Disclaimer: I own nothing and that is final.
A/N: Ok, so sorry about the delay in the update but for some reason the site was being a wanker so I has taken me till now to get this uploaded. Ok, this chapter may be confusing but, I swear it will make sense. Oh and it has a twist to it as well. Read other A/N: at end of story it will explain everything I promise.
FPOV:
I turn the TV off, to turn it on again
Staring at the blades of the fan as it spins around
counting every crack, the clock is wide awake
Talking to myself, anything to make a sound
Here I was lying in my bed trying anything to keep my mind off of her. I still felt like an ass for thinking that she and Jesse were together I should've known he was gay; he was quite the different one back in high school. I flip through the channels hoping there was something on TV that would get my mind off her. I try to close my eyes but images of her dance through my mind. There was something off when she told me that we had unresolved issues it was like she was talking about something else. I try to read between the lines but nothing seemed to make any sense. I couldn't shake the feeling that she wasn't telling me something. I turn the TV realizing that I really needed to get some sleep if I was going to be worth a damn at Shue's party. I turn the radio on in hopes to get my mind off of her and I close my eyes letting my thoughts drift away with the music.
I told you I wouldn't call, I told you I wouldn't care
But baby climbing the walls gets me nowhere
I don't think that I can take this bed getting any colder
Come over, come over, come over, come over, come over
As the lyrics run through my mind I find it harder and harder to sleep. Finally giving up I decided that I needed to go for a walk hoping that it would help me clear my head. I grab my jacket and head out the door.
XXXX
Rachel had just gotten home from Breadstix when her phone began to ring.
"Hello?" She answers placing her bag on the counter.
"So...did you tell him yet?" A very overly happy Jesse asks.
"Ok, if you are wondering yes we talked but...no he still does not know anything and I Would like to keep it that way until after the reunion." I explain to him not really wanting to get into an argument with him.
"Rachel you have to tell him soon you know these things have a way of coming out on their own especially in this town." He says as I mindlessly pour myself something to drink.
"I know...I know but things are just too complicated right now." I try to reason but it is no use. I know that I have to tell Finn sooner or later I just wish it was later.
"Oh, and this won't complicate things at all." Jesse says in his usual sarcastic tone.
"I get it; I do but please let me do this on my own. I know that any way it's put it is going to suck but, I think if he heard it from me it may soften the blow. Seeing as I am the one that has put him in this position." I try to rationalize with him and I know that he is only trying to help.
"Rachel you have had ten years to talk to him about this any way you put it it's going to sound awful." I know that Jesse is right.
"Yes I know but, I couldn't get a hold of him. I tried calling his mom and Burt and they hadn't heard from him since he had left for Georgia." Ok anyway I try to explain it I am going to sound like the biggest bitch on earth. I kick off my shoes and plop on the couch.
"I know but, he is here now and you know as well as I do he has a right to know." I explain as I flip through the channels trying to find something worth watching on TV.
"I know and I will tell him just please let me do this my way." I tell him I know that he is annoyed with me and he is right I should've done this along time ago.
"So…you want a ride to Shue's party tomorrow?" I hear him ask.
FPOV
I don't know how I found myself in front of her house but, here I was standing in front of her door debating on whether I should knock or not. What if she didn't want to see me? I know what she said earlier but, something was off I could feel it and I had to find out what it was. I throw all caution to the wind as I take a deep breath and knock on the door.
XXXX
"Yeah, sure." I tell him as I hear a knock on the door. I open in and stand there in shock not expecting to see Finn on the other side of the door.
"Finn?" I ask not sure what he is doing at my house at midnight.
"Finn's there! Oh, my god you have to tell me everything tomorrow." I hear Jesse tell me.
"Goodnight Jesse." I laugh at his statement and look at Finn. "What are you doing here?" I ask trying to read the expression on his face.
"Couldn't sleep so I saw your light on and decided to stop by." He tells me his hands in his pockets. I motion for him to come in and I offer to make us a couple of drinks. I notice him looking around the room with curious eyes. I tell him to take a seat and I head to the kitchen to get us a few drinks.
