Performance Review
"Look right at me, Son," Gibbs ordered, tapping Tony under the chin. He waited until his agent obeyed before he continued. "I want you to listen for just a second and not speak. I understand how it feels to tear yourself up inside going over the words you should have spoken, and the actions you should or should not have done. Doubting yourself can consume your life, second guessing yourself, and it can also destroy your soul. Here's the deal, though, Tony. At the end of the day, you, Anthony Dinozzo, did not have the power to stop Danny from turning dirty. He held that power. You did not have the power to save him from alcoholism. He had that power."
Gibbs paused a second and regarded Tony, whose face reflected his emotional turmoil and pain. "No, you didn't have the power for any of that. What you actually had the power to do was to walk away from Baltimore clean. You had the power to make an ethical decision and then to live with it, to not turn in your partner, but to turn your back on him and on his lifestyle. You had the power to trust your soul and take the moral stand that not only did you not condone his actions, but that you wanted to remove yourself from a setting you knew bred corruption, something your gut refused to condone."
Jethro paused a couple of seconds, then continued. "Now, trust me, Tony, that the worst wrong that has been done here is that you have refused to forgive yourself for something you had absolutely no power to change until now. Today, though, trapped right here with me in the ruins of a convenience store, I want you to take credit for bringing your former police captain to justice. Then, I want you to also take credit in ensuring justice for Danny by taking your old boss down."
Gibbs reached over and tousled Tony's hair, then sat back and deliberately closed his eyes. The parent part of him knew that Tony would need a few minutes to process what he had heard, and he had every intention of giving him the time to do just that. He could wait. They had time.
Tony leaned his head against the wall and considered what Gibbs had told him. Then he thought about Danny, the man who had been his best friend and his confidante for two incredible years. What Boss said was true about the whole sordid mess. He had to accept that, to devote his attention to remembering Danny as he was at his zenith, and to take the steps to forgive himself.
A cacophony of sound several minutes later energized them, and Gibbs stretched and looked around. "Hmmm... I think they're on to us. They must be trying to clear as much as they can before dark."
Tony grinned, "You know, every time I'm in trouble like this, I just keep telling myself to hold on, that you'll find me, Boss. When Ziva and I got locked in that shipping container, I had no doubt you'd find us. I even told her you would get us. That time that psycho bartender kept me underground, not once did I think you wouldn't show. My faith has always been in you to rescue me, and so far I have always been right."
"Sounds good, except now I am trapped with you," Gibbs pointed out the obvious.
"It's ok, though, Boss," Tony gave him a megawatt smile. "This has been a really rough year, and I mean for you, as well as for me. Mike Franks meant a great deal to you and his death ripped you apart. I know you well enough to say that you did a spectacular job of hiding your own feelings, like I did with Danny. That's what you're saying I did, right?" Tony grinned.
Gibbs shook his head. "Ok, touché, Son. You are right. Yeah, it hurt, and it still hurts. He was my boss, and my mentor, and my father figure, and my partner." Gibbs pinched the bridge of his nose.
Tony reached over and put his hand on Jethro's arm, showing his sympathy.
"Let me ask you something, Tony. Does the relationship I shared with Mike Franks remind you of anyone else's relationship?"
Tony looked up quickly. "I think I know exactly what you mean, Boss."
"Then if you do, let me pass on to you what Mike told me when I once blamed myself for someone else's path in life, and that is to keep fighting the good fight anyway, because you don't waste good. You don't, Tony."
Gibbs looked up and gave Tony a nod in acknowledgement. It was no secret that Tony regarded him in the same way he'd just defined his bond and relationship with Franks.
The noise slackened for a moment and they could clearly hear voices outside. It wouldn't be long before they would be freed. They stood up and stretched, and Gibbs helped himself to another cup of coffee, while Tony opened a bag of chips and began munching. The outside efforts continued several more minutes, then the distinct sounds of rescuers breaking through the debris and entering the store enveloped them.
"That's it, then," Gibbs observed. "Ten minutes from now we will be away from this building and Ducky will be sharing with us a story he though about while autopsying what's left of our suicide bombing perp."
Tony threw his head back and laughed maniacally and Gibbs reproached, "It wasn't that funny, I assure you."
"No," Tony agreed, "no, it wasn't. My joy is not for the perp who landed us here. Rather, my delight stems from the fact that I just came through hours of being trapped with you and managed not to give away any secrets."
"Secrets about what?" Gibbs raised an eyebrow expectantly.
Tony laughed again. "I didn't confess to anything you don't already know. I mean, I didn't give away one single thing from the Baby Girl, or tattle or give myself away on something you'd normally bust me for doing. I have been through the fire and I reign triumphant!"
Gibbs smirked in reply. "Hmmm... all right, Son, you made a good point, but don't congratulate yourself too soon. The way our day unfolded I would have been pretty lenient about any admissions describing your confessed crimes anyway. However, now I can actually see our rescuers heading towards us." He looked at Tony, tapped him under his chin, and grinned. "So, what are the odds that you just wasted a golden opportunity here, Anthony?"