And we go over and over and over again

Are ya lost in the past thinking what might have been?

You're here and you're now, started over and then

Take it over and over and over again

~"Over and Over," Goo Goo Dolls

Machi slung her bag over her shoulder, marching back from lab. The semester seemed as if it was going to murder for her sanity, and it was only the second week. Well, whatever. She could handle it.

She spotted the light on in the attic. Chrollo must be up there again, with his stash. He found her when she was applying for college, only to realize there was no way a homeless girl like her could afford nor get the scholarships to alleviate the price of boarding at a dorm or textbooks or anything. College just wasn't for her, or so she thought. Kakin University was the most affordable and still reputable college around.

"I have an idea," he'd told her.

Several of them from Meteor City all helped him rob that professor. And now they were set for the next few years, set enough for Chrollo to purchase this mansion. The rest joined when they arrived to campus and put out ads. They paid rent to help with the mortgage and utilities, but it was so much less than she would be paying elsewise.

And she liked being there. It was almost like having people to come home to, which Machi had never thought she gave a shit about before she met Chrollo and spent nights arm wrestling the others and playing cards and making fun of the school's black whale mascot.

Machi strode up the driveway. Her phone buzzed. Feitan, one of the ones she met back in Meteor City.

Stand outsde ur windo.

You better not be in my room, she texted.

Feitan didn't reply. Machi huffed, but she stood outside the window, hands on her hips.

Wait—it was open. Machi's eyes narrowed. Feitan…

A kid jumped from the window. Machi sprung at him. Her foot slammed into his knee. The kid yelped, sprawling across the crabby grass. She knelt, grabbing the kid by the shoulders. A girl? A sleek black bob, pink eyes, and a kimono adorned the child. "Who the fuck are you?"

"Good, you got her," called Feitan's voice. "I be right out."

"I'm not a her!" squawked the kid. "I'm a boy!"

"Could have fooled me." Machi kept her knee on his chest. "You like robbing places, huh?"

"That was not—"

"I tell someone shimmied the lock when I got home," Feitan said, jogging over to them. He glared down at the kid. "Wrong house to break into, brat."

"I didn't—I mean—I just want to see my brother!" the kid blurted out.

The inky hair… Machi bit back a groan. "Who is your brother?" she asked, already knowing the answer. Feitan's face soured.

"Illumi. I'm Kalluto Zoldyck."

"Well, your brother apparently didn't teach you manners." Machi removed her knee and hands. The kid sat up, brushed grass from his hair. He blinked at them.

"Why you break in?" asked Feitan.

"They wouldn't let me on campus." Kalluto's nose wrinkled. "I want to talk to him—our other brother ran away."

"Huh?" Machi blinked. Oh Christ, she shouldn't even be asking. The last thing she wanted to do was get drawn into Zoldyck family drama because it would almost certainly involve Hisoka and she would just be tired. She had a lab to focus on. And her degree.

"I thought he might be coming here," said Kalluto.

"Well, he not in house," said Feitan, scowling as he crouched low. He tugged his skull scarf up over his mouth.

"I know that," said Kalluto, twisting his kimono in his hands. "But he has a—friend he met this past summer, here in this town. I wanted to tell Illumi, since our parents don't know."

"And you didn't want to tell your parents, huh?" Machi rose. Apparently the rich were no better than the poor. She held her hand out. "Want some hot chocolate?"

The kid's eyes lit up. Feitan rolled his eyes, but he followed them into the house.

"We can't exactly kick him out since he's Illumi's brother," hissed Machi as she opened the pantry and removed chocolate. She refused to get the cheap and easy hot chocolate. Not since she moved in here.

"Yes we can," Feitan insisted.

"You're a piece of work."

"You want to deal with Hisoka never shutting up about letting some—"

"Did you think I was a girl because of my kimono?" asked the kid, sitting down at the table primly, as if he was afraid of breaking something. Weird. Rich people usually plopped right down like they were blessing whatever had the fortune of supporting their ass.

