Cherished Memories - Chapter 4
The Reason
Disclaimer- I don't own Harry, Hermione, Ron or any of the other characters. If I did, I would have all the money, and definately changed that epilogue. For that reason, most of DH is being ignored.
Harry stood and gaped at Hermione for a few seconds. He didn't seem to be able to get his vocal cords working. Hermione tried again.
"Hello, Harry," she repeated.
"Hermione," he said in a hoarse whisper. She moved further into the room and turned to close the door. Harry's eyes widened with a bit of fear when she crossed the room to stand in front of his desk. "Why are you here?" he asked in the same whisper.
"I could ask you the same thing, Harry." He cleared his throat and sat down.
"No, I mean, why did you come here to my office?" He gestured for her to take a seat.
"Why do you think?" she asked as she scooted her chair closer to the desk. "I came looking for 'you'. You ran off without a word to me, Ron, anyone. How could you do that to us, to 'me', one of your best friends?"
"If I remember correctly, Hermione, when I left, you and I were more than friends."
"All the more reason for me to wonder why it is that you left without a word!" she exclaimed. Harry turned his chair toward the windows behind him before answering.
"It was a mistake. We were drunk and it shouldn't have happened..." he muttered.
"So instead of trying to talk with me about it, you decide to run away to the United States?" she inturrupted. "Forgive me, Harry, but although I know how clueless you can be about things like this, even 'you' would know that's not a really great way to handle it. And why do you think it was a mistake?"
"I just told you, Hermione," he said, spinning back around. "We were drunk. Our rationality was muddled. Do you really think it would have happened if we'd been stone sober?" He sighed and continued. "Plus your parents had just been killed by Voldemort. I should have been comforting you, not..."
She broke in at that moment. "Harry, I told you... ."
"Hermione," Harry shook his head. "I think I need to tell you what was going through my mind at the time. But in order to make you totally understand, I have to start at the begining of that night."-
Harry walked along the seventh floor corridor in deep thought. It was over. Voldemort was finished, the Death Eaters were all in Azkaban, and he, himself, was finally free to live his life. So what was he going to do? He looked up and realized he'd reached the Fat Lady's portrait, and was about to give the password when it swung open from the inside. Ron tumbled out and landed face first on the floor. Harry knelt down to help his friend up.
"Thanks, Harry," Ron said, glaring at the now closed portal. "Those gits want me to go down to Hogsmeade and get some firewhiskey from the Hog's Head." He brushed the knees of his jeans and the sleeves of his shirt.
"They think 'cause I'm eighteen now, they'll give it to me without any questions, so I'm the one that got drafted for the job. Want to come with?" He gave Harry a hopeful grin. Harry shrugged noncommitally.
"Sure, why not? Maybe it'll help clear my head." He turned and started back down the corridor, Ron quickly falling into step with him.
"What's wrong with your head?" he asked.
"Nothing, really. Just thinking about what I'm going to do now that I don't have to worry about Voldemort anymore."
"You got a while to figure that out, mate," Ron said dismissively as they headed down another staircase. "We're not leaving until tomorrow, and then we've got the whole summer before we really have to make any plans. You're still coming home to the Burrow with me, aren't you?" Harry said that he was. "Mum would be really disappointed if you decided to go back to your aunt and uncle's instead."
"Are you kidding?" Harry laughed sarcastically. "Not a chance of 'that' happening. I'm done with them for good. Besides, I really want to see your new nephew."
Bill and Fleur had owled Ron earlier in the day to let him know that there was a new Weasley in the family, their son, William Arthur, named after his father and his late grandfather.
"Did the owl say how your mum was doing?" Ron nodded as they stepped out onto the grounds in the fading sunlight.
"Said she was taking it as well as she could. But Harry, dad's been gone for almost a year now. Voldemort killed him the last time he raided the Ministry."
Harry squinted against the glare of the last bright sunbeam reflecting off the Black Lake and nodded, noticing that his friend had no problem saying the name now that the threat of his return was gone forever.
"Back when he thought there may have been a chance that the prophecy survived somewhere else. Yeah, I remember." He waved at a group of Hufflepuffs that had noticed them.
He also remembered that he'd had another dream in which Arthur had been attacked. He'd woken up screaming, startling his friend from a more pleasant dream. He'd stumbled over his words in attempting to tell Ron what had happened in his dream, but by the time the Ministry had gotten to the site, it was too late. Arthur Weasley was buried that summer in the Weasley family graveyard in the woods behind the Burrow.
