Okay, once again lots of hugs and sloppy wet kisses to oscarxena for your review and also to everyone else because you guys have given me the inspiration I need to continue on with this particular story. I feel like for the first time that this is going to be a great story like the hundreds I have read. Please understand that I have my own writing style and it's just the way I am. English was not my best subject in school and now that I've graduated High School and am getting ready to move onto college I don't think its going to get much better so, yeah just keep reading if you can. I appreciated everyone's support on this; my mother and the rest of my family think I'm odd because I spend so much time writing these. Anyway hope you enjoy and have a great time reading it. For those of you who think that Snape is too nice, I'm sorry but this is pure fiction and very OOC for him. If you don't like that then I'm sorry but angst kills me when I read it and I have to write a make-up scene. But there is far more angst that could come in this fic, I haven't decided yet how its going to turn out. I just love a good cliff hanger. ;-)
Chapter 4: I Just Can't Break My Own Heart
Hermione woke up the next morning with a pounding headache and aches in places that shouldn't ache. But the most potent ache was the one in her heart. She immediately started to cry as soon as her eyes opened and felt anger wash over her. Climbing from the bed in the room designated for the Head Girl she walked over to the window and sat down. Classes started in a little over thirty minutes but she didn't care. Her heart just wasn't into going to class today. She wondered briefly if Madam Pomfrey had any potion for a broken heart then quickly pushed the thought away. If it was a potion she wanted nothing to do with it because potions reminded her of potion class and potion class reminded her of her husband, whom she never wanted to lay eyes on again.
He had been so cruel and cold last night. His words had cut like knives going into her heart and then methodically cutting it into little tiny pieces. She leaned her head against the window and sighed as she looked out over the grounds. The rising sun cast a cheerful glow over the landscape and made Hermione want to throw something. Turning she noticed a bottle of perfume that had been a wedding present from Severus and picked it up. She weighted it in her hand, gauging just how far she could throw it before she pivoted and slung it against the wall. She watched as the glass bottle shattered and the pink liquid inside splattered the wall and floor. The tears that had assaulted her when she woke dried and she found that the anger she had felt also disappeared. She found herself left with nothing, just complete emptiness.
Walking back over to her bed she climbed back inside and pulled the covers over her head. No sooner had she gotten settled back in than there was a knock at her door.
"Go away, I'm not feeling well." She yelled but the person persisted.
"It's me Hermione, please open the door." The voice of her husband came through the door and she felt her heart beat faster. Getting out of the bed she walked slowly to the door. She didn't want to let him in but she knew that she couldn't leave him out in the hallway pounding on her door. Another student could walk by and see him and then the rumor mill would start full force, she didn't think she had the energy to deal with that.
As she opened the door she looked up at him and frowned. He looked like he hadn't slept at all, like he might have spent the whole night, dare she say, crying. She felt her heart break all over again.
"Thank gods." He breathed taking her into his arms and walking into the room. She pushed against his hold but he held her tight until the relaxed. She didn't want to but the feel of his arms around her made her think of when they'd made love. She quickly dismissed the thoughts.
"What the hell do you want?" The words were sharp and she could see that they hurt. Good, the bastard was going to have to learn that you didn't mess with Hermione Jane Granger-Snape and get way with it that easily.
"I want to talk." She staggered when he let her go and had to reach out for him. He grabbed her arms and pulled her back against him.
"You want to talk now. What's the difference between today and last night? You made it quite clear that you didn't want a relationship with me, at least nothing other than the occasional sexual encounter." Once again she could see the words stung and forgot to care. He was not going to get what he wanted and then leave; she wasn't that kind of woman.
"I'm sorry, I was confused. There are ghosts in my past that haunt me everyday and sometimes they get in the way of things that are more important." He knew that he was on the right track to confessing his feelings but his tongue was already tying itself into knots that were getting harder to untangle.