"Yeah," said Feitan. "How you get in anyways?"

"My mother wanted a girl," said Kalluto. "She just has me and my three brothers. And another brother, but he's not really my brother."

That made no sense to Machi and she had too much biology to try to work out later to spend the mental energy. She heated the milk.

"I got in through picking the lock," said Kalluto. "It's not hard. My parents taught me to do it when I was four."

Machi and Feitan exchanged a glance. Not that they were exactly knowledgeable in what parents should do, but that seemed a little—odd.

"They said we might need to know to keep tabs on employees of our company," said Kalluto.

Machi finished the hot chocolate and poured it into three mugs.

"I no want," said Feitan.

Machi didn't care. "Then I'll drink it."

Feitan sipped it anyways. He just had to be bitter. "Your family company sound like it sucks."

Kalluto's eyes widened. He gulped the hot chocolate.

"Good?" Machi asked.

Kalluto nodded.

"Do your parents know where you are?"

He shook his head. "I sent a text message and kept my phone, unlike Killua. They shouldn't worry." He pressed his lips together. "I want my brother back. Illumi might be able to help get him back."

You sure about that? Machi saw the innocence in his face and decided not to mention it. "Did you text him?"

"No; he'll tell me to go home but I have to tell him about Killua's friend."

"I'll text him," said Machi. She rolled her eyes.

"How did you know I was here?" Kalluto asked Feitan. "I thought I was quiet."

"I pay attention," Feitan responded. "Library door was cracked."

"Oh." Kalluto looked crushed.

"Really, though," said Feitan. "You did a good job, and you're young. If you want career breaking and entering, you'll be fine."

Machi hit Feitan. He slapped a towel at her.

And Kalluto watched them both with wide eyes, and he giggled.

It'd been a week, and he couldn't find them. Illumi could hardly concentrate on his classes. Alluka could kill Killua and his little brother wouldn't even defend himself because he loved Alluka so.

More than me.

That's not true. Illumi shooed the thought away. Once, when Killua was three and exhausted and Illumi was seven and carried him to his room and tucked him in, Killua told him. "I love you most, Illumi."

It was still true, wasn't it?

When Alluka attacked a maid in one of his fits, Illumi considered the best idea to lock her up, which his parents wanted to do anyways. But to protect Killua more so than to protect the family name. Killua spent too much time with Alluka and didn't realize that Alluka was… something else now.

"I'm telling you, bro," said Milluki. "I don't know anything. I haven't heard from the little brat. Killua spends too much time with his head in the clouds and thinking about what other people want instead of going after what he wants. He's talented but it will all go to waste because he's soft."

"He is not!" Illumi snapped. "He'll be a better CEO than you would be!"

"Not like anyone would give me the chance. And go away; I have coding to work on."

"You're just going to play video games," Illumi said, watching his brother slouch on his dorm room bed. The trash can was full of empty chip bags and candy wrappers. Action figures lined his bookshelves, and what Illumi felt fairly certain was the heel of a blow-up sex doll poked out from under the bed.

"And what are you going to do about it?" Milluki asked. "You, Mr. No Fun Ever?"

"I have fun!"

"When?"

Illumi snatched one of Milluki's Sailor Moon figurines. "I'm taking this until you get your first grades."

"Fuck you, Illumi! Give it back!"

"Earn it back." Illumi turned and stalked out. There, Mom and Dad should be happy. He was trying.

If you fail, Milluki, it'll be on me, too.

I'm already failing them. I can't fail them more. He hung his head as he trudged back to the house.

"Didn't you get my texts?" Machi greeted him.

Illumi blinked. "Um, no?"

"Illumi," called a voice from the kitchen. He stiffened. Kalluto! His youngest brother sat at the kitchen table and looked to be making paper fans with his elaborate art decor. Feitan was studying his anatomy book, though he looked more likely to tear a body apart than do anything to put it back together. Though, through biological engineering maybe he planned to do just that.

