Spoiler Warning: The next chapter contains satirical spoilers for the Legends of the Super Heroes episode "The Roast" and the comics "All-New Atom#3&4&17"
Meanwhile reporter Rhoda Rooter was rooting out information about all the super heroes she could in order to make a guest appearance on Legends of the Super Heroes. It was a TV show which made comedic satire of members of the Superfriends, their enemies the Legion of Doom, and a few other heroes and villains. She approached Giganta and the Atom, never learning that his secret identity was Ray Palmer.
"I was thinking we could do a special spot with you two," said Rhoda, "We've got ordinairy actors and actresses playing all the other characters on the show, and we're using fairly cheap special effects to simulate their powers. However, I thought there'd be a lot of visual potential in a gag interview about you two getting engaged. The only thing is that we can't afford the special effects on a 50 minute TV comedy special to show the size difference between any actress willing to play Giganta and any actor willing to play you, Atom. So I was hoping the real McCoys would be available."
"I'll have to take time off from the Legion of Doom," said Giganta, "But I'd like to do it. I think he's cute. I'll radio Luthor and let him know. There's not one attractive guy in the Legion of Doom, except perhaps the Toyman."
"That's great," said Rhoda, "What about you, Atom?"
"Well I am spoken for in my secret identity," said the Atom, "But I've always fancied myself on TV."
"Can I ask about your origins on the show?" asked Rhoda.
"I'm afraid mine's top secret," said the Atom.
"What about yours?" asked Rhoda of Giganta.
"They're tied in with Apache Chief's. I stole some enlarging chemicals from a scientist Indian, who'd just offered them to the young Indian who became Apache Chief."
"That's not much of a story," said Rhoda, "Why don't I leak it around the tabloids that you're evolved from a gorilla and gained the power of super growth on the side, and since you're a female villain, it'd be better to make you an old nemesis of Wonder Woman instead of Apache Chief."
"Oh gross," said Atom.
"I agree," said Giganta, thinking that she couldn't go along with anything that discouraged the cute Atom.
"There's a big pay check in it for each of you," said Rhoda.
"Luthor's not paying much. I'll do it," said Giganta, "Come to think of it, Luthor's schemes are not getting us anywhere. I think I'll quit the Legion of Doom after this, change my hairstyle and adopt a secret identity, and go straight."
"And I've been too busy making wedding plans since the Superfriends found themselves busy with the Legion of Doom," said the Atom, "A quick TV appearance would be good for me too."
And so, Giganta and Atom made their appearance on Legends of the Super Heroes. Then Giganta took on the identity of Doris Zuell, science professor at Ivy University. She invented a device which would renew a person's use, and called it the Zuell Hour machine. When she went to test it, she couldn't get it to work. She put an advertisement in the paper asking for the Atom's help.
Ray Palmer became the Atom and called on Doris Zuell. Unlike her students, he recognized her as Giganta instantly.
"Why should I help you with this?" he asked.
"This device could turn me back into a teenager. I could live my life over again, and be a good girl this time. Isn't that worth it?"
"Alright," said the Atom, "I'll go inside the device and observe it, while you operate it. I'll see if I can spot the problem and fix it."
Atom shrank a little smaller and went into the machine. Doris turned it on, and there appeared to be nothing going on outside the Zuell Hour device. Inside, the Atom saw that two wires were so close together, that they were shorting out each other's effects. As the Atom separated them, the device began internally backfiring on itself. Quickly the Atom got out of the device, and then its internal effects on itself caused the device to implode. Atom grew back to his usual size and apologized to Doris.
"It's not your fault," she said, "I could have been responsible for your death. I'll never rebuild the Zuell Hour device. It obviously doesn't even work."
The Atom went to call on his fiancé, a lawyer named Jean Loring. He zipped up to the ledge of her office window and peeked in, to see that she was alone, working on some legal document. Then he tapped on the window. Jean looked up, smiled and opened the window. The Atom jumped in, and checked to see that her office door was closed. Nobody would see him change size.
Pressing the controls on his costume, the Atom began to grow in front of Jean. At four inches, he was a little over the height of her ankles, looking up at her long dress to her distant high beautiful face. Now he grew and grew, and the white dwarf properties of his costume made it begin to turn invisible. Soon he reached his full height, but this time it only came up to just below the base of Jean's neck.
