The next day I take my baby into the local garage to get a tune up. And the mechanic is over charging me. Nothing new there. What is new though is the feeling in the pit of my stomach every time I think of Derek. It's new because he kissed me. He is the one who initiated the kiss. He is the kisser and I was the kissy. I know I sound like a thirteen year old girl, but I didn't think that I stood a chance with him. And now come to find out, I do. Maybe, kinda, I don't even know.
Only Lydia noticed the hickey today. I tried to keep it covered, but I think she might be psychic or something. Not sure. But Scott did apologize to me today, and he said that I could take as much space as I needed. Allison talked to me too and told me how much Scott is torn up about what happened. He knows he has been a bad friend lately, and he really wants to make up for it. I want to just forgive him, but I am still not over it yet. He has to be sorry for all of it, not just the way he treated me, but also for the way he treated Derek.
Erica and Boyd weren't in school today either so I don't know what is going on but when I texted Isaac at lunch he said everything was cool, and Derek just wanted them around for, and I quote, 'pack bonding'. I am not sure what this entails, Isaac wouldn't spill either. But at least Derek is taking responsibility for them. I knew he would.
As I put my hand on the door handle, I feel this really gross slime. I wipe it off on my hoodie, and continue into the waiting room. I go to text Isaac while I wait but when I start to try and send the text my fingers stop moving. I can't even feel them. Then my hands start to shake and the phone falls out of my hand. I look up through the window, and there is something crawling on the side of my jeep. I try to call out a warning, but my voice doesn't carry loud enough. This must me the thing that Scott and Allison saw at Isaac's place.
The giant lizard swipes at the mechanic as I fall over. I try to scoot forward on the floor so I can reach my phone. I am trying to dial 911, but I can barely make my hands move. The lift is going to come down and kill the mechanic, and all I can do is close my eyes, and try not to hear the screams. Somehow I manage to finish dialing, but then the lizard is in my face and hissing at me. After it hears the phone pick up it darts away. And I can't talk to respond to the call. But about ten minutes later I hear the sirens and I start to relax.
When the first cops get there I am standing outside. The paralyzing effect started to wear off right after the dispatcher told me that they were on their way. By the time my dad gets there I am sitting in the back of the ambulance. I text Isaac to see if he could get Derek to come and pick me up. There is stuff I have to tell them. I don't say that I was attacked. I don't want them to rush here. But now I have to deal with my father. Lies, lies, and more lies. I hate it. "I told you, I just, walked in, and I saw the jeep on top of the guy. That's all."
"What's with your hand?" It was still tingling from the remnants of the paralysis.
"Nothing. Can I just get out of here now?"
"Look, if there's something you don't think you can tell me…"
"You think I'm lying?" Yes he does. Because I basically told him I was not that long ago. And he hasn't asked me too many questions since then. But then I haven't really been directly involved like I am this time.
"I'm just worried about you." I was already riding the guilt train, and I think I'll stay on for a few more stops.
"I didn't see anything. At all. Can I go now please?"
"Yeah, but your jeep has to stay here. I'm gonna have to impound it. Sorry, kid, evidence."
I knew that was coming, that is why I asked for a ride. Speaking of… I get a text telling me that they are around the corner. So I head off. Boyd gets out of the front seat and pulls forward the seat so I can get in the back. And as soon as I am back there Isaac has an arm around my shoulder and I am being squished between him and Erica. Derek has his eyes on me through the rearview mirror. I can't tell what they look like though because he has glasses on, even though it is like ten o'clock at night. Boyd gets back in and Derek takes off. The silence in the car lasts for a few minutes. Then I notice them all sniffing the air in my general direction. I roll my eyes. "I'm okay. Sorry to have to ask you to get me, but I didn't have anyone else. Scott and I still aren't really talking." I pause for moment trying to collect my thoughts and say what needs to be said. "So I guess you want to know what I wanted to talk to you about. That lizard thing that Scott and Allison saw, well I seen it tonight. I think it has some kind of paralyzing toxin. It left some on the door handle, and I touched it. But when he scratched the mechanic he fell instantly. So it probably spreads faster through the blood stream. Then it lowered the lift that had my jeep on it, over the guy and killed him…"
Throughout my whole spiel, Isaac held me a bit tighter, Erica takes my hand and they both start sniffing at me, I think they are trying to see if I was injured or not. Boyd doesn't react too much besides turning to look at me, but Derek, he speeds up and then comes to an abrupt stop at my house. They all get out and I am pulled along with Isaac. I am herded to the front door. Derek is in first and I can tell he is looking for danger. Isaac and Erica are with me, and Boyd is bringing up the rear. I am directed to the couch, but the two wolves never leave my side. Derek takes the same chair he sat in last time, and Boyd stands in the doorway.
