Yes sirree, thank thee all for reviewing and even adding it to your faves. I was like; Indeed, Mr. Merchant is loved. Whoopee doo doo or something.
Updating already because I lent the game to my brother and I miss it ARGH. Addictive argh.

Inspired by: Several things. Including Tyger who reminded me of the fact you can equip those weirdass eggs. (I always shoot 'em?)
Disclaimer: If you don't know by now I'm kind of amazed by the fact that you can read.
Random note: Bloke is a word. British slang. I love British slang. I watch too much 'Teachers' and 'Two Pints of Lager'

It's my life strangah, and you're starting to learn more and more about it. How does that make you feel? I bet it makes ya feel like buyin' a gun. I have that effect on people.
Either it's that, or my piercing glare that makes people want to buy things. Ah heck, as long as they buy, I ain't complaining.
Now for the object of my affections.

I met her by accident, not too long ago. It was around that time that those strangahs were running around, wondering which gate to open.

"Will we be eaten by ganados?" Ashley asked that Leon.
"Not if I have a say in it." Leon mumbled.
"Okaaaay... So we'll just be killed by ganados." Ashley said nodding.
"Nothing will kill us."

I saw the both of them walking around, pondering about fighting either the ganados, or that gigantic creature from which I forgot the name. El Gigante?

While they were argueing about which gate to open, and while they were fooling around with the lever, I saw a young woman walk by. This woman would later on become known as 'the one who got the discount'. I almost didn't see her because the arguement between the strangahs was distracting me in an amusing way. But I'm glad to tell you she didn't pass by unnoticed. I don't think she's capable of doing that anyway.

Just when the Ashley-girl had opened the right gate again I glanced away and my eye caught a figure wandering around the shady shack. With a strange sense of grace the figure, I by then realised it was a woman, walked right into the wood of which the shack was made off.
I was rather surprised to see the whole thing didn't collapse, I mean, you might've seen the shack, did it look sturdy to you strangah?
I thought it didn't.
The woman however wasn't as sturdy as the wood, and with a tud and a splash she gracefuly landed in a puddle.

"Ughhhhhh, didn't see that coming." She mumbled. I could hear she was annoyed. Then again, who wouldn't be?
I couldn't help myself here and broke the rule of only talking about buyin', sellin' and guns. "I bet it didn't see you comin' either, strangah!"
She just glared at me, got back on her feet and walked away. I may look emotionless to you strangah, but seeing her butt walk away on those legs made even my heart jump a lil'.
The glory of the female body...
Ah, I'm sorry, I got distracted.

Anyway, that obviously wasn't the last time I saw her, strangah. I'm not the type of bloke to believe in 'love at first sight'. The only thing I ever loved at first sight was the Chicago Typewriter, and believe me, I never ended up marrying it.
Which is a shame, really.

The second time I came across her was when I was at my shop. You know, the one you end up in when you get on the lake and make a wrong turn? That one.
I was standing around, looking for the rifle ammo I was supposed to have lying around, and suddenly heard the motor of a motorboat. After a few minutes of hearing nothing she entered through the hole in my roof.
Please don't ask me why there is hole in my roof, I have a good reason for it, but we're not going there now. Well, you're not going there. I am there already.
Hmmm, I'm finding it hard to concentrate on the things I should be concentrating on. I hope it don't bother ya, strangah.

But yes, she entered through the hole. I was obviously surprised to see a pair of legs appearing in front of me, I really had to resist the urge to pull and see what would come out. But I didn't, I'm a nice man.
When I want to be anyway.
And instead of Leon, who is the only person who usually appears through the hole, don't ask me why, I have no idea, there she was. When she landed on the floor, once again on her butt and with a thud, she was shocked to see me there. For some reason she was holding a can of hairspray.

"Do not come any closer!" She yelled, threatening with the spray.
"There ain't nothin' wrong with my hair, lil' lady."
"You spoke!"
"Indeed I did, strangah, what're ya buyin'?"

She threatened me in my own 'house' or whatever you wish to call it. And on top of that she was surprised by the fact I am capable of speaking. How rude, don't ya agree strangah?

"Buyin'?" She repeated me. "Like what?"
"Ehehehe..."

I saw her look around and felt a little nervous. I'm not used to havin' women around, usually they don't care about anything. Except tampons, but we already discussed that matter.

