Absolute terror gripped the Doctor's mind. Froze it. He'd survived all this for Wilfred to be the reason he died. He'd be able to regenerate from this, true. But he'd really rather it wasn't necessary. He pulled himself to his feet, unable to drag his eyes from Wilf. His friend was standing in the booth giving him a look of such hope, such trust, completely unaware of how much this hurt.
He walked towards the control booths with feet that were apparently made of lead, stopping by Rose and pressing his fingers to her throat, checking her pulse. She was only unconscious, her heart beating steadily. A part of him was glad she wasn't awake, wouldn't see what was about to happen. She didn't want this. Couldn't want this. Deserved better. He ran a hand over Rose's hair, then straightened up and looked over at Wilfred.
'They gone then?' Wilf said. 'Yeah, good-o. If you could… er… let me out.'
The Doctor nodded. 'Yeah.' He glanced back down at Rose where she lay at his feet. The part of him that wasn't glad of her unconscious state wanted her to wake up now. Wake up right now and tell him it was ok to leave. To run from this place and never look back. But she wouldn't do that, would she? She wouldn't leave Wilf here to die.
Wilf shifted uncomfortably in the booth and the Doctor realised he hadn't moved for too long. 'I mean, this thing seems to be making a bit of a noise.'
'The Master…' he began, stepping around Rose and towards Wilf. 'The Master left the nuclear bolt running. It's gone into overload.'
'And that's bad, is it?' Wilfred sounded afraid and the Doctor wondered if the man knew. Knew that his life depended on the Doctor sacrificing his own, and that the Doctor wasn't sure he could do it.
'No,' he said. ''Cos all the excess radiation gets vented inside there.' He nodded towards the empty booth. 'Vinvocci glass contains it. All 500,000 rads about to flood that thing.'
'Oh. Well, you'd better let me out then,' Wilf said, contriving to sound as though he had no doubt in the Doctor even as his voice wavered slightly.
Maybe he didn't. The Doctor wished he had his friend's faith. He glanced over his shoulder at Rose's unconscious body, seeking reassurance. When he turned back, Wilf was looking at her too.
'What did they do to her?' Wilf asked. 'Is she all right?'
The Doctor swallowed, allowing his eyelids to flutter closed over eyes that were suddenly burning. He couldn't talk about Rose. Not now. 'Wilfred,' he said quietly. 'It's gone critical.' He watched this sink in before continuing, 'Touch one control and its floods.' He reached into his pocket and withdrew his sonic screwdriver, holding it loosely in his hand. 'Even this would set it off.'
'I'm sorry. Look, just leave me.'
The Doctor felt his mouth twist into a horrible grimace of a smile. 'Okay, right then, I will. 'Cos you had to go in there, didn't you? You had to go and get stuck, oh yes!' He sighed and continued in a softer tone. ''Cos that's who you are, Wilfred. You were always this. Waiting for me, all this time.'
'No, really, just leave me. I'm an old man, Doctor. I've had my time.'
Incredibly, the Doctor found he wanted to laugh at the ridiculousness of that particular statement. Hadn't he had this chat with Wilf already? Told the man he was older - so much older – than he would ever be. He found his amusement turning to anger remarkably quickly. 'Well, exactly, look at you. Not remotely important! But me? I could do so much more! So much more! But this is what I get. My reward. And it's not fair!'
He reached out and pushed the contents of a desk to the floor, feeling his lungs burn as he tried to draw in enough air. He returned his eyes to Wilfred, standing in the booth and watching him fearfully. Afraid now that he would be saved. But that was who they were, wasn't it? All of them. His friends. Everyone he'd picked to travel with him. Every single one of them was too brave by half. They broke his hearts.
'Live too long…' he murmured, remembering what he'd said to Wilfred earlier. He'd meant it then, too. Although not as much as he did right now. Wilf's life for his was not a fair trade. Would never be a fair trade.
'No. No, no, please!' Wilf begged, frantic now as he realised the Doctor would go through with it, no matter what it would cost him. 'Please don't. No! Don't! Don't! Please. Don't. Please. Doctor, look at her!' he said finally, his eyes flicking desperately from the Time Lord to Rose and back again.
The Doctor came to a stop in front of Wilf, his back resolutely turned towards Rose.
'You can't leave her, not like this! Not for me!' Wilf continued, shaking his head as tears began to track down his cheeks.
The Doctor took a deep breath, steeling himself, and reached for the handle.
'Don't!' Rose's hand closed over his own, pulling it away from the handle and gripping his fingers far too tightly. He looked down at her, finally feeling the tears that were burning his eyes start to fall.
'There,' Wilf said, his voice calmer now. 'Look at the two of you. Leave me here.'
'Don't worry,' Rose said, tearing her gaze from the Doctor's. 'We'll get you out.'
'How?' The Doctor asked softly, his eyes still fixed on her face, drinking her in.
