Our first breath is one of the hardest things we'll ever have to do.
Our lungs fill with oxygen for the first time since their creation. The fluid in them is pumped out and replaced. In the span of a few minutes our bodies are figuring out how to exchange oxygen for carbon dioxide and, you know, get our lungs to work.
It's quick and it's insistent because for anything to even begin this has to work. For the second breath to come you need a first. This magnificently complicated act of breathing. This thing that we can take for granted can end everything before it's even had a chance to begin.
It's one of the most difficult tasks we'll ever ask of our bodies. Yet, we're not really thankful. We're not really thankful for those first few breaths because there really wasn't any other option. We didn't think about it. Either we took them or we died. That was it.
It's later in life that we become truly thankful. When we roll over and listen to the soft inhale and exhale of our lover. When we reach out and lay a hand gently on their back or chest and just feel the steady rise and fall. Those are the breaths we're thankful for.
We're thankful for those breaths because in those moments when everything is calm and still the truth isn't so scary. In those moments when every atom of our body every pocket of our soul is focused on that person laying next to us the noise of the truth is drowned out. Because the truth, the most important truth, well, we're listening to it and that steady breath is the most beautiful symphony in the world. It's every whispered promise. It's every laugh. It's every I love you. It's everything.
Those are the breaths we cherish.
I didn't get that. I didn't know that. Not until Naomi. She let me hear it for a while. But then she got up her breath shaky and uneven as she ran - as she left me.
I want to but I can't hear her anymore.
"You're wearing my clothes."
A quick glance over my shoulder brings Katie into focus. I turn my attention away from her back to the mirror I'd been looking in. I run a hand down the black miniskirt I'm wearing smoothing out wrinkles that I know aren't there. The bangs I'd left unpinned fall into my face as I tilt my head a little scrutinizing my reflection.
"You look like a whore."
Her voice is getting closer as she moves to stand next to me reaching out and picking up a tube of lipgloss that I'd just set down.
"That's good." She says as she finishes applying the lipgloss.
I can't help the small smirk that pulls at the corner of my mouth. It may have been bitchy but I know my sister and that was a compliment. "Thanks Katie"
"I'm just saying it's about time you took some interest in your appearance. Finally trying to impress someone? Who is it?"
"No one" I reply my eyes back on my reflection. My fingers toying nervously with the feather shaped pendent that hangs from a gold chain around my neck. "No one"
"Emsy…who is it?" Katie asks again after a moment. And she's looking at me. Really looking at me in a way that reminds me she's my twin. Reminds me that no matter how different we are she'll still know me in a way no one else ever will. I could tell her. I could tell her right now. The answer is on the tip of my tongue when a car horn goes off outside.
Katie watches me as I walk over to my bed to pick up my purse, "That's our ride."
"Yeah" I nod as I pull the purse up onto my shoulder "So…let's go."
It's me who takes the first step towards the door. It's me who leads her out of the room and down the stairs. It's me who ignores the question I can hear her silently asking.
The party is loud and almost out of control when we get there. I can't say I'm surprised considering who invited me. Katie and I part almost immediately. It's nothing new we'll find each other.
I weave my way through the maze of people. My eyes flit from one person to the next searching for blonde - searching for her. The beat is pounding and people are dancing a haze of smoke has filled the air and at some point a cup is pressed into my hand. I look to see who handed it to me and I'm surprised to see Effy staring back at me.
I smile at her leaning in to be heard over the music, "Thanks"
She gives me a small nod and I hear her reply even though it doesn't seem like she's raised her voice from its usual sultry softness. "It's interesting, I think, the way she looks at you. Like you could end her but maybe she could be okay with that." As quickly as she was there, before I can ask who she is talking about, she's gone.
