"OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK" Joseph Stalin, Premier of the Soviet Onion said. He was peeling through the void of space, reaching superatomic levels of speed. Not even his ultragulags could save him while he was traveling at such a blistering velocity.

And just like that, he crashed directly into a mountain. A massive puff of fire and chunks of rock combined with entangled greenery exploded from its craggy side, the resulting explosion as a result of Stalin's energy sent the debris into an entirely separate dimension.

"Cyka FUCKING blyat, what in the mighty asshole of Marx am I doing here?"

Sensing danger, he swiftly exited the server and rebooted his computer, and he respawned in a textureless environment composed of a continuously repeating black-and-pink grid.

"Ah fuck, not this either."

Another disconnection and another respawn landed him in an underwater territory, standing in front of three houses: a massive, domelike rock, a statue reminiscent of the Easter Island faces, and a large, windowed pineapple. Approaching the Slavic dictator was a floppy, gelatinous spongey being, who rolled across the ground like a soft-tissue wheel.

"Hi there, mister! Do you happen to know where a certain Steven Universe lives?"

Joseph Stalin shot him a concerned look. "What exactly is your business with him?"

"I was ordered by Adolf Hitler to see him."

A bolt of panic shot through Stalin's chest. Why Steven? The German dictator wasn't supposed to know anything about him. Bad news.

"…I'm afraid I'll have to stop you." He said.

Spongebob's unsupported face twisted into a blob of yellow skin that looked angry.

"What? It's just regular business."

"Leave business to the Party, kid. Go back to your house or I'll send the KGB after you."

"The…the 'cagey bee'? What're you talking about?"

"I said LEAVE!"

"No!"

Spongebob sprung forth in a fountain of yellow jelly, slamming into Stalin's face. The stout dictator fell to the ground, dazed from the ambush. A sharp shard of metal peaked through Spongebob's gummy surface, shooting out from the golden slime and heading for Stalin's chest. He jerked over, shard embedding into the sandy ground.

"THAT'S IT! FEEL THE WRATH OF THE MOTHERLANDS!" he screamed, leaping to his feet and charging with a red aura surrounding him. As he pounded into the sponge, the blaring voices and trumpets of the Soviet anthem rang out. Stalin pummeled Spongebob, driving his fist repeatedly into him in a great barrage of communist punches.

He struck the mushy blob until it dissolved into a fizzling, mustard-colored liquid. The stars had shifted—now he was Spongeblob, of the Darkmeal. Stalin gripped the shaft of a timeline and impaled it directly within the flaxen pool, using the power of spacetime to transfix Spongeblob into the dimension and disallow him from reforming his bodily compositions.

Genrikh Yagoda, first minister of the NKVD, was Jewish but was responsible for the deaths of 10,000,000 people within the Soviet Union.