Comfort and Joy

ATF Universe

by Violette


Part 4


* * * * * * * * * *

The apartment manager had left for the day, so in the interest of saving time, Vin picked the lock on Ezra's apartment door.  Buck eased the door open and stepped inside the apartment, whistling softly.  "Damn, this is a nice place!"  This was the first time any of them had been inside Ezra's apartment, and Buck was impressed with the spacious residence.

Vin looked around the living room and frowned.  "Kind of empty."  The apartment was tastefully decorated, but seemed to lack the warmth of a real home, looking more like a magazine layout than a place where someone actually resided.  He spotted the small Christmas tree and moved to get a closer look.

"What is it?" inquired Buck.

"His Christmas tree," Vin replied, picking up one of the greeting cards. 

"Anything from his ma?"

"This one's from his dry cleaner," Vin said as he set the card down and picked up the one beside it, which had a large, colorful Nutcracker on the front.

"Here's the one JD sent," Buck said.  Their youngest teammate had sent them each a card, despite the agreement among the men not to send them to one another.  "Who's that one from?"

"The Atlanta Children's Center," Vin said with a hint of surprise.

"Let me see," Buck said, looking over Vin's shoulder.

"Dear Mr. Standish," Buck read aloud.  "The children wanted to let you know they miss you and hope that you are happy in Denver.  Your generous donation was much appreciated, but I think the time you spent with the children was just as precious.  They especially miss the stories you read to them when you visited.  I know that Christmas just won't be the same without your rendition of the story of the Nutcracker.  I believe the little girls will always consider you their favorite Nutcracker Prince.  Happy holidays from the children and staff."

"Well, I'll be damned," Buck said softly as he set the card back on the table.  "Never would have thought Ez would be one to spend his time with kids."

"Yeah," Vin agreed, handing him the last card.

"Denver Children's Hospital," Buck said.  "Guess he does like kids."

"Ain't no other cards," Vin pointed out.

"Geez," Buck said sadly.  "Guess his friends aren't into sending cards."

Vin shook his head.  "From what Chris told me, the guys he worked with at the FBI weren't exactly friends.  They turned on him as soon as the rumors about him bein' on the take started."

"Hell, that's gotta suck," Buck said with a frown.

"Yeah," Vin agreed.  "Why don't you check the bedrooms?  I'll look out here."

Buck started down the hall while Vin looked around the living room, checking any drawers and papers he encountered for information about Maude.  He felt a bit guilty about poking through Ezra's wallet and personal papers, but recognized the necessity of what he was doing.  Finding nothing there, he moved on to the kitchen, not expecting to find anything helpful.  There was no number for his mother programmed into Ezra's phone and nothing on the counters except for the usual kitchen paraphernalia.  Sighing in defeat, Vin opened the refrigerator, idly studying the contents while he waited for Buck to finish.

Buck came back out to the living room empty-handed.  "Any luck, Junior?"

"Nope," Vin said, still gazing into the refrigerator.

"Something interesting in there?"

Vin pointed to the foil container on the shelf.  "Looks like Ez was doing take-out for Christmas dinner."

"You think his mother cancelled on him?"

"I don't think he was ever goin' to see her in the first place," Vin said quietly.  "He's got dinner and enough videos for the whole holiday weekend."

"But he said he was going to London," Buck argued.

"He never actually said he was spending Christmas with his mother," Vin said.  "We all just assumed he was."

"He never denied it," Buck said, doubt creeping into his voice.

"Would you?" Vin asked.  "JD must have told him ten times how lucky he was to be spending his holiday with his mother.  Nathan made a lot of cracks about how he'd be spending Christmas in luxury.  He was probably too embarrassed to admit that he wasn't seeing his ma at Christmas like we all expected."

"Shit, I wish he would'a said something," Buck said regretfully.  "Nobody should have to spend Christmas alone with a TV dinner."

Vin nodded.  "Come on, Buck.  Let's see if Nathan had any better luck at the office."

The two men started toward the door.

"Hey!" Buck said, pointing at the blinking light on the answering machine near the door.  "Maybe there's something on here."

"Worth a shot," Vin agreed.