FPOV…..
As I walk into Rachel's old house I am taken back to a time when things were simple and happier. The house hadn't changed much there were still pictures of Rachel and her dads hanging on the walls. There was one that sat on the fireplace that I had never really noticed before, it was one of Rachel she may have been eight or nine taken around Christmas time. She was opening a gift she had gotten the expression on her face caused me to smile but, something seemed off about the picture. I wasn't sure the girl in the picture looked like Rachel but her eyes there was something different. I push my thoughts away as I take a seat on the couch and notice a photo album sitting on the coffee table. I don't know why but, I picked it up and flipped through it. What I saw was something I had not prepared myself for. They were of Rachel in the hospital holding a baby normally I would not think anything of it I mean come on one of her friends in New York could've had the baby but, I knew it was hers because one she was in a hospital gown and the baby looked just like her. Then something hit me as I stare at the picture. "Rachel's a mom." I say in a whisper now it makes sense why she is so reluctant to work things out between us. I put the book down on the coffee table as I hear Rachel walking out of the kitchen. She hands me a beer and takes a seat on the love seat across from me.
"Thanks." I tell her taking a sip of my beer. Still thinking about the fact that Rachel has kid. I want to say something but, I know that if she wanted to tell me she would've. I mean it's not like I am the dad or anything. I pause at that thought as I begin to compare the two pictures. I can feel the bile rising in the back of my throat as I make the realization that Rachel's kid is mine. No, it couldn't be I mean, she would've told me she would never do something like this. It's just not who she is. I feel like I can't breath like the room is closing in on me. I wipe my sweaty palms on my jeans.
"Finn are you alright you don't look so good?" she asks taking in my appearance. I debate on whether I should confront her about this or leave it alone. There really is no proof that the kid is mine. Who am I kidding anyone would be blind to see that she looks just like me. I try to push the anger away but, I can't take it anymore I have to know.
"Is there something you are not telling me?" I say as calmly as possible. I watch her face looking for some kind of sign.
"No." she tells me point blank. What the fuck how can she sit there and be so calm about this like there is nothing wrong.
"You know, I know that things have not been that great between us and I knew you to be a lot of things but never would I have ever thought that you would lie to me." I tell her trying my hardest to keep my cool.
"I-I have never lied to you." ok this just pisses me off I want so bad to kick something over right now but, this is not my house and I want to be half way civil with her about this.
"You, know I have been a lot of things in my life I have been a drunk, a womanizing bastard, a cheat but, never and I mean never in my entire life have I ever been a liar. You can think what you want about me but, I can promise you this that no matter how much the truth hurt I was always honest with you even if it did leave me looking like a world class asshole. Do you know why I never lied to you?" I ask moving towards her as she shakes her head. "Because I hate liars." I tell her as I see her face fall which causes my anger to subside. I take a deep breath choosing my next words carefully. "Why?" I ask her my voice cracking.
"I can explain." she says in barely a whisper.
"Explain what? That you lied to me about having a daughter for all these years?" Well…so much for choosing my words carefully
"It's complicated Finn." At her words I can feel the anger rise again.
"What the fuck do you mean it's complicated?" I try to stay as calm as possible but, I am finding it very hard.
"I tried so many times to tell you, hell I even called your mom and she had no idea of where you were." I shake my head at her words I know that I didn't tell my mom where I was but, I wasn't that hard to find. "I did what I thought was best for the both of you." I unclench my fists and close them again taking a deep breath.
"And that was to keep me away from my daughter, who are you to decide what is best for me?" I throw my arms up in frustration. "Why didn't you tell me when she was born?" I ask as I search her eyes for some kind of answer.
"I didn't want to burden you. I had heard from Kurt how you were in college and trying to make a good life for yourself. I didn't want to ruin it." she tells me as her voice cracks and I see a single tear fall.
"Wait…you told Kurt and not me the father?" I snarl at her and she shakes her head. "No." she says softly.
"Damn it Rachel you knew how important family was and still is to me. I grew up with out a father and while Burt did his best it wasn't the same. I am so glad that you think that I would run out on you and our child." I try to hide the bitterness that is in my voice but, I can't help it.
"Finn…I was scared and alone you had just left me and I didn't know what to do. I am so sorry for everything I should've just told you." She tells me in between sobs. I want so bad to reach over and wipe away her tears but, I can't. I begin to feel the walls close in on me and I know that I need to get out of here before I say something that I will regret. While, I may be pissed as hell at her I still love her.
"Rachel, I know that you are sorry but that doesn't change the fact that I can't stand to be around you right now. You lied to me and that is something I can't get over." I knew as soon as those words had left my mouth we had hit the point of no return there was nothing left to say. I get up and reach for the door as I watch her burry her face in her hands and cry. I struggle with my head and heart, my heart tells me that I need to man up and work this out after all she is the mother of my daughter. My mind, on the other hand tells me to run like hell and never look back. I take my hand off the doorknob and walk towards her and place my arm around her. As you can see my heart won out on this one. There was no way that I was going to leave her or our child no matter what Rachel's reasons were they didn't matter any more. All that mattered was that I needed to be the best father I could be. "Hey, look at me." I cup her chin my voice softens a bit. She lifts her head and I can see all the hurt and regret in her eyes.
"I understand if you want to leave." she tells me her eyes are red and puffy from crying. While, I may be pissed as hell at her for keeping this from me. I could never leave her in a million years.
"Rachel, I am not going any where I promise. I am still mad at you and I don't know where this is going to lead us but, the one thing that I do know is that even if you and I are not together I am never going to abandon you or our daughter." I chose my words carefully as not to upset her anymore. I know that what ever chance there was of us getting back together are pretty much gone now. It does not change the fact that I love her and will do anything for her.
"I have some videos if you want to see them?" I give her a slight nod as she walks over and places the tape in the video player.
"This is of her first year." She tells me as she takes a seat on the recliner. I am in awe of everything that she managed to get on tape. There was the delivery which I must say was not as graphic as I thought it would be. I couldn't get over how much she looked like Rachel but, acted just like me. I was so thankful that Rachel had made these videos for me. I felt a wet tear fall down my cheek when she said her first word it was the most heart warming thing I had ever heard. I wipe away the tear and continue to watch the video. I had noticed that Jesse was around a lot and that I was actually thankful for at least Rachel wasn't alone. I couldn't help the pang of jealousy I felt towards him though he got to experience this in person. I felt like such an ass for leaving her like that I should've just gone with her to New York maybe things would've been different. "Rachel can I ask you something?" I ask looking over at her.
"Yeah, sure." she tells me her voice starts to crack.
"What is her name?" I know I should've asked this before but, I was in shock.
"Her name is Lea Allan Hudson." She tells me. I feel my heart swell with pride as she gave her my last name.
"You gave her my last name." I say with a huge smile on my face.
"Of, course Finn why wouldn't after all she is a part of you." she tells me as I can feel the familiar anger rise up in me. I don't know why but maybe it was the way she said it just irked me.
"It took you almost ten years to even tell me about her. Does she even know who I am?" I say as I get up from the couch. I can see her face fall when I say these words. I know I should not throw it in her face. I was partly to blame I really did not make it easy for anyone to find me
"Well…it's kind of hard to tell someone when they basically disappear off the face of the earth." she spats at me as she gets up and turns the TV off. I can tell she is pissed at me again for saying what I had said. I mentally face palm myself for saying what I had said. You, know I can be a real jack ass sometimes.
"Point taken." I say taking a deep breath before saying anything else. We both just stand there waiting for the other to say something. I try to read her eyes but, I can't they are filled with so much pain and hurt.
"Maybe you should go." She tells me breaking the silence as she reaches for the door. I grab her arm.
"Maybe I should." I tell her searching her eyes for some kind of answer but, there is nothing but sadness in her eyes. I want so bad to take away all the hurt and sadness but, I know that is not possible. I take a deep breath and slowly let it out. "Goodbye Rachel." I say to her as I walk out the door.
