When they posed the question I couldn't resist, my curiosity overtaking me. The question had been in the back on my mind since I had first found out about district 12, what exactly had the bombing done, what was the damage left behind? In the moments before I would board the hovercraft I prepared myself for what to expect, trying as best as I could to not let my mind think the worst, while most of the time I have been both emotional and anxious about most things this wasn't one of them, I was ready for this, knowing that I would have to face it sometime. When they first approached me I was sure that they were coming with news about Peeta, I was always hopeful but still the logical part of my brain was telling me that I couldn't get to excited, that with dealing with Snow there is a very good chance that my hopes would get the better of me. Even though I constantly remind myself of this it didn't help me much as I felt my hope deflate inside of me when they asked me if I wanted to visit district 12. I'm not going to lie, my decision was not only for myself but for Peeta, like most decisions I make now they are usually for Peeta. District 12 is where we met and where he fell in love with me, where he saved my life, and I thought that going there would make me feel closer to him, even if it was only for a short amount of time. All this stuff was things I was prepared for, what I was not prepared for was Gale, there waiting for me. As he approaches I tense up, thinking that he might be mad, but as he is standing next to me I can see that he is smiling, as if he is happy to see me, and this breaks my heart all over again. "Hey catnip" these are the first words he has said to me in a while
"Hey Gale" its all I can manage and I hope he doesn't notice the way my voice shakes as I speak
"I couldn't let you go alone, there could be to much danger and you need even more protection now" he dances around the words he is trying to say, because of the baby, that's why I suddenly need more protection.
"Its okay to talk about it you know" he looks down as if he is disappointed, its as if he is hearing the news for the first time over again
"Are you even sure you want this baby? I mean seriously Katniss what changed? Because last time we talked about the possibility of children you wouldn't even consider it" he sounds angry as he says it, it comes out almost as a yell but that's not what hits me hard. Hes right, I never have wanted children, but from day one of knowing that I was pregnant, knowing that mine and Peeta's child was growing inside of me I never once not wanted it, I hadn't even thought that there was another option, I was going to have this baby. But what had changed? Was it me? Or was it the fact that it was Peeta's baby? Maybe it didn't have to be either, maybe it was the fact that while I always said that I never wanted children I had never even thought of what would happen if someday I did end up pregnant. I didn't want to think about that now, I wasn't going to let Gale ruin this for me, he wont make me feel bad about something that makes me so happy, I wouldn't let him anymore.
"Gale I don't know what has changed in me, but I know for sure that I am having this baby and I know that I still want you as my friend" I put an emphasis on the word 'friend' hoping that he will understand that while I want him in my life, need him in my life, only in a friend way, my heart now belongs to both Peeta and our baby.
"I'm just trying to understand, this is a lot for me too, you know that right?" he looks so upset, I just want to reach out and hug him,but I don't, afraid that my baby has left a distance between us that is so far that I can no longer reach him. I'm still debating on what the next thing I am going to say is when my trace of thought is interrupted by the sound of the hovercraft landing, I get on with Gale close behind me and I await my arrival to a place that was once my home. When we land I am the only one to get off, I didn't have to tell Gale that I needed to do this alone, he already knew. That was something I always loved about him, the way he completely understood me, knowing that I could handle a lot, and I appreciated it, he tells me that they will be surveying the area from the sky, giving me the privacy I need but still close enough to get me if I needed it or if they could spot trouble. I wait for the dust to clear before I see it, and out of the all the scenarios I had created in my head this was not one of them, it was worse. The ground is covered in rubble, everything is destroyed, noting left of the district I used to call home, everything is gone. I thought that the original sight is bad but as I continue on it only gets worse, it isn't until I see all the bones that I break down, tears choking me, my body rocks with sobs as I cry, I fight the urge to throw up, not knowing if its from my morning sickness that could be kicking in at any moment, or from the sight in front of me. My hands go to my stomach, as if I can protect my unborn child from the sight that I am witnessing. When i finally regain myself I stand up and now go to find something that I really hope is left, I am filled with a happiness when I see that all the houses in Victors Village are left safe and sound, untouched by the unspeakable tragedy that happened not to far from here, I spot my house and go straight through the front door, I explore the house until I see my fathers jacket hanging on the hook where I left it last, I slip it on and feel relaxed instantly, knowing that I may never get to go back here I take it with me, soon I fill a bag that I grabbed with necessary items that I couldn't bear to leave behind, some herbs for my mother, a picture of my dad, and even Buttercup, Prim's stupid cat, but knowing how happy it made her I couldn't just the damn cat behind. I am drawn to the office type room where Snow and I last talked, I am searching the room when I noticed the strong aroma that perfumes the room, I look and see that where a bowl of dead roses is, directly in the middle is a fresh one, white with the faintest smell of blood, and that's when I know he has been here. Just as quickly as I had picked it up I drop it, plagued by fear with the thought that he is watching me now I make my way out of the house, not looking back and know that I probably will never be able to go back, not without a plan of attack with me. I am almost making my way back to where the hovercraft dropped me off, and knowing Gale I am sure it will be waiting for me when I get back, but am stopped, I look to the direction of Peeta's house and feel a sudden urge to go inside, I know how much pain it will cause me but I cant stop myself, I have to find some way too see him again, even if it is just in his thing. I walk inside and see an exact replica of my house yet its different, not filled with all the stuff that my house contains, its a little loonier, and I remember that he lives alone, its crazy to me how two less people and everything can be so different. In the kitchen covering the counter tops are what I can only see is an endless supply of ingredients for different pastries and bread, I smile and let myself imagine Peeta baking in here, I cant help but also allow myself to envision a future here too, one of Peeta baking with the help of little hands, I would stand there watching in amazement at my little family, our family. Before I can cry I leave that room and walk up the stairs, I find Peeta's room and I can instantly feel his presence, his bed is made and the window is opened slightly, I smile remembering how he likes to sleep with the window open, I open his closet and find it filled with his cloths, I reach out and grasp one of his shirts, pulling it closer I inhale his sweet sent and finally let myself cry. I fight back my instincts to just take the shirt with me, I could swiftly and easily put it in my bag, taking it with me, finally having another part of Peeta ll to myself, but I cant. I know that if I take this shirt it would almost be a way of me admitting that he wouldn't be coming back to me, so I left it and knew that soon I would have the real Peeta, all of him, back to me, soon enough. Before I can tear myself away I leave something that I have been carrying around with me for a while now, its a tiny black and white picture of our baby, I have about a dozen copies that I have been carrying around with me, when I fist found out I was pregnant I almost couldn't believe it, they needed to do an ultrasound anyway to insure that the injuries I had sustained hadn't hurt the baby and that's when they asked if I wanted copies, it seemed too important not to so I nodded and now theses tiny pictures are things I treasure on a daily basis. I give the picture a quick kiss and slip it under one of the pillows, I wipe away my last tear and make my way out of the house not looking I get in I sit next to Gale, he doesn't ask how it was, he only breaks the silence once to tell me that we should get some food when we get back, I cant hear what he says next as my thoughts grow louder and louder, overtaking me. As the hovercraft lifts into the air again and we are on our way back to 13 I think back to the picture I left behind for him, of our baby, how I left it under that pillow almost as a promise, that someday we will return back to our home and have that future that I envisioned for us back in his kitchen and for once I feel hopeful again, and I'm not letting anything get in the way of that ever again.
Authors note- Hey guys! So I know that I said that I would be updating only every weekend but because of popular demand I have decided to write another chapter for all of you! I really hope you like it, this one was where I could really add my own touch and really make it my own I thought, I mean I clearly changed it a lot from the book and I hope you liked it, I added a hint about what the next chapter is going to be, I hope you guys can find it in there but I tried to be subtle about it but next chapter will defiantly be both good and really fun for me to write, if you guys either find or guess what the next chapter will be about leave a review not only telling me what you thought of my chapter but your guess or your answer for the next chapter, your reviews mean the world to me and I really love getting them so please leave more reviews! Also if you know any people who might be interested in reading my fanfic I always appreciate that so if you love this story a lot and think other people will too then tell them, I would love to have more people read this because I think it will be really special and I really hope it can be big, but you guys are what make it possible, I really love you all so much, until next time- Izzy