"It wasn't only my parents who abused me," I told Dr. Smith before she could speak. "I felt like, well, everyone did at some point. And I began to become accustomed to it, I suppose, although I always longed for one person who would not break my heart in some way."

"What about Ned Flanders?" Dr. Smith asked.

I sighed and closed my eyes. "Things with Ned only got worse as time went by. It became maddening to be friends with someone I actually grew to love. When I was a kid, it was just a little crush, you know, how childhood crushes are. But it transmogrified into something much more than that, and in consequence, it began to hurt more and more.

Ned and Maude Williams began going steady pretty much a month after Ned first told me of his feelings for her. I wasn't too disturbed. I mean, I thought it was going to be like all of Ned's previous elementary school romances. A cute letter passed in class here. A peck on the cheek there. And it was like that for a while. What more could 8-year-olds do? And at that point, my feelings for Ned were just as basic. A crush. God, I miss just having a simple crush. It's painful, but it's not…it's not like…" I paused, unable to finish the simple sentence.

"Anyway, Ned and I still spent time together. Actually, we spent many afternoons that summer riding our bicycles around Springfield, partaking in some baseball games, hiding out in his tree house and playing card games all night while his parents thought we were asleep. Those were some of the most perfect days of my life, especially because Timothy Lovejoy had left for the summer to go to Bible camp, so I could enjoy my time with Ned without interference. Well, without too much interference. There was always Ned's other devout friends, who didn't really care for me too much after what I said in class. Even though months had passed and school had ended, no one but Ned ever looked at me the same.

Those other friends weren't really the problem, though. While they didn't really like me, they didn't really hate me. And without Timothy, Ned was the most dominant one in his group, so they kind of just followed what he said. And he said I was a good guy, so they treated me primarily with indifference. Sometimes a bit of cruelty here and there, making little malicious remarks under their breaths when I would ask if anyone wanted to play dolls with me or whatnot." I stopped at that point and reflected, smiling for a change. "I remember Ned would play dolls with me once in a while. He didn't even hesitate when I asked him the first time. He just said, 'Well, sure, Waylon. Here, let's dress this Malibu Stacy up in a pretty sparkly gown, shall we?'" I smiled at the memory. God, I was really starting to miss Ned.

"Anyway, whenever someone would call me a name or whatever, Ned assured me that I had a laudable balance between my masculinity and femininity, but even so, I learned quickly to keep my pastimes with Ned's friends to my more masculine interests at the time, like baseball and cards. So, while these extraneous peers sometimes invaded what I wanted to be private time with Ned, they didn't bother me too much. It was actually nice at times to have acquaintances. It was Maude that was really the problem.

A little while after she and Ned were officially going steady, she kissed him on the lips for a few seconds, and I was the first person Ned talked to about it. 'Oh, Waylon, she kissed me! Right there under the canopy in my backyard. And we were sitting there on the swing, and the night was fused by the scents of the jasmines growing nearby, and the night was perfected by the stars that grinned resplendently down upon us.'

I scoffed internally. 'Wow, love really brings out the poet in you,' I said with a bit of edge.

Ned didn't seem to notice, though. He continued to blether on about his perfect night. 'And she was wearing that cranberry-colored dress I like so much, and…well, sir, I think I may be in love!' he exclaimed, to which I could only reply sardonically, 'Really? I never would have guessed.'

'Waylon, Maude is the one for me,' he continued passionately.

'Well, whoop di doo, Ned,' I now said with patent anger.

He finally noticed. He turned to me in confusion and asked, 'Well, what's the matter? Aren't you happy for me? I might have found my true love!'

'Yeah, right. True love at 8-years-old. Give me a break,' I said, acting like I didn't believe in the conception even when I myself thought I might have been suffering from it.

Ned looked rather heartbroken, and I kind of like being the one to make him feel that way. He said, 'Well, maybe it's rather implausible, but anything's possible, don't you think?'

I shrugged. 'I don't know what to think about love or anything resembling it. I really have no experience,' I replied.

'Well, that's no reason to condemn-diddly-em what could be true love, is it? I mean, Waylon, you act as if you were jealous,' he said.

I widened and then narrowed my eyes. 'Jealous? What? That word is not even in my vocabulary, Ned.'

'Well, you know, it would be okay if you were. I'd understand,' he then said, and I wondered if he had known all along about my feelings.

'You would?' I asked.

Ned nodded and answered, 'Well, sure. I understand how you might like Maude too. She's really a fine girl. And we can both chase her. May the best man win!'

At that point, I turned violently away from my friend and replied, 'Forget it. You can have her. I don't have a crush on Maude, and I'm not jealous; I'm just…well…'

'Oh, I get it now. You don't like Maude. You just…' Ned started. I waited anxiously for how he would complete the phrase. 'You just want a girlfriend too. I'm so stupid. Prattling on endlessly about my romance when you don't have one. That was just darn thoughtless of me. I'm sorry, Waylon!'

At that juncture, I officially knew that Ned knew nothing of my feelings for him, and I wasn't sure if I was comforted or disappointed by that fact. I decided to cut my jealous act and play along with what he was saying, however. 'Well, I guess you're right. It's difficult to see other people in love when you aren't, or at least when someone isn't in love with you. But that's no reason for me to be a jerk to you. I am happy for you. Maude's a great girl, and I hope you guys stay together,' I said, feeling a bit guilty for telling my best friend such an enormous lie.

And then Ned something that seemed like a minor, nice gesture at the time, but it actually ended up starting a new and painful chapter in my life. He looked at me, smiled, and said, 'Well, I know this really nice girl who would be perfect for you. Her name is Margery Bouvier. Why don't I set you guys up?'"