AN: Soooo, I split the epilogue into two parts. It wanted to be longer that what I planned :D I decided to go ahead and end the story since I have plans for another story with a similar theme. I've been wanting to write that story since I started writing and don't want to use my ideas for that story in this one. Thank you everyone who has been reviewing and favorite-ing the story. I appreciate all the love!
Disclaimer: Meyer's owns all things Twilight
Epilogue part 1
JPOV
4 months later
If you had told me six months ago that I would end up happy and with the man I love, I would have laughed in your face and then drowned myself in liquor. But here I am, after what feels like a lifetime, together with Edward in my apartment and watching a movie. He keeps sneaking glances at me and then shyly smiling when I catch him.
He looks back towards the movie but I know what he is still thinking. It is still so unbelievable that we are together. I catch myself just watching him too, wondering how these last fucked up years led me to him. How after everything, we still managed to be together.
I'm not complaining though. I am happier than I have ever been in my entire life, even more so than when we were kids and didn't have a care in the world. I have Edward, I am reshaping my company so it will be like my original vision, and I'm alive.
After the hospital released me, Edward urged me to go to therapy. Truthfully, I didn't think it necessary since I knew Edward loved me, and that was all I ever wanted. But I went for him and I'm glad I did. As much as I love Edward, and trust him, there were still things I didn't want to share with him yet and therapy helped me work it all out.
Dr. Brandon has to be a miracle worker, I'm sure. She just listened to me for the first couple visits and then started to help me rationalize all my misguided thoughts. She never made me feel like it was wrong to believe the things I did, only to see the reality. She helped me to put it behind me and forgive myself for the attempted suicide and the wasted years of my life.
I know I still have issues and we are still working on things, but I've never felt better about my self and my life. Though, as much as it has done for me, it has also done for Edward. The better I get, the more he smiles and the less he worries.
I know that the first week after my incident was the worst for him. I tried telling him that now that he was mine, I would never leave him, in any way. He knew the issues ran further than the loneliness I felt and didn't want to risk me slipping into that extreme depression again. He just didn't understand that his love could help me through anything.
Not to mention, he never left my side unless he had to go to work or I was in therapy. He let Jake keep their apartment and I asked him to move in with me so he wouldn't have to find a new place. It may have been a bit fast but I didn't care and I think he was happy that I wouldn't be alone anymore. He was a little overprotective that first month, but I couldn't be angry with him for something that was my fault.
I have a second bedroom and we decided he would move in there for a little while until I started seeing a therapist and things calmed down enough for us to be together. Plus it gave him his own space in case he ever needed to be alone.
We spent most of the first month catching up. It had really been years since we were true best friends and we wanted to fix that first before we dove into a love relationship. We watched movies and talked and played video games like we used to do when we were kids. The only difference was the casual touches and kisses, and the occasional making out like teenagers on the couch. It was everything I had wanted all those years ago.
We were going slowly and making sure things didn't get fucked up before they had a chance to start. After two months Edward started sleeping with me at night. We still didn't have a very physical relationship, but it made more sense than falling asleep on the couch together and waking up with cricks in our necks.
I learned about his nightmares when that started. Every few days, or so, he would wake up with a cold sweat and gasping for air, occasionally crying. It took me a few of those nights to finally get him to tell me about the dream. He had been helping me so much and I wanted to be there for him too.
I stared at him in shock when he told me that he kept dreaming of the night that he walked in on me in my office with the gun pointed at my chest, only in his dreams I didn't miss. After a few seconds I grabbed him and crushed him to me. He started crying earnestly and I joined him too. I had no idea it affected him so much still. I couldn't imagine dreaming of him dying night after night.
I tried my best to reassure him that I was alive and with him and would never go anywhere, that I loved him and could never consider suicide again. I had too much to live for and that I wanted to live for him. That same night I told him everything thought and action that happened up to when I shot myself. How worthless and lonely I had felt. And the surge of relief that went through me when I saw Edward.
And then I told him about how alive I feel every day because of him. Because he loves me and has shown me what life should be like. That I am grateful for every day I have with him because I almost lost it all. And that I would never try it again because I have a reason to live now. I have him and his love and I don't need anything else.
The nightmares decreased after that, and I was there whenever he did have them again to reassure him that I wasn't going anywhere. He asked me once what would I do if anything ever happened to him. He was still worried that if for some reason he died that I would try and kill myself again. Admittedly the first thought I had was that I would be right behind him, but looking into his eyes I knew that I wouldn't be able to do that. Instead, I told him that I would just have to live for the both of us and I would never stop loving him no matter what.
I asked Edward to attend a couple therapy sessions with me when I wasn't so embarrassed to share all my problems with him. I think seeing the progress I was making helped him to feel more confident in me. His nightmares haven't shown up for two weeks now.
The movie finally ends and draws me out of my thoughts. Edward takes our empty glasses to the kitchen and then walks back to the couch offering me his hand and a shy smile. It's still a bit early for bed, so I'm curious as to what he wants to do. He pulls me up slowly from the couch and towards the stereo. He flips it on and some loud pop music plays causing him to curse at it and fumble with the buttons until a cd starts playing.
