There's always one person in an office or workplace that becomes the token goofball, and unfortunately for Detective Gumshoe, he was the fool of the Criminal Affairs Department. Other investigators were constantly yelling at him for tainting crime scenes, forgetting or losing important evidence, or just for putting off an errand that they themselves were too lazy to do. Being a well-natured man, Gumshoe never complained and always agreed to do whatever someone asked him to do.
That is, until he stumbled upon the perfect way out.
It came to him one day when he was walking Missile, the police dog that was one of the responsibilities forced on him. It wasn't that he didn't enjoy the dog's company, he just didn't like being taken advantage of. Everyone was always shouting orders at him, what if he didn't understand them? What if…he didn't speak English? He decided to start his plan right then. He saw a sign that asked dog owners please to clean up after their pets. He looked down at Missile, who had just finished his business. "Um…no hablo ingles, pal!" he said to himself, and laughed as he and the dog continued their walk.
Since his idea had worked out so well the previous night, the good detective chose to continue with it. His first attempt was with a hippie girl on the street, who asked Gumshoe for money as he was walking to work. "Hey mister, could you spare a dollar?" the girl asked.
"S-sorry, no hablo ingles!" Detective Gumshoe said cheerfully as he passed.
"Please, mister! I have two kids! If you'd help me, Rain and Cloud would be able to eat!" the hippie called after him. He felt guilty for refusing her, and rushed back to give her a few dollars, despite the fact that it was the only cash he had.
"Thanks, man, that's real groovy of you," she said.
"Yeah well, with names like Rain and Cloud, those kids are gonna need help," he grumbled once he was out of earshot.
Though his first attempt didn't go very well, Detective Gumshoe was not discouraged. He hoped his next try would go a bit better.
The next person he encountered just so happened to be Chief Gant.
"Ah, Gumshoe, good to see you! Been swimming lately?" Gant exclaimed, clapping his hands loudly.
"Er, no, sir…" The Chief's energy always made him feel uncomfortable.
"Well, that's too bad…anyway, perfect timing, my boy! I was just looking for someone to make a coffee run…here, I'll even give you the cash!" Chief Gant said. "Just hop over to café a block over and pick me up something, alright? There's a good lad."
He was already walking away when the detective spoke up. "Um, n-no hablo ingles, sir…" he said uneasily. The Chief looked at him so fiercely that Gumshoe ran out of the precinct and came back with coffee in three minutes flat.
"Great, Detective, thanks a bunch! I really appreciate it!" Gant applauded. Gumshoe left the Chief's office quite dejected.
After two failed attempts, Gumshoe was beginning to lose hope in his idea. Just then, however, he saw Prosecutor Edgeworth walking toward him. Well, third time's a charm, I guess, he thought, and went to greet Mr. Edgeworth.
"Oh, Detective, I was just looking for you. I have a few evidence submission forms here, and I'm going to need you to stay late tonight to complete them. Can you handle that?" Edgeworth asked.
Gumshoe took a deep breath and answered slowly, "No hablo ingles, sir!"
Edgeworth raised an eyebrow at him. "Is that right? How unfortunate." The prosecutor repeated his request, but this time, in Spanish. Gumshoe stared at him dumbfounded.
"Y-yessir, I'll get right on it," he sighed. Mr. Edgeworth dumped the files on Gumshoe's desk and left, muttering something about next month's salary review. The detective sank down in his chair and lackadaisically began the paperwork.
After working peacefully for a few hours, Gumshoe was disturbed by the loud whine of a megaphone and an annoying voice shouting, "OFFICER MICHAEL MEEKINS REPORTING FOR DUTY, SIIIIR!"
Alarmed, the detective looked up. "What are you doin' here, pal? You a new recruit or something? Are you lost?"
The sorry-looking boy in uniform began twiddling his thumbs. "N-no, sir. Not lost. The other detectives told me to report here, and that you would be in charge of me."
Gumshoe groaned loudly, but then, something came to him. A plan far better than the one he had hatched earlier.
"Okay, Mike, here's the deal. From now on, my duties are your duties. Can you handle that kind of responsibility, pal?" Officer Meekins nodded eagerly and saluted.
"Great. Now, organize these files and take them to the Records Room. Then take these forms over to Mr. Edgeworth at the Prosecutor's Office. Then you need to take Missile for a walk. Oh, but first!" said Gumshoe, enjoying his newfound power, "Go get me a cup of coffee. I'll uh…pay you back later, when I have cash."
Meekins raised his megaphone. "YESSIR! RIGHT AWAY, SIR!" he said, and ran off to do his assigned tasks.
Gumshoe leaned back in his chair with a happy sigh. Maybe the day hadn't been a waste, after all.