"What did it look like?" Derek's glasses are off and he is looking at me with those purple eyes. And I just want to go over to him and kiss him again. But I don't think that he would appreciate that.
"It has scales, and its eyes were defiantly reptilian. But there was something about them."
"What do you mean?"
I am not sure how to describe it. "You know when you see, like, a friend in a Halloween mask, but all you can actually see are their eyes, and you feel like you know them, but you just can't figure it out who it is?"
"Are you saying you know who it is?"
"No. But I think it knew me." Derek's growl throws me off a bit, but I am calm. Isaac is scenting me again, and Erica is almost curled up on my other side. I feel safe. Safer than I have all night.
They have to leave soon after that, because I know my father will be home soon. I can tell none of them want to, but I reassure them that I am okay, and that whatever it was isn't after me. It could have killed me and it didn't.
I am glad that today was a Friday night, because now I don't have to sleep, I can research. And Isaac said that they would be training tomorrow and I wanted to go and check it out.
…
So training isn't as much fun as it looks. I didn't know what it would consist of, but Derek constantly slamming Isaac to the ground isn't what I predicted. He does it about ten times. Before he finally says something. "Does anyone want to try something not being completely predictable?" I only wait a second before I leave the doorway of the train. I have had a baseball bat in my hand the entire time, mostly just playing with it, but I brought in the hopes of getting in some training myself. I don't swing too hard, but I do manage to tap his shoulder before he has the bat yanked out of my hand and pulled me to him with both of my hands laid flat against his chest. The hand not holding the bat is curled around my waist. And then almost as fast as it happened he is ten feet away from me and throwing the bat back at me. "Nice try, but sneaking on a wolf, doesn't work. Our hearing is better and I heard you heart rate increase the second you made the decision to go for it." He looks back to his betas. "With you guys it has to be more about sensing where your opponent will strike next." Then he looks back to me. "With a human, try to be deceptive in your movement. Give the wolf a false sense of where you are going to strike."
"Well that would work, if I knew what I was going to do before I do it."
"You have to think about this stuff. It is important."
"Are we done?" Isaac asks in a hesitant voice, but obviously filled with some frustration from being unsuccessful so many times. "Cause I have about a hundred bones that need a few hours to heal." Derek steps forward and at first I thought he was going to help Isaac up. Instead he takes Isaacs arm and breaks it. I rush forward pushing Derek off of him. But he doesn't budge.
"Hundred and one. You think I'm teaching you how to fight. Huh? I'm teaching you how to survive!" Derek finally lets go and moves back, but I am right there to take his place. I lightly grab his arm and try to make sure that it is in the right placement to heal. Then I turn to him. Fury blatant in my expression.
"How dare you! I know you are trying to teach them, but deliberately breaking his arm, not in training, but tricking him into thinking you care that he is hurt, is NOT okay! Pain should never be punishment! Never!"
"They need to know everything I know."
"That doesn't explain anything! They are still people. They are not soldiers to fight in some war. Don't make what I said about you to Scott be wrong. You are not a monster. Don't be one."
He looks kind of defeated, and a bit angry. "I am trying to teach them, as fast as I can." The anger goes out of his eyes a bit and he retreats into the train car. I turn back to Isaac.
"You okay?"
"Yeah it already started healing. Plus it helps to jumpstart the healing process. I'll be fine. Don't worry." I can see some of the fear in his eyes, but I don't think that it's all from Derek. Mostly just what Derek did. Erica and Boyd decide to leave for the day and I ask Isaac to go put music in, I need to talk to Derek without the others overhearing. After I am sure Isaac is set, I storm into Derek's makeshift room. I am all ready to yell at him, but the look of defeat on his face strips away any anger I might have had. I think I surprised him, because as soon as he sees me, his mask goes up.
