Finn Picks up Santana's motionless form up and begins to carry her to the car. Quinn looks at the alcohol and picks it up; better taking it than leaving it for kids to find, that stuff was strong. Finn is already in the drivers seat by the time Quinn arrives at the car; Santana is sprawled out on the back seat. Quinn lifts her head, sits on the seat and cradles her best friend's head, stroking her hair occasionally.
"Santana, what's going on with you?" she whispers. "I need you to wake up, just for a little bit so I can get you into mine without Finn having to carry you." She shakes her gently causing Santana to stir but she doesn't wake. Quinn continues to try to coax Santana out of her slumber for the duration of the journey; desperate times call for desperate measures though, so she grabs a bottle of water from the floor and empties the contents over Santana's face. That worked. Santana jerks up immediately.
"WHAT THE FUCK" my eyes were darting around as I'm trying to figure out where I am, Quinn puts her hands on my shoulders whilst trying to calm me down but all I feel is confusion.
"Santana, calm down. I'm sorry about the water but I needed you awake. You're coming back to my house and we are going to talk." Without saying a word I begin to heave, Finn hears this and seems alarmed; I guess it isn't cool to throw up in his car
"QUINN, do something! I can't be cleaning up sick!" Quinn began to whisper things into my ear and rub my back in a circular motion; it relaxes me slightly. When the car comes to a stop I waste no time in diving out of the car just in time to be sick all over the pavement. I'm on my knees and I'm having to hold my head in place, it feels like the world is spinning. I stay like this for a while. I refuse to get up. Why did St Fabray need to find me? I wish I were dead. My life is an absolute mess. I feel a hand on my back and one around my arm. I know Quinn is trying to help me up and I know she isn't about to let me run away so I accept the help. I hear her bid goodnight to Finn who drives away moments later. I'm not even aware that I'm now in Quinn's bedroom. I just slump down on the floor, lean against the bed and wish for death.
"Oh no you don't Santana. Open your eyes right now. I'm going to get you changed and we are going to have a very long talk."
"Fuck off Fabray WE are not talking about anything. I don't need you help." I feel the sting across my face, I open my eyes and am so shocked to realise that Quinn has actually slapped me. I sit there staring at her, her eyes glistening with tears that threaten to fall but I dare not say a word. She has a pained expression on her face. She cups my face and leans her forehead against my own. My heart is pounding, is she going to kiss me? I look into her eyes and see the first tear roll down her cheek.
"Santana. Please talk to me. In the park at that time of night on your own is stupid and the amount of alcohol you had with you was enough to kill you!" I mumble good as she utters the words. I feel her tense up. "What? What's good?" She's looking at me with sad eyes.
"Nothing" I mutter, I shake my head from her soft grasp and look away. "Santana. What's wrong? Do you know how lucky it was that Finn and I cut through that park to get to the car? If we hadn't have found you, would probably have been dead by tomorrow morning!" I smile at her words. I wish I were dead by tomorrow morning. I say nothing and just look at the floor. I hear Quinn sigh.
"Come on Santana, let's get you cleaned up, all I can smell is alcohol and sick. We are going to talk about this after you shower.
"Whatever Fabray" I stand up and steady myself on the bed. I act like a bitch but inside, I'm terrified. Quinn is never going to let this go. She is going to make me talk about it and I'm not going to be able to lie my way out of it. FUCK. I stroll into Quinn's en suit and look around. Quinn seems to see what I'm looking for when she hands me a towel.
"Are you going to be okay or do you need help?" I turn to look at her, her eyes are sad. I know she's trying to help but the bitch in me is surfacing.
"Stop fucking mothering me I'm perfectly capable of showering myself! Unless you're a fucking dyke and want to see me naked in the shower?" what am I saying? – I look at Quinn through narrowed eyes and see her expression go from sad to unreadable.
"What the fuck Santana? Where did that come from! I'm just looking out for you since a while ago you couldn't even stand on your own! I'm just making sure you don't slip and die in the shower because you're too drunk! Get over yourself Lopez, you're not my type!" slip and die? I wish. And with that I slam the bathroom door in Quinn's face.
