Chapter 4
May 17, 2012
The house was empty when Victoria returned from seeing Phyllis. It had been an impulsive stop after her appointment with Dr. Lange, one that seemed completely rational and justifiable at the time, but now standing in the entry of the home she shared with Billy, Victoria began to second-guess her decision to run.
She tossed her purse and keys on the table at the foot of the stairs and let her eyes travel across every detail of the living room where so much had happened, good and bad. She loved this house. She had loved it since the day Gloria showed it to them and not just because it was a replica of Jim and Margaret's house, although she had taken that coincidence as a sign from the universe. She loved its hominess, its warmth, that it was perfect for a family. But mostly she loved it because of Billy, because it symbolized their ultimate leap of faith in each other. This house was their blaring announcement to the world that they would be together, everyone else's opinion be damned. So how could she even consider leaving it now? Or him?
"Hey you!" Billy's voice startled her back to reality just in time to catch him exiting the dining room, hurriedly closing the folding doors behind him. His face was all devilish grin, a sure sign he was up to something. "Thought I heard you come in," he said as he grabbed her face and gave her three quick kisses on the lips. "How was your day?"
Despite everything weighing on her mind, Victoria returned his smile easily, naturally. She always felt better just seeing his face. "My day was…eventful," she sighed. It was honest, if not exactly forthcoming.
"Eventful, huh?" He teasingly narrowed his eyes at her and snaked his arms around her waist, pulling her close to him. "Tell me all about it. Anything earth-shattering? Life-altering?"
Her own arms instinctively draped around Billy's neck, while her eyes nervously avoided his gaze for fear that he would see how accurately he had just described the events of her day. "Nothing quite that exciting," she lied. "Unless you count Abby and Chloe making it through an entire gala meeting without fighting, which you might come to think of it. How about you? How was your day?"
"It was good. Not 'eventful,'" he smiled, "but good. So, you all packed for D.C.?"
"Not even close," she groaned.
"Wish I could go with you."
"I know." She lovingly slid her fingers into his hair and rubbed lazy circles into his scalp. "But you can't. You have meetings and deadlines and employees to boss around. Plus, Delia needs you here. And Jack. And Ashley."
"Yeah, that's all true, but I'm still gonna miss you like crazy." He kissed her again and drew her into a hug that she returned as fiercely as he gave.
"Me too," she said quietly, and they held onto each other until her eyes landed on the mysteriously closed dining room doors. "So, um, why are those doors closed? We never close those doors. Oh God, don't tell me Keely strewed the trash again?"
"No, Keely did not strew the trash again," he mimicked, a gleam in his eyes. "It's a surprise. For you."
Billy positioned her in front of the folding doors and dramatically opened them, revealing a candlelit dinner for two, but it was more than that. Tropical flowers graced every flat surface, and the table was covered with all the exotic dishes they had eaten on their honeymoon. He had brought a little bit of Jamaica to their house, to her.
"How did you…why did you?" She was speechless and completely moved by his gesture.
"Well, now I couldn't let my best girl skip out on me without a proper send-off," he joked as he pulled her chair out for her. "Plus, it's sort of an apology for the other night, that thing with your dad."
There it was, that little bit of sadness in his eyes, the guilt he carried so heavily. She reached for him across the table and took his hand. "I told you it's okay. You have a right to be angry with him."
"Still shouldn't have done it. Hitting him, I mean."
"You owed him one," she smiled, remembering the shiner he sported their first trip to Jamaica. "But I don't want to talk about him tonight. I don't want to talk about any of that, okay. Tonight is about you and me and right now, nothing else. Okay?"
The sadness faded a bit, and he leaned across the table for a kiss. "Okay, mon."
Victoria used her free hand to hold the suitcase closed as she inched the zipper along its course. She had packed for two weeks only, the two weeks she planned to spend in D.C. with Reed. After that…well after that she wasn't sure what would happen, but if everything went the way she hoped, she wouldn't have any use for the clothes she had just packed anyway.
With one long tug, she pulled the suitcase off the bed and took its place there among the clothes that hadn't made the final cut. She'd argued when Billy ordered her upstairs after dinner, saying he would do all the cleaning so she could finish packing, but now she was grateful he had. It had been a long day, a long week, and it was nice to have a moment to just sit and breathe and let her mind settle.
Dinner had been fun, relaxed, almost like before that night at the hospital three weeks ago. They'd laughed a lot, over memories of that first drunken trip to the island that was now such an integral part of their love story, and she'd actually had an appetite for the first time in long a time. But all of this only complicated her situation more, making her wonder if maybe she shouldn't just tell him about the baby.
The baby. A slow smile spread across her face as she put a protective hand on her stomach.
"Hey you," she whispered, giving the open bedroom door a cautious glance. "I saw you today. You're pretty cute." She sighed and patted the place where her hand lay. "Your timing, however….but don't you worry about that, okay. You just stay right where you are and get bigger and stronger and cuter. I'll take care of everything else."