"No, nu-uh. That is going to happen this time. No putting up walls. Talk. I know that you don't like to. I know you like to keep it all in, but take it from a guy who knows, it never works." The mask slips a bit. I move over to sit next to him on the bed. This is so much like what happened when he came to tell me about Peter. I sit close enough for our shoulders and our legs to touch. When he grabs for my hand I am a bit taken aback, but I squeeze it all the same. "I'm not mad anymore. But you have to realize what Isaac went through. His father beat him. I know that is why you helped him I know that is why he was offered the bite. And he deserves happy. But you can't revert to anger with him. With any of them. They need to feel like they belong and that you care about them. Don't push them away."
"You don't think I know that. I feel like shit right now. I can't believe I just did that to him."
He sounds so broken. I take my free hand and lift it to his face making him look up at me, while brushing my thumb against his cheek. I can see the pain in his eyes. The same pain that was there the last time we talked like this. I want to help him. I want to make that main go away. "Okay, you know what not to do then. I know this is hard for you. Believe me I know. But you have to stop blaming yourself too. It was never your fault." He tenses under my hand and pulls back before I can grasp him tighter.
"You don't know what you are talking about." His voice is hoarse, and he moves to stand by the wall, and has his back to me. This is also the second time this has happened. He trusts me. Maybe more.
"I think I know well enough… You loved her. You loved her and she used you to get to your family. And you blame yourse-" I never get the rest of the words out. He has me pinned to the wall, and this time I can't miss the anger.
"It was my fault." His eyes bleed purple. "I let her in, I trusted her. I told her things. I got them killed. It was me. And it is something that I will have to deal with for the rest of my life." He pulls back and lets me go. "I think you should leave now. Training is done for the day. Maybe you should just stay away. I don't want them to hurt you." He turns his back in a clear dismissal. I want to say more, but I know that he won't be receptive of it. So I leave. I stop in and say goodbye to Isaac before I go. He gives me a hug and a quick nuzzle. I check his arm, which is already healed. And then I go home. Hopefully between research and homework I can fill up the rest of my weekend. When Scott calls on Sunday, I can't stay mad at him. So I tell him I'll pick him up for school but he has to buy me breakfast.
…
When Scott gets in the jeep Monday I tell him, that he has to be sorry for not just the way he has treated me, but also for the way he has treated Derek. At first I think he is going to say no, but he does. He says that he will apologize to Derek. And that makes me feel better because I can tell when Scott is being genuine. And he does mean it.
Then I become messenger for him and Allison. What can I say, I am a sucker for romance. But ewe. There are just some things I don't need to know about.
"I'm so sorry about the other day. I'm trying. We'll get through this. I know because I love you. I love you more than… oh, my God! I can't… you and Allison just have to find a better way to communicate."
"Come on, you're the only one that we can trust. Is she coming to the game tonight?"
"Yes, okay? Message complete. All right, now tell me about your boss." Scott had mentioned earlier about how it was Dr. D who helped him after Derek go captured, and they must have had a talk since then.
"He thinks that Allison's family keeps some kind of records of all the things that they've hunted. Like a book."
"He probably means a bestiary."
"A what?"
"A bestiary."
"I think you mean bestiality." He is laughing. Like I don't know what I am talking about…
"Nope, pretty sure I don't. It's like an encyclopedia of mythical creatures."
"How am I the only one who doesn't seem to know anything about this stuff?"
"You're my best friend, you're a creature of the night, it's kind of like a priority of mine." I don't say because you won't listen to me when I tell you stuff. But I don't. Forgiveness right?
"Okay. If we can find it, and it can tell us what this thing is…"
"And who."
"We need that book." We say it at the same time.
I text Allison, about this using our code, and she says that Gerard has a book like that. He probably keeps it in his office, and that we will need his keys for it. She has a plan to get them so hopefully we should have the book today.
The plan is for her to get the keys, and hand them off to me. And I am going to search his office.
The plan works and I am heading off to find the book, but I notice Lydia in her car crying. "Hey, Lydia what's wrong?" she rolls up her window. I have to go, but I can't leave her here like this. "Lydia, come…"
"Just go away."
"What's wrong?"
"Look, I don't need anyone seeing me cry."
"Oh, come on Lydia. Look you shouldn't care if people see you cry, all right? Especially you."