"Please tell me you have permission," stated Illumi. "From Mom and Dad."

"I don't," said Kalluto. "Well, I do now. But I didn't when I left, but Father called and said it was okay so long as I was with you."

Illumi sucked in his breath.

"I know where he might be," added Kalluto.

Illumi's eyes widened. Kalluto followed him to his room. "He has a friend named Gon Freecss. He met him at that computer science camp this summer. And guess who his father is: one of the professors at this school. He doesn't live with him but—"

Killua could be here. Illumi's eyes popped. But surely Killua would have found him if that were the case, sought him out—

Why do you need friends? What am I? I'm enough for you, right? If I'm the only—don't you love me, Killua?

He texted his parents to make sure Kalluto was allowed to stay with him. In the morning he would venture over to Professor Freecss' classroom.

Kalluto noticed Milluki's action figure and said nothing. He went to take a shower.

"I'm guessing that's not yours," came a voice.

Illumi turned to face Hisoka. "I'm not in the mood, Hisoka. Killua might be in town and—"

"If your brother wanted you to find him, he would have found you already," said Hisoka, sitting on Illumi's bed. "He hasn't: ergo, he does not want you to find him."

Illumi stiffened. "It doesn't matter what he wants. My other brother is dangerous. Insane. And he'll—"

"So if you had to choose between brothers, you'd pick Killua? Wonder how Kalluto or Milluki would—"

"Cut it out," snapped Illumi. "It's not like that. Alluka is not really family. It's—he's—"

"It?" Hisoka's nose wrinkled. "You may surpass me in insanity."

Illumi scowled. "Get out."

"Fine." Hisoka rose.

"My brother is here," said Illumi. "And he's fourteen. So please behave yourself."

"Okay, I won't screw any screamers while he's here."

"Hisoka."

"Look, Illumi, your brothers exist in the world, okay? They're a part of it. I mean it when I say I won't do anyone loudly. But you have to accept that they are not your puppets and they are going to do what they want when they want, especially when they go off to college too."

"They have responsibilities," Illumi said sharply. "Unlike you."

"Do they want them, though?" Hisoka arched an eyebrow.

Illumi glared. "You invited me here to fuck with Chrollo, didn't you? I mean, not literally. To mess with Chrollo's mental state."

"Accurate," Hisoka allowed. "But I also do find you terribly interesting."

"What if I said you had no chance of getting into my pants?"

"I'd call you a liar."

"How do you know?" Illumi stepped closer, his heart pounding. He wondered. Would it be fun? Would a random college hook-up count as fun in Milluki's book? Maybe then his brother would respect him, if he—

"Are you asexual?"

Illumi crossed his arms. "No." He supposed he liked the idea of sex. And he'd definitely had sex before. Once. Sort of. It was over very quickly and to tell the truth Illumi had only done it so he could tell his father he wasn't a virgin anymore.

"Straight?"

"I don't know." Illumi thought about it. "No."

Hisoka smirked. "Do you know why I'd really call you a liar, Illumi?"

"Why?"

He gestured down. Illumi's face burned. "I'm not going to be your revenge against Chrollo!"

"Well, now we have all cards laid out on the table," Hisoka said. He tapped his foot.

Illumi frowned. "If I pretended to date you, would you help me find my brothers?"

"Huh?" Hisoka swung his head around, earrings swinging. They were new, golden and shaped like hearts. It was not easy to shock Hisoka, but the clown's eyes grew huge, and his mouth hung open.

"Help me find them," Illumi repeated.

"Why?"

"If my brothers are thinking more like they don't have—then you—"

Hisoka laughed. "Are you admitting you don't know everything?"

"I never claimed to. No sex involved, but I'll tell Chrollo we're dating. And annoy you with the—"

Hisoka snickered. "Sure. I'll help you. You want me at my most hedonistic or—"

"Behave yourself or I'll murder you."