"I thought she'd be happy to know that dad's name is going to go on for another generation," Ron continued. They reached Hogsmeade as it became fully dark, heading straight for their destination.
As the others had thought, Ron met with no contest about purchasing the firewhiskey. Harry believed that it had something to do with him being there as well, but didn't voice his thoughts. They lugged the four cases they were given back up to Gryffindor tower, watching the whole way for Filch and Mrs. Norris.
"How is Hermione doing?" Harry puffed as they climbed the last staircase.
"I think she's still in shock. She hasn't been eating and hasn't really said a word to anyone since it happened."
"Her parents are dead, Ron. Voldemort killed them because she was a threat to him and a Muggleborn at that."
"Yeah, I know. But, Harry, it's been two weeks and she looks like hell."
"I've talked to her about her having to eat, but she's grieving right now, Ron."
"All clear," Ron said to the portrait. It swung open and they were greeted with loud cheers and whistles at having accomplished their task. They were relieved of their burden and continued the conversation until Harry spotted Hermione in a corner near the windows, her chin resting on her hand on the windowsill as she stared blankly out of it at the bright moonlit night. Someone handed him a glass and he looked down to see what it was.
Firewhiskey.
All eyes were on him to see if he would drink it. All except Hermione's. He was going to have to talk to her again. He wasn't looking forward to it after the last one sided discussion two days previous. He raised the glass to his lips and after only a moment's hesitation, slammed it back. The alcohol burned its way down to his stomach, making him shudder. The rest of the Gryffindors cheered when he handed the glass back and made his way to where his bereaved friend sat alone. She looked up at him briefly when he approached her.
"Hermione, why don't you come over and get something to eat? You must be starving." She shook her head, tears beginning to roll down her cheeks. Harry sat down on the bench seat next to her.
"You haven't eaten in almost two days, Hermione. I know because you don't leave the tower, and I brought you that sandwich then. Now you can't tell me that you aren't hungry."
"I don't want to eat anything right now," she said softly.
"Do you want to talk about it?" She didn't answer. Harry sighed and stood to head up to bed, making it only two steps when he heard her begin sobbing. He turned back to see her with her face buried in her hands. Her breath was catching in harsh gasps and he knew he needed to calm her down. He hurried over to where the firewhiskey still sat, the others were making short work of the first case, grabbed one of the bottles and a glass, then went back to Hermione. He opened the bottle, poured some into the glass and held it out to her.
"Drink this," he ordered softly. She lifted her head and took the whiskey from him.
"What is it?" she croaked through her tears.
"Don't worry about that now, just drink it." He sat back down beside her as she sipped the dark amber liquid.
"That's nasty!" she coughed out a second later. Harry wouldn't let her put the glass down.
"Finish it, it'll help calm you down. I don't want you to start hyperventilating on me."
Hermione grimaced but did as he asked. He poured some more into her glass when it was empty. She saw the label on the bottle.
"Firewhiskey? How did you get this!" She snatched the bottle out of his hand. He shrugged, not really wanting to answer her. Fortunately, she didn't seem to really be searching for one. Still, he was more than a little shocked when she raised the bottle to her lips and began to drink the alcohol as quickly as she could.
"Hermione!" Harry admonished, wrenching it away from her. "I only gave you that bit to calm you down. You haven't eaten in almost forty-eight hours. This will go right to your stomach and make you sick."
She stared at him through slightly glazed eyes for a minute. His breath caught at her curious expression. When she looked away, Harry was unable to stop himself from wondering why she'd looked at him in that way. The thoughts he came up with were enough to make him swallow a large draught of the firewhiskey himself. Lowering the bottle, he saw that she was watching him once more, she held out her hand.
"I don't think so, Hermione. Like I said, you haven't eaten all day, and I don't want you to get sick." She grabbed the bottle from him.
"If it'll make you feel better, then go get me a sandwich or something." She tipped the bottle to her lips again. Harry sighed and got up to head to the table where the food sat. He filled a plate for Hermione, and said goodnight to a few of his fellow Gryffindors that were on their way up to the dormrooms for bed. The room was getting quieter by the minute, until only Ron, Neville, Ginny, Seamus and Dean were left.
They were still sitting around the fireplace, laughing and talking amongst themselves. Ginny held Dean's hand tightly in hers when Harry caught her eye. He smiled at her to let her know he wasn't harboring any ill will towards her for not waiting for him to come back to her. Ginny smiled back and watched with concern as Harry made his way back to Hermione, turning back to the conversation after a minute, happy that someone was possibly finally getting through to her friend.