Once in the bathroom I go straight over to the shower and turn it on. Well Lopez you've dug yourself into a hole that you're never going to get out of now. Not while Fabray knows. I guess it's now or never. I wish I had more time to prepare. What time is it? I pull out my phone and turn it on. Wow. I've got like 7 texts from Britt. It's 12.45am. No way she'll still be up. I bring up my contacts and compose a new message. I write the address of the blog site I use. I write my username and password. Lastly I write I love you, always. S xx and without a moments hesitation, I press send, she needs something to read to understand why i'm doing this and since a suicide note is out of the question, i guess my blog will have to do. I know she's asleep but I still feel the need to act quickly; I remove my hoodie and T-shirt so I'm left in just my bra joggers and shoes. I remove the stolen pocketknife from my joggers and open it. It looks menacing, it looks like a friend. It's my last opportunity. I sit myself under the running water of the shower. I sit for a few minutes looking at my arms. What's the fastest way to do this? I take a deep breath and bring the tip of the knife to my arm. I put pressure on the tip. I feel part of my skin break. I'm just about to pull it down the length of my arm when Quinn bursts in! I pull the knife across in a panic. I hear Quinn scream my name, I don't know what to do so I just sit there still under the running water. I feel the knife yanked from my grip and feel Quinn's hand against my arm for a moment and then it goes. The cut mustn't be that bad. damn. I look up at my old friend and she's in tears. I don't know what to say to her. I just look away. The water from the shower stops running and I feel Quinn wrap her arm under my knees, the other behind my back. I feel her lift me out of the shower and carry me to her bed.
"I'm soaked. Your bed will get wet". I don't know what made me say it but I don't know what else to say. So puts both hands on my shoulders and just stares at me, then suddenly brings me into a bone crushing hug and I hear her sob. I don't know how long we stayed like it but it seemed like hours. after a while she loosens the hug but doesn't break it.
"Santana. Please talk to me. I can't even imagine what I would have done if I had have walked in a few minutes later!" she sobbed and her hug tightened again. It was as if she was scared that if she'd let me go she'd lose me forever. I look up at her.
"How did you know? How did you know to come in? Why did you stop me?" I feel the tears spilling down my face now. I failed. I'm going to live in misery for the rest of my life. Quinn broke the hug and looked at me sternly.
"Brittney text me asking if I'd spoken to you. She said that she'd just received a text off you that terrified her. And what do you mean why did I stop you? You're my BEST FRIEND. How selfish can you be? Did you not think of Britt and me? What would happen when one of your best friends found you DEAD? Do you not think that that would have damaged me in some way? Do you think Britt would be able to even function without you?" Quinn was sobbing, and even though I felt for her, I was far too angry, about her stopping me, about how Brittney was actually awake, how I didn't lock the bathroom door and how Quinn even dared to call me selfish! She doesn't understand jack shit! I go to push her off me but she pushes me back, I'm foaming and the bitchy monster is almost at the surface. I explode.
"Who the fuck do you think you are Fabray? You know nothing about me, how dare you sit there and call me selfish when you don't have the first fucking clue what's been happening in my life recently! If you were my 'BEST' friend, you would have let me fucking die, I hate my life, I don't want to be here anymore and I don't need you. So fuck off!"Quinn responds immediately raising her voice to match mine
"Well maybe if you told me what was wrong I'd understand, but how dare you think that because I didn't let you kill yourself I'm not a good friend! How dare you!" –I cut her off I'm so angry I could kill her!
"You want to know what's wrong do you? Well I'll fucking tell you! I told my parents that I was a lesbian and you know what? They didn't take it as well as you did! They've spoken less than 2 words to me since I've told them and do you know what? They found out that Britt and I were together earlier! They left the house and didn't even bother leaving me something to eat when they knew I had supposedly been ill! Do you know what that feels like? Do you know what it feels like to hate yourself? Have your parents hate you?"I broke into sobs. I felt Quinn pull me into an even tighter hug
"more than you know" she whispered to me, I looked up at her confused "Santana, you forget that although I may not be gay, my parents resented me for a while. Remember when my parents found out that I was pregnant with Beth? They kicked me out. My dad was such an asshole to me; but I got through that.
"Quinn, you got through that because you had to be strong for Beth. You couldn't kill yourself because there was a little baby's survival depending on yo…."
"But even if that wasn't the case, I would never take my own life, and you're so much stronger than me Santana. The only difference between us that is unlike you, I ask for help. You know I would do anything to help you and I don't even need to tell you that there is one blonde that is head over heels in love with you who would also do anything for you; and don't forget the guys in glee club. You may be a bitch Santana but they see past that. We all love you." After hearing Quinn speaking the emotional pain was crippling. I had nothing left to say so I just closed my eyes whilst Quinn held me. Tomorrow was going to be hard.