"Why?"
"Because I think you look really beautiful when you cry." That gets her to calm down, and roll the window back down."
"You're gonna think I'm crazy."
"Lydia, if you trust me on anything, you can trust me on this. There is nothing that you can say to me that will make you sound crazy. Literally nothing." That is the moment I know that I am going to tell her everything that has been going on. She does have a right to know after all. Then I hear the crowd scream, and I remember what I am supposed to be doing. "If you come with me I will listen to whatever you want to say. And I will tell you things I probably shouldn't."
"Like who gave you that hickey?" I sigh, and I am not sure I can.
"Maybe, but if you come with me, I can give you answers to a lot of things that have been going on around here lately." I open her door and hold my hand out to her. She looks hesitant for a second, but then takes it. We head into the school and go to Gerard's office.
"What are you doing exactly?"
"I am looking for a leather-bound book. I can't tell you why just yet, but I promise that after the game tonight I will tell you everything. I won't hide anything from you." There is a moment of hesitation again, but then she comes into the office and starts looking with me. When I don't find anything, I text Allison and tell her. Then Erica is there. "Hello Stiles." She is showing her confidence and then she is pulling me and Lydia off down the hallway. I can tell her grip is lighter on me than it is on Lydia, but I don't say anything. There is only one reason she would do this.
And when we get to the pool there he is. "Stiles."
"Derek." I am not sure how to react here. He told me to stay away. So I did.
"I need you to tell me what you saw at the garage again."
I am getting really tired of this hot and cold. Lydia grabbed one of my hands and is holding on tightly. I know she is afraid, but they won't hurt us. "Several alarming EPA violations that I'm seriously considering reporting." Then Lydia is grabbing my arm with her other hand and Derek kills the basketball he was holding. Just sunk his claws right into it. This possessive bullshit has got to stop. I don't even know where he is coming from anymore.
"Let's try that again." There is an edge of anger in his voice, but he keeps it pretty calm.
"I already told you. It was slick looking, skin was dark, patterned like scales. Okay, now if you don't mind, Lydia can leave?" Derek just glares at me. "Fine, Eyes. Eyes are yellowish and slitted. It has a lot of teeth. And it has a tail." That is when I notice Derek and Erica looking up. I glance up and see it climbing the railing of the stairs above us. Lydia looks up too but I put a hand over her mouth, and she doesn't scream like I thought she would, but she is trembling. I speak very calmly. "Erica, move slowly, but get Lydia out of here. Lydia, she won't hurt you, go to your car and wait for us there."
Erica moves and grabs Lydia half carrying her out the door and I shift closer to Derek. Then when he turns his back to tell me to run it slashes him, and I know what is about to happen. I grab him as he is about to fall, and I run with him across the pool. "Quick call Scott." I go for my phone but it falls and as I bend over to get it Derek falls behind me and lands in the pool. With no hesitation, I dive in and grab him pulling us both to the surface. I wrap his arm around my shoulder and start treading water. When I get my bearings a little, I look around to try and find the giant Lizard. But he is nowhere to be seen.
"Where'd it go? Where is it, do you see it?"
"No." He is panting and I am trying my best to keep my grip on him and keep us both above water.
"Okay, maybe he took off." There is loud screeching noise.
"Maybe not." I wait a few minutes to see if it is going to come out of its hiding spot. "Will you get me out of here before I drown?"
"You're worried about drowning? Did you notice the giant thing out there with multiple rows of razor-sharp teeth?"
"Did you notice I am paralyzed from the neck down in eight feet of water?" His voice goes from talking to yelling at the end.
"Yes, I am the one keeping you above water if you hadn't stopped to notice." I turn my head around to try and see it. "I don't see it." I start to swim awkwardly to the side of the pool.
"Wait, wait, wait. Stiles stop." I start treading water in place again.
"What's it waiting for?" it just starts circling the pool. Then it goes to touch the water, and recoils as soon as it touches. "Did you see that? I don't think it can swim." That doesn't really help us at all though. I am not sure how long we are in the pool for but I know it has been at least half an hour. "So, how's it going?"
"Really, you want to make small talk right now?"
"If I don't I might just have a panic attack and then we are both going to drown. So if you have any better ideas sourwolf, I would love to hear them." He grumbles at the nickname that I have given him, but doesn't say anything. "So… how's it going?"