"Keep going, Ray," she said, "You seem to have stopped a bit too soon this time."
"I can't grow any larger," said Ray, "This has never happened before."
"Ray, there's something else. You look … well… I don't know how to say this, but you look younger than you were when I first met you," said Jean.
"Younger! Have you got your pocket mirror?" asked Ray.
Jean took out her make-up mirror and handed it to Ray.
"Oh no!" said Ray, "The Zuell Hour device must have de-aged me to a teenager, while it was internally backfiring, while I was inside it. I was helping another scientist to test a machine, and at that size and masked, I didn't realize that it had taken some of my age. Jean, I'm so sorry. We sure can't get married with me like this."
"No, I guess we can't, but I never knew you were so cute. Looks like I've got myself a toy boy," said Jean, "You'd better shrink back down until I can smuggle you out of here. We can't explain this."
"No. I've still got my qualifications, and I will have them when I'm 20. I just won't be able to use them in public until I look like an adult again. I won't have to go to school, and I'll have to eat at Atom size to save on food bills."
They went back to dating. Ray had never had a girlfriend before Jean. So it was great to be with her and be a teenager again … until he paid a surprise visit to her house and caught her smooching with a guy named Paul Hoben. She hadn't told Paul about the Atom or about Ray Palmer. When Paul had left, Ray confronted her about it.
"I love you, Ray, I do, but I'm ready for married life. I can't keep slinking around with a kid. I'm sorry."
Ray hadn't been active with the Superfriends aka Justice League for some time now anyway, and thought it more suitable to join the Teen Titans at this point. As an active member of their team, he soon found himself alone chatting with Wendy one day.
"I always thought those balloon people in our backyard were the sweetest little folk," said Wendy, "But you're human and cuter than the Space Kidettes at that size."
"Thank you, Wendy. Would you like to go out some time?"
So Ray Palmer and Wendy became dating partners. Over time, Wendy's lack of costume and super powers tended to rate low with the Teen Titans' fans, and she disappeared into relative obscurity, taking Ray Palmer with her, so that they could spend more time necking with Ray both at normal and four inch teenage Atom size.
Ray built a second shrinking belt and costume and briefly returned to Ivy University to find a suitable person to take over his role as a super hero. He soon formed a friendship with a science student named Ryan Choi, who told Ray that he hoped to one day graduate and become a teacher at the university.
"You're one of Professor Doris Zuell's students," said Ray, "And I've often thought she needed keeping an eye on. She was once a super villain named Giganta."
"Really?" said Ryan, "I heard that she left the Legion of Doom when I was just a very young kid."
"She did, but she may not always be on the up and up. How would you feel about becoming a super hero, like the Atom, for instance?"
"It'd be great, but I don't have any powers," said Ryan.
"Neither does he," said Ray, "It's all in a special costume and belt. Observe."
Ray Palmer shrank to four inch size and then grew back.
"You're the Atom, from the Teen Titans!"
"Originally from the Justice League. It's a long story. I'm out of the business these days, but there's a costume and belt for you, if you want it. Just keep a close watch on Giganta for me."
Ryan accepted, and left Ray to his ongoing romance with Wendy.
In the meantime, at the Headquarters of Combined Miniature Defence Force (CMDF), Erica Lane and Buzby Birdwell had both caught the flu.
"It's unfortunate," said the Chief, "We were going to test the improvements Buzby had made to the Voyager today."
"I flew the other attack craft when the Master Spy Gottfried Senneka had shrunken himself and me with the Miniaturizer," said Professor Carter, "I could substitute for Buzby."
"And I could substitute for Erica, so that the Voyager still has a crew of four," said the Chief, "We'll just have to get Erica out of bed long enough to activate the machine."
Erica Lane used the Miniaturizer to shrink the Voyager, with Jonathan Kidd, Guru, Professor Carter and the Chief all inside it. Then she went back to bed, knowing that they would automatically re-enlarge when they reached the Deminiaturization platform at the end of their twelve hour time limit.
