Welcome back everyone to Day 1: Part 3!

This fun filled chapter has the rest of the knights' first trip to the market. It is a little shorter compared to other chapters, but Day 1: Part 4 is around 14 pages long to make it up to you.

Day 1: Part 3 Disclaimer: Anything you don't recognize is ours. Like the funny mush of soap operas we made, though we don't own the soap operas that they come from. And Baltar's Institute for the Mentally Impaired, we own that too.

TRO and DA would like to thank Lithiel (We love Tristan too…At least, TRO does…), HuNkYcHuNkYmOnKeY97030 (Wow your penname is a mouthful…it's just like our title. It didn't occur to us that we put the fiction land's healer in the feminine hygiene aisle…but we laugh about it now.), and Snowgren (More hilarity to come!).

Now, before the chapter commences, this fic is currently well on their way to getting 13 reviews…now we're sure you're all wondering, why the heck 13 reviews is so frakking special, it's not like 50 or 100 or anything, but it's special to me and DA.

You see, on December 2, 2006, a football team from California, who had been having a very mediocre season did something very special to their cross-town rivals (who were having yet another very good football season) the afternoon of that warm (ish) December Saturday…well, DA and I think it was special at least, and a very large group of college students do too…

If any of our lovely readers can guess what happened on that lovely Saturday in December, tell us, and you'll get your very own cameo in one of the later chapters in this fic.

Here are the hints again: It happened on Saturday, December 2, 2006. It's a west coast football team who didn't have a very good season, and their rivals who were having a marginally better season, and the number 13 has almost everything to do with it.

Happy reading!

"YOU CALL THIS MEAT? THIS IS NOT MEAT!" Bors yelled drawing the attention of many shoppers.

"For the last time sir, THIS IS MEAT!" The butcher was starting to get really pissed off. This guy had been arguing with him for the last twenty minutes about how the meat in front of him wasn't meat. The customer is supposed to always right but this guy was just ridiculous.

"Meat is intended to look like the carcass of dying warriors, this," Bors said grabbing a stick of Hebrew bologna, "looks nothing like that!"

"Sir please put down the bologna," the butcher said backing away from the demented man brandishing the meat like a sword.

('People don't hurt people, Bologna hurts people' DA said nodding in sympathy.

'And that was our moral for the day' TRO ended.)

One second he was being threatened by bologna, the next two girls appeared out of nowhere, one kicked the meat out of the guy's hands and the other tackled him to the ground.

"Sorry about that," the one who kicked addressed him. "Hello, I'm Dr. Olivera and my colleague currently on the floor is Dr. Cooper."

Katie dusted herself off and continued the bullshit story they agreed on earlier, "We have been looking for Bors everywhere. Our patients got lost in the way in here."

"Patients?" the butcher asked.

"Oh, yes. From Baltar's Institute for the Mentally Impaired," Jenny said smiling as Katie hauled Bors away by the ears. "Thank you finding him. And sorry again for the trouble."

The butcher was left blinking and holding a bent stick of bologna.

The poor butcher wasn't the only employee having trouble with knights from the dark ages.

"Um…sir?" the sample girl asked nervously. "This is the 16th free sample you've had. If this continues I-I'll have to call security."

"Secure-ity?" Gawain asked confused by the word. "Do they bring more food?"

A voice interrupted the sample girl from answering. "Gawain, there you are!" Katie shouted.

Jenny and Katie walked down the aisle, each pushing a cart. They were trailed by Bors and Dagonet who also had a cart each.

"You know this man?" the sample girl asked Katie and Jenny.

"Um…yeah," Jenny answered reluctantly. "I am Dr. Olivera and this is my colleague Dr. Cooper. "

"We are the head specialist at Baltar's Institute for the Mentally Impaired," Katie continued. "No pun intended."

"We find that letting them go out once in a while helps them," Jenny whispered to the sample girl.

"The tall one," Katie whispered motioning to Dagonet, "thinks he's Superman."

"'Ay wenches, when are we leaving?" Bors yelled impatiently.

"The disgruntled one thinks he's Wolverine," Jenny whispered faking pity.

"Sorry miss. Got to go. Bye!" Katie hollered over her shoulder as everyone ran away quickly.

"They were weird," the sample girl said to herself.

Now let's check in with what the youngest member of our group is doing.

At the same time that Gawain was ready to be kicked out by security, Galahad was desperately trying to find some one that could help him.

He spotted a smiling girl who was labeling random items with a weird machine. He made a note to burn that object at the stake later.

"Pardon me, Becky," he said noticing a tag with her name, "Can you please-?"

"The cereal is located in aisle 12," she said brightly.

He blinked. "Alright…but I do not need cereal, what I need is-"

"Milk is in the dairy section at the back of the store," she said, pointing to the back, still smiling.

"Thank you, miss," Galahad said slightly irritated, "but what I need to know is where-"

"All frozen food can be found in aisles 5 and 6," Becky said, the smile never leaving her face.