It scared her how much she already loved this baby. She'd only known about it for three days, but she was already far more attached than she should let herself be. There were no guarantees with this pregnancy, that was what she had told Phyllis, and she knew it was true. Yet….she couldn't help but hope and want.
Victoria quickly hopped off the bed and gathered the clothes she hadn't packed in her arms, determined to keep busy, or the worry would drive her insane. Once the discarded clothes were neatly put away, she pulled a deep blue silk negligee from her lingerie drawer. It was one of Billy's favorites, and she wanted tonight to be special for him in case it was the last for a while or forever, if he couldn't forgive her.
She pulled her shirt over her head, but as she undid the button of her pants, she caught sight of herself in the full length mirror in the corner of their bedroom. It was the mirror where Billy straightened his tie every morning and where she usually decided which pair of shoes to wear, but tonight something else drew her to it.
Standing in front of the mirror, her eyes drifted down her body, past the black lace bra, down her torso to the part of her abdomen no longer covered by her unbuttoned pants. She didn't look pregnant. In fact, she was thinner than usual, and a new wave of guilt washed over her as she thought about all the weeks she hadn't known, all the weeks she hadn't eaten properly or slept enough or taken prenatal vitamins. But the baby was healthy, Dr. Lange had said so, and she had vowed to do whatever it took to keep it that way.
"Looks like I'm right on time." For the second time tonight, Billy startled her out of her daydreams, and she jumped slightly as his face appeared in the mirror behind her.
"You're early," she said trying to cover her nervousness. "I was going to wear something special."
"This looks pretty special to me," he said looking the reflection of her half-dressed body up and down. He wrapped his arms around her bare skin, and her stomach flip-flopped at his touch. "You all packed?"
She nodded in response and leaned back into his embrace. She watched in the mirror as his hand brushed up the length of her arm and slipped the black strap of her bra off her shoulder, replacing it with a kiss, the first of a trail he made to that spot on her neck that always made her squirm. This time was no different, and he held her tighter as he continued his assault on her neck. The possessive hand on her stomach inched lower, stopping at the place her eyes had just searched for signs of her pregnancy, the same place where Dr. Lange had squirted cold ultrasound gel that afternoon. Without even knowing it, Billy was cradling his child.
Her body tensed at the realization, and she covered his hand with her own. He should have been there. He should have been there to see that wriggling alien creature no bigger than a lime. He should have been there squeezing the circulation from her hand and asking Dr. Lange a million questions. She had robbed him of that, and it wasn't fair. He had a right to know. She had to tell him.
"What is it?" he breathed into her neck. She forced her stinging eyes up to meet the reflection of his in the mirror, and her heart broke. His face was all hurt and confusion.
"There's something I need to tell you," she barely said as a tear rolled down her cheek. She turned in his embrace, and he planted his hands on either side of her face.
"No. You don't have to say anything. I already know, okay. I know."
Her heart stopped, and the tears kept falling. He knew? How? Had Phyllis betrayed her already? Had he overheard her talking to the baby? Had he found the prenatal vitamins she thought she had hidden so carefully?
He held her facer tighter and buried his fingers in her hair. "I know we've been through a lot, and it's not fair and it hurts like hell. And I know you said earlier you didn't want to talk about it tonight, and that's fine cause I don't know if I'm ready to talk about it yet either." He used his thumb to wipe a tear from her face as one fell down his own. His voice was as soft and shaky as that night in the chapel when he asked God for one last favor.
"But I don't want you to worry about me while you're gone, okay? You need this time away, just you and Reed. You deserve it, and I don't want you to spend your time worrying that I'm gonna fall apart. What happened with your dad the other night was a one time thing, I promise. And as much as I'm going to miss you, I want you to go," he smiled, "and have fun. And when you get back, we can figure out everything else."
He didn't know. He didn't know about the baby, and as they stood there looking into each other's teary eyes, she was relieved and more certain than ever about what she had to do.
"I love you," she choked out. It was a plea and an apology. A desperate need to make him sure of her love. And ultimately, it was goodbye.
"I love you, too," he responded, aware of the depth and truth of her words, but thankfully not her intentions. He placed a tender kiss on her forehead to soothe her and then one on her waiting lips. She felt his hands slide through her hair and down her bare back, over her hips and back up to her waist. His touch was strong and sensual, sending a warmth coursing through her body. A needy gasp escaped her parted lips, and in response, Billy bent slightly and lifted her enough to walk them to their bed. Emotionally, they were both exhausted, but physically, the night had just begun, and it was all theirs.
Just enough moonlight shone through the bedroom window to offer Victoria an outline of the naked man sleeping beside her. She couldn't sleep yet again, but for once she didn't mind. She could sleep on the plane tomorrow, but tonight she was content watching the gentle rise and fall of Billy's chest, memorizing every solid curve of muscle.