Buck hit the button and listened to the first message, which was just a computerized telemarketer selling replacement windows.  The next and final message was more interesting.  Maude's voice, sounding peeved, emanated from the answering machine.

"Ezra, darlin', I received your latest missive.  Christmas cards? I suppose you'll be writing to Santa Claus next.  Really, Ezra, I do wish you wouldn't wallow in such useless sentimentality every year.  Whining to your mother is quite unbecoming.  You know very well that this time of year presents the best business opportunities.  You cannot expect me to ignore them simply to waste my time on pointless holiday nonsense.  The holiday season in Rome is especially rife with prospects this year.  You would do well to use your god-given talents to take advantage of some of these opportunities, instead of wasting them on that pitiful government job.  *sigh*  Well, I'll speak with you soon, darlin'."

"Jesus," Buck said.  "No wonder he didn't say anything."

Vin said nothing, but his clenched jaw and stormy eyes spoke volumes.

"Come on," Buck said.  "Let's get back to the hospital."

* * * * * * * * * *

The rest of the men were lounging in various positions around Ezra's bed in his new private room when Vin and Buck arrived back at the hospital. 

"How's he doin'?" Vin asked.

"Better, but he hasn't woken up yet," Nathan answered. 

"Did they get the guys that did this?" asked Buck.

"Not yet," Josiah said disgustedly.  "But they've got some good video footage from the store surveillance system to work with."

"You guys have any luck finding Maude's number?" Nathan queried.

"Nope," Vin answered tersely.

"Don't much matter," Buck said darkly.  "She probably won't give a damn, anyway."

"What?!" JD said, aghast.

"Care to explain that?" Josiah asked, his eyes narrowing at the insult to Ezra's mother.  They had only met the woman briefly when she had stopped by to take Ezra to lunch on a visit to Denver two months earlier, but he had found her beautiful, charming, and seemingly devoted to her son.

"Don't mind if I do," Buck answered grimly.  He explained Maude's phone message and what they had found at Ezra's apartment, while Vin radiated silent anger by his side.

"Knew there was something I didn't like about that woman," Chris muttered angrily.

"But... she's his Mom," JD said, confusion in his eyes.

"Not everyone is cut out for motherhood, JD," Nathan explained, feeling a pang of sympathy for the man lying in the bed.  He didn't have much growing up, but at least his parents had been supportive of him and the career choices he made.

Josiah sighed sadly and reached for Ezra's hand.  He knew firsthand the pain of an uncaring parent.  His own father had placed everything and everyone else ahead of his own children, never showing any real love toward them.  It saddened him that his young friend apparently suffered the same kind of pain.   

"Why didn't spend Christmas with us?" JD wondered aloud.  "I mean, if his Mom wasn't gonna be with him, why didn't he come and hang out with us instead?"

"'Cause he's a stubborn cuss, kid," Buck said glumly.  "How would you feel if your own mother didn't want to see you at Christmas?"

JD pondered that for a minute before nodding sadly.  "Man, that sucks."  He looked at his friends guiltily.  "I told him he was so lucky to be able to see his mother at Christmas.  I guess I made him feel worse."

"Ain't your fault, JD," Vin said softly.  "He's real good at hiding his feelings."  In truth, Vin felt a bit guilty himself as he remembered all of the times Ezra had witnessed their discussions about the holiday festivities they were planning.  Having been on the outside looking in a time or two himself, Vin knew how isolated it must have made the southerner feel.  

"He hasn't known us long enough to even begin to trust us with what he's feeling," Josiah postulated.  "I gather that his former associates didn't exactly inspire trust, so it's to be expected."

"Don't make it right," Chris said finally.  It bothered him that he knew so little about his undercover agent after four months.  Ezra's transition to this new position had been anything but smooth, and his emotions were probably still raw from being forced out of his former job.  The man was probably feeling quite alone in the world.  Chris shook his head in disgust.  It shouldn't require something like this to gain insight into the reticent southerner.  Watching the heart monitor flash regularly, he decided he was going to have to do something to change that.