"Goodbye Finn." She says as she closes the door behind her. She let's out the breath that she had been holding as she collapses against the door. She felt broken and bruised by the words that were thrown by Finn it was like pouring salt into an already open wound. Now he was gone, and she couldn't help but wonder if it was for good. She wondered how it even got to this point but, how could it not? Despite her intentions and inner struggle to keep them at bay; the tears, hot and heavy, relentlessly fell down her cheeks. Although she had succeeded in her struggle in that moment with Finn, now alone the façade she had put up had imploded and the tears flowed and like loving Finn she was sure if they would stop. She knew this was all her fault if she had just told him from the beginning they would be in this place. She picked herself off the floor and headed upstairs wanting this nightmare to end.
XXXX
FPOV….
The next morning….McKinley High auditorium
McKinley High auditorium had always been this source of clarity for me. For as long as I could remember, it had been there for me in any time of need, like and old faithful friend. Every time I stepped foot on the stage that had given him so much comfort; it was the one place that I could come and make sense of the world, away from the dramatic confusion that was more often than not my life. The signatures on the wall behind him had never failed to give him a sense of pristine hope ever since the day the won nationals and decided to leave their mark. Seeing them remind him of the Finn Hudson from ten years ago. That Finn had been so hopeful, so passionate, so sure…so…in love. I reached my hand out to touch the names hers next to mine as I always thought they would be. Yet the signatures of their former selves had faded, I let out a bitter laugh at the irony of it all. Faded…you could call them that; none of them who had so surely made their mark on this wall that night were the same ten years later. Especially not him and not Rachel Berry. Like the names on the wall they too had faded away all because I thought by setting her free and letting her live her life was the right thing to do. After last nights conversation I knew that I was a complete and total idiot. Hell…I missed out on nine years of my daughter's life. Yes, I was pissed as hell when I found out but, she did what she had to do. I wipe away the tear that had fallen down my cheek. There was no point in rehashing the past what is done is done and there was no changing it. I knew that I had to make things right between us one way or another. I walk over towards the piano and mess around with the keys. I was never really good at playing piano but being a music teacher kind of helped me get better. I let the melody fill my head as I begin to sing.
Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are
I had to find you, tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart
I continued to play the song letting everything go that I was feeling.
Cut to Rachel in her room looking at a picture of her and Finn from prom.
Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions
Oh let's go back to the start
Running in circles, coming up tails
Heads on a science apart
She closes her eyes and a small tear escapes her. She places the photo back on the table and walks over to the window.
Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh take me back to the start
Flashback to sophomore year regional's…..
Rachel is fixing her make up when Finn walks up behind her.
"Break a leg." He says flashing his million dollar smile.
"Last time we were here you told me you loved me." she tells him trying to hide the sadness in her voice.
"I really like your song." he tells her not paying attention to what she had said.
"Listen carefully because I mean every word of it." she tells him as she walks away.
End flashback….
Cut to Finn on the piano staring out on to the stage.
I was just guessing, at numbers and figures
Pulling your puzzles apart
Flashback to the first time they kissed….
Finn and Rachel are at the piano practicing some vocal notes.
"Try it." she tells him as she plays a note on the computer. Finn tries his best to mimic the note but it just doesn't sound right. "Good." she tells him giving him a smile.
"That was good?" he asks second guessing himself.
"Ok, now try this." she tells him moving up the scale.
"Good?" he asks unsure of himself.
"that was like the holy grail for a baritenor so it's a good note. Alright I will start at the bottom and we can work our way to the top." she says as she begins to play the piano.
"Can we like take a break? Singing kind of makes me hungry." he says to her.
"Yeah, Yeah, luckily I prepared for that." she says motioning towards the elaborate picnic she had set up.
"Cool, I was wondering what that was for." he says taking a seat on one of the pillows.
"I was wondering why you asked me to help you with your singing. You kicked butt at the assembly." she asks taking some things out of the picnic basket.
