Chapter 4
Wicked Vertigo

Matt was no idiot—his degree almost always said a blatant otherwise—"Matt…" he said airily, beginning to follow the blonde as he trekked around his room tossing clothes, "did you shoot up last night, and your clearly drunk, Ty—both?, I've told you about this man, you mean to much to me for me to let you kill yourself". He knew Matt cared, Matt was all he had left he'd met him at university—well the month that Tyler had been at university—and it'd been love at first sight~ which was strange because Matt was his opposite in every way where: Tyler was extreme, wild and crude, Matt was mannerly, safe and polite they were a contradiction of rare sorts, they got along better than Tyler did with his own family and if it wasn't for there almost always prominent sexual innuendo's Tyler would have thought of Matt as his blood brother—because he was freaky, but incest was just a bit past his white line—it was for those reasons that Tyler had these conversations with Matt.
He let the other man nag him, and boy did he; when Tyler had first decided stripping was what he chose to do—and it wasn't because he wanted too, even though he never complained about the job—Matt had initially thrown a bitch fit, telling him that he couldn't support himself by getting eye fucked by housewives all night but Tyler had talked him down, promising that it wouldn't last—he'd lied.

Tyler had been working at the dark natured club for over a year now and it wasn't because he enjoyed his time there—though he did enjoy it—it was for the one woman in his life who loved him regardless of his state. Carol Lockwood was his heart and he'd be damned if she died because he couldn't pull the money together necessary to help her-His father's last act of spite against his own family had sent him and his mom into bankruptcy. Go figure, his pops had been fucking, his secretary—Matt had given it his best to try and get him to take another job but Tyler's mind had been set, he thought stripping would be fun and it was a way to make money that he could do—he had the attention span of a mouse, there was no way he'd be able to sit behind a desk for 8 hours a day. Then of course there was the whole, reading backwards thing.

Tyler moved across his tattered room the floorboards creaking under his bare feet, until he was standing in the doorway to his bathroom he heard Matt's soft footsteps behind him and knew the boy had gave up his search and followed him "are you even listening to me?" Tyler sighed "Of course Matt. I—I had a rough night last night is all. I'll be more careful" Matt mumbled something under his breath that sounded like don't bullshit me "look. I get what you're doing, and in fact you know that I respect you for it, you want to do this for her and you want to do it yourself, but Ty you've got to clean yourself up you've got to see someone, talk to someone that is paid to fix you and you've got to do it soon… do you think Carol would like what she saw in her son if she woke up today or tomorrow? She'd blame herself and I know you love her too much to see her do that" he sighed, "You really know where my kill-shots are don't you?" Tyler leaned over into the large black tub and turned the dial watching the shower water spew forth.

He knew she would blame herself, and he knew he was a fucking mess. He felt it every time the needle pierced his veins; that flash of perpetual clarity the drug brought, waving it around like a flag of warning before with a grin his demons swallowed the rush whole, and with it his consciousness but damn if he genuinely couldn't stop. He'd tried but he just couldn't.

Nobody brought him comfort like drugs and alcohol did, nobody numbed him—he wasn't happy and god if he knew how to fix it… he was more alone than ever and truthfully? He didn't know how to survive on his own. Tyler had never been addicted to anything before, he didn't know how to handle the desperate feeling until it hit him, it was like drowning the drug—heroine—became his air he needed to breathe and he needed his high when those attacks fell on him, his father use to tell him stories of the Lockwood curse: Tyler thought it was a myth, so did the rest of the uppity Lockwood's who never truly had a problem bigger then there shofar being late. He believed it now.

Turning back toward Matt, Tyler ran a hand down his face "look…, I know she'd hate this but… Matt I can't stop, and I'm not sure I want to, who am I hurting? If I want to destroy myself why does it matter? It makes me feel good for even a little while, you know I don't do good on my own" Matt sighed and copied Tyler's earlier motion, "Jesus Christ Ty, you sound like—like an addict" Tyler shook his head "I'm not addicted. I'm just—having a little fun" he lied "it's just—last night things in my life caught up with me and it was a bit overwhelming" Matt was quiet for a moment watching his best friend work the shower water until he was hot, he knew Tyler was lying.

He had the habit of avoiding eye contact when he lied, his shoulders usually tensed and he almost always talked slowly as if being clear would dull the lie but what could he do? Tyler wouldn't go seek help, because Tyler wouldn't agree to being addicted and if he couldn't get him there willingly he needed someone more important in Tyler's life—someone with rights—to sign him into a clinic that only person in his family left was Carol and she had yet to wake up from her Cancer induced coma, all he had where these talks where he assessed his brother; he was getting worse and worse.

When he visited Tyler today, he saw it immediately when his friend woke up his eyes where the color of lava—glassy and burning like hot rocks, his skin had also been scorching when he touched it, and Tyler had never looked so frayed. Whatever had happened last night had pushed him into heroine for the 3rd time this week, he knew Ty wouldn't talk about but whatever it was he had to convince him to avoid it "Tyler, whatever pushed you this far—"Tyler waved a careless hand "stay away from it, blahdy blah" the other male grinned cheekily at him, "wanna join me Matt? You can get my back" Matt grinned tiredly "no thanks stud. You go ahead, but hurry up we're supposed to be trying on suits today after we visit Carol" Tyler nodded his head, opting to stop talking about the situation at hand. Matt quietly made his way out of the bathroom.

Tyler stripped down and stepped into the shower, the hot water cleansing on his skin, but also more than a painful reminder, the last time he thought of a shower was last night when that memory had come to him in a dream, he remembered that night.
He always remembered when she touched him. Looked at him. Back in those days, they had gone in different circles, both were popular—Tyler the quarter-back, Caroline the head cheerleader but it had quickly gone to shit when they met and began a friendship he'd value more than life she was his rock, she made him smile when his father first began his tirade on Tyler's life, she made him laugh when he was sure he'd be nothing but a nuisance to the world, Tyler's mind had been in a dark place back then and…he knew he was dragging Care down with him, but like now and probably forever Tyler had no Manuel to his life, he lived everything wild and free and when things spun out of control his only course of action was to take the ride, but because of that mentally he was more marked up then whiteboard, he doubted he'd ever be clear.
His demons lurked always quietly searching for a way to consume him, take his mind and leave his body but he could never tell Matt that if the other man ever figured it out, Tyler would be Lindsey Lohan-ed so fast that his pretty-little-head would spin, but that wasn't the point. He had hurt Caroline then she hated to see him the way he was, hated to see him sabotage his chances at life with alcohol and cheap girls who wanted his dick and nothing else—he was all but too happy to give it to them, that much hadn't changed.
It's for that reason that Caroline Forbes cut him from her life. He remembered the night though, she'd been so gentle with him, it was the first time Tyler's feelings had let loose, the first time his soul had sung with what he felt for Caroline, he loved her, he loved her so much it suffocated him, so much so that it became a sort of parasite sucking away his life and sense of peace until all he could think about was her—pleasing her, having her, his Caroline. At first it'd felt like she loved him too.

They had never officially been dating but everyone knew that Tyler Lockwood and Caroline Forbes were off the market, they were always together in; corners kissing and touching at games laughing at private jokes when Tyler sat on the bench, at school texting and meeting on the staircase for quick tastes, she became like a drug in her own right to him and he'd had to quit cold turkey when she up and left him.
He'd never felt something more painful than when she said the words I can't do this anymore Ty. He'd been frantic, panic had turned his heart into a stallion on overtime, and his body had gone into begging mode… he couldn't lose her, it was the first time she'd seen the real Tyler, the genuine guy who was drowning in his own black soul.

A hard knock from Matt told him he'd been in two long, standing under the hot water, so he made quick work of washing then stepped out and wrapped a towel around his waist, when he got out Matt was on the phone sitting on his bed "I know and I'm sorry, but I promised I'd go today. I can't back out now, what would you say if I told you it was wedding related?" he knew he was walking to his fiancé. He'd never met the girl, but she must have been pretty interesting to have Matt allow her to leash him the way she had, frat boy Matt was officially no more, he had gone and became a gentlemen. That life wasn't for Tyler, even if a certain blonde had asked him.