Hisoka threw his hands up in the air. "Deal."

If his brother got word… Illumi felt hope. He could tell from Hisoka's narrowed golden eyes that he'd figured out this part of Illumi's motivation, as well.

Footsteps echoed on the stairs. Chrollo. The water still ran in the shower. "Can I kiss my fake boyfriend goodnight?"

"Fine."

Hisoka leaned in, cupping Illumi's chin. He expected his mouth to dive right in, but Hisoka brushed his lips over his, gentle. He pulled back, staring into his eyes as if making sure Illumi was all right, as if he wasn't sure Illumi really wanted to… fake date.

It was so absurd Illumi could have laughed. But they were both getting something out of it. Illumi pulled Hisoka's head down as Chrollo rounded the corner. Their lips met, and Illumi bit, not hard. Hisoka let out a surprised moan that didn't sound fake, and his mouth broke Illumi's apart, and Illumi opened up.

Chrollo slammed his door. Hisoka's nails scraped Illumi's scalp. This—this was kissing, more so than the past time he'd kissed someone. His stomach lurched. He panted, breaths coming hot and sharp.

The water turned off. Hisoka broke away. "Sleep well."

This wasn't sustainable.

Kurapika knew that, and yet he couldn't bring himself to tell Killua and Alluka to leave. Gon was scared to bring them back to his cousin for fear of the police getting involved.

"They'll pay them off," Killua insisted. "They always do."

Shoot and Knuckle were fine with Killua and Alluka crashing there for a few days, and Pairo as well. Alluka clapped her hands sometimes at strange moments, or stared into the distance, and Kurapika was starting to get an image of what had gone on in that house, and it made him sick. He would punch anyone who treated Pairo like he was less than human just because of his eyes; Alluka was no different just because her mind worked differently. And she was only fifteen, according to Killua.

But they'd have to think of a new plan soon. It'd been a week. Kurapika mulled it over as he trotted to Russian Lit. Rain pattered the ground. He couldn't stomach looking at Ging Freecss anymore; the man—

But Pariston Hill was almost as bad. Kurapika heaved a sigh as he entered the classroom, hair dripping wet.

"Take a shower outside?" quipped Chrollo.

Kurapika cast him a death glare as he stomped over to his seat.

"Good morning," cooed Pariston Hill. "Before we start our discussion of Demons, I'd like to announce I've arranged for your presentations! I'll pass out a schedule with the date you'll be teaching, and your partner."

"No!" wailed Shaiapouf when he got the list. "But I don't want to be with Komugi!"

The girl looked crestfallen, arms wrapping around herself. Pitou read the list to her.

"Shut the fuck up," snapped Kurapika. "Don't be a dick to her."

"Professor Hill, Komugi and I won't work well together—"

"In case you hadn't realized," said Pariston, a smile alighting his face as Kurapika received his paper. "I deliberately assigned you to students whom I haven't seen you interact with, or have seen you snipe at. Work together, or destroy each other and your grades in the process. Up to you." He beamed.

Kurapika's stomach flipped. He glanced down at the paper.

Kurapika Kurta & Chrollo Lucilfer.

Eight weeks from now.

You lazy bum; you just want to get out of teaching!

He glanced across the classroom. Chrollo stared back at him with a face no happier than Kurapika felt, which was troubling because it meant they felt the same way, and Kurapika did not ever want to feel the same was as Chrollo. Dick!

This wasn't supposed to be happening.

"Come out with us, Kurapika," Leorio said. "Please. I can't stand seeing you like this."

He'd spent the past week locked in his dorm room, sobbing and staring at nothing. Because he felt empty, but somehow he could still bleed tears.

His parents were dead. Car crash. Pathetic, how common it was.

"Come out," Pairo encouraged. "Please, Kurapika."

Three rum and cokes later, and Kurapika's head was spinning. He stumbled through an unfamiliar house, tripping and grasping the counter to hold himself upright. It didn't work.

