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thanks to my betafish nic, the peanut butter to my jelly. love you!

For the first week that Leah is home, she sticks close to me. Thanks to the spring rain that won't stop, we spend most of our time indoors, but I don't really mind. The eidolic sensation that I'm being watched seems stronger than ever, and if I'm completely honest, I'm afraid that whatever crashed through my window is still out there.

I feel hunted.

But, now that Leah's back, I also feel protected. Sam comes by every day, which is normal. It was like this before they left, and even before that, when Leah was at UW. He wasn't going to school there, but he stayed in her little apartment anyway, working while she was in class.

I can't talk to Leah the way I want to though, not with Sam around. He's a sweet guy, but we aren't that close.

So instead the three of us hang out, talking, playing cards and watching movies. It's okay I guess, but sometimes it feels like they're babysitting me. A couple of times I've come back from the bathroom or kitchen to find the two of them gone, holed up in Leah's bedroom. I escape to my own room, aching with loneliness and envy, the pain from missing Edward cutting me so deeply I wonder if I'll ever recover.

There are guests staying at the Inn now, newlyweds from California and a family of four that visit every spring break.

It's nice having so many people around.

On my way to bed one night, after helping Emily and Sue with a school project, I hear Leah talking on the phone. The rise and fall of her voice makes me think she's pissed off. Livid, even. Without thought I pause outside of her bedroom door, holding my breath as I listen.

With the washing machine going nearby in the laundry room and the rain falling outside, it's difficult to hear, but I think I hear Jake's name. Several times. My heart clenches uncomfortably. Sam and Leah grew up with Jake. They know about him – they must. My mind is racing. Of course they know. Sue knows.

A vague sense of betrayal washes over me, pitting in my gut. Obviously there are things Leah knows that she isn't telling me, and that hurts. She knows I'm in the dark right now.

Leah's voice drifts closer. I walk down the hall and in to my room, my mouth dry. If Jake can change in to a wolf, it's wholly possible that other members of the tribe can, too.

My room is so, so cold. Ever since my window broke.

But that's not true. Something about that isn't quite right, and it nags at me. Deeper I dig, into the recesses of my thoughts, feelings and memories, perhaps even my subconscious, reaching for that elusive detail.

And then I know: the cold was there before the glass shattered.

Yes.

This should matter more to me, but the cold embraces me, and I relax in to it, oddly comforted. It's tangible, almost substantial.

I love you.

I love you, too.

I wake up slowly, floating to the top as if I've been at the bottom of a pool, my eyes adjusting slowly to the blue black of predawn. Feeling like I'm still half asleep, I touch my lips and sit up.

There's a sweet taste in my mouth. I've tasted it before.

"I'm going out, Bell." Leah lingers in my doorway the next morning, keys dangling from her hand. "I'll be back soon."

It's eleven a.m. and I'm still in my pajamas, but I leap up from the computer, hands flying through my hair as I retie my ponytail. "I want to come."

She's obviously caught off guard. "No, I…" She shakes her head. "You're not even dressed. Chill; I'll be right back."

But I'm already pulling my hoodie on. There's no way she's leaving me here by myself. We need to talk; the beating around the bush ends now. "Nope. Coming."

Leah narrows her eyes. "Why?"

"Why not?" I shove my feet in to the sneakers lying by my desk. "You're going to see Sam, right? In La Push?"

She folds her arms. "Yeah, so?"

"So I need to talk to Jake," I lie. Well, partly. I do need to talk to him, even though I don't really want to yet. Leah's who I really need to discuss things with, though. Riding with her to La push will kill two birds with one stone.

"It's about time," she says, and then frowns, realizing she walked right in to that one.

I stand up, grabbing my phone. "I know about him, you know. So you can stop bullshitting and acting like all's well."

"I never said all was well." I know that tone; she's working hard to keep from being angry. She shudders visibly.

We share a brief, stubborn stare. A memory of what Leah was like when our parents first met flickers through my mind; she hated me. We used to bicker all the time.

"You're keeping things from me," I say. "Secrets."

Leah drops her arms. "So are you."

"Can we just go? I need to get out of the house." I'm practically begging now. I'm desperate to know what Leah knows, who she was talking to on the phone the night before and what they were discussing. Specifics and details evade me but I sense that things are connected: Leah and Sam coming home, Jake, the watcher in the woods. Instinctively I know that it's something that will require me to believe in the unbelievable, just as I have had to do with regard to Jake.

"Well, we start work on Monday, so…"

I give her a look.

"Fine. But put some pants on, at least," she snaps. "You look like a bum."

I trade my sweats for jeans and jog down the hall, not wanting Leah to leave me behind anyway. In the car, she locks the doors and, after I start blowing on my hands to keep them warm, turns on the heat.

We drive in silence for awhile. She won't look at me, and actually, she seems anxious.

"Leah."

"Hm."

"I know about Jake. He…changed in front of me."

She's quiet for so long that I begin to think that maybe she's mad at me. But then she takes a deep breath and pushes it out, like she's psyching herself up for the talk we're about to have. "It's called shifting…and he wasn't supposed to do that in front of you."

I don't bother to ask how long she's known. The point is she isn't surprised, like I knew she wouldn't be.

"So then why did he?" I ask instead.

"Because he thinks he's in love with you. He thinks you're his soul mate and that he can't keep anything from you."

Even without looking at Leah I know she's rolling her eyes, and I'm relieved she feels me on this. "So you don't think he's actually in love with me?"

"No, and you're not in love with him."

"No."

"I think… he should explain things himself."

I rub my hands over my face, tired of the conversation before it's begun. "What else could he possibly have to say? Please don't tell me there's more…"

"This is exactly why you guys need to talk." Leah turns off the heat and cracks the windows with a huff. "You get mad when people walk on eggshells around you, but then you freak when they try to explain. You can't have it both ways," she says.

"Why can't you talk to me, too?"

"I do talk to you."

"About," I pause, because I'm about to cry. "About everything else! You're always with Sam –"

"Bella."

But the dam is broken, and words keep rushing out. "He's great, and you're great together, but I need you too. Nothing's been the same since you guys left; I feel like my life keeps falling apart more and more. I keep waiting for it to just…stop or take a break, but it won't. I only came with you today to talk to you, and you only let me come so I'd talk to Jake…but I don't want to talk to Jake. Or about Jake…

"Bella!" Leah says again, probably alarmed at my frantic rambling.

It's been months, though. Months of the hurt, and longing, and feeling sometimes like I'm going crazy from it all. "I want to talk about Edward. And the fact that he's still gone and no one believes me when I say he's still alive! I know he is… he promised me he'd come back…" I shut up abruptly, swallowing back the lump in my throat.

Leah sighs, pulling off the road. She turns to me, and I just know she's about to reason with me. She looks torn, like she's sad but also determined to reason with me.

But I speak before she does. "I just…I need someone to talk to, and I feel like you've been avoiding me since you got home."

Her face falls. "I know you feel like you've lost your heart. I know. And I'm so, so sorry. I know how happy he made you." She grabs my hand. "If you want me to be completely honest, I don't think Edward's dead either. Sam and I were talking about this, and it just doesn't make sense…if he was with his parents when they both died from malaria, it stands to reason that he would have – should have – died the same way. It happens all the time in places like that, and I'm sure they knew the risks."

A sob rips through my chest, and I cover my mouth with both hands. I haven't really talked about this since the day we all found out. The day one of Charlie's friends down at the police station called him to tell him what had happened to the Masen family…

Leah squeezes my hand. "But not knowing what happened is almost worse than knowing for sure that he's gone, and I can't watch you torture yourself with it. I can't. It's like you're stuck in limbo, and it's affecting everybody. Your dad's worried sick about you."

"So, what, you want me to get over it?" I cry, closing my eyes.

Her hands on mine ground me. "No. But I want you to deal with it, any way you can, for right now. You're half of a person these days."

My fight is gone, and I sit, empty, feeling like my chest is imploding. It's the worst way to feel, like I've lost.

"I love you," she whispers, slowly pulling away.

I nod, wiping the back of my hand across my face.

Leah sighs, getting back on the road. We're only a couple of minutes from La Push now. "I don't want you feeling like you can't talk to me about this, though. We can talk about it as much as you need to, okay?"

I nod again, grabbing a roll of toilet paper from the glove compartment so I can blow my nose.

Leah must've called Sam to tell him what was up, because when we pull up to his muddy driveway Jacob's sitting on the porch railing. He slides off as we park.

I can see it, naked as day. His adoration.

It's slightly nauseating, not because he's unlovable, but because I simply can't love him that way. I don't want to hurt him, but nor will I lie or lead him on. Leah insisted that we hash this out, and so we will. Right now.

"Bella," he says, taking my hand reverently. "You came."

Grimacing, I pull my hand away and wipe it on my jeans. "We need to talk."

"That's what I've been telling you…"

"I wasn't ready to talk to you before… I told you that." I take a deep breath, trying not to be so short with Jake. Despite the innate weirdness of our situation, we've been friends for years. Good friends. "But I'm ready now."

"What changed?" he asks, leading me back down the steps. Leah and Sam disappear inside without so much as a backward glance.

"Nothing, really. I guess I just needed to accept that there are things in this world I never could have fathomed, and you're one of them. I'm sorry I freaked out on you like that but, seeing you shift was…there are no words."

"I know. That's why I wasn't supposed to tell you, but I don't want there to be secrets between us."

"Are you the only one who can do it?" I whisper. "Shift…?"

For a moment, I don't think he'll answer me. He stares straight ahead, chewing nervously on his thumbnail. "No."

I sense that he won't – or can't tell me more.

"Well…thanks for trusting me," I say, biting my lip. "I'll keep your secrets. It what friends do."

"Just friends?" he asks, and hope is so naked in his voice that it makes me flinch.

"Jake."

His shoulders slump."All right."

For awhile we walk without speaking, stepping over mossy rocks and large branches half hidden in the undergrowth. His forest feels inexplicably friendlier than mine does. I don't know why. Eventually the trees thin and then clear completely, leaving us near the edge of a cliff. Below, the ocean churns ceaselessly, its rough water reflecting the silver sky.

I throw a stone as far as I can, watching it disappear as it sails through the sky. "I'm afraid, Jake."

He stiffens beside me. "Why? I told you… I'd never hurt you. I didn't mean to scare you so badly."

"Not that. It's…sometimes I feel like I'm being watched. I know that sounds crazy, but I hardly go outside anymore. I know I'm not alone out there. This feeling crawls all over me, even when I'm in my room. I think that's what tried to attack me."

Jake stays quiet, his hands deep in his pockets.

"I was sleeping when it happened, you know? So… I don't even know what it was. I mean, the tree –"

"You told Leah you saw fur and eyes," he says, glancing at me as we walk. "In the darkness."

I narrow my eyes. "Do you guys tell each other everything?"

He stares straight ahead. "Something like that."

"Maybe I should talk to Charlie. Again. He still thinks it was a frigging tree…but if there's something out there he can round up his friends…" I trail off, because Jake looks like he's checked out of the conversation. "What?"

He scratches his chin. "We haven't had to shift for decades, Bella."

I shake my head slowly. "What do you mean, had to?"

"Certain things put other things in motion."

"You could not be more vague, seriously," I say, frowning. "Just tell me. You've already started to."

Swallowing, Jake sits down on the ground, and I follow. "Legend has it that a long time ago there were a group of predators in this area, hunting and killing people."

Goosebumps break out over my skin, but I stay silent.

"I'm not going to bore you with details, but…basically the local Quileutes starting evolving…shifