Disclaimer: Sadly its not mine. I can dream though.

Rating: T

A/N: I was planning on updating a different fic, but I hit a snag on it, so I did this one instead. Thanks so much for favin' and ravin' this story so far. Y'all rocks! It splits into Suze for the last couple of parts. But you'll understand why when you get there. Enjoy!

Dedication: This goes to my best friend, my Mamma! For helping me and doing much worse to my dad...hehe.

How To Anger Your Spouse...

"Did you get it all?" I asked, looking around the empty parking lot anxiously. Checking to make sure we weren't being watched. We'd been planning this meeting for days, I didn't want anything to ruin it now. Or for all our hard work and scheming to be unravelled. We were so close to getting away with it. I didn't know what frightened me more; getting caught, or not getting to fulfil the plan, we carefully made.

"Yeah, it was tough though. This stuff isn't exactly popular," My companion retorted. His blue eyes were shining out from the hood he had pulled over his head, hiding his features from anyone who happened to be watching. His voice was hushed, just in case. They could have spies anywhere, we had to be extra vigilant. "But it's all there." He smirked, a wicked glint coming to his bright eyes. "We still good for tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow," I confirmed, my own smirk matching his own. I could feel a tickle of anticipation humming through my veins. A nervous jitter trying to make my hands twitch. "I don't want to raise anymore suspicion, than I already am." He nodded in return, agreeing with me. I knew he would understand. He had just as much at stake here as I did.

"They have a bullshit detector ingrained in 'em," He muttered, scowling slightly at the thought. "Every one of 'em. That's why we gotta stick together, and to the plan. As simple as it is, we're as good as dead if we're caught before we get to do it."

"Speaking of," I looked around nervously again. The hairs on the back on my neck tingling slightly, as if I was being watched. "It's time to go. It feels like we're being watched." He widened his eyes slightly at the thought and quickly plunged his hand into his deep coat, pulling out a brown paper bag, holding the goods.

"You sure this is enough?" He asked one last time. A joking tone to his voice, but a serious glint in his eye, belying that humor. I knew what he meant. But I was confident with what I already had. Anymore than that and I would really be fearing for my life, again. The only consolation I felt, was his task was worse and more dangerous. He hesitated passing over the bag, waiting for my answer.

"I don't dare do anymore," I quickly said, defending myself. "I'm terrified of just doing this. But the need far outweighs the risk, at this point." He nodded in complete understanding. This had been brewing for a while. It's only now that we have the courage to do it. If we left it any longer, we would definitely have abandoned the idea all together.

"I'll make sure they say somethin' nice about you, at your funeral," He smirked, taking the edge off his words and reassuring me, we were in this together. "I hope you've left me a large pay-out in your will." I took the bag he held out for me and quickly stuffed it into my coat to hide it.

"I could say the say about you," I coolly replied, watching the colour drain out of his normally tanned face. Causing his smirk to falter. "Your punishment is going to be alot more severe than my own," He frowned and swallowed nervously, but still there was a defiance and determination in his eye. I didn't have time to be smug about it though. My own fate was yet to be sealed.

"Right," He nodded, casting a quick look around him, before turning to clap me on the shoulder. His stare was intense and willful. We're brothers-in-arms. We can do this. We have to do this. "Good luck, bud!" I clapped him back, sharing his same sentiments. We both turned away and walked to our respective vehicles, neither looking back. Both too terrified we would pull back and cancel our careful plans.

I fought to hold back the nervous anticipation rising in my chest. The memory of his words, of their ability to detect our lies, ringing in the dark empty car I sat in. I didn't dare look in the bag. If I did that, I knew I wouldn't be able to hold back the smile.

"Where you been?" Susannah called out as I closed the front door behind me. Not even two seconds through the door and I was already starting to panic she knew something. Her words - void of suspicion or distrust - made me stop in my tracks anyway. I fought down the panic and schooled my expression before I dared turn to her.

"Sorry, querida," I sweetly replied, facing her innocent stare as she leaned against the door frame of the living room. Watching her eyes light slightly, when I spoke my nickname for her. "I was talking to someone." I tried not to swallow. Keeping my face as light and carefree as possible. If I could stay at half-truths, instead of right out lying I should be fine. I was so close to succeeding, I couldn't fail now.

"Did you manage to get me any cookie dough?" She looked down to the plastic bad clutched tight in my hand. Making me doubly aware of the brown paper one hidden in my coat. At least I hoped it was hidden from her view. I didn't dare look down to check. It would only draw more attention to myself than I needed. I could feel sweat starting to form on the back of my neck, my nerves increasing with each second.

"Yes. Here you go," I held out the bag that seemed to be weighing down my arm. But I didn't relinquish it as she took hold of it. Instead I pulled her to me, raising my free arm to wrap around her waist and pull her in closer. I dropped a teasing and tempting kiss on her soft lips. Feeling her relax against me as I lingered on her welcoming lips. I pulled away to see her eyes clouded with desire as she stared up at me. Grateful to note my little diversion cleared away any suspicous glints that were appearing in her eyes, at my odd, tense behaviour.

"Enjoy," I murmured across her lips, before releasing her and turning towards the stairs.

I could feel her eyes watching me as I climbed the steps. I fought not to turn and look, just holding my breath as I ascended the house. I waited at the top of the stairs, listening out for any indication or sound that she was following me. After a few seconds, I released my breath hearing her rummaging through the bag for her ice-cream. A disaster averted thankfully. I carried on the down the hall to our bedroom. My footsteps as light as possible.

I left our door open so I could listen out in case she decided to come looking for me. Retrieving the paper bag from my coat, I spilled the contents on our bed. Rummaging through them and putting them in order. Absently wondering if my partner in crime had managed to do do the same yet. I took my coat off and threw it across the bed. Taking the first piece of goods and moved across the room. It took me a while to set up what I wanted, but I was happy with it once it was done.

Knowing time was ticking against me, I retrieved the last few pieces and disappeared into our en-suite. The second part of my plan was going to take a little longer than the first. But the effects would be worth it once I was successful. I made quick and light work of the second part. Preparing it, so I could come and finish it while she was sleeping. Always keeping a silent ear out for Susannah, just in case she quickly appeared. I knew she could be silent if she wanted to be. That thought did nothing to calm my racing heart though. As minor as this was, I knew it was very risky.

Finally finished with my preparations, I stored the goods underneath the sink. There was no reason for Susannah to go look underneath there any time soon, so there was still a chance I could pull this off. Hopefully.

I returned to Susannah as soon as possible, unable to keep the small smile of achievement off my face when I sat down beside her, taking a spoonful of her cookie dough. She scowled as she watched me through narrowed eyes. A calculating and curious look in her eyes. "Why are you so happy?" She asked.

I smiled my most disarming grin, looking her in the eye. "I just missed you, querida." I leaned in to kiss her, but she raised the spoon full of ice-cream to her lips and halting my progress. Not letting me distract her a second time. She didn't break our eye-contact once, neither did she blink. I could feel my triumph fading, to be replaced with nerves again.

I smiled innocently, dipping my finger into her melting ice-cream and tapping her on the end of her nose. "Hey!" She exclaimed, half laughing and half chastising me. "That's cold!" I chuckled relieved. Another disaster averted. I wasn't sure how much more of this I could take. I was excited and looking forward to the outcome. But exhausted with the worry of being caught.

But the eager expectation built all night. Growing and gaining strength the closer I became to my goal.

I laid awake the next morning, watching impatient and eager for Susannah to wake up. Being a Saturday she was relaxing and enjoying her time off. But I couldn't wait! But I also knew, I would be facing her wrath if I woke her too soon. So I laid back, ticking the time away in my mind, imagining the many different reactions and ways Susannah would behave, when she found my surprises. It was hard to hold back the chuckle at the thought. Susannah would definitely be suspicious then.

But, she could be as curious as she liked. She still wouldn't have a clue as to what it could be.

Eventually I was finally granted my wish, as I felt Susannah stirring beside me. I don't normally stay in bed this late, I prefer to be up and doing something. But this morning, I made an exception. I would of been mad not to. Susannah rolled over, looking up at me through sleep dazed eyes and gave me a lazy smile. Apparently in a good mood.

Even better.

"Morning, Jesse," Susannah quietly murmured, still waking slightly. She stretched beneath the covers, raising her arms above her head and cracking her fingers. I told her multiple times it wasn't good for her. She only smirked at me and did it again. I watched as she relaxed and snuggled beneath the covers.

"Did you sleep well, querida?" I asked, hoping to make her wake up a little more. But I also knew I might as well enjoy the little bit of time I had beside her. I knew I was going to be sleeping on the couch tonight. It would be worth it though.