"Well, this is my only chance to be good like you." he lies truth be told he just wanted to be alone with her.
"You think I am good?" she asks as she feels a blush rise to her cheeks.
"Well, when I first joined I thought you were insane and, you talked a lot more than you should. To be honest with you I looked under my bed to make sure you weren't hiding under it or something. Then I head you sing, I don't know how to say this but you touched something inside me…right here." he says as he places his hand on the wrong side of his chest.
"Um…your heart is over here." she says as she places my hand on the left side.
"oh, it's beating really fast. You're really cool Rachel." he says as he feels his heart racing inside his chest.
"Do you want a drink?" Rachel offers as she grabs a thermos and two glasses out of the basket.
"Yeah." he says still staring at her in awe.
"Virgin cosmos." she says handing him the glass.
"Thanks. So that stuff you said at the celibacy club meeting…that was pretty cool." he says as he takes the cup from her.
"Cheers." she says as she raises her glass.
"These cups look like the ones you get on the airplane. Oh, you got some cosmos right there." Finn reaches out and takes his thumb and wipes the cosmos away.
"You can kiss me if you want to." she tells him.
"I want to." he says as he leans into kiss her.
End flashback
Questions of science, science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart
Cut to Rachel staring out the window and is singing little did she know that Finn was across town singing the same song. Rachel grabs her bag and walks out the door.
XXXX
RPOV…
I had decided to take a short walk before going to the party and I had some how found myself on the steps of McKinley I felt a sense of home as I walked in. I remember walking down these halls in for fear of being slushied but, when Finn and I began to date people seemed to back off and I knew that with him by my side nothing could get me. I continue my walk down memory lane stopping at Finn's old locker and thinking about the time I had made what he had called Rachel's crazy calendar. I let out a small laugh placing my hand on the locker I turn around as I hear the familiar sound of a piano. I feel myself gravitate towards the auditorium. As I get closer I begin to recognize the song it was the one that was on my MP3 player. I decide to join in with the person on the other side.
Tell me you love me, come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start
Running in circles, chasing our tails
Coming back as we are
FPOV…
I continue on with the song not wanting to stop and then I hear a familiar voice begin to sing. I look up and there she is staring at the same wall I was looking at mere minutes ago. I motion for one of the band members to take over as I slowly walk over and start to sing with her.
Nobody said it was easy
Oh it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
I'm going back to the start
As we reach the chorus I see her turn around her expression is hard to read. We continue to sing the song not caring at that moment what had happened. She takes a step towards me and I can see all the pain and hurt she had been hiding. I slowly reach for her hand as we finish the song.
Oh ooh, ooh ooh ooh ooh
Ah ooh, ooh ooh ooh ooh
Oh ooh, ooh ooh ooh ooh
Oh ooh, ooh ooh ooh ooh
When the song ends we are both standing there looking in each others eyes. Neither one wanting to break eye contact. The silence speaking the words that we are afraid to say.
"You think we can do this?" She asks me.
"Yeah." I give her a small smile as I know exactly what her question was.
"Let's do this then." she says taking my hand as I pull her into a hug. I don't know where this is going to lead us but I know that this time I am not going to mess it up.
Fade out to Rachel and Finn standing in the middle of the auditorium hugging.
XXXX
Songs used in this chapter….
Come over by-Kenny Chesney
The Scientist by-Coldplay
I really hope you liked this chapter I know it is a long chapter and a lot happened. Rachel and Finn are not back together just yet they still have a lot of things to still deal with but…this is a step in the right direction.
I do apologize that this seems OC for these two but like I said before they are nothing like they are on the show. I think that Rachel on the show was whiney and needy and well….while he was/still my favorite I think they made Finn into a wuss. Ok anyway I know you are not hear for my wonderful ramblings. So I better get to writing another chapter for this fic.
I really hope I still have some readers after this chapter. Leave a review if you wish. Thanks again for reading.
This was my first time at trying to do split POV I hope it didn't confuse anyone.