He growls, "Well besides being paralyzed stuck in a pool, relying on someone else to keep me alive while a crazy lizard stalks us, I would say I am just fine." The 'fine' comes out dripping in sarcasm.
"Well if you are going to be like that, I can bring up a few things I have been meaning to talk to you about. Like, why in the hell are you living in an abandoned train station!? It is not healthy Derek. Not for you and not for Isaac."
"That is none of your business."
"Oh, I think it is. You see how Isaac, and even Erica, acts around me. I have done my research and I was right when I told Scott about them scenting, wasn't I?" He doesn't say anything. "Even you have scented me. You even went a step further and marked me. What was that about? Not that I am complaining by the way." I try to keep the tremble out of my voice and hope he doesn't pick up on it.
"For that I am sorry."
"Why? You still aren't saying why."
"The way you tried to make Isaac feel better after all the crap he went through, and watching you defend not only me but my pack to Scott, well…"
"Well, what?"
"My instincts took over. I couldn't help myself."
"Why would your instincts tell you to do that?"
"Stiles, can we not talk about this right now."
"No, I think this is a perfect time. You can't go anywhere and you can't force me away. You are stuck. So answer the question." He growls really low, low enough that it ripples the water around us even more that we are by just trying to stay afloat. He says something really quite and I can't even hear it. "What was that? I couldn't hear you over your mumbley brooding."
He sighs, "My wolf sees you as a potential mate."
"Mate!?"
"Yes. Now can we drop it?" This time I don't argue. My heart is thudding in my chest, and I am pretty sure that it is about to explode out. I turn my face away from him and try to focus on anything else. I have read about mates in that book. And werewolves take it very seriously. But this is too much information to process right now. So I let the silence stretch between us for a bit before diving back into my questions, and making sure to steer clear of the potentially embarrassing ones that are currently bouncing around my head.
"Why are you living in that broken down place?"
He doesn't answer at first. I am getting used to this though, so I try to calmly await his response. "Because."
"Because why Derek? Can't you afford a house or at least an apartment?"
"Yes."
"Then why don't you live in one?" He doesn't say anything, but I am looking at him again and I can see the sadness in his eyes again. "You don't think you deserve it do you?" he just scowls. "You don't. Derek, you have been through Hell and back. You are still in one piece, and you are making a pack. You have learned from your past mistakes. What more do you have to go through before you think you deserve to be happy?"
"I will never deserve to be happy. Never. I don't know how you figured it out, but after what I've done, how could I deserve happiness."
"Derek, she used you. She manipulated you. It is all her fault. She is the one. Not you. Never you."
"Oh really, well if we are going to talk about things that aren't our fault, then how about your mom, if she really died of cancer, then how could that be your fault. That was something so unbelievably out of your control." And my heart stops for a second. I can feel the missed beat.
"How… How do you know I blame myself for that?"
"I-" He cuts himself off. "I have been by your house. At night. Back when Peter was still at large. I didn't want him to hurt you, and you were in the thick of it. You…you talk in your sleep."
I don't know what to say. There is so much bouncing around in my head right now. He not only trusts me, but he cares about me. His wolf thinks I would be a good mate. I don't know what to do with all of this information. So I just push it aside and I will deal with it later. That is about the only thing I can do. "That is all beside the point. You shouldn't live in a decrepit building. Get an apartment. If not for you than for Isaac. He needs some form of stability."
"I know." Derek bites out the words. I feel kind of bad for bringing it up, but it was the only time I could, and get away with it. We stay in silence for a while longer. I don't want to say anything more, and Derek isn't exactly Mr. Talkative. But I can feel my legs burning and my shoulders ache. "I don't think I can do this much longer. It has been a couple hours at least. I see my phone and I think about going for it. But Derek sees what I am planning.
"No, no, no! Don't even think about it."
"Could you just trust me this once?"
"No!"
"I'm the one keeping you alive, okay? Have you noticed that?"
"Yeah, and when the paralysis wears off, who's gonna be able to fight that thing, you or me?"
"That's why I have been holding you up for the last two hours."
"Yup. You don't trust me. I don't trust you. But you need me to survive, which is why you're not letting me go."
"I do trust you."
"What?"