"Yep," She replied, opening her eyes and leaning up to kiss me on the cheek. "I slept great, thank you." I watched silently, as she threw back her covers and climbed out of bed. Padding her barefeet over to our en-suite, humming and smiling the whole way. I bit down on my chuckle as I watched her enter the bathroom, blowing a kiss my way as she closed the door. I knew, that when she opened that door again, her mood was definitely going to be 'sour'.

I climbed out of bed quickly and made it haphazardly. Leaving it a few seconds before I crept over to the bathroom door. Hearing Susannah turn the tap on and still humming. I laid my ear close to the door, grinning when I heard the sound of our toothbrushes clinking together in the glass holding them. I bit back the snickers rising in my throat as she carried on her morning routine. Unable to resist, and desperate to see, I cracked the door open a fraction, peeking through so I had a clear view on her image in the mirror, toothbrush ready in hand.

And then I heard it. The distinct sounds of her running the toothbrush over her teeth, before it abruptly stopped.

"Oh my, God!" She quickly exclaimed, her face twisting into a disgusted and horrified expression in the mirror. Her eyes were screwed shut, but that did nothing to stop the tears leaking out and down her mortified expression. I saw her double over shaking her head to clear the pain. She reflexively swallowed, and with it, some of the taste in her mouth. Making her grimace even harder. I could see her jaw clenched against the need to cry out, while her hand, coiled in a tight fist, thumped on the porcelain wash basin. Doing anything to take away the unbearable taste.

"Sour! Sour! Sour!" She cried, a sting of curses floating out after. They were enough to make a sailor blush. I clamped down on the need to laugh. I was trying so hard not to, that it was making my stomach hurt and my jaw ache. It was just the reaction I wanted and more. I turned my eyes back to the display Susannah was making. Her face a disgusted sneer. I watched amused, as she tired to rinse her mouth out with water. But I knew it would only make it worse.

I had soaked her toothbrush in a very sour solution for fifteen minutes last night. Waiting for her to go to sleep before I crept out of bed to complete my plan. I'd let it soak into the bristles completely. Then I had replaced our normal toothpaste, with the tube of paste that was as sour as any sweet you could possible find. Worse even. Susannah had the double effect as the paste got into her teeth and the brush rubbed it into her gums. I could imagine the tingle and rushing throughout her mouth and tongue.

But worse, down her throat too.

Snorting, I quickly turned away from the doorway, running out of our room and down the stairs. I only just made in to the kitchen before my laugh escaped. A deep booming sound, that echoed around the empty kitchen as I leaned against the counter top. My laugh was so hard, I couldn't keep myself up. My stomach was clenching with spasms from the memory of the look on her face. And her string of curses there after. It was too much and I lost the battle to stand. Collapsing to the floor, I let the tears of mirth race down my cheeks.

Soaking her toothbrush in sour liquids and swapping her toothpaste over, was the best prank so far.

I couldn't wait for the second part.

"Are you quite finished?" Susannah asked, glaring at me from the entrance to the hall. Her voice sounded raspy and dry. No doubt from the sour paste she ended up swallowing. Her face was also a bright red. I didn't know if it was from anger, or the sour reaction in her mouth. Either way, I laughed in the face of danger. She scowled even harder at my reaction, planting her hands on her hips.

"Sorry . . ." I rasped, my own voice hoarse and choked with chuckles. "It was . . ." I broke off, catching my breath. "so funny!" She clenched her hands on her hips. Reigning in her anger before she spun on her heel and marched down the hall. "Where are you going?" I called after her.

"To have a shower," She shouted back, her footsteps thumping up the stairs. "Hopefully it'll drain the urge I have to throttle you!" I wisely kept my mouth shut after that. She was walking straight into the second part of my plan. Perfect. My chuckles had died down slightly by then. But my jaw hurt and my ribs throbbed with the suppressed laughter.

And there was still more to come.

Slowly pulling myself back up to my feet from my perch on the floor, I crept down the hall and gazed up the stairs. Not seeing Susannah, I slowly made my way up them, listening out for the sounds of the shower activating. She slammed the bathroom door closed in our bedroom, giving me a quick opportunity to shoot into the room and get dressed. I stumbled around the room, cursing silently when I fell onto the floor with a thump, having gotten my leg stuck in my haste to get my pants on.

With seconds to spare, I made sure the last part of my plan was ready and set, and quickly hightailed it back across the room to hide behind the partially closed door when Susannah's shower turned off. If was a few minutes before she walked out of the bathroom. Comfortable wrapped in her bathrobe and combing her hand down past her shoulder. She still looked tense, but less angry than she was before.

