Last call for everything,

A pool of emmalines delirious.

She lingers like a chain,

It's more than grave but not too serious.

Send in your reverie to me, faker

Into the mouth of green morning.

- Faker, Miike Snow

[{}][{}][{}]

|-Chapter Four-|

It was August. Dan was in The Hamptons Public Library.

Sylvester by Georgette Heyer. That was the book he had picked. He had read it a few years back.

"Georgette Heyer? Any special reason?"

He looked up to see green eyes looking at him inquiringly.

"Well," he told Cynthia. "This book sort of represents my life right now."

Cynthia smiled lopsidedly and glimpsed at the cover. "An ugly duckling who has run away from her house because she does not want to get married but instead write novels? Something like that happening in your life?"

She didn't have much of the accent.

"Eh…not exactly. But - said duckling wrote a novel that featured the people around her not in the best of light. That, definitely."

She laughed. "You're kidding, right?"

"No," Dan nodded ironically.

Cynthia stared at him.

Dan straightened in his chair. It wouldn't hurt to confide in someone who didn't even know who he was talking about. "I wrote something over the years– and it was kind of a satire you know. And my friends are involved in it. And I just…I just feel like a rogue. I mean, it's just," Dan exhaled. "They are going to know about it. Soon enough." He paused. "I feel like I don't even want to go back. I can live here all alone without end."

"How are they going to know about it?" her eyebrows furrowed.

He sighed. "Complicated. It's going to get published," he ran a hand through his hair. "I don't have it anymore. My ex-best friend stole it from me."

"Well…" Cynthia began after some silence, raising her hands. "I can see thatNew York Cityis very exciting."

Dan chuckled dismissively.

"But," she continued. "Hey, if what you're saying is actually true…which I'm having a hard time believing, by the way…I'm sure you won't be all alone. People will come around, if they realise that beneath all that…you care for them."

He looked at her cynically. "It's not as easy as that, trust me. I'm wishing my life was like this novel," he said, picking up the hardcover. "And despite everything I could end up seeing my enemy turned helper declare their love for me out of nowhere and then live happily ever after or something."

Cynthia chuckled. "Bit too much, don't ya think? But, Dan…believe me. If this best friend of yours….or okay, ex-best friend, found something worth publishing in that work, I'm sure she did it for your own good."

"Yes, but – she's not exactly been in my good graces lately. She's delusional. She thinks publishing it can repair our friendship. She's done all sorts of things to screw things up with me and I feel like this was the final straw – I don't want this out in the open," Dan explained. "I already feel so exposed. I don't want to break that trust I've culminated over the years with…everyone. It would hurt people I never would have wanted to hurt."

"Well…you yourself must have been hurt by them before, haven't you? At some point everyone gets hurt by the closest of people," she shrugged. "And you say you wrote a satire on them. And they live in theUpper East Side. I'm sure they are don't have the most ethical values, if you don't mind me saying that."

"Yeah, I know," he looked up. "It's not, obviously. But above all…we're friends." He broke off. "I definitely did not need this new complication," he finished in a light-hearted voice, shaking his head.

Cynthia got up, smiling. "Don't worry! I'm sure not everyone would hate it. And you wrote it for a reason, didn't you? If you have some considerate people in your life, I'm sure they would support you," she patted him on the back and went on her way. "Seeya, Daniel."

"Yeah," he replied, turning back, still sitting.

He thought about it. Maybe Vanessa did see something worth publishing – but obviously, she didn't care about his emotions or whatever social life he had, and obviously, she had a hard time letting go of the concept of privacy encroachment - and maybe, maybe, a part of him would have wanted to publish something he had been working on so hard and since so long…

But he would have preferred to do that on his own terms, he thought mordantly.

Or maybe he couldn't have ever gathered up the courage.

He sighed. He liked to think that he wasn't a coward though.

So, if he wasn't a coward, why did he fear this so much?

He didn't have to. He wrote this, after all. He didn't have to be ashamed of it, because it was…true. It was his point of view. His opinion.

But he also did not want to be the villain here. He was the observer. He was the one people could trust.

Dan sighed. He had thought he was over wanting to 'get inside'.

He sighed. Another scandal. Maybe he should write a satire on himself and then publish it and things would cancel out.

This was even taking toll on his sense of humour.

He braced himself, however. It was going to be pretty difficult, yes – he was waiting for his personal impending calamity- but there were the brighter facets, too.

Such as – one of his works was finally getting published.

Second – he might get enough money to renovate the loft.

Third - she might be one of the few who would actually like it. Especially everything he wrote last year. And at least till the last few pages.

Then she might stop talking to him because he hadn't exactly stopped writing after that kiss.

Or maybe even before. Especially since she claimed that he did not affect her in a certain way.

And because she was getting married, for God's sake.

Crushes could give you a strange imagination. He didn't exactly expect her to come running into his arms reading that page and make some sarcastic remark about how she had never expected that from him (although her eyes would tell him something different entirely), did he?

Maybe he did.

He was skimming through too many Georgette Heyer's, he thought alarmingly.

He had to stop thinking thoughts like that permanently. It was getting borderline lame.

And why was he getting that giddy feeling thinking that scenario? Things weren't looking up in his life, obviously.

This wasn't going away as he had hoped.

He couldn't keep on carrying a torch for somebody. Not again.

He had to do something. Something. He had to have some control in his life.

Serena, Georgina, Charlie, Vanessa….he was so sick of people having control over his life.

And he definitely did not want to watch her getting married. Especially to some prince she talked less than a quarter times than she had been talking to Dan himself.

He just had to give Blair a nudge, a push. A something.

He had done that in the past, hadn't he? He had a knack for doing that.

Dan realised he was staring at a bookshelf and got up.

Maybe everything wasn't that doomed.

[{}][{}][{}]

"Blair," he began the next day he was talking to her. "Would we still be watching movies when you're married?"

That definitely caught her off-guard.

"Wh-what?"

"Would we? I'm just curious. I mean…the situation's kind of similar now."

She didn't reply.

Somehow he thought she'd miss doing that.

"I would…" he continued in softer tones. "I would miss it."

There was a prolonged silence.

"I think…" she finally said. "I could spare some time for you, Humphrey. When I get tired of princess duties. Wouldn't want you getting too lonely."

"Oh, won't you?" Dan grinned.

"No. Might mar your reputation."

"How should that not fortify my reputation even more?"

"Hmm. Getting a cold-shoulder from a princess is not really acceptable, you know."

"And since when do you care about my reputation?"

"Since we…started to hang out. That parameter conjoins your reputation with mine."

It was Blair Waldorf's language for saying that he occupied an appreciable part of his life.

"Yeah?" He changed the subject. "So…how have things been coming along with the shopping?"

Her voice grew somewhat exasperated.

"I've been shopping the whole nine yards. I keep running in every direction with the coordinator in tow and for all her breeding, she doesn't know that the Debussy is teal while William Walton is white, hence obviously Walton should be the pick!"

"What?" Dan asked incredulously.

"I have mild synesthesia, Humphrey. I know what I'm talking about, don't worry your pretty little head," Blair singsang and then sighed tiredly. "It's all too much work; I'm surprised I'm even having this conversation right now because I'm ready to drop dead with sleep. I wish Serena was here. She is supposed to help me out with this botched situation!"

Dan forced himself a chuckle.

"Louis doesn't help you out?"

"Louis is not supposed to look into my department, that goes without saying! Besides, he is too busy in his political dealings. And while he does occasionally look into the wedding list, it's acceptable why he doesn't have much time for it on his hands. The government here in Monaco is having an internal synergy dispute."

Dan shook his head. "Exactly how busy is he?"

He didn't feel comfortable approaching this subject given the last time it had ended for them, but he had to know.

Blair huffed. "If you want to know, a lot. But it's not a big deal."

Dan sighed. "Blair. It's not too late, you know," he finished, dreading her reply.