"Here you go," Harry said when he'd reached Hermione. Instead of taking the plate from him, she stood up and started for the door.
"I think I'll go for a walk." Harry was close behind her, stopping short to keep from running into her when she paused and grabbed two more bottles of the firewhiskey on the way to the portrait hole.
"Hermione," he called out softly when the painting had swung shut behind them. "You told me to get this for you, and now you're not going to eat it?" She turned around to face him, dismay on her face as she did.
"Bring it with you," she answered indifferently, still heading toward the stairs. Harry cast a protective charm around the plate to keep the food from tumbling off and hurried to follow.
She was moving fast. In fact, he didn't catch her until she was almost out the door, keeping an eagle eye out for anyone that would catch them and turn them in to McGonagall.
"Where are we going?" he panted as they headed across the grounds.
"Nowhere in particular," she said, tears evident in her voice again. She stopped by a tree next to the Black Lake and began sobbing. Harry lowered himself next to her and put the plate on the ground so he could wrap his arms around her.
She held onto him with her free hand for a minute, then pulled away to open one of the two bottles she'd brought with them.
"What happened to the first one?" Harry asked.
"Finished it." She offered it to him, he shook his head.
"Hermione," he began as she drank deeply. "You need to eat something or you're going to get sick."
She took a sandwich from the plate and devoured it.
"See? I knew you were hungry."
"Harry? What are you going to do after Hogwarts?" she asked, eating another sandwich and a few small handfulls of popcorn in short order.
"I don't really know," he replied after a few seconds silence. "I haven't been able to figure that out, yet." This brought back to mind his earlier concerns and when she offered him the firewhiskey again, he took it, draining the bottle to halfway in a single gulp. She grinned at him through the tears that still fell from her chocolate eyes and waved it away when he moved to hand the bottle back to her. He shrugged and took another slug of the potent alcohol.
"O.K. Got another question for you, now," Hermione blurted. "I know why I'm drinking this, because of my parents. I really needed something to take my mind off them for a few hours, and I know I'll probably regret it tomorrow, but what about you?" Harry was feeling the effect of the liquor now. He looked at her and saw that she was a little fuzzy, but that matched the feeling in his head, so it didn't bother him.
"What do you mean?" he asked.
"Why are 'you' drinking the firewhiskey?" Harry stared down at his feet for a minute.
"Because I don't know what I'm going to do now," he whispered, raising his eyes to hers again. "I've had Voldemort shaping who I am my entire life. Now he's dead, and I just don't know what I'm to do with myself."
"I thought you wanted to be an Auror?" She lay her head on his shoulder. Harry wrapped his arm around her in reflexive action.
"I did, but now I wonder if that wasn't just because of my having to deal with Voldemort. I've been rethinking everything, second guessing my entire choice of NEWT classes here." He paused, noticing how good her hair smelled. This rattled him a bit and he took another slug of his firewhiskey. Hermione fortunately didn't notice anything was wrong.
"Harry, would you do something for me?" she asked, lifting her head. He nodded.
"Of course, if I can." He raised the bottle to his mouth, taking another drink.
"Kiss me?" Harry choked on the liquid in his mouth, coughing and sputtering as soon as it had gone down.
"Are you serious?" he questioned, wiping his chin where he'd spit some of the whiskey back up.
One look to Hermione proved that she was indeed serious.
"Why?" She shrugged.
"I want to know what it's like. I watched you kiss Ginny last year, and I was just wondering what it felt like, is all."
"That doesn't make any sense. Why would you want..." The rest of his question was cut off as Hermione's lips met his. His eyes closed instantly, and he knew at that moment what everyone that had ever said they'd seen fireworks from a kiss meant. Bright flashes of colorful lights appeared and disappeared on the insides of his eyelids.
He gave in willingly to Hermione when she attempted to deepen the kiss, wrapping his other arm around her as she nudged him gently to the ground. Her tongue entered his mouth and tenetively touched his. Harry couldn't stop the small moan at the sensation it caused. He moved his tongue to hers, letting her lead the kiss. She rolled the two of them over, entwining her arms around Harry's neck. Harry felt something new, and jerked away, spinning from her before she could pull him back.