"I do not need frozen food," he said, annoyed. "I just want to-"

"Pancake mix is in aisle-"

Galahad had had enough. This was the last straw. "I DO NOT NEED TO KNOW WHERE THE HELL CEREAL OR PANCAKE OR APPLES OR DA-IRY ARE! ALL I WANT TO KNOW IS WHERE I MAY URINATE!"

There was silence as Galahad's voiced echoed throughout the market.

Shoppers stopped in mid-reach for items on shelves.

Mothers' covered their impressionable young children's ears.

Employees continued lounging around during their union demanded break.

But Galahad's outburst didn't faze Becky. She looked thoughtful, "Bathroom…bathroom…bath-," then a light bulb turned on, "Oh that's right!"

The young knight looked hopeful, "Yes?"

She smiled cheerfully, "I don't work here!"

Becky whistled, skipping happily out of the store.

Meanwhile, Galahad still had a problem. He began doing the happy pants dance.

('Happy pants dance?' TRO questioned her partner.

'Yeah, you know,' DA answered, 'the happy pants dance.'

'Care to explain that to the readers?' TRO asked.

'Sure. The happy pants dance is the thing you do when you really, really, really have to go badly. It's the whole crossing your legs and jumping around wildly while trying not to think of any liquids.' DA looked at Galahad. 'Kind of like what Galahad's doing right now.'

'Guess we shouldn't have put him in the bottled water aisle,' TRO commented.)

Galahad jumped from one leg to another in a desperate attempt to keep his bowels in check.

And like a sign from the gods, Katie and Jenny appeared, followed by Dagonet, Bors and Gawain who had become the designated cart pushers.

He ran to them, leaving a trail of dust in his wake. "Do you," he paused to catch his breath, "know where the bathroom is?"

"Of course," Katie and Jenny said at the same time.

"You know you wouldn't have this trouble if you went before we left," Katie said, shrugging,

"We did ask if anyone needed to go," Jenny said, laughing at Galahad's happy pants dance.

"And you said no," Katie continued, delighted at his apparent discomfort.

"And then you had that quart of lemonade," Jenny reminded him.

"That tall glass of ice cold lemonade."

"WHERE IS THE BATHROOM?" Galahad yelled.

"Tsk, tsk," Jenny said wagging a finger; "If you yell at us like that we won't tell you where the bathroom is."

"Can you," Galahad asked through grinding teeth, "please, tell me where the bathroom is?"

"Well," Katie said thoughtfully, "Since you asked so nicely…you need money," she handed him the coins, "and the bathroom is right there." She pointed to it.

Jenny and Katie high-fived each other at the spectacle that was Galahad running into the bathroom. No one threatens to burn their cat at the stake without some payback.

"'And Pamela fell into Raoul's strong arms. They had saved the president from destructive robots, rehabilitated Raoul's evil twin brother and stopped a thief from stealing the Mona Lisa'," Arthur read aloud dramatically. He had been fortunate to find an aisle full of books with glossy pages.

"'And through everything," he continued from the book with a shirtless man on the cover, he chose, which proclaimed it self a bestseller, "'that had happened in the last 24 hours; Pamela had fallen in love with the secret agent/pop star/astronaut/chef/Olympic medalist/vampire, Raoul.'"

"'He grabbed her roughly and threw her on the red, velvet, heart-shaped bed,'" he said, turning the page.

"'She opened her mouth to ask-'"

"Wart, what the hell are you doing?"

Arthur snapped out of the world from the covers of The Dynasty of Dallas and the General Days of Our Young Lives in One World as it Rotates on it's Axis While Guided by the Light of the Sun, to see Jenny, Katie (who spoke earlier), Dagonet, Bors, Gawain and Galahad.

Not only them but crowding around him, hanging on to his every word, were a bunch of older women.

"Sorry ladies," Katie said to the women who were entranced by Arthur's reading, "we have other men to look for."

"Say goodbye to your fan girls, Wart," Jenny said, over the groans of the women.

Arthur pouted, "But now I shall never know if Pamela will betray her aristocratic father and let Raoul live."

Katie was getting impatient. They were missing two knights and still hadn't bought anything yet, "I'll condense it for you; they live happily ever after. The end. Let's go."

While Jenny and Katie dragged him off, Arthur turned back to his fans, "Farewell ladies!"

A collective sigh was heard from the older ladies, "Bye."

"We need to find Tristan next," Katie said keeping an eye on the knights.

"Yeah," Jenny answered, "plus we need some healthy shit or we could have 7 sick knights to care of."

Katie groaned which was her way of saying, if we have to, "I'll find Tristan. Can you handle the knights and the food?"

"Sure," Jenny said boastingly, "No prob."

They all traveled to the produce section in search of items that would be good tasting and healthy to eat. Safe to say the knights would be searching for that longer than the Holy Grail.