"What ghosts? I'm not going to settle for a mediocre answer this time either. I want the truth or nothing at all." She knew it sounded like an ultimatum and it was. The truth or she walked and didn't come back. The truth or they might as well have been divorce though they legally couldn't. She saw his inner struggle on his face, the words he wanted to say sat on the tip of his tongue but wouldn't' come out. He turned and walked over to the bed and took a seat on the edge. She followed him but sat in an armchair not far from the bed instead of beside him.
"I'm not the same person I was ten years ago. I've gotten older and wiser with the times and I think that maybe sometimes that wisdom makes me do things and say things that are cold and cruel." He stopped and waited for a reaction. There wasn't one so he continued. "I met someone, ten years ago, she was as you are a student and the two of you share similar traits and interests. It's not exactly like looking into the past seeing her standing in front of me but its damn near close. I feel in love with her almost instantly and she claimed that she loved me to. We spent as much time as possible together in secret because as you are aware it is against the rules for a teacher and a student to be anything but. I found something in her that I had never found in anyone else and she made me see the good in myself and in the things around me." He drew a breath and rubbed his forehead. Merlin's beard, where had this headache came from? But he continued on, for the first time feeling the need to tell someone about his past.
"It was about a week before she graduated and she had been accepted into a very prestigious university in Africa. She'd already made the arrangements to leave the night I asked her to marry me." This got a reaction from her. She snorted and crossed her arms over her chest. Obviously she didn't want to hear about his relationship with another woman. "Do you wish that I not tell you about what happened to her?" Hermione turned her gaze to his and shook her head.
"No, go on. I want to know why you're so reluctant to love me." But she already knew. The girl had broken his heart and like so many others he was afraid to love again. But she had to hear him say it, had to hear him admit that was the reason he was so cold.
"Well, as I'm sure it's obvious, she turned me down and we had an argument. She walked out of my chambers and left the school grounds. I didn't know until the next day that she'd left but it was already to late. She had been killed by a group of Death Eaters on her way to the train station." He watched as the anger on her face turned to sympathy and then pity. "I felt so guilty about it that I confronted the members that I knew had done it." Rising he pushed his robes off his arms and unbuttoned his white shirt to reveal the scar on his chest. "They were a little less than kind to me even though I was one of their own." Tears fell down his cheeks as he looked at her and she sat there and looked at him.
She couldn't believe it, didn't want to believe it. How had he lived all this time with that guilty? It was like she could feel the guilty in herself as she looked from his eyes to the scar. She felt the tears stinging her eyes as she rose and went to him. She pushed the folds of his shirt further away and bent forward to press a kiss to the scar. She felt him stiffen against her as she used her tongue to trace the thin fading line all the way from its very top to the very end. She closed her eyes and buried her face against his chest as she stood back up.
He wrapped his arms around her and held her close. Inhaling the scent of her shampoo he felt his muscles relax. He'd feared on the way up here that she wouldn't open the door and that she would at the same time. But when he'd looked at her tear stained cheeks and watched as she observed his own with a frown, he'd known. Known without a doubt the Hermione was the right woman for him. She made him feel alive again, made him want things that he hadn't wanted in a long time, but most importantly she loved him like no one else had.
Pulling back she looked up at him and reached to whip the tears from his face. He reached up to do the same but she just leaned into his touch.
"I'm not going anywhere." She whispered as he bent his head to kiss her. When his lips touched hers she sighed and wrapped her arms around his neck. He pulled her close and lifted her into the air turning he placed her on the bed and knelt on the edge, his arms at her sides and his hand brushing her hair away from her face. She smiled and pressed a kiss to the end of his nose.
"You can't make that kind of promise Hermione, no one can. We don't know what's…" She put her finger over his mouth to silence him and shook her head smiling.
"Do you ever just shut up and let yourself believe for one minute that what someone is telling you just might be the truth even if you know its not?"
"You mean let myself believe a lie." She shrugged.