I laugh at him and he blushes and mumbles about stupid stereos and tons of buttons that serve no purpose. The cd he picked sounds like one of his mixes of classic rock and reminds me of the kinds of songs we would play on our guitars in high school. I think back to that photo I have of Edward the first day I met him and I get lost in thoughts of his auburn hair whipping side to side in the wind.
Edward squeezes my hand and smiles at my glazed over eyes, probably guessing what I was thinking about, or at least the guitar part. "Will you dance with me Jasper?" I chuckle at his shy, innocent face and take his hand again. He pulls me close to him and I rest my head on his shoulder with my other hand gripping his bicep. We rock together for a few songs and Edward occasionally kisses my neck and whispers his love for me into my ear.
It's a perfect moment, one of many that he has given me these last few months. Edward is so sweet and romantic that I have no idea how Jake gave him up. But you won't hear me complaining. I wouldn't trade him for anything.
He pulls back to look into my eyes and asks, "Will you go out dancing with me this weekend, and some friends?" He asks the last bit kind of fast, like he was hoping I wouldn't hear it. Truthfully Edward and I have been holed up in my apartment for most of these last four months just trying to enjoy the time together alone and work on us.
I'm a bit worried to be around so many people so fast, but the hopeful look in his eyes makes the decision for me. "Sure, baby. Who all will be going?"
He looks away and mumbles, "Jake, Seth, Bella, and Mike." I laugh at him and he just looks at me.
"Baby, why do you think I would be upset if Jake was there?" He pulls me back down to the couch, still holding my hand.
"It's just that after I learned everything I thought it meant you never liked Jake. And because he is my ex-boyfriend, I didn't know if you would be jealous even though you have nothing to worry about because you know I love you and you're the only." I cup my hand over his mouth and he stops talking.
"You're rambling Edward. I'm fine with Jake. In fact, if it weren't for him we wouldn't be together. And it's not that I didn't like him, I was jealous that he had you. We've even been talking and I went to lunch with him a couple times that you had to work. Besides he has Seth now and you have to admit you've never seen him happier." I smile thinking about Jake threatening me in the hospital and before I can get caught up in the past Edward brings me back with a soft kiss.
"I know Jazz. I just wanted to take you out and was worried you wouldn't want to go. It's ok if you aren't ready to hang out with other people. I just thought it would be fun." I brush my thumb across his cheek and smile at him. I could never deny this beautiful man anything.
"I would love to go Edward. It will be nice to get out of the apartment for a little while and be normal. And besides I wouldn't pass up an opportunity where you would be hot and sweaty and pressed up against me all night." I wiggle my eyebrows at him and he laughs.
We end up going to bed early. I'm still taking things slow with Edward, so like usual we just cuddle up together, kiss a bit, and go to sleep.
Now don't get me wrong, we have a hard time keeping our hands off one another most of the time, and have explored each other's bodies extensively. But I've been waiting for Edward to be ready. I think has been worried about me and afraid to give me all of him until he really believes that I am not going anywhere. For now, it's enough to just touch him and kiss him, to bring him pleasure with my hands and mouth.
The next day proves to be interesting. I don't think I will ever get tired of waking up with Edward sprawled across my body and his hair tickling my nose. It still seems a bit surreal in those first moments when I wake up, but then he stirs in my arms and looks up at me, and his brilliant green eyes tell me he is mine.
He has been excited all day about going dancing tonight, and his enthusiasm is very contagious. Edward has already picked out our clothes and called Jake twice to make sure everyone was still going. After dinner I had to pin him down on the couch and kiss him senseless just to calm him down, or maybe it was because he's fucking adorable. It was one of those reasons.
Thankfully, I can distract him for a long time with my mouth and before he knows it he is in the shower and I'm getting dressed in the room. He picked out some black jeans and a thin blue shirt for me to wear.
My mouth drops open when he walks out of the bathroom in dark blue jeans that hug his ass and a deep green skintight shirt that makes his eyes pop. I almost miss his whispered "fuck" before he walks across the room and devours me with his mouth. I bury my fingers in his hair and know the resulting messy look is only going to make him look sexier.
He trails his lips along my jaw and nibbles on my ear before he groans softly in the back of his throat. "Fuck Jasper, you're so sexy. We need to get out of here now or I'm going to throw you on the bed and lick every inch of your body."
"You know, that's not a good argument to get me to leave faster." And just to emphasize my point, I pull him by the hips flush against me and bite his shoulder. He growls but pushes me away and points towards the door. I pretend to pout and he just slaps my ass and pushes me until we are out of the apartment.
We meet up with our friends at a gay club a few blocks down the street from where we live. I'm a bit nervous to be around so many people at once but Edward grabs my hand and squeezes it reassuringly. I can face anything with him by my side.
The music is loud and I can feel the bass pounding in my bones. The place is packed and there are half-naked men everywhere. We manage to find a table close to the dance floor and the six of us take a seat.
