Scientific Reasoning, Plans, and Reactions

Disclaimer: Joss.

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After the (deep breath everyone!) Crazy, mind reading, person sensing, premonition telling, genius killer assassin woman's revelation down in the cargo bay, she now had a basic idea of Jayne's behavioral profile.

Problem: Man does not see her as a woman.

Solution: Make him see.

Subject Study: Jayne is almost animal like in behavior. When he is tired he sleeps, when he is hungry he eats, so on and so forth. He smells his food before eating, as to make sure it is safe to consume. His eyes automatically take in everything in the room in an almost watch dog manner. The Merc is always searching with his senses for anything out of place, the result of being in his line of work and living.

River sighed and pushed her hair behind her ears, thinking hard on how she would lure him. She would need to engage all five of his senses at once, with pleasing stimuli. Easier said then done, because she didn't have any practical experience with seduction practices. Inara would, but she wasn't here. Asking Zoë, even if she had experience, would be to invite disaster. She would tell the Captain, and he would tell Simon and all three would throw Jayne out the airlock. Kaylee might help, but that would have the bubbly Mechanic asking questions the Reader didn't have answers for.

The brown haired teenager questioned her motives once again. She was absolutely taken in by Jayne at first because he was the complete opposite of everything she grew up around. But… there was something else. Something she couldn't put her finger on. She felt as if he was drawing her to him, but as large as he was he couldn't generate his own gravitational pull. Could he? She vowed to research on the Cortex about personal gravity before she prepared.

OOOO

Mal sat in the bridge, watching Wash play with his Dinos. "The Land is fertile. After the harshest winter in… hrm… unrecorded history we have thrived and multiplied."

A snort and an eye roll later and Wash was pay attention to his course corrections. "So, Captain Grumpy, what's with the heat wave anyways?" He was striped down to pants and a white tank.

Mal grunted as he finished unbuttoning his shirt completely. "Kaylee says the power coupling that she replaced did something to the wiring, which shorted out the Temperature control. Damned if I rightly know what she's talkin' 'bout."

Wash just sighed. "Well from re-wiring this gorram console all the time, I can tell ya that electrical systems are no joke. Sometimes when you replace a wire it all goes BOOM!"

Mal just nodded. Damnit, Inara. He cursed inwardly as if it were her fault. Why can't I just tell you how I feel?

OOOO

Simon walked slowly to the engine room, not really sure why. The heat didn't really bother him as much as the others. He merely rolled up his sleeves unbuttoned the first couple of buttons on his shirt. As he entered he looked around, spotting a shirtless Jayne helping a sweat Kaylee off the floor. "Uh… am I interrupting?"

Kaylee laughed. "Nope I just had to get under the engine. Can't move the floor panel on my own you know."

"Oh, I just thought… well with the story of how Mal first met you…" he tugged on his earlobe.

Kaylee's eyes widened in shock. "Did you just call me… a… a…" she trailed off and stomped from the room.

Jayne groaned inwardly. Stupid Doc. "C'mere Doc. Now, I'm jus' gonna figure that you don't have a lot of experience with womenfolk."

Simon sighed, his shoulder slumped. "Before rescuing River I had been arranged to marry the daughter of a business associate of my father's. As a way to smooth over a merger. I had never even met her."

Jayne grinned. Kid was greener then a virgin at a whorehouse. This was a subject the Merc could talk for hours about, but he figured givin' the kid a few pointers would help out with the runnin of the boat. It weren't cause he liked him or anything. "Alright then. Let me give ya the skinny here…"

Simon would be a liar if he said he hadn't learned anything from the big man. Maybe he isn't as dumb as I first thought.

OOOO

It late into the artificial night that held Serenity to a somewhat normal day/night cycle in the black. River had studied her target with the utmost diligence. She had groomed herself with care, and using the meager supplies she had managed to paint her face. She didn't call it "applying make-up" because it sounded… artificial. She preferred the arts to technology any day. With a last glance in the mirror she made her way down to the cargo bay, where the metallic clanking of the weight set sounded almost oppressive in the quiet space.

Jayne paused. Cinnamon? What the-? He looked up, after setting the weights into the cradle. The Merc pulled the towel down from the hanger and wiped his face down, then his chest and arms, casually as to not tip his hand. He reached down to pull his LeMat, his hand actually gripping the handle when he saw her. His mouth dropped open a wide mouthed stare.

"Crazy?" he squeaked. He cleared his throat. Mercs don't squeak.

She didn't say anything. Merely glided over and sat on his lap. She wasn't wearing… much. A simple slip that would go under a dress which was white as the driven snow, so white that it almost looked like she wasn't wearing anything at all.

Jayne was shocked, but not really unsettled. The fact that he wasn't pushing her off his lap puzzled him deeply. I'm thirty-ruttin'-two years old! She's a slip of a girl! What the hell am I doin'?!

River smiled serenely. "He fits." She felt completely safe in his lap, her hands around his head, running her fingers through his short hair. The Reader let her left hand drift down a begin tracing the muscles on his chest and then abdominals.

Jayne hissed. "Lissen girl. You don't want to be doin' that."

The Reader looked into his eyes. "Yes, I do." She was lucid. Thoughts coming slower as she was in close proximity to the Merc. He wasn't as dumb as he let on. He was actually very intelligent, with a very keen sense of danger. The thoughts that went through his head were straight forward, and their pace slower. She had a guide in which to base her own thoughts on.

Jayne groaned. Crazy Girl's lips were mightily close to his own. Her mouth was parted, and she was panting lightly. With great effort he lifted her up and off him, placing her to the side as he stood up and moved away.

"Did she do something incorrectly?" The Reader asked, tears threaten to break the dam.

"No, no, no, no." He said quickly. "It's just that…" He stopped. Hell he could admit it now. Try as he might, the girl had wormed her way under his skin. He liked her. "Aw hell River. I like you. I do. But it's just… you're all feng le and… I don't want you to do something now that you would regret when you get… ya know… better."

"She hears and comprehends." River smiled brightly. "She doesn't think it will go away any time soon." The Reader walked over to him and leaned up, placing a gentle kiss on his cheek. With another bright smile she twirled from the room.

Jayne sat down on a crate. "Aw hell…"

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A/N: Well as I write this, I'm sure I'll need to explain Jayne's actions during the BDM… but I think I know how. Feng le or Feng la? I don't know. Where do you guys get all your shiny Mandarin translations? I am also gonna mess with ages… because… because I can! Cheers!

Review please! I crave it!