Tyler quickly got dressed in skinny jeans and a black tank top, he slid a black baseball cap over his wild hair and grabbed the keys to his bike, but Matt slapped his hands mouthing hell no, still talking on the phone, so he sighed and tailed behind his friend as they left his apartment.

When Tyler gets to the hospital he falls into the regiment; when he walks in his moms room, nobody is allowed to follow so Matt waits outside, before he even looks at his mom he puts her fresh flowers in a vase full of water, adjusts the ones he brought last time, and makes sure it's nice and toasty—the way she likes it—in the room, and then he waists by the bed his back turned to her because sometimes it hurts more than others to see her—he can't fall apart in front of the nurse.

The nurse walks in a few minutes after he arrives, a cute little thing with long reddish brown hair and a pretty smile, her names Jenna "oh, Hey there Ty what are you doing out of bed so early?" he gives her an Ernest smile, he knows better than to be the new Tyler outside his mom would have none of that disrespect. He hands out on a daily basis these days "I just couldn't wait to see mom today" he says with a sad smile, she returns it and moves some hair from her face, "Ty… Carol is, well she's stable, but that's the only bit of good news I've got for you, your mom has to go back into chemo, the cancer is back" Tyler bit so hard into his lip that he broke the skin, "and?" he asked in a whisper "well… were unable to do the treatment while she is in her comma, it will be extremely difficult for her body to sustain it while its dormant like this, plus we can't properly nourish her on IV's alone, she needs to wake up before we can start treatment on the cancer that's reformed" Tyler gulped, they had no set date for when Carol was to wake up, he had no clue if she ever would and now he was faced with the decision that could finish him, he was a survivor not superhuman.

He racked a hand through his hair angrily, "Jenna. What—what are the chances my mom wakes up this month? Do you think she'll be ready next month, Or in time for her chemo to be successful again?" Jenna's grim frown tells him all he needs to know, but she speaks anyway "I can't be sure. The doctors want to try something new with her, that could boost her odds but nothing is set in stone Tyler" meaning odds: were not very good. Tyler storms past her and down the hallway he can hear Matt on his tale shouting "what happened? Ty!" but Tyler's body is hungry for it now. He always carries it around with him for times like this; when the pain is too much and he needs to silence it if he wants to stay sane.

Darkness is creeping on the very borders of his flesh and he can sense the need for it to overwhelm him, his body calls for the empty needle in his back pocket and so does his mind, whatever he thought he was going to do today seems unimportant, all he wants now is feel the high to lose Tyler; leave that prick behind in the shadows, and move to the blissful light of ignorance, become ignorant to his life, to his family, to Matt and worse of all to Caroline Forbes.

Tyler rushes down the sterile smelling hallway until he finds a bathroom, his body is going numb with need when he reaches it and he pushes the door open, nearly falling to his knees with the hunger when he's inside, he doesn't bother to get the light. Just starts tying the rubber band around his exposed bicep, his movements are jerky and frantic.

His body coated in sweat from the effort it took to make it this far. His hands shake vigorously as he fills the needle, and then he's jabbing himself so hard that he knows it'll bruise. He throws his head back in the bliss of the drug, his body going slack on the public bathroom floor, he sits alone like the lost child he is in a world that's too much for him, and waits for the darkness to swallow him in its icy wake.

HAPPY NEW YEAR! I hope everyone had a good time with family and friends and for those of you to whom it applies, happy healing for that hangover, I've been busy and because of that I've been slacking majorly and for that I apologize, but I'm back and so are my updates, since I've been so neglectful there's the 4th chapter along with the previously updated 3rd chapter, I plan on updating numero 5 as well before the night is over so stay tuned, as you can see things are getting… a bit darker and Tyler's story is only going to grow in that department hang in there though, a certain blonde is coming to his rescue. No promises of course!

Please review if you've got the time, if not? As always read and enjoy~