So today is my belt ceremony. I passed my belt test I'm so excited! So now I'm an awesome… erm… yellow belt. Yes, a yellow belt. I know, don't I rock? (Note: That's for Tae Kwon Do… yellow belt's still REALLY low on the spectrum. It's the one right after white belt… and we all know what level white belt is. Ah well, I'm still excited.) So… will this get done today, with the ceremony? …I dunno…
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After maybe a minute, I had the courage to glance back at Haru, who hadn't moved, but was staring at me with an expression that could only be interpreted as shock. "You…wanted it too?" he whispered disbelievingly.
I nodded, ashamed of myself. Ashamed that I seemed to be homosexual, ashamed that I was in love with my cousin, of all people—if what I felt was indeed love. How would I know what it was? It wasn't like I had any frame of reference…
I glanced back at Haru and felt myself go weak at his adorably dumbfounded look. Yes… if this wasn't love, then… I didn't know. What else could it be? Why else would I want him to just sweep me off my feet and keep on with what we'd been about to do before? I was fairly certain it wasn't just pure, animalistic desire; it felt like there was more to it than that…
Haru took a tentative step forward, and then another, until he was fully in the house again, rather than out on the porch. Slowly he reached up with one hand as though to brush my face with it, his face hopeful, intensely so. His fingertips grazed my cheek, and without warning, I was pulled into a tight, almost crushing embrace. My arms were pinned to my sides, and that was the only thing that kept me from squeezing the younger boy back. "Well… that was unexpected," he whispered, burying his face in my hair. "Do you know how long I've liked you?"
I felt as though I was drowning in his embrace. "No idea," I whispered, wriggling my arms free and returning his hug with a backbreaking squeeze.
"Since second grade," he informed me, breaking the hug and brushing my hair out of my eyes. "I really… never…"
I must admit I was shocked to hear that he'd liked me for so long. He'd always perved on me, but Haru pervs on everyone. Besides, he had dated Rin… then again; maybe it shouldn't have surprised me so much. Haru constantly told me he loved me… Maybe he had been telling the truth the whole time.
I reached for his hand and pulled my cousin into the living room. I wanted to say something, wanted to ask him if he was honestly telling the truth when he had said before that I was his first love—but words of true emotion had never been my strong point, and had been nearly impossible for me ever since I was a child.
'Everyone hates you.' I felt a chill at the words. I had convinced myself that Black Haru's lust was the best I could get, and yet to have him love me as White Haru went against everything that Akito had drummed into my head as a child. I tensed up, terrified all of a sudden that this was all a joke, that I was as boring and unlovable as Akito had always said I was.
"Hey… are you okay, Yuki?" Haru's arms wrapped around me again, easily pulling me onto his lap as though I were a child. I looked up into his eyes, those eyes full of emotion, of concern, worry, love. I felt so secure in those arms, so secure in the knowledge that I could never have imagined that adoring look his eyes had flashed at me. White Haru's emotions towards me weren't only friendship; Black Haru's lust wasn't the best I could get. How could I not be okay?
"I'm fine, Haru," I replied, leaning into the embrace, smiling as he kept one arm around my shoulders and took my hand with his own.
"I'm glad," the ox told me, resting his head back. Mine followed, leaning onto his smooth, flat chest. "It's getting late," he added softly. "It's really fine if I stay over?"
"Since when is it not fine?" I asked, tilting my head just a little so that I could see his face. "You never even bother asking when you want to stay over." Ordinarily, Haru would announce that he was going to spend the night, or Shigure would leave an open invitation for him to stay.
Haru shrugged. "I'm just… sort of worried that I'll go off on you again and hurt you."
I sighed. "Haru… you know I'm stronger than you. If you ever seriously try to hurt me, I can stop you." 'Unless I can't move,' I thought, thinking about the way it had been when he'd attacked me lately.
Haru laughed. "Sorry, that's right. I can't even beat Kyo: no way could I ever beat you. I'm just paranoid, I guess."
I smiled and closed my eyes. I really wouldn't mind falling asleep like this, reclining back with my head on Haru's perfectly muscled chest, my hand closed loosely in his own warm palm. No, I had no urge whatsoever to go upstairs and fall asleep in my room like normal. I turned my head slightly so that I could see Haru. He had his eyes half-closed and seemed completely enthralled in watching lie there. Well that was fine, because I imagined that if your places were reversed, I wouldn't be able to get to sleep—I'd be too busy observing everything about him.
"You should probably get some sleep," he whispered to me, squeezing my hand slightly. "If you don't get enough sleep, you'll ruin your good looks."
I smiled and closed my eyes. I wouldn't have said my looks were good enough to be ruined by a lack of sleep, but I was touched that Haru thought they were—even though, to be honest, it was the other way around. Really, I was too feminine to be good looking.
Haru's arm encircled my shoulders, pressing me against him. I felt so peaceful, at ease now, a complete one-eighty from my tense, anticipative state earlier. In this peaceful state, this feeling of total security, it was easy to slip off into a restful, wonderful sleep where I could dream about Haru.
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Ah Yuki, but your looks ARE good! –Dies from a fan-girl squeeing fit- Still, we all know Yuki has a complex about his looks… don't be so under confident Yun-yun. We love you.
Okay, opinion time. Yes, it's that time of my fan fiction again, where I pester my reviewers for their opinions. Do you want more fluff than Black Haru, or more Black Haru than fluff? I'm still trying to figure out what the next chapter will be… it will come to me when it comes to me. In the meantime, I want your opinions. Judging from what you say, the incredibly hazy plot will get more form in my mind, making it easier to write—which means –singsong voice-- faster updates! – Okay, that's all. Oh by the way, I didn't finish this the day of the belt ceremony, I went to laser tag instead, with my sister and our friend who was conveniently too busy to attend the ceremony and get her belt, yet suddenly was free for laser tag. (Apparently this is normal for her XD) Okay, enough rambling on my part… see you all next time!