The Voyager was now only a centimeter long and half a centimeter wide. Professor Carter flew it out of CMDF headquarters under its own power, without the usual use of the radio beam. He was a little unfamiliar with the controls, but managed to fly the Voyager successfully for quite a while, until it was caught in an unusally high wind. Some dust was blown into the Voyager's motors at high speed. To the tiny Voyager, the dust was enough to severely damage the ship. As they felt their motors conking out, they quickly landed the Voyager.
Soon it was found by Professor Doris Zuell.
"What a great looking miniature ship," she thought, and held it up to her eye. She saw four tiny men moving inside it!
"I just thought of a great idea," she laughed, "Stay snug in there, little guys."
Doris Zuell went to a beauty parlour and was served by the lady who ran it.
"What can we do for you?" asked the lady, named Ella.
"I'd like to have my tongue pierced," said Doris, taking out the Voyager, "And then can you put this in it?"
Soon the Voyager became a tongue piercing object on Doris Zuell's tongue. The four men were forced to look out at the gargantuan tongue, unable to free the ship.
"We'll have to leave the ship and get out of her mouth without it," said Jonathan Kidd, "We can't afford to still be in here, when we enlarge at the end of 12 hours."
"Well what are we waiting for?" asked the Chief, "Let's go."
"Not yet," said Professor Carter, "We'd be just specks on her tongue at the moment. It would be like an ocean with a soft bottom to us. Kidd's got the right idea, but we have to leave the ship, just as we start to grow, so that we can all team up to pressure her mouth into opening, when we enlarge enough. We'd never be able to climb out at our current size."
So they all waited, keeping an eye on the ship's clock, as it counted down the remaining hours and minutes. With only two minutes to go, they evacuated the Voyager and did their best to slide towards the front of Doris Zuell's tongue. At this point, she was at home. She felt the Voyager just slightly starting to grow, pressing against the pierced part of her tongue.
"Oh my goodness, it's growing!" she thought, "What am I going to do?"
She quickly left her house, and began growing herself, as she strode into the park. Unprepared for the fact that she was growing as well, the four men found themselves helplessly sliding backwards on her tongue and down her throat to be lost in her stomach below.
She did her best to grow at the same rate as the Voyager, but eventually overtook it, and the Voyager slipped out. She felt the piece of metal now sliding loosely on her tongue and spat it out into the park. When she reached her maximum giant size, she felt relieved that she hadn't swallowed the Voyager. She watched it reach its full size, which wouldn't have fit in her mouth even after she'd fully enlarged. She picked it up and looked for the four men, but couldn't see them.
"Looks like they went down the other way," she thought, "And I didn't even get to savour it. I can't go gobbling little guys at giant size, or the government and the Justice League will be after me, but I'd better shrink back before anyone sees me and learns that Doris Zuell is the long lost Giganta."
Giganta's tongue eventually healed up, leaving no evidence that it had ever been pierced. One day Ryan was thinking about Ray Palmer's request to keep an eye on Doris Zuell. He wondered if she'd left any evidence of sinister activity in her science classroom, and decided to sneak in there after school. His armpits had been feeling itchy that day, and Ryan simply couldn't cope with the tight costume over his clothes. So he took off everything except his boxer shorts, and the shrinking belt, and then reduced himself to 5 ½ inch size and snuck under the locked door and into Professor Zuell's science laboratory classroom. He managed to get onto her desk and saw a book labeled Lab Notes.
He turned a page, and began to read. Suddenly Professor Zuell opened the door and came into the room.
"Ryan!" she said, "So you're the Atom! Although I thought he'd be older."
"He was," said Ryan, unaware of some of the irony of that statement, "I'm the All-New Atom, and I thought you'd gone home for the day."
Doris came over and stood by the table, towering in front of him, looking down in amusement.
"I always thought you were the cutest of my students, Ryan," she said, as he saw her large fingers close around him, "Now I also think you could be the tastiest."
She didn't mention that she'd wanted to eat the Atom on the sly ever since she'd realized that she'd unwittingly swallowed the Voyager crew. To this day, she was still unaware that they had been CMDF.
"Professor Zuell!" he said, as she lifted him up and held him right in front of her mouth, "Surely you don't mean to …"
Her incredible figure loomed in front of him. He'd always found her attractive, yet had no idea what to do about it, and recently learned of her Giganta history. Now she had her heart set on eating him!
"Please don't! I won't fit!" he said, gaping at her perfect teeth in horror.