"Harry! What's wrong?" He heard her sit up and move closer to him. Her hand rested on his back. He couldn't tell her. Couldn't let her know, or see, what her kiss had done to his body. He rose up onto his knees, wanting to run back up to his dorm room to keep from shocking her, but the next second, she was beside him. She was going to see... He moved his hands to his lap. Hermione saw and smiled, knowing what had happened now.
"We should go back up," Harry said. He hadn't seen Hermione's expression, and still tried to hide from her as he started to stand. Her hand on his arm stopped him. He turned his head to her. She pushed him gently back down and pulled his hands from where they were still covering him. Harry closed his green eyes in shame.
"Oh God," he half whispered, half groaned his embarrassment. Hermione chuckled. His eyes flew open and he saw her tear stained face smiling at him. "It's not funny, Hermione."
"I'm not laughing at 'you', Harry. Just the fact that this seems to bother you." She reached out and lay her hand on the top of his thigh, right next to his erection.
"Hermione, don't," he begged when her fingers began moving closer. He covered her hand with his and pushed it away. Hermione moved so that she was straddling his lap and putting her hands on either side of his face, pulled him to her and gave him a bruising kiss.
"Harry, did it ever occur to you that I might be flattered and that I might want you?" His eyes widened and his jaw dropped. She backed up and pulled the t-shirt she was wearing over her head. Harry nearly fainted, dropped back against the trunk of the tree. She stood and began to remove the rest of her clothing before he could recover, then returned to her former position, a hopeful question in her gaze. "Do 'you' want 'me'?" He met her eyes and nodded slowly after a minute.
"Harry, I want you to make love to me." At that, she moved her hands to the waistband of his jeans and pulled his shirt out.
"Are you sure?" he asked softly, finally recovering his voice. Hermione nodded and started to tug his shirt up. He stopped her. "Absolutely sure?"
"Harry, I'm sitting here completely naked on your lap, and you're more concerned about whether I'm sure I want you to make love to me or not? Yes, I'm sure. I wouldn't have taken my shirt off in the first place, much less the rest of my clothes if I wasn't sure."
"I just wanted to be clear that it wasn't the firewhiskey talking. We've both had quite a bit of it and very little food."
"Harry?"
"Yes?"
"You talk too much."
She yanked his shirt over his head and tossed it aside. Harry's restraint crumbled. His hands flew to his belt buckle, and had it and the fastenings of his jeans undone in a matter of seconds. He lifted his hips to assist Hermione as she pulled them and his boxers down and off his legs. Hermione summoned her wand to her and muttered a contraceptive charm.
"Couldn't be the firewhiskey talking if you are clear headed enough to remember that," Harry said with a sigh as Hermione's hand slid between them to take hold of his member, guiding it into place against her wet opening. She realized that she wasn't even nervous about this. Possibly because it was Harry, or because they were indeed under the effects of the firewhiskey. It didn't matter to her. She started to lower herself onto his length, hearing his gasp when he slid into her tight wet heat. Harry's emerald eyes widened when he realized that she was doing this for the first time, and was about to stop her, but she gritted her teeth and slammed her hips down to meet his. He groaned loudly.
"Oh!" she gasped with a bit of pain.
"Are you all right?" Hermione nodded.
"I think you'd better be the one in control, though. You probably know more about this than I do."
"Um, nope. Actually I don't."
"You didn't do this with Ginny when you were going with her?"
"What! And have Ron wring my fool neck? No. This is my first time, too." He squirmed a bit under her. "But I do know enough to realize that there's more to it than us just being connected like this."
"I'm afraid to move. It hurt when I did that. That's why I wanted you to be the one on top."
Harry wrapped her in his arms and turned them over. He made sure Hermione was comfortable, then couldn't stop himself from following his instincts. He kept a tight reign on them though, not allowing himself to slam into her the way he wanted. He was determined that she would at least 'begin' to enjoy it. 'There has to be a reason why so many 'women' choose to initiate this,' he thought as he began to slowly thrust in and out of her body. She began to whimper and let out tiny little moans after a few minutes. Harry took this as a good sign, and started to pick up his pace.
"Harry, something's happening. I think I'm going to... Oh my God!" she moaned loudly, and he felt her become even more wet around him as she came, and her walls started throbbing. This was enough to send him into his own orgasm. Hermione watched him through passion glazed eyes as his own slammed shut, his mouth fell open and he let out a gutteral moan that she felt through her entire being. Harry collapsed on her, nearly knocking the wind out of her lungs. They lay there a few minutes, panting and feeling each other's hearts beating rapidly.