'We'll think of somethin'!' she said, her eyes flashing fury at him for a moment.
'I can't open it Rose. The slightest little thing'll fill that booth with radiation. I have to go in.'
'No! You don't. Didn't you hear what I said before? They planted the premonition, the prophecy... Whatever it was. It doesn't have to be real. Not unless you want it to be!' She hesitated, then said, 'Is that what you want, Doctor?'
'Rose, I'll regenerate. It'll be ok.'
'You said you didn't want to change. You're not ready,' Wilf said. 'You won't be you anymore,' Wilf said. 'That's what you said,' he added, as the Doctor turned his gaze on his friend.
'No,' The Doctor said softly. 'I won't.' To think, only minutes ago he'd been worried about what would happen to Rose. About what was already happening to Rose. There were things in her head that shouldn't be there. The Master's name. Rassilon's face. He didn't want to regenerate. Didn't want to change again, not yet. Nevertheless, he pulled his hand free of Rose's and reached for the handle again.
'Doctor,' Rose pleaded, her voice breaking slightly.
He wanted more than anything to hold her. To just take her and go. So much of his life with her was tainted by sadness and danger and loss. Who would they be hurting if they just ran? If he just took her hand and left this place, this planet? Wilf, obviously. Wilfred Mott. His friend. If the Master could give his life for his greatest enemy, surely he could give his life for a friend. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. 'Three… Two…'
'Doctor!' she said, more urgently this time, pulling at his jacket. 'Just hold on. Please.'
'The booth is destabilising,' he said, fury and terror making his voice dull.
She reached up at turned his face so he was looking down at her, leaving her hand resting against his skin. 'I don't care if you… change,' she said, 'but you do. I know you do. Wait.'
'What's that?' Wilf asked, pressing a finger against the glass and pointing behind them.
The Doctor kept his eyes on Rose as a new sound filled the too-quiet room. The TARDIS was materialising. 'Rose? What are you doing?'
The door opened and Jack stepped out. 'Sorry it took me so long. Lotta weird activity going on today, don't know if you noticed. Kinda hard to lock on to you.' He looked from Rose to the Doctor and back again, taking in the scene. Then his gaze flicked over the booths. 'Radiation overload?' he asked.
The Doctor nodded, still resolutely keeping his eyes on Rose and his hand on the door control.
Jack laid a hand on his arm. 'Why don't you let me get this one?'
Finally, the Doctor looked away from Rose, meeting Jack's eyes. He sucked in a breath, trying to hide the pain it caused him – cracked rib, no, ribs – and blew it out in an effort at sudden nonchalance. 'Oh, all right, go on then.'
As Jack pulled open the door to the booth and stepped inside, releasing Wilf, the Doctor felt Rose grab hold of his jacket and pull him back, away from the booths. As though she thought he might change his mind and rush in regardless.
'But he-' Wilfred began.
'He can't die,' Rose said quietly, her grip on the Doctor's sleeve tightening as Jack cried out in pain.
'He an alien then?' Wilf asked, seemingly desperate to distract himself.
'No,' the Doctor said, sliding his hand into Rose's.
'I did it,' Rose said. 'Made him immortal.'
Wilf was looking at her with unsuppressed wonder now, but neither of them paid him any attention. Jack was dragging himself up the inside of the booth.
'Am I safe?' he asked.
'Safe?' the Doctor repeated.
Jack shot him a dry look. 'Will I kill you all if I come out there?' he asked.
'Oh!' the Doctor said. 'Right. Sorry. Hang on.' With his free hand he reached into his pocket and withdrew his sonic screwdriver, using it to scan the booth. 'Nope. All clear. Not even a little bit radioactive.'
Jack pushed the door experimentally and it swung open. 'Now you open,' he said irritably. He looked up at the Doctor and glared. 'You,' he said, levelling a finger at the Time Lord, 'have an immortal friend. Don't waste a regeneration wandering into places like this.' The Doctor bowed his head, looking down at his shoes for a moment. 'You look terrible,' Jack said flatly. 'Shame about the suit.' He turned his attention to Wilf, extending a hand. 'Don't believe we've been introduced. Captain Jack Harkness.'
'Wilfred Mott,' Wilf said, shaking Jack's hand after only the tiniest hesitation.
The Doctor was looking at Rose. Now he had time to think there were really a ridiculous amount of questions buzzing through his brain. He still felt too numb to ask them, though, and she looked utterly exhausted.
'You got the TARDIS fixed then?' Rose asked, looking away from the Doctor and up at Jack.
'You broke the TARDIS?' the Doctor said, alarmed. Behind Rose, Jack was urgently shaking his head. 'You know what?' the Doctor continued, before Rose could speak. 'Never mind. I don't want to know… right now, anyway. Let's go home.'