I turn around looking for Effy in the crowd wanting to find out who she's talking about. Hoping I already know. I let out a breath before I take a small sip of the contents of the cup she handed me. I relish in the all too familiar sting as the liquid slides down my throat. An elbow comes in contact with my shoulder blade forcing me towards the kitchen. A muffled "s'cuse me" is tossed over a broad shoulder. I simply nod in return as I enter the kitchen pleased to find that it is empty. I take in a slow even breath as I walk further into the surprisingly large kitchen. I set my cup down on the island counter before I lean back against it. My back pressed into cold marble.
"Well, this is a fucking disappointment."
I bite my bottom lip to keep the smile from spreading across my face. I don't even need to look to know who it is. I feel the warmth of a body next to me a few moments later.
"I expected a bit better from Cook. But, now that I think about it I can't really figure out why."
I finally let the smile form on my face as I look up to see the blonde I'd been searching for.
"So you decided to what, hide out in the kitchen?" I ask
Naomi rolls her eyes as she reaches out grabbing the cup I'd just set down taking a drink from it.
"Well, I couldn't be out there could I?"
"You didn't have to stay if you weren't having fun."
Naomi didn't respond taking another drink from my cup.
"Why'd you stay?" I ask
Still no response. She takes another drink.
"Were you waiting for someone?"
After a moment Naomi sets the cup back down on the counter. Her body now faces mine. Her side leaning against the counter top while my back is against it and I look over at her.
"What do you want?" she asks. Pausing a moment before saying, "what do you want…from me?"
I shrug turning my head away from her looking at the magnets that adorn the stainless steel refrigerator "Why'd you stay Naomi" I ask again, watching her out of the corner of my eye.
"Maybe I…maybe…"
I turn my body to face hers as her sentence trails off. It's then that I realize how close we are. Despite the music filtering into the kitchen I can hear her breathing. The steady in and out.
My voice is soft as I repeat my question, "Why'd you stay Naomi? What did you want?"
I don't have to ask the question again because in the next instant her lips are pressed to mine. I don't know who moved first or when it even happened. But her hands are on my hips and mine have slid to the small of her back and she's tilting her head one way then the other to kiss me as I pull her closer. I can taste the alcohol on her lips as I press mine more firmly to hers. I can feel the soft moan vibrate through her as I run my fingernails back and forth against the material of the shirt she's wearing. We separate gently the kiss slowing until my forehead rests against hers. My eyes are still closed. My pulse is pounding in my ears. But I can hear it. I can hear the inhale and the exhale. I can hear her answer to my question. I stayed for you. I want you. I can hear it so loud and so clear that when my eyes flutter open and meet hers I'm surprised by the fear I see in them.
"N-Naomi…"
She's quickly detangling herself from my arms. "I-I didn't mean to do that. I shouldn't have done that. We…fuck, shit...shit" she shakes her head a shaky hand reaching up to wipe at her smudged lipstick.
"Naomi" I began taking a step forward. This is wrong all wrong. I heard it. I know I did. This shouldn't be her reaction. This shouldn't be what's happening.
"No!"
I immediately pause and shrink back at the volume of her voice.
"I…I'm sorry." She said her voice softer but shaking. "That shouldn't have happened. I'm sorry." She turns making her way quickly out of the kitchen. I try to go after her but she's disappeared into the crowd.
That night as I wipe away the tears that are streaming down my face I let out a surprised gasp as I feel the bed dip next to me. An arm wraps around my waist and I'm pulled back into a body practically identical to my own.
"Is it worth it?" Katie whispers into the night.
And there they are again those silent questions that only Katie can ask.
I inhale fighting the exhale holding my breath for a few moments.
"Yes" I finally exhale.
And it's that simple. As simple as breathing.
AN: Please let me know what you think. Sorry it took so long to update. But, I'm really back into the swing of this story so updates will certainly be much quicker. Also, I'm looking for a beta. I feel like there are some grammar mistakes I'm missing and it'd also be great to have someone to give me a bit of a nudge when my updates are taking too long. So, if you're interested, PM me. Thanks for taking the time to read and I hope you enjoy.