Tristan was found leaning against one of two carts, both full of different colored apples in plastic bags. None of the employees were brave enough to tell the silent knight that you must buy the food before eating it, so Tristan continued to happily munch on an apple.

('How can you tell if he's happy?' DA asked.

'Usually, I just ask Katie,' TRO responded. 'She seems to know.')

"Bors! No shoving Galahad into the baby seat!" Jenny was having some trouble with the knights but she waved Katie away when she tried to help, "Go get Tristan. I'll be fine. Gawain, don't ride the cart like that!"

"Tristan," Katie said eying the apples, "did you leave any apples for the other customers?"

"Three," he said pointing to in fact the last three apples in the whole market.

Katie sighed, "Do you expect me to buy all these apples?" she asked wearily.

"Yes."

Hard to defy that iron clad argument, she thought, "Okay, I'll buy the apples."

"Thank you, Katie," he said, giving the smallest hint of a smile.

At the same time as this touching moment was happening; Jenny was still having some trouble with the eager knights from the dark ages.

"Dag, put the broccoli down and no one gets hurt," Jenny said wielding a banana like a gun. He did as she told and she focused her attention on Bors who was pelting an employee with grapes yelling Rus and screaming about butchers.

She remembered something she saw in a video game once and took careful aim, "Gods of Bunnyism don't fail me now." She squeezed the banana and every thing slowed down.

It should be stated that neither Katie nor Jenny have any kind of hand eye coordination. Mr. Oldman, their old Cylon P.E coach, is a witness to that.

Dagonet ducked as the produce projectile flew past, Tristan grabbed Katie around the waist and pulled her to safety, Arthur felt the banana whoosh past his ear, and Galahad and Gawain ended up in a pile of peaches.

Then the banana finally hit its intended target: Bors' open mouth.

"SCORE! TOKUTEN!" Jenny bellowed, giving everyone a Japanese-style V-sign, "Sixty points! Too bad it wasn't Lancelot; I could have gotten 100 points."

She looked around at the chaos she caused with the Donkey Kong imitation, "Oops." She needed a scapegoat quickly.

"Oi, Tristan!" she said addressing the apple lover, "You could let go of Katie now," she had a sly grin identical to the one Kate had when she mentioned Lancelot to Jenny.

"Shut up, Jen," Katie mumbled.

After the whole banana incident had been cleared up, and everyone had been paid off, our heroines and the Knights of the Round Table stood in the 10 items or less line.

They clearly had more than 10 items but no one wanted to argue with the six very pissed off people that growled every time some one came near.

Plus there was a rumor going around that they were escaped asylum patients.

('Hmm,' TRO said, 'I wonder who started that one.'

'Good question.' DA answered.)

Two carts had already been bought and bagged before Arthur meekly asked a question, "Um…where is Lancelot?"

Jenny and Katie smacked there hands over there heads, "Shit, we almost forgot him."

"Jenny, you go."

"Nuh uh. Katie, you go."

"I have to pay remember?"

"Rock, paper, scissors?" Jenny begged.

"Go," Katie said pushing her away then focusing on the growing price she was going to have to pay.

"By the way," Katie called back, "have fun, Jen!"

"'Have fun, Jen' she says," Jenny grumbled to herself earning funny looks from other shoppers who hadn't been witnessed to any of the happenings with the knights.

She growled at them and they quickly ran screaming.

"Here, Lancelot," she called, checking aisle after aisle. "Here, Lancey. Here, boy." She whistled.

Still no response from the dark knight.

She searched every aisle. The only one left is…

"The alcohol aisle! Of course!" She ran to the aisle hoping to see him there.

Nothing. No hot knight from the dark ages.

She groaned, about ready to tear her hair out of her head.

"I'll give you a treat if you come out," she said in a desperate attempt to find him. Maybe she's get an employee to call him over the speaker system.

She paused mid-plan. Was that-

She tried again, "I'll give you a treat if you come out?"

There it was again!

A small tap was coming from the other side of the glass door that led to the chilled kegs of beer.

And there, shivering and slightly blue, was Lancelot, the snowman.

Jenny gripped the handle to the door and pulled it open.

The freezing cold wind whizzed out and Lancelot stumbled to the floor on unsteady feet.

"Thank you, Jenny," Lancelot said still shivering, "Thank you, thank you, thank you! I would hug you if I did not know you would kill me."

"Oo, good call. Let's go," she said helping him up, "Katie and rest are probably waiting for us."

"I'm guessing by the smile on your face," Katie said as Jenny and Lancelot got to the checkout line, "that you're glad you went instead of me."

"Oh yeah," Jenny said grinning, "Lancelot was locked in the beer freezer aisle."

"Details when we get home."

Well wasn't that just the most fun you've ever had at a market…

Next chapter will be up on Monday!

Don't forget to review!!!

DA and TRO