"Dan," she mimicked. "It doesn't have to be late for anything."

"Waldorf. Look…" Dan ran fidgeted in his seat in exasperation. He had to say it. It was the middle of August already.

She couldn't possibly follow through with this.

But who was he fooling. Of course she could.

And then it would be too late to go back over her own steps.

"Look. I-I'm not sure how to approach you with this, but…let's begin with a simple issue. How much do you know Louis?"

Blair's voice took a sombre quality. "We're not talking about that again, Dan."

Dan sighed exasperatedly. "Fine. I'm going to say something very important to you and you're going to listen to me through this, alright?" He took a breath and began, without waiting for any interruption. "Sometimes, Waldorf, people are given too many choices. And they opt for the easy one. It might make them feel safe or…they might find themselves running back to it no matter how many times it makes them question themselves, but then…then comes a point where they have to understand what's right for them. Sometimes…you have to learn when to quit, Blair. And quitting is not always failing."

He had come to recognise these moments. It was one of those moments in which they both knew that they related on a poignant level – that for all respective indispensable ties, they both could feel parallel emotions.

There was some silence as she absorbed his words.

"Humphrey…" she at length replied, her voice was not above a whisper.

"I'm not expecting answers, Blair. I just want you to think about it, alright?"

Later he felt impolite for hanging up so abruptly.

[{}][{}][{}]

Dan was going through his e-mails. He had one from Nate, inquiring how he was doing (the correct words were something along the lines of 'g'day mate' which made him conjecture that him and Chuck were down under that time), that they missed everyone (except Chuck couldn't miss 'Brooklyn') and that they talked to Serena frequently. He went on to enlighten him on the movie Serena was doing and the director and her co-stars, which Dan, surprisingly, found himself skipping through somewhat.

He had another from Lily – again updating him on Serena for the larger part after enquiring about him and Eric and when exactly Eric was supposed to leave for Sarah Lawrence.

Then there were the customary mails by Jenny – he had lost track of their conversations entirely; they jumped repeatedly on to the most irrelevant subjects.

He clicked on his spam box languidly and found one more.

It was Vanessa.

Of course.

This was better than juvenilely sending her hate e-mails, he thought. He should have known that she would have contacted him sooner or later anyway.

He clicked on it. No subject.

He started reading.

"Dan,

I know you don't really want to hear from me-"

Typical, he restrained a small urge to roll his eyes immaturely.

"- but I have to inform you something concerning that manuscript. I sent it to a publishing company. I talked to the editor and he's going to release it around October. I asked him to publish it anonymously.

"I know you don't support me doing this, but I hope you will come out and claim it; because you truly deserve that accomplishment. I also know you don't want to face everyone's reactions to it, but I hope you know I did it only for your own good. I know it won't be easy…but you couldn't have let such a masterpiece go to waste."

"So you took it in your own hands," Dan said aloud and then felt stupid about it. "Literally."

He scanned further through the mail, which consisted of her giving him best wishes and hoping they could talk again someday.

He didn't know. He had come to terms with facing the consequences of The Insider being published, but he wasn't entirely prepared. You could prepare the best you could for an impending catastrophe, but it would never not scare you, knowing you can do nothing much to deviate it. The only option available to you was to face it.

He couldn't really imagine being chummy with Vanessa again; not at least before ten years down the line. Maybe then the nostalgia would kick in.

He doubted that, though, he thought. He had enough on his plate to be bitter about.

[{}][{}][{}]

Author's Note:

Sarah: Glad that you do. :) I hope you enjoy the future chapters too. Thank you for reviewing.

tn09: Well…if you felt that way, then I'm a bad writer. But idk, I thought I put it in a very subdued context. It was only meant to be a little insight. I realise the last chapter should have had more things going on in it, but it was kind of a filler, I think. Thanks for reading anyway.

Just Another Reviewer: Oh. Oops. I meant to write theUS's ambassador toFrance. I edited that. And no problem! You can be my pseudo-beta. ;) Glad that you liked it. :)