This is really the first time I am meeting Seth, Jake's boyfriend. He's been talking about Seth for a few months and the light in Jake's eyes when he mentions him is beautiful. It just makes the situation all the more miraculous. I will never understand how something so dark and morbid could bring all this love together.
That night that Jake visited me in the hospital and walked in with Edward asleep in my arms was the night that he ran into Seth, an old friend of his from high school. Seth was in the hospital because his dad had a heart attack and Jake stayed with him for support until Seth's mom arrived. His dad pulled through okay and a couple days later he called Jake so they could get together and catch up.
They spent a few weeks hanging out and getting to know each other again. Jake said then that he might one day want to pursue things, but didn't want to push Seth after what happened to his dad. And then one night Seth just asked Jake if he wanted to go out, on a date. Seth tended to be impatient and definitely wasn't going to wait for Jake to make the first move.
They've been together three months now and from what I've seen so far tonight, Jake seems to be completely enamored with Seth. Jake keeps whispering in his ear and lightly touching his arm or his cheek. It's rather adorable to watch. I even caught Edward smiling at them. I know he's glad that Jake found someone who seems to really care about him.
Edward gets up to go get us something to drink and Jake leans closer to me so I can hear him. "He looks happy, doesn't he?" My eyes haven't left Edward so I nod my head in acknowledgement. "I'm glad that you are doing well, Jasper. It's good to see the real you and not the shell of a man you were."
I look at him seriously now, "I wouldn't have any of this if it weren't for you Jake. You letting him go saved me. It gave me my life back." He smiles and then looks back to Edward.
"It saved his life, too. I couldn't go another day knowing he wasn't with the other half of his heart. It was tearing him apart and me too." He looks back at me knowingly and I nod my head.
"Thank you, Jake." He smiles and then turns to talk to Seth. My eyes find Edward again and I get lost in watching him. He just stands there waiting for the drinks and doesn't even notice all the eyes on him. He has no idea how beautiful he is.
I start to turn back to the conversation at the table until I notice a very good looking guy tap Edward on the shoulder. The man is tall and tanned, with a mess of black hair and muscles that threatened to rip his shirt apart. My heart beats a little faster when my head starts thinking of Edward falling for him and his hot body. Why would he be with me if he could have a guy like that?
I move to stand up and go make my claim when a strong hand grabs my shoulder and keeps me in my seat. I flash Jake a murderous look but he just shakes his head and says "Watch." My eyes fly back to Edward just as the guy reaches a hand up to caress my boyfriend's cheek. I see red, but before I can even move Edward's hand wraps around the guys wrist and removes it from his face. Then he politely dismisses him and turns back to grab the tray of shots.
Jake whispers in my ear, "You have his heart, Jasper. Don't ever forget it." I nod but never look away from my man. He sits back down next to me and kisses my cheek before passing out the shots. Edward gives me that crooked smile I love so much and I can't help but smile back knowing he is all mine.
Edward raises his shot and we all follow suit. "To life and love," he toasts and after we repeat it, we throw our drinks back. It's the first drink I've had since that night so it burns but I don't let it faze me. Then Edward grabs my hand and drags me to the dance floor.
We stop near the middle and he pulls me into his body, my back against his chest and his arms hugging me to him. His breath is hot against my neck and I lose myself in the movement of his body. His hips grind against me to the same beat as the thrumming in my bones and it feels like our bodies are moving as one and our hearts are beating as one.
A few songs later he turns me in his arms and pushes a knee between my legs, grabbing my hips and pulling me until we are chest to chest, all the while never losing the beat. Our foreheads press together and I can almost taste his breath. His eyes are closed and he seems so lost in the music. He is fucking gorgeous like this and I'm so glad to finally be the one wrapped around him. To have Edward's jean-clad and hard as hell cock grinding into me, hit scent surrounding and intoxicating me, and his body clinging to mine like his life depends on it.
I can't resist any more so I kiss him hard on the lips. And it's like I opened a flood gate. He groans loud enough I can feel it against my lips and his tongue invades my mouth, tasting every inch. His arms pull me in impossibly closer and his knee grinds in harder on my cock. I'm close to coming in my pants before I pull away from him.
I look at him for two seconds, panting and sweaty and eyes on fire, before I decide to drag him home. I yank him by the wrist over to the table and throw down some cash before saying goodnight to all the knowing smiles. Thank fuck we live close because if we had to take a cab, I'm sure the driver would have seen more than he would have liked to.
We practically sprint the whole way down the street and up to the apartment. I fumble for the keys and Edward's hands all over me do not help. I finally get the door open and Edward shoves me inside, slamming the door and practically stalks towards me. The fire in his eyes grows with every step until he grabs me by the neck and pulls me into a searing kiss.
When we finally need to breathe, he hugs me closer to him and kisses my neck. I fucking whimper when he whispers in my ear, "Bedroom, now."
AN: Thank you DreamingPoet1988 for being my awesome beta! And thanks everyone for reading and reviewing!