* * * * * * * * * *

The harsh odor of antiseptics filtered through the fog of unconsciousness, making his nose tingle.  Ezra attempted to take a deeper breath, then started to panic when he couldn't seem to do it.  His eyes snapped open as he struggled to inhale and a shrill alarm shrieked from somewhere behind him as Ezra clawed frantically at his throat.

"Leave it alone, Ez," a voice soothed from his left.  "You've got a ventilator in there.  Just relax and let it work."

Ezra turned his head toward the familiar voice and relaxed fractionally at the sight of Vin at his side.  A sharp pain shot suddenly through his chest and he gripped Vin's hand tightly until it passed.  A doctor and nurse rushed into the room, silencing the annoying alarm before they proceeded to examine him.  Vin gave Ezra an encouraging smile when he met his confused and frustrated gaze. 

"Mr. Standish?  Do you know where you are?" the doctor asked.

Ezra rolled his eyes and nodded.

"Good," the doctor said.  "Are you in any pain?"

Ezra nodded slightly, moving his hand to his chest to indicate the area that hurt. 

"This will help," the doctor said as he injected something into Ezra's intravenous line.  "Do you remember what happened?"

Ezra thought about it for a moment then nodded again.  He remembered everything up until he was shot in the convenience store.  It was hard to forget taking a bullet to the chest.  He pointed to the ventilator tube in his mouth and gave the doctor a hopeful look.

"Now, I know it isn't very comfortable, but we need to leave the respirator in for a little while longer," the doctor responded, much to Ezra's disappointment.  "The bullet that hit you penetrated your lung, so it's important that we let it heal some before we let you breathe on your own."

Closing his eyes, Ezra sank wearily into his pillow.

"You rest now, and we can see about removing the vent tomorrow."

Ezra opened his eyes and glared at him, waving him away weakly.  Vin chuckled at the look.  It seemed that the southerner hated hospitals as much as he himself did.

"How're ya doin', Ez?" Vin asked once the medical personnel had left.

The look the man in the bed gave him told him all he needed to know.

"That bad, huh?"

Ezra shrugged, immediately regretting it when the pain in his chest intensified.  He closed his eyes and clenched his fists until it passed.

"I guess those drugs haven't kicked in yet," Vin said sympathetically.

Nodding weakly, Ezra opened his eyes and looked at Vin inquiringly, as if to say, "What are you doing here?"

"We've been here since they called us at Chris's place last night," Vin answered the unspoken question.  "'Course, we would have been here sooner if'n you'd had your wallet on you when they found you."

Ezra waved his hand around the empty room, the question evident in his eyes. 

"The others had to go back to the office for a bit, but they'll be back later," Vin explained.

His hands toying with the sheets, Ezra nodded, then looked away, as if embarrassed to be asking about his teammates.

"Hasn't been much of a Christmas for ya, has it?" Vin asked ruefully.

Christmas?  Ezra's eyes widened and he stared at Vin, a stricken look on his face.  After all of his careful prevarication he had still managed to ruin the holiday for his associates, giving them yet another reason to dislike him.  Not that he needed any help in that regard.  He seemed to have quite a knack for alienating people without much effort at all.

"Hey, what's wrong?"  Vin frowned at the sudden change in his friend's demeanor.  "Ezra?"  But the undercover agent refused to look at him, shutting his eyes and turning away as much as the tube in his throat would allow. 

Vin studied his friend in consternation, wondering what had brought on his sudden withdrawal.  Ezra's face gradually relaxed as the painkillers finally took effect and sleep claimed him.  Vin settled beside him to wait, reviewing the one-sided conversation in his head.  It finally came to him a few minutes later.

"Aw hell," Vin muttered softly.  Christmas.  He had mentioned the day, reminding Ezra of what he had missed and probably embarrassing him in the process.  Ezra now knew that they were aware of his deception and was likely feeling guilty for having misled them.  Vin sighed, wishing the obstinate man would look beyond his formidable barriers and see that they weren't enemies from whom he had to hide.  But he knew how difficult it was to trust when you were used to being alone, and Ezra had only been with them for four months – a short time compared to the many years of doubt and suspicion that had caused him to hide behind his walls in the first place.  Vin figured they had their work cut out for them.

TBC