"Not exactly a lie but that they can control things they can't, like dieing or living. That other girl, the one ten years ago, she walked out on something that would have been the best thing that ever happened to her and I feel really awful for saying this and I'm sorry but…Her lose, my gain." He looked at her for a moment then a smile broke out on his face. She stared up at him and waited for him to say something.
"You know, I think that I might just have to fall in love with you." He said and her eyes widened in shock.
"What do you mean?" He pressed a hard fast kiss to her lips as his hands roamed over her legs. She felt them start at her ankles carefully making her way up to her knees. He moved down to where her legs hung over the bed and pressed a kiss to each knee before tickling the back of them with his tongue. She giggled and squirmed under his ministrations.
"Because you are absolutely, without a doubt, the most perfect woman I have ever met before in my life." She slapped him lightly on the shoulder and shook her head as he gazed up at her.
"I'm nowhere near perfect." She told him as he continued to kiss his way up her legs, stopping as he reached her inner thighs to lave one with long strokes and kisses before turning and doing the same thing to the other. Hermione moaned and closed her eyes, throwing her head back as pleasure washed over her.
"Yes you are." He whispered against her skin as he reached up and pulled her blue cotton panties down her legs and let them hang from one ankle as he moved back between her thighs. She parted her legs for him as ran his hands up over her legs and rested them on the tops of her thighs. He pressed kisses over every bit of flesh he could reach, his hands sliding leisurely over her silky smooth skin. Her back arched off the bed as he pressed a kiss to the top of her sex before sliding his tongue down and parting the folds.
"Don't you have a class that needs your attention?" She asked purely because she didn't want him to get in trouble but she didn't want him to stop what he was doing either.
"Um, your right, I should go down there and teach those evil little creatures something." Hermione rose up on her elbows and looked down at him. Her eyes might have been glazed with passion but she still had that glare on her face. It made him smile against her.
"Those are…children Severus…we'll be…having them…Oh hell, stop that so I can think." She told him in a wobbly voice as he continued to work her with his tongue. Hermione pressed her hips toward him, trying to line him up with the part of her that needed his attention the most but he kept evading her motions and starting over somewhere else. She groaned in frustration and flopped back against the bed. Damn but he was good with his tongue.
Hermione felt the orgasm building up inside her and screamed his name as she let it was over her. She gulped for air as if she was drowning and in all truth she was. She was drowning in the incredible love she felt for Snape. She thought about what McGonagall had said to her yesterday and thought to hell with it. How could see live her whole life never loving her husband. Granted it was a little early to really call it love but she felt something inside of her growing with each day, something that she had never before felt with anyone.
Snape pulled back from her and leaned over her bending down her kissed her softly sharing her taste with her. Letting her taste the sweetness he tasted when he touched her.
"Say you'll stay in the dungeons with me, Hermione." He whispered against her ear as he buried his face in her silky hair and inhaled the soft strawberry scent. He heard her grunt and took that as a yes. He pulled back and kissed her one last time before he stood and grabbed his robes from the floor.
"Where are you going?" She asked in a voice that was so shaky she thought for a moment he couldn't have understood her. He turned to her and smiled.
"I have a class that I have to teach." He reached the door but before he opened it he turned back to her and watched as she sat up on the edge of the bed pulling her nightdress back into place. Her cheeks were flushed and her hair was a mess and she couldn't have looked more beautiful if she had tried.
"I really wouldn't mind a couple of kids." He told her as she stood up. She quickly slipped back onto the bed and stared at him.
"Are you serious?" She almost screamed as she watched him stand by the door. You wouldn't have known that he had just given Hermione one of the greatest orgasms she'd ever had. Well, you wouldn't have been able to guess if it hadn't been for the very impressive boner he was sporting underneath his robes.
"Only if you want them." He told her as he opened the door and stepped out into the hallway. He quickly jerked his robes around him and turned down the corridor to make his way to his dungeon classroom. Several students stopped and flung themselves against the wall as he walked by them with a wide smile on his face.