"We 'really' need to get back up to the castle now," he said, raising up onto his arms and slowly, gently pulled out of her. Hermione felt a trickle seep from her center, and was amazed at what they had just done. Harry moved to his clothes, began dressing, and handed hers to her. She pulled her knickers on and fastened her bra, still in awed wonder that she had absolutely no regrets about losing her virginity to Harry Potter. In fact, it seemed to her as if it had been destined to happen.
Harry finished dressing and waited for her, then they walked in silence back to the castle, and up to Gryffindor tower where Hermione gave the password to a slightly grumpy Fat Lady.
"Good night, Harry," she whispered as they entered the common room. Ron and the others had gone to bed long before, but she didn't want to risk someone hearing them returning this late and report them. "I'll see you in the morning."
She stood on her tiptoes and gave him a long passionate kiss, which Harry readily returned. But when she'd gone up to her dorm, he flopped onto the sofa in front of the dying fire, staring into it.
He sat there, deep in thought, for more than an hour, then on the pure belief that he and Hermione had made a mistake and she was going to realize it in the morning and that would be the end of their friendship, Harry stood and hurried up to his own dorm. He quietly packed the last of his belongings into his trunk, gathered his broom and Hedwig's cage. Then, just as silently, he took all this back down to the common room. He shrank it all but his broom down to fit into his pocket, and hurried to the owlery to collect his owl.
"I need you to fly behind me, Hedwig," he told her as he carried her out of the owlery tower. "We're leaving Hogwarts tonight before all the trouble starts in the morning. I wish we could stay so I can see Hermione at King's Cross tomorrow, but I know she won't want to see me. Merlin, I wish we hadn't drank so much of that firewhiskey." He clambered onto his broom and kicked off from the ground, heading towards London, and away from the woman he had just lost his virginity to, the woman he loved.-
"So, you thought that I would think it was a mistake? 'That's' why you left?" Hermione stood and began to pace in front of Harry. She stopped directly in front of him after about ten trips. "Apparently you were more drunk than you thought."
"What do you mean?" he asked in confusion. Hermione placed her hands on his desk and leaned forward.
"I remember everything about that night. You must not, or you would remember that I told you that I was sure I wanted you to make love to me. You know me, Harry. You know I don't make split second decisions. The firewhiskey just gave me the courage to ask you to do it. And for that matter, why did you make love to me in the first place if you were thinking it was going to be a mistake?"
"Hermione," Harry began, standing and coming around to her side of the desk. "I was a seventeen-year-old boy. You were giving me a chance to lose my virginity. Did you really think that I wouldn't have taken it?"
"Why didn't you lose it to Ginny, then?" she shot back smugly.
"For one thing, she is Ron's sister, and he really 'would' have rung my neck. For another, I didn't 'want' to sleep with her. You remember how she was at Hogwarts. She had quite a few boyfriends before me. I broke up with her right after Dumbledore's funeral, and then I change my mind and decide to go back to Hogwarts, and find that she's back with Dean Thomas. I was glad at that moment that I 'hadn't' slept with her. That reminds me, how are the Weasleys?"
Hermione smiled.
"The same. Bill and Fleur have two children now. You know about William, well now he has a little sister, Megan. Charlie is still in Romania, Percy and Pennelope Clearwater are getting married at the end of the year, he realized what a fool he was and has made ammends with the family, Fred and George have opened two more shops, they bought out Zonko's last month, Molly is delighted that they are thinking about getting married to Angelina and Alicia, Ginny's still with Dean, and 'they' are getting married next year, and Ron..." Her brown eyes widened with fear. "Oh my God!"
"What is it!" Harry asked with alarm.
"I left Ron alone at the motel!"
"What? He came with you?" She nodded.
"He's the one that found out where you were. He came to get me yesterday afternoon and we took a portkey to get here." She cocked her head to one side. "How did 'you' get here?"
"Took the first portkey that they had leaving England," Harry smiled ruefully. "I figured the farther away I was, the less of a chance for you to come after me and have Ron hex me, or 'worse', for compromising your virtue. Well, I believe that we'd better go see what he's gotten into."
"You're coming with me?"
"Of course. Now that I know you aren't going to set him on me, or curse me yourself, I really want to see him. Is he still with Luna?"
"Yes. They've been married for almost six months. And how do you know that I won't curse you?"
Harry moved around her and to the door with a smile. He opened and held it for her, following as he answered, "You would have done it already."