"It's okay," a voice said behind him. "I've got you."

"Huh?" Kurapika glanced blearily up. A man with a cross tattoo on his forehead looked down at him. "Satan?"

The man laughed. "Come on."

He hauled him to the library, and Kurapika woke up there the next morning, safe and with a blanket over him and a million panicked texts on his phone. And then Chrollo came in with tea and asked if he was okay, said he was worried when he noticed just how drunk Kurapika was.

Kurapika didn't want to tell him he just wanted to forget how he felt, the ghosts clawing at him. Mom. Dad.

And Chrollo asked him out a few days later, and Pairo tried to warn him. "Kurapika, I overheard two guys talking, a big one with an afro and a blond guy. They said Chrollo only wants to go out with you because of your eyes. You know, because they turn scarlet. He wants to make someone else jealous and thinks your eyes make you seem extra special. He doesn't really like you."

And Kurapika insisted it wasn't true, told Pairo it was wrong for him to think that Kurapika was worthless deep down, and at those words Pairo flinched as if he'd slapped him. "Fine," he said, and the haunted tone still lurked in Kurapika's memories.

It was true, of course. Kurapika realized it three dates in, when he noticed they were always near a stupid clown.

He was so tired of being used by the people who weren't worth it, and being useless to the people who were.

He had to help Killua and Alluka. He had to. He wouldn't fail them.

Kurapika rose when class ended.

"Hey," called Chrollo. Kurapika cussed as he waited. "Do you want to meet and plan—it looks like we'll be on Fathers and Sons then?"

"I suppose," said Kurapika icily. "Maybe I can come to your house so you can make the clown even more jealous."

Chrollo's eyes narrowed.

"Is it true?" Kurapika demanded.

Chrollo just stared at him.

"Fuck you," Kurapika told him, turning and marching off.

"Everyone does things like that," Chrollo said finally. "No one else overreacts—"

"Not everyone just had their parents die," Kurapika snapped.

"Excuse me if having parents at all is something that sounds magical."

"Fuck off." Kurapika held up his middle finger. I don't feel sorry for you.

"I'll text you," Chrollo called. "You'll have to unblock me, though."

Kurapika swore again. He unblocked Chrollo on his phone and sent him a text. Bitch.

Leorio was calling. Kurapika answered. "What is it?" He headed behind the library. The campus's pond gleamed ahead, golden in the afternoon light. Leaves fluttered down, sticking to its surface like decorations. He paused, staring.

"You'll never believe what happened," gushed Leorio. "Kurapika, I just met a law student who's really cute—"

Oh no. Kurapika cringed. He did not want to hear about Leorio getting laid or—

"And I told her a little bit about our situation, you know, with Gon and Killua and Alluka, and she said she'd help!" Leorio cleared his throat. "I guess she knows Ging Freecss and hates him, so—"

Kurapika squinted. "That's awesome!" Was that Tserriednich? With a small woman with long dark hair? His heart pounded as he remembered Chrollo's warning.

Chrollo was full of it. He should just walk away.

The woman turned away, and Tserriednich grabbed her shoulder.

"Kurapika?"

"That's—" Tserriednich was definitely yelling at her. "I'll call you back, Leorio." Kurapika hung up and jogged towards them. "What's going on?"

Tserriednich had the woman by her throat, and she was trying to shield—a baby. Who now burst into tears. Kurapika's eyes bulged. "You bastard!"

Tserriednich cussed. The woman gagged as he let her go. She looked up at Kurapika, tears in her eyes.

"Don't act like you're better than this, you slut," said Tserriednich. He glared at Kurapika. "This whore has—"

"Don't call her that," said Kurapika, stepping in front of the woman.

"What if it's true?"

"I don't care; don't call her that!" Kurapika balled his fists.

Tserriednich laughed. "So it's true. You really are stupid." He turned and stalked off. "I'll be telling my dad what you did, Oito!"