"I'm lost..." She finally said.
"Lost?"
"Lost. You know, like those tv-series? Only I didn't crash a plane?"
"Oh yes, lost. Where're ya goin' strangah?"
"I don't know."

She started to twist a milk chocolate-colored bang around her finger and sighed. "Where should I go?"

I shrugged. "I ain't no psychic, strangah."
"You look like one."
I chuckled my merchant-chuckle and waited for her to leave. If she wasn't interested in buyin' anything, I didn't need her here.
"Are you one of them?" She asked.
"I am one of many 'thems' strangah..." I replied. It appeared she wasn't going to leave.
"Listen, I need to go to that village, which way to go?"
"The right way."
"Tsk, you're no help." She mumbled. "Take me there?"

Was that the moment she became the object of my affections? I think it was. It was very tempting to say yes and go with her, but that just ain't my style.

"Listen lil' lady, I can get ya away from this lake, but I ain't takin' ya anywhere."
"Hmmm, just take me away from here, I'm sick of water."
"Gheh."

So I took her on that damn boat and got her a little closer to the village. I gave her some direction and disappeared again. I always disappear like a snake from a crate, which would be when you least expect it.
When I got home I took off the insane amount of clothes and smirked at my image in the mirror. "Hello there, strangah!" I flashed myself a smile.
No, that ain't workin' for me. I'll stick to the 'Hell-o, I am the merchant and if ya don't buy anythin' just scram'-look I've always had. No point in changing appearance when it won't work fer ya.

So that was the second time. The third time I gave her the infamous discount, and the fourth... Well, we might talk about that later. I can hear someone approaching my shop, so it's time for business.
Ah, it's Leon and Ashley again. They're still here? Didn't that island blow up? If ya ask me, having an island blow up when you're practically sittin' on it is reason enough to get as far away from there as you possibly can.

Hm, for some reason Leon entered through the door. That's a first.

"What're ya buyin'?" I asked.
"Hmmmm."

He was holding something in his hand, I could see it. It didn't look very dangerous though.

"So... Just to check." Suddenly he threw something my way. I stepped aside and when I turned around I saw he just tried to 'egg' me. Too bad for him
he failed though, the stuff was now on the wallpaper.
"Ya gonna clean that, strangah?" I asked.
I heard the Ashley-girl sigh in the background. "That was so pointless, Leon."
"Awww, I have to?' The blonde asked me.
"Yes, clean strangah." To show him I was serious I picked up a custom TMP.
"Okay, fine."

While the other strangah and I watched the strange blonde man cleaned up the mess. I wonder why he did that, if that was an attempt to kill me, has still has a lot to learn.
Makes me think... How'd they survive on that island? How'd they survive anything at all? I think that man might be missing some imporant braincells.

"So, why'd ya do that strangah?"
Leon grinned. "It worked!"
"Leon, come on, I want to go home." Ashley said.
"Why?" I asked again.
"To see if you were capable of saying something that doesn't have anything to do with weapons!"

He egged me to see if I really had a limited vocabulary. How very strange.

"So you did that to see how limited my vocabulary really was?" I asked confused.
"Aha, yeah." Leon said. "We can go home now, Ashley!"

The blonde girl cheered and they left again. They didn't buy anything, which is a shame, really.
So the only reason they didn't go home yet was because that bloke wanted to know if I had a working brain.
I think he's missing braincells himself indeed. More than I am, that's a fact.

Well strangah, it'd be time for me to take my leave now. I have some unfinished business to take care of, and I will see you again later.
Or you will read me again later, which seems a lot more logical.

Until next time, strangah!

(Unless you're interested in buyin' anything? I got something that might interest ya! Ya see this 'ere? It's called a shotgun... I call her the Striker. 'Cause she looks so striking, don't ya agree? Oh, not interested? It'd be foolish to leave your house without 'er strangah! If you end up in trouble and have no way to defend yourself, don't come blamin' ol' me mate! Oh, you're leavin'? Well... Night night strangah! Night night...)

HUZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. (Don't ya just love that word)
I had fun writing. A LOT. I hope YOU had fun reading! That's why I write in the first place aye.

Hmm for some reason my ol' brother gave me back the game. Guess what I'm going to do now!
(If you say 'Watch the Simpsons' you're right)
UNTIL NEXT TIME! (I hope)