"Well we can't let that stop us, can we, little Ryan," she laughed, and increased her size a little more. She could never have reached her full giant size in the classroom. She just grew large enough that her mouth could accommodate Ryan in one piece.
Ryan looked into her mouth and recalled something he'd read on the internet two years earlier. He had been looking up dating sites for taller women, and found that most of the really tall men wanted to date even taller guys. Yet one woman had written in a chat room: "Shorter guys are OK, except for the ones who want to be stepped on or eaten."
At the time he had dismissed the comment as some unlikely reference, and not really taken in its significance. Now he looked at this beautiful university teacher who was about to gobble him alive. He saw the pleasure and the beauty in her laughing mouth and began to wonder if he should have taken his internet research much further. He wondered what he might have found if he'd keyed different phrases into a search engine.
"How does it feel to know where you're going, Ryan?" asked Doris, "I hope it'll be good for you too. I know it will for me."
"It feels strangely … great," said Ryan.
"Thank you, kind Sir. I'm deeply flattered," said Doris, "Although you do realize that I'll soon be in a much better position to savour the moment than you will."
The way she spoke, he felt convinced that she had been using the internet a lot more than he had, when it came to certain subject matter.
"Now I'll never get to see all those A's you gave me wind up on my academic transcript," said Ryan.
"Well you can't have everything," said Doris, "I'd better Atom down the hatch now. So long, cutie."
"An Atom for the teacher?" said Ryan.
He could swear he saw her cheeks blushing just before she pushed him into her laughing mouth. He lay on her tongue and thought.
"I'm being eaten by my teacher, whom I've had a crush on all year, who turns out to be a super villain. On the whole, it's been fun, but there is the small matter of not feeling too keen on the type of bath I'll be taking in her stomach. Perhaps I could-"
Suddenly Doris Zuell's tongue heaved him straight for her throat, and down inside it. He made it all the way to her tummy, and then got an idea.
"Now that she thinks she's swallowed me for good, she'll be more carefree about opening her mouth. I just have to get back up there," he thought.
He adjusted his size and weight controls, making himself small enough to float back into the bottom of her throat.
"If I climb up now, it'll be too hard at this size. If I grow back to four inches, she'll feel me trying to climb up and just gulp me down again and again," he thought.
Giganta shrank back to her regular size, but Ryan didn't notice in the darkness inside her. While Giganta went home, he waited at the bottom of her throat for the moment when she would lie down and go to sleep. Then he could climb along her throat at a size too tiny for her to notice, and then slip out of her mouth before she awoke.
An hour and a half later, he noticed a light coming from the top of her throat, which was so high up for him at that point.
"She's not talking," he thought, "I wonder why she's opened her mouth."
Then it got a little darker again overhead, and he heard a loud succession of sounds.
"Of course! I seem to have forgotten what most women do before going to bed. She's having dinner!"
Before he could get coated in swallowed food, he shrank much smaller, positioned himself between the pores of her skin and waited for all the food to pass by him. It was followed by a torrent of water and then she settled down.
After a while, the light came into her throat from her mouth again, and he heard her starting to sing, as he restored his size enough to rest in her throat. He could also hear rushing water.
"Oh good grief. She sings in the shower!" thought Ryan.
"An Atom a day
Keeps the teacher at bay!" sang Doris.
"I wonder what sort of a fan base she'd have if she sang on stage at giant size," thought Ryan.
"Honey I'm home. I've had a good feed.
You're in my tummy, won't be freed," sang Doris.
He imagined the view outside.
Doris finished her shower and lay down in bed. Ryan waited for her to fall asleep and then climbed up her throat and onto her tongue. He was still around the same size as the tiny Voyager had been when she'd first discovered it. He slid towards the front of her tongue and wondered if he'd awoken her. If she hadn't been lying on her side at this point, her tongue would have been very difficult to ascend.
He shrank smaller, smaller and smaller, passed between gaps not normally noticeable between her teeth, and then enlarged to a centimeter in height. Now he was pressed against her lower lip. He climbed it gently, wondering if she'd awaken. Soon he was at the top. He managed to squeeze himself between her sleeping lips and out onto the outside, and then re-enlarged to four inches, just as she stirred and awoke.
She flipped the reading lamp on and lit up her face for him.