"I trust you. I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't. I wouldn't have defended you and your pack to Scott if I didn't. All those times, that Scott got you into trouble after the school, I was the one defending you. I trust you. I'm sorry you don't trust me, but there isn't much I can do about that. If I haven't proved myself by now, then I don't know what else to do." I shift myself around his body so I am grabbing him from the back with. His back to my chest. My arms are starting to give out and I need to start alternating them. He is silent and I am actually glad for once. It hurts to hear him say he doesn't trust me. I know it can't be true, but it hurts all the same. After what seems like an eternity but can only be twenty minutes, I am having a really hard time treading water and hold him. But I won't let him drop. "I can't stay up any longer. I need something to hold on to." We dip below the water a few times, before I see the diving platforms at the end of the pool. There are handles there. If only I can reach them. I grab Derek around his chest keeping him on his back so he can breathe and start swimming to the handle. It is a slow process. I get there and my hand slips, but somehow I manage to stay up. I grab it again, and this time I hold. But I am not sure how long this will last. It is stretching my arm a lot. And my fingers start to go numb almost instantly. But then Scott is there and he is attacking the Lizard thing. So I push Derek up on to the side of the pool and once I have him up, I pull myself up. I lay next to him breathing hard and taking a minute to catch my breath. Scott is thrown into a mirror and holds a piece of the glass like a weapon. Why I don't know, but then the lizard is gone and the paralysis is starting to wear off. He pulls himself into a sitting position, and eventually stands up.
Scott tells us that he found what he thinks is the bestiary; it is a flash drive on the keys. So we get outside, and as soon as we are out the door, Lydia and Erica run toward us. Erica with her enhanced speed reaches me first, and engulfs me in a hug and starts to scent me. Lydia looks confused, but hides it almost immediately. She knows I am going to keep my word to her. Scott on the other hand openly scoffs and walks toward my jeep to get my laptop out of it. And Derek, well he scowls, and follows after Scott. When he draws level with us, I can hear him mutter something, but it is indistinct to me. Erica obviously hears it and starts to back off of me and falls into place behind him.
As I approach Lydia I can tell she is about to ask me a bunch of questions. "Lyds, if we could just wait like five more minutes, we think we found what we were looking for. Then I will talk to you until you can't stand my voice anymore. Promise." This satisfies her for now, but she does follow me. By the time I get to my jeep Scott is opening up my laptop and starting it up. I go and grab two towels from my lacrosse bag and throw one at Derek. I dry myself a little and then go over to take over my computer.
When I pull up the only document on the flash drive, it looks like a PDF document. I open it and it looks like a book. "Is that even a language?"
"It's archaic Latin." It doesn't really surprise me that Lydia knows this.
"It doesn't matter, I know what it is. It's called a kanima." Derek is just standing there.
"You knew the whole time?" There is another stab of hurt there. If he knew the whole time we were in the pool and didn't tell me… well that would hurt.
"No, only when it was confused my its own refection." A small wave of relief goes through me. "It doesn't know what or who it is."
"What else do you know?" Now I want to know more.
"Just stories, rumors."
"But it's like us?" Asks Scott.
"It's a shape-shifter, yes. But it's not right. It's like a…"
"An abomination." Derek just nods at me. I don't know what else to do at this point. "We don't know anything about it."
"I can help out with that."
"Really? How can you help Lydia?"
"Stiles, I know how to read Archaic Latin."
"What…?" I just stare at her dumbfounded.
"Regular Latin was boring." Only Lydia would think regular Latin is boring.
"So you can translate it?"
"Yeah, it won't happen all in one night, but I can translate the stuff about this Kanima? First. Then the rest later."
"Okay sounds like a plan. Oh, and Derek, I am going to tell Lydia everything. She has a right to know." Derek hesitates at first but just nods, and starts to walk off, Erica behind him. He stops but doesn't turn back.
"I do trust you Stiles." She shoots me a look that says sorry, but keeps walking. That makes me feel a lot better, I knew he did. But there is so much to do. Then I sigh and turn to the computer, making a copy of the bestiary onto my own flash drive, and then hand Gerard's keys back to Scott and tell him to put them on his Desk, and that I will see him tomorrow.
"Okay, now how about we go back to my house, so I can change into some dry clothes, and then we can have that talk."