She had almost told him tonight, almost scrapped her whole impetuous plan and just laid it all out for him, trusting that they could handle whatever happened…together. But she hadn't. She couldn't. As much as she ached to tell him about the baby growing inside her, the baby they had been told was next to impossible, the voices in her head were stronger and louder, repeating the mantra that was guiding her: "no more babies," "high-risk pregnancy," "stress-free existence."
Then there was the sound that outweighed everything.
Victoria carefully slipped out of the loose hold Billy's arm had on her and reached across their bed, fumbling in the dark for her cell phone on the nightstand. Once it was in her hand, she settled back into the warmth of his body and shielded the room from her phone's bright light while she searched for the precious recording she had made at Dr. Lange's insistence. Soft snores assured her that Billy was indeed sound asleep, so she tapped the play button and held her breath until she heard it, a strong, rapid, rhythmic "whoosh, whoosh, whoosh."
"I'm pregnant," she whispered into his ear. "This is our baby's heartbeat."
It wasn't the confession he deserved or the one she wanted to make, but for a moment in the dark it was enough. It was enough to ease her guilt. It was enough to just lie there with the man she loved and listen to their child's heartbeat.
When the recording ended, Victoria returned her phone to the nightstand as carefully as she had retrieved it and laid her head against Billy's chest. She listened to his heart beat steady and slow as she caressed the solid muscles she had earlier committed to memory until she finally felt him stir beneath her touch. She was no longer content just watching him sleep.
She stretched her body upward until her face was even with his and caught his lower lip between hers while her rogue hand moved slowly, dangerously down his torso, making it clear why she had woken him. Though she could barely make out his face in the dark, she sensed his eyes were open and felt him smile against her kiss just before his mouth came crashing down on her.
The night was young, and she had every intention of making the most of it. Before she left tomorrow, before she leapt into the unknown, he would know exactly how much she wanted him, how much she loved him.
"I can't believe you wanted to meet here of all places to discuss my…my situation?" The morning rush had come and gone at Crimson Lights, and even though the patio was empty, Victoria's paranoia level was high.
"What?" Phyllis asked innocently as she slinked into the metal chair opposite Victoria. "We are simply two acquaintances who ran into each other at a common, often-frequented coffee house. That's much easier to explain than someone catching us at my place or yours." She tore open two sugar packets and casually stirred the contents into her mug of coffee. "Besides, this won't take long."
"Don't tell me you changed your mind."
"No, I didn't change my mind," she said as she opened her purse and pulled out a piece of paper someone had folded into a neat square, "but I did come up with a way to help you without actually helping you, not that Nick will probably see it that way. Or Billy."
"I told you I'll handle that if it comes up," Victoria responded as she curiously accepted the paper Phyllis handed her. "What's this?"
"Don't open it here. It's the name and address of a friend of mine in D.C. He used to work for the CIA, so he's really good at keeping secrets. I gave him a quick rundown of what you need, and he's agreed to do it…for that small fortune you mentioned, of course."
"I can trust him?"
"More than you can trust me. He doesn't have the emotional connection."
Victoria sighed loudly and transferred the folded paper to her own purse. "I can't thank you enough Phyllis. I hope you know that."
Phyllis smiled and took a long drink from her mug. "Do you know where you're going?"
"I have an idea, but nothing set in stone."
"Okay, well I should probably…" She tilted her head toward the exit as she gathered her things and stood. "Take care of yourself, Victoria. And if you need anything or change your mind…"
"I know, Phyllis. And thank you, again," she laughed through watery eyes. "Can I ask you one more favor? Keep an eye on Billy?"
Phyllis nodded and squeezed Victoria's hand in response before hurrying for the exit so fast she almost collided with someone trying to enter. It was Adam, and it was the first time Victoria had seen him since that night in the nursery.
She stood abruptly and gathered her own things while her half-brother recovered from his near collision.
"You don't have to leave on my account," he said.
"I-I'm not." There was tension between them, but it wasn't the angry tension she was used to with him. They were both nervous and uncomfortable, and for once not trying to hurt each other with their words. "I actally have a plane to catch."
"Where you going?"
"To Washington. To my son-to see Reed."
"Well, have a good trip," he smiled and headed into Crimson Lights.
"Adam?" He stopped and turned back to her. "H-how's the baby? How's Chelsea's baby?"
He hesitated for a brief second. "He's doing great. Um, they're in Atlantic City. A friend of mine from Harvard owns one of those super swanky casinos and offered her a job running one of the tables, sort of like legal scamming. Anyway, it's got great benefits and childcare, and she can even pursue her education if she wants."
She smiled and headed for the exit, but turned before she got to the door. "Thank you for making sure he has a chance at a good life."
"I didn't do it to hurt you Victoria," he said softly. "I just want you to know that."
"I do," she said. "You did the right thing…for him. It's funny, isn't it? Even when we do the right thing, someone gets hurt." With that, she offered him a genuine smile and headed into the bright May morning, the last one she would spend in Genoa City for a while.