"Ryan! How did you?"
"I can go a lot smaller than 6 inches," said Ryan.
She tried to grab him again, but he grew to full size.
"There goes round two," she said, "You could have been both my afternoon tea and a midnight snack."
"Well since you didn't know I could shrink out of its way, you might have given some consideration to what you were dumping on me in between those two meal times," said Ryan.
"Oh, my dinner. Yes, well, a girl needs to keep eating, Ryan. Besides, you have some explaining to do."
"About what?"
"If you could just grow back to normal size, why did you let me eat you in the first place?"
"You wanted your fun, and I knew I could use my powers to get out."
She grew to ten feet tall and grabbed him and pulled him onto the bed and hugged him.
"Ryan, you're so sweet and considerate! To think I might have lost you down there in the cause of one great afternoon tea."
She kissed him on the lips, which was great at her enlarged stature.
He began kissing her too, and they both explored each other's necks for quite some time.
"Ryan?" she said, in a teasing voice.
"Yes."
"It's not that I'm ungrateful for what you did for me, but you didn't do it for me alone, did you?"
"What do you mean?" he asked, embarrassed.
"Have you forgotten what you said in the classroom? You described what was coming as strangely great."
"I guess I did say that," said Ryan.
"Ooh Ryan! You did want it as well, and it was so good for both of us, wasn't it?"
They pulled the blanket over them and kissed and cuddled and snuggled together for some time, and dropped off to sleep, and then awoke with the sunrise.
"It's so nice having you in my bed," she said.
Ryan shook slightly, and realized that she'd noticed it.
"I'm sorry," he said, "It's just that I think it's right to wait until we're married, before we make full use of this bed."
"I understand, but I hope that's a proposal."
"It is, but for the future. Let's just date for now."
"Ryan?"
"Yes."
"It was good for you, wasn't it?"
"Knowing what you were thinking made it even better," said Ryan.
"Can we do it again sometimes?" she asked.
"Sure, so long as you let me climb out at around two inches next time, without gulping me down again."
"Couldn't I just gulp a little?" she asked mischievously, "You'd get more exercise that way. It would help you keep fit as a super hero."
So began an interesting relationship. Meanwhile, at CMDF, another was forming. Recovered from their flue, Buzby Birdwell and Erica Lane became increasingly aware of the fact that the other members of CMDF weren't coming back. They eventually retrieved the Voyager from the park, where it was reported to have been located. Before they could move it, Buzby had to repair the motors, telling the local police that it was just an ordinairy aircraft of unusual shape. He could not let the public learn about the Miniaturizer. Once he had repaired he Voyager, he flew it back to CMDF headquarters at full size, and examined it further.
"Erica, you won't believe this, but it contains traces of female slobber."
"The others must have flown into a woman's mouth and been swallowed," said Erica.
"But we didn't find the woman," said Buzby, "She must have been internally shattered to smithereens when the Voyager automatically re-enlarged in the park."
"Well I was getting rather tired of those missions anyway," said Erica, "Looks like we're in charge of CMDF now. The budget boys won't be calling to inspect the place any time soon, since they'll only be paying 2 salaries instead of 6."
"Just you and me then," said Buzby.
"I always had designs on Jonathan, but you'd be quite a catch too, Buzby. I've been thinking so ever since I used you as a puppet to entertain those kids."
"I never dreamed you'd say that," said Buzby, "But I loved it when you said, 'Oh, no you don't. Be a good little puppet,' and put me in the box."
"You LIKED that?" said Erica.
"Sure. Your fingers felt so soft as you picked me up, and your big smiling face was a sight to behold."
"Maybe we could have a few cat and mouse games around the complex, now that we've got the place to ourselves," said Erica.
"I'd like that," said Buzby. So began another interesting relationship.
Elsewhere a keen scientist named Chris Tianne had become increasingly aware of the presence of magic in the multiverse, and wondered what to do about it. He recalled that a character named Ultraa had recently used a device which negated super powers, leaving every super hero on the planet powerless. Chris began reading from great authors like Daniel and Paul and John, until he got a great idea.
Chris constructed a device called the Revelation Ray, and mounted it from the steeple of the highest church in the world. From there its effects would span out and reach every dimension in the multiverse. Chris activated the Revelation Ray, which flooded the entire universe with Anti-Magus waves. Magic and all its effects were forever removed from the multiverse.
