr. Rhodes said to him and hugged him. He hugged back, of course, then he saw me. I just walked past him and he grabbed my wrist.
"Johan, wait! Do you need anything?" he asked me if I needed his help? I just ripped my arm out of his grip and went to my room.
I noticed he made my bed and moved the pillows from the window to the bed. I began to take off my wet clothes. At that moment I wanted to get sick and go to see Michael right now. I just stood there with my wet shirt in my hands and I was staring out the window. I was so focused on either jumping out the window or stabbing myself I didn't notice Jesse standing at my door.
"Hey. You okay?" his voice startled me. I turned to see him just standing there.
I shock my head and began to take off the rest of my wet clothes.
"It would be polite to answer someone when they ask you something," he carried on. I was getting pissed off and I was about to start choking him all over again.
"Fine. Fuck off. Happy?" I answered.
"No. That was rude. You know, you don't have to be a jerk. Even if your stupid friend dies," He said. I stopped and turned to him and the anger clear in my eyes. before I knew what was happening I grabbed him and slammed him onto the floor and began to choke him.
"Take. That. Back," I spoke with venom. As I began to apply pressure Dr. Rhodes came up and pulled us apart.
"What is going on up here!" she demanded holding me.
"I didn't do anything! He tackled me!" Jesse lied through his fucking teeth.
"YOU CALLED MICHAEL STUPID!" I screamed at him and struggled against Dr. Rhodes but she kept a firm grip on me.
"Jesse. Did you?" Dr. Rhodes asked sternly.
"So what?" He answered and that was it.
I pushed her off and pinned him down and began to choke him. He grabbed my wrists trying to pry my hands off him and Dr. Rhodes was trying to pull me off. I wouldn't let her and the next thing I knew Jesse kicked me in the stomach and punched me into the wall and that when my whole world turned black.
I don't remember waking up, but when I opened my eyes I was in my room. I looked around. Everything was blurry. I could hear voice but I couldn't make them out. I blinked trying to make my vision focus but no matter how hard I tried I couldn't get anything to appear focused. I heard the door open and looked at the person who walked in.
"…... he doing?"
"….. he..."
I was trying to listen but I couldn't. Whoever was worried came over and noticed my eyes were open and talking way to fast. I tried to response but my head hurt too much. I blinked a few more times but my vision still wouldn't clear.
"…. he answering?"
"….damage..."
"….. be okay..."
I groaned the talking was hurting my head. Before I could look up the two were gone. Then a blurry teal haired person came into my room and I knew it was Jesse. I wanted to kill him for daring to hit me, but was shocked when I could hear him as clear as day.
"Johan...? Please... I'm sorry I did that, but you were choking me and I panicked and I'm sorry I called Michael stupid," his words sank in and I let it go about Michael but him hitting me still pissed me off.
"…..Fu..ck... You..." I mumbled and he looked at me and hugged him close and I tried to push him off but his grip was strong and I couldn't see for shit.
"Your okay..." he whispered and held me. I was getting angrier by the minute.
"Get... o...ff..." I said and finally pushed him off me. Jesse stayed close to me cause I began to stand up and he called for Dr. Rhodes I'm sure.
"Johan!" she hugged me and I collapsed into her arms my legs unable to support me and she sat down holding me crying.
"Dr... Rhodes...?" I asked with worry for her.
"Shhh... don't say anything... We are right here..." She stroked my cheek and I blinked slowly my head spinning. Once my vision started to come back everything once again became black. I don't remember when I woke up afterwards.