I watched, holding my breath as she padded across to her dressing table, laying her comb down before her and picking up her hairdryer. I clamped a hand to my mouth, stopping my chuckles from catching me out. I could feel the nervous bubble rising in my throat. This would be the part that would make all the nerves, anticipation, fear and planning worth while.

Sucking in a breath, I widened my eyes as Susannah lifted the hair dryer to her face, preparing to dry the front of her hair first. Her skin was still moist and wet from the shower. That would make her surprise even worse.

What seemed to be in slow motion, Susannah's finger hovered over the switch. Seconds later, she turned it on.

Instantly, a big cloud of white powder blew into Susannah's face from the sudden rush of the dryer. Blasting it all over Susannah's wet hair, face and anything else around her. The cloud of talcum powder was unstoppable as it floated in the air and settled on any damp surface. Namely Susannah. The intensity of the dryer was so powerful, it just kept spurting out puffs of white in rapid succession. I'd made sure I packed plenty in there.

It took Susannah a couple of seconds before she got her wits about her and switched it off. But it was long enough to have done damage.

I shook with suppressed laughter, as Susannah opened her eyes and let me catch a glimpse of the fury burning behind her emerald gaze. Her eye lashes were coated with white fine powder as was the rest of her skin. She blew out a small cloud from her lips, making the stark contrast of her full red mouth against her white skin, make her look like something from Halloween. Her dark hair was covered with a fine mist and growing as the powder slowly settled around her.

I felt my heart stop as Susannah opened her mouth and took in a deep breath, before slamming her tight fists down on the dressing table and screaming so loud, I thought she would wake the dead.

"JESSE!"

I didn't stick around for her to find me. Coward that I am, I turned tail and ran instead. My laughter chasing after me as I ran down the hall, the stairs and out the front door. Car keys firmly in hand, I wasn't sticking around to see more of her reaction. I'd seen enough, and it was definitely worth it.

Operation Spouse Attack - Complete.

Once I managed to scrub my hair clean of the talcum powder stuck to it in clumps and washed my skin of the fine white mist, I started plotting. There was no way, I was letting Jesse get away with that stunt he pulled. I wasn't going to be beaten, that's for sure. And I knew exactly who had been helping him in his little plan. I was going to throttle the pair of them when I got my hands on them.

Jesse the little coward, running out on me. That just made my anger burn brighter and causing my need for revenge, that much sweeter.

With that thought, came a violent shudder. The memory of that sour toothpaste I was brushing my teeth with. It felt like my teeth were going to fall out. Oh he is so going to get his comeuppance. I just can't believe he managed to trick me twice! I'm normally so clever with being able to see things like this. I actually like to pride myself on knowing when someones up to no good. And it's even easier with Jesse. He can't keep anything from me, I know when he's up to something. And thinking back on it, he was last night. He must have been preparing it then. That's why he was upstairs so long and why he wore a triumphant grin when he came down.

And that damn talcum powder . . . Oh, I was so going to get him good for that.

I was in a good mood when I woke up. Finding Jesse waiting for me, was a pleasant and happy surprise. Now I know why he was waiting. Damn my idiot of a brother and his turning Jesse to the dark side! I have no doubt Jesse has a mischievous streak. I've always known it. Along with his sharp and dry sense of humor. But until Jake introduced him to the fine art of playing practical jokes on someone, did that really shine through.

But that's okay, because I can be just as evil. And I have the perfect idea in mind. Enough that it'll put Jesse in his place and stop him from pulling another prank like that on me. At least for a while anyway. Jesse will never suspect a thing.

I rushed to get dressed now I had a plan firmly in place. I ran down the stairs and into the kitchen, routing through my cupboards to find what I was looking for. Coming up empty but undeterred, I grabbed my own car keys and ran out of the house.

Operation Pay Back - In Progress.

When I returned home and had checked the house was definitely void of other life - except for Spike - I ran up to our en-suite bathroom. Preparing what I needed and setting up my own prank for Jesse. It didn't take me too long and I was finished. All that was left to do, was wait for Jesse to return home and receive his own little surprise.

The coward ended up staying out pretty much the whole day. Avoiding me completely. He didn't even call to tell me where he was, so I just carried on with my own business. Relaxing, watching T.V, reading a magazine. All the while, an evil smirk was playing out on my face. The fury and anger I was feeling earlier, had completely evaporated, due to my own payback soon to be played out. And it was the knowledge that this one is a lot better than what Jesse did to me, that kept it at bay. I could take a joke, just like the next person. But to be caught out by twice . . .