There were two significant ramifications of this. In the Land of Gigantia, Billy Behemoth shrank back to the size of regular earth humans, having been magically enlarged by Miss Tickle, who was now just a regular schoolteacher. Madam Mammoth regained her giant size and returned to her castle. Rick was now trapped in the dimensions beyond the door in the chalkboard, and would never be able to return to earth. He explored various places, until he came to the Land of Her Suit, where all women liked men to have neat short hair. He was persuaded to finally get a haircut, but was not sufficiently interested in any of that land's ladies. He returned to Madam Mammoth's castle and let her see him in her pantry.
"What are you doing back here?" asked Madam Mammoth.
Rick explained the fact that he was now unable to return home, while he and Madam Mammoth walked out to the kitchen.
"So what does that have to do with me?" asked Madam Mammoth.
"Since you're the prettiest woman I've met in any dimension, I came to ask if you'd like to let bygones be bygones and marry me," said Rick.
"I'll have to think about it while you're warming up," she said, lifting Rick into the air and placing him in the oven, "If I say yes, we'll get engaged. If my answer's no, you can be the first improvement on my diet lately."
Never was the unknown outcome of a marriage proposal more important than it was now, Rick thought, as he watched Madam Mammoth doing her dishwashing by hand and putting everything away. He saw her come back, open the oven door and put him on a dish and carry him through the huge castle to a dining table and sit down with him.
"I guess this would be a 'no'," said Rick.
"Good food's hard to come by these days," she said, and put Rick into her mouth for a minute, and then took him out again, "But so are good husbands. I accept your proposal."
"I really thought I was on the way down," said Rick.
"So did I," said Madam Mammoth, "Let's make it a long engagement, in case I have second thoughts again."
"Or thoughts of seconds," said Rick.
Her laugh almost shook the castle.
The second ramification of the Revelation Ray's Anti-Magus waves took its effect on Ashta, the 15 foot magical woman whom Scarab had banished from earth with the help of Web Woman and the reformed prison escapee Reece. Ashta lost her magical powers too. Without them, she knew that she would not present a noticeable problem to Scarab and Web Woman. Ashta was eventually found by Jason of Star Command, who did not know of her criminal past. She passed herself off as a weary space traveller and requested a lift back to earth.
After some time, Jason landed the Starfire craft on earth, in an isolated part of the country side, and said farewell to a grateful Ashta. She took a job with a circus, as her height made her a great attraction to the audience. She expanded her name to the more earth like Ashley Taylor, and was now earning a regular pay check.
One day Pete, who'd not managed to find a love interest in the events leading to the escape from the Lost Valley of the Dinosaurs, came to visit the circus, and fell instantly in love with Ashley Taylor, or the Great Ashley, as she was now known. Keen to act on his feelings, Pete waited until the show was over, and then visited the specially constructed giant caravan that she lived in.
He knocked on the door, and Ashley opened it.
"I really liked the show," he said.
"Thanks," said Ashley.
"Would you like to go and get some dinner?" he asked.
"Are you asking me out on a date?" asked Ashley.
"If you're not seeing anyone," said Pete.
"Nobody's ever asked me before. I think men find me too big, unnaturally big for them," said Ashley.
"I don't," said Pete.
"I've had some dresses made up in my size. Let me put one on and I'll be out in a minute," said Ashley.
Soon they walked into town, drawing a few stares as they chose a suitable diner with an outdoor arrangement that wasn't too awkward for Ashley. They ordered their meals and Pete paid in advance, asking the waitress not to interrupt them once the food had arrived.
"You realize that being with me would mean being on the road a lot, traveling from one circus venue to another, and living off my earnings in a caravan built a little large for you?" said Ashley.
"It was like that when we were at sea all the time," said Pete, and explained about his adventures with Zilla and Zookie.
"You hung out with a giant dinosaur," said Ashley.
"Until we left him in the Lost Valley of the Dinosaurs," said Pete.
"No wonder my size doesn't worry you," said Ashley.
"It's more than not worrying me. I like it," said Pete.
"You're quite a special young man," said Ashley.
When they'd finished their meal, she lifted him up and mounted him on her shoulder and walked proudly back to the circus.