\/\/
They said goodbye to Wilf outside his house, Rose leaning against the TARDIS while the Doctor spoke to his friend. She was furious, he knew. From the sympathetic looks Wilfred was giving him, he knew too. She stepped forwards and hugged the old man, promising him they wouldn't simply disappear again, then walked back into the TARDIS, leaving the door open for the Doctor to follow.
When he entered the TARDIS she wasn't in the console room. Jack was gone, already back in Cardiff, helping Torchwood spread the word that recent events were down to mass hallucinations caused by… something or other. The Doctor sighed. Clean up. Not his strongpoint. He started the dematerialisation sequence, catching sight of the blood on his hands as he did so. He sat down heavily on the jump seat, staring down at them.
Rose appeared in front of him, startling him slightly. He looked up but she refused to meet his gaze. Instead, she ran her eyes over his hands, taking in the blood and the cuts. 'You're hurt.'
More than you know, he thought. Aloud, he said, 'It doesn't matter.' He'd wait until she went to bed then take himself off to the infirmary and patch himself up.
'Come on,' she said, still not meeting his eyes. She took his hand and led him from the console room. He was vaguely surprised when she turned away from the infirmary, heading instead for the bedroom they shared.
She helped him out of his ruined suit jacket and loosened his tie, pulling it over his head before sitting him on the edge of the bed. On the nightstand she had a bowl of water and a cloth. He watched as she methodically soaked the cloth, using it to clean first one hand, then the other.
Then, finally, she looked up, her eyes raking over his face quickly before dropping back to the cloth. She wet it again and rang in out into the bowl before reaching up and running it over his skin. It stung and he was unable to stop himself wincing it the pain.
'Sorry,' she murmured, her eyes dropping to his for a moment. She froze like that, her eyes on his, the cloth held inches from his face. He reached out and took her wrist, exerting gentle pressure there to get her to stop. 'I need to finish this, Doctor,' she protested, but didn't continue, letting the cloth rest against his cheek for a moment. He reached up and mirrored the gesture, resting his hand against her face.
He could have died today. Could have sacrificed his people for the good of the universe and all the reward he would have gotten was to regenerate. To have what he knew as himself die and be replaced. Bit of a strange perspective on regeneration, considering he'd already gone through it nine times, but looking up at Rose, he thought he could see why.
She'd come for him, again. Had stood unafraid in front of the High Council of Time Lords. Had veritably mouthed off at Rassilon. Had left the fate of her world, of the universe, in his hands and stood beside him while he made the decision. And the Master had sacrificed himself to save them both. Because she'd taken his hand and stopped the drumming, filling him with the song of the TARDIS. He should really find out how that had been possible. Should find out how she'd managed to get the TARDIS here when he'd thought it impossible. But here she was. And she'd saved him, partly from Rassilon but mostly from himself. She was at one and the same time his salvation and his reward. His Rose.
She dropped the cloth into the water bowl and straightened up, moving to step back from him. 'Shirt off,' she ordered.
'You're angry with me,' he murmured.
'No,' she said. 'Shirt off, Doctor.'
'Rose-' he began.
'I'm not,' she interrupted, stepping forwards and unbuttoning his shirt. 'You were just tryin' to keep me safe.' She ducked her head so she could meet his eyes. ''m worried about you,' she admitted.
'I'm all right. I'm still me,' he smiled.
She returned his smile with a weak one of her own and he watched as it faded too quickly. Her eyes widened as she pulled his shirt open. He looked down. His torso was covered in bruises. Wordlessly, Rose handed him a scanner she'd brought from the infirmary. He took it and ran it over himself. Three cracked ribs, already on their way to mending, but while he was here… he fiddled with the scanner, wincing as he felt it begin to knit the bone. The bleeding had stopped, not too much damage there.
He handed the scanner back to Rose, who held it for a moment. 'What about those?' she asked, nodding towards the bruises.
'They'll be fine by tomorrow,' he assured her.
'You should get some rest. You look exhausted.'
'Stay with me?' he asked softly, surprising both Rose and himself.
She looked at him, meeting his eyes properly for the first time in what felt like an eternity. 'I thought-'
'What?' he asked quickly.
She looked down at the device in her hands. 'I thought you'd wanna be alone.'
'No,' he said quickly. 'Unless you want-'
'No,' she said, just as quickly.
He looked up at her, unable to reach for her. She knelt in front of him, putting the scanner on the floor and tugging at his laces before pulling his trainers off. He'd need new ones, he thought idly. New suit, too. This one'd definitely had it.
'Probably when you went through that window,' Rose said from her position on the floor, patiently removing his socks. He looked up at her sharply. He hadn't spoken aloud. She smiled. 'You were looking at them like you were never going to see them again.' She stood and pulled her boots off, then slid her jeans down her legs.
She definitely knew that look on this face, he mused as he watched her. Too well. 'I won't send you away again,' he murmured as Rose pulled him to his feet and undid the fastening on his trousers.
She paused, her eyes searching his. 'Good.'
\/\/