There's no way I'm letting that go by without some punishment and revenge.

Eventually he slithered through the door in the late afternoon, creeping into evening. A nervous and wary look on his face as he watched me. I knew what he was waiting for; the anger to suddenly rise up and to be taken out on him. But instead, I just planted a small smile of my face. Trying to put him at ease as much as possible. The epitome of innocence and peace. I saw him narrow his eyes slightly, not completely fooled with my act.

"Have a good day?" I asked nicely, watching him wince, expecting my wrath. "I was getting worried about you."

"It was okay," He slowly replied. "I was with Jake and Madison." He opened his mouth to say something else, darting nervous glances around him, waiting for something to spring up somewhere. But I interrupted him before he could speak. Absently noting the flecks of paint he had on his face and arms. Jake's daughter, Maddie had been hard at work on him.

Weird how we had the same idea.

"Look, Jesse," I began, watching his dark eyes dart to me quickly. Watching my slow progress down the hall towards him. My voice was like silk, drawing him in. "I'm sorry about earlier. I didn't mean to shout, I was just surprised. But I'm not angry anymore. I can take a joke. And," I begrudgingly admitted to him. "it was quite clever." I raised my eyes to his, imploring my innocent glance to him. I knew he was wary still, but I could also see it starting to fade to something else. Something I pounced on.

Father Dominic once told me not to use my feminine wiles to lure Jesse to me. But I used it to my every advantage now.

"It's okay, querida," He said warmly, smiling at me. "No harm done." I nearly balked at his ignorance to my playing as if he was the victim. He reached out to me, trying to pull me in closer to him. But I planted my hands on his chest halting his progress and enjoying the rock hard muscle beneath my palms.

"Why don't you," I murmured, tiptoeing my fingers up his chest and to his shoulder. "go and have a shower, to get this paint off. And I'll make it up to me," I smiled up him seductively, creeping my hand around his neck and pulling him down and closer to me. "Then all is forgiven." I whispered across his lips, seeing the flare of desire in his eyes as I roped him in.

"Okay, querida," He murmured, his warm breath floating across my skin as he closed the distance between us. I kissed him back, teasing and taunting him a little, before I broke away with a look that promised more. And shooed him off to the shower.

He walked over and climbed the stairs in a daze, a happy little smile on his face as he disappeared from my view. I let my luring smile turn into a devilish smirk, having no intention of letting him get off that lightly. I could still taste the baby powder and the sourness in my mouth. No matter how much I scrubbed with the proper toothpaste, it was still there.

Once I was sure he really was in the shower, I crept up the stairs and waited in our room. Lingering by the bathroom door and waiting for the right moment. I didn't have to wait too long either. I heard the shower switch off, as the Jesse climbed out. Whistling to himself as he moved about our bathroom. I heard a squeaking sound, alerting me to the towel being wiped across the fog covered mirror, before his whistling abruptly cut off.

"Nombre de Dios," I heard him mutter, before his loud booming voice echoed through the door. "SUSANNAH!"

Instead of bolting like he did, I just calmly threw open the bathroom door. Being assaulted with a cloud of warm steam and the vision of Jesse standing there, a face like thunder and only wrapped in a small towel. I smirked full outright as I let my eyes travel over his tanned and toned body. Only now, it had the most pretty colour blue to it. He was covered in it. His face, arms, legs, chest . . . everywhere.

It's amazing how blue food colouring will stain your skin. Especially when you put in in someones shower gel. I'd taken plenty of time going through the different colours available at the supermarket. Pink was my first choice, before I decided against it. Then I went through them, green, yellow, red, even orange. Before settling on blue.

I laughed when my eyes met his at last. Standing before me with his arms crossed over his chest and glaring daggers at me. He looked like grumpy smurf. I casually leaned against the door frame letting my eyes rake over my revenge before I coolly replied.

"Payback's a bitch, babe,"

And turned and walked away. Holding my ribs and a hand over my mouth, so my laughter wouldn't erupt before I was a safe distance away. The thought that Kate was going to do so much worse to Jake when she gets her own back, just made me laugh harder. Maybe that would teach them.

A/N 2: SO much fun! Hehe. Thanks for reading, please review! :D

Anonymous Reviews:

Meg -Hey! Thanks for reviewing! I'm glad you enjoyed it. I was having tons of fun doing it. I had this perfect picture in my head and I just couldn't resist, lol. I hope you enjoy this one too! Take care, x