Hermione sat on the edge of her bed and stared at the spot where Snape had just been. He wanted kids? He had actually told her he wanted kids and he'd told her about his past, about the girl he had loved and lost. What a terrible way to lose someone you had come to love. She wondered if he had ever told anyone about his love for the girl. Slowly she rose and started for the closet where she had hung her clothes for this morning. Though she had thought about missing class she knew that she had to go. If she hurried she could catch the end of Advanced Herbology and be on time for Advanced Transfigurations.
She dressed and grabbed her bag from the vanity. She darted down the corridor and out toward the greenhouses but just as she was about to open the door the bell rung inside the castle signaling the beginning of her next class. She waited for Harry and Ron to come out of the greenhouse and hurried up to them.
"Hermione, where were you? Professor Sprout sent McGonagall an owl asking about you. She said she didn't know where you were and that Snape had told her he would find you. Why weren't you with him in the dungeons?" Ron said as she fell into step beside them. She looked at them out of the corner of her eye. Several people having over heard Ron's babbling slowed down to listen in on the conversation.
"How do you know what Professor McGonagall said in her return owl Ron?" His face turned immediately red and Harry gave her a look that had guilt written all over it.
"We were worried about you 'Mione." Harry whispered to her as several of the students looked back over their shoulders in interest. She could almost see the gears in their heads turning to formulate a hypothesis on why Hermione had missed class because she had had a fight with her husband. She could only guess what they were all thinking.
"Well, I can assure you that everything is fine now." She said as they reached the grand staircase and the boys parted ways with her to go to Seventh year Potions while she went up stairs to Professor McGonagall's class.
No sooner had she walked through the door than McGonagall was right in front of her. The older woman looked down at her with worry in her eyes but Hermione just smiled and tired to sidestep her.
"Mrs Snape may I speak with you for a moment please?" Hermione had to surpass the urge to heave a sigh and turned to look up at one of the people she respected the most.
"I was told that you missed Herbology today. Might I inquire why?" Hermione shook her head and looked down at the floor. Gods, why did everyone have to be so nosy this morning?
"It was nothing Professor. Severus and I have worked out our problem for the time being." She went to walk by her but McGonagall held out her arm to stop her. She sighed this time and turned an irritated gaze up at her professor.
"Hermione, Please understand that I am only trying to look out for you." Hermione shook her head again and finally spoke her mind to the one person never thought she'd have to.
"Well, Professor I do believe that am old enough to decide for myself what is right for me and what is wrong. I married Severus out of duty but I'm sure that Professor Dumbledore never expected me to go the rest of my life without falling in love with my husband. What happens behind the doors of Severus and mine's walls is no ones concern. I don't ask you about what happens between you and Professor Dumbledore after hours do I?" McGonagall stared down at the young woman in shock. She opened her mouth to say something but no words would come out. "I'm sorry to be so disrespectful Professor but I don't think it is anyone's concern what happens between me and my husband. Your comment yesterday to me was completely out of order as well. I think I am wise enough to figure out for myself how fully I let myself love someone." With that Hermione brushed past the flabbergasted professor and into the classroom. Several students turned to watch her as she entered with her head held up high and her shoulders squared.
How dare someone like Professor McGonagall, who couldn't even tell the man that loved her how she felt, tell Hermione how to manage her marriage. She took her usual seat in the front of the room and opened her book. She heard someone whisper something behind her and turned to see Lavender talking to Patsy, a fellow seventh year from Ravenclaw. Patsy's eyes widened and she looked at Hermione who stared back at her.
"What?" She snapped and the other girl turned away from her and buried her face in her book. Professor McGonagall closed the door with a snap and walked to the head of the classroom. With one last glance in Hermione's direction she began her lesson.
TBC????
What do you think? I know it's really OOC for both Hermione and Snape but I wanted to do something different with their characters and kind of make Hermione not such a nice person anymore. Did it work? Did I ruin my story or was it okay the way I put it? Tell me and I'll gladly post the next chapter for you. I have had some really great reviews for this one and it has sparked some ideas for my others, which I am in the process of writing.