Wow it has been a long time since I've updated this, soooooorrrrrrrryyyy. I kinda didn't wanna leave it and kept procrastinating but here it is and the next one will be up shortly too, thank you if you've stuck with me this far!

'SAY IT'

another punch

'...no...'

Afriel presses the hot poker scorched in holy fire into his arm and he can't help the screams that escape him, red spots dot his vision and all he can feel is the brand on his arm.

'You are worthless, something against the very nature of this universe and Sam Winchester..."

he grabs his chin and forces it so Sam has no choice to look at him

"You mean nothing to anybody."

he lets go of his chin and Sam's head instantly falls into his chest. Afriel touched his forehead with two fingers, a gesture that used to seem so friendly when Cas did it.

Then there was another moment in the warehouse, where he saw Cas stand in front of Afriel and the moment when he said yes to killing him. That was the true moment he knew; knew that everything they said about him was true, even years and years ago when Gordon had tried to kill him or when Lucifer taunted him, but the most painful came from the ones he loved. From Dean telling him that if he didn't know him, he'd want to kill him or from Bobby telling him to lose his number. He was disgusting, succumbing to an addiction so dirty that even demons had seen him as tainted, how had he forgotten that? he stopped listening to Cas and Afriel after that, he was just waiting for it to end. Finally when Cas had held the blade, Sam just wanted to thank him for everything he'd done to help him and Dean and being their friend even in the darkest of times and of course say goodbye to the two brothers who'd looked out for him his whole life. After that he accepted his fate only looking at Cas once more, so strangely it seemed his eyes were filled with deep sorrow and not disgust.

He was still completely delirious and could only register the very basics of the world around him, his eyes seemed glued shut but he knew where ever he was it was cold. He briefly wondered if he was back in the cage, it would make sense for him to go there after he died but surely he would hear or see Lucifer then?

he shivered and felt the coldness in his bones but could do nothing to stop the chattering of his teeth.

He felt something soft and warm being draped across him and might of briefly heard Dean's voice talking in a soothing tone.

SPNSPSNSPNSPNSPSNSPNSPNSPNSPN

Both Dean and Cas couldn't help but watch Sam, Dean doing so as much as possible without crashing the impala.

'He's... he's okay right?' asked Dean tentatively.

Castiel wished he could answer, he had healed majority of the cuts on Sam but had been too weak to heal him completely. Then there was the holy fire, he seethed at the thought of it, in their twisted deranged logic he could see why they had used it. It was called 'holy fire' after all and they believed Sam was by definition; unholy. Apart from the physical wounds were the mental ones; they'd poisoned his mind, trapped him in his worse memories and forced him to see cruel illusions of their own making. There was nothing he could do now except wait for it to wear off. He had no idea if Sam was all right,

'I hope so' he mumbled quietly.

Sam started violently shivering and Dean passed Cas a blanket they'd kept underneath the passenger seat, Cas softly draped the blanket over his wounded friend and heard Deans soft reassurances to Sam.