Lawli: Sorry the chapters are so short. But... I did kind of warn you they would be. ^^
Minutes Per Heartbeat
IV.
Nothing Left to Say
"Below my soul
I feel an engine
Collapsing as it sees the pain."
Everyone tells him it's going to be fine. Fine, fine, all fine. As if his body isn't a ticking time bomb, as if he doesn't have daysminutesseconds until his heart decides to give up on him and he shuts down. There's hope, they tell him; there's always hope. There will be an organ donor, there will be a match, there will be another chance and –
No, no, no! He doesn't believe them, not one word, because how long do people stay on those waiting lists – how many people die waiting? He doesn't want to be one of them, he can't be one of them because he's only seventeen, his life hasn't even started yet so how can it be ending already. He can't spend every day with fraying nerves wondering if today will be it, he can't. If that is his future he doesn't want it; he'd rather they kill him now and save the time, the money, and it's not like anyone else will care, it's not like anyone will fight for him to stay alive or grieve when he inevitably doesn't.
"It's going to be fine," Dr. Croomy assures him. "We'll start you on some Digoxin and that should help with your symptoms."
This chapter's music:
"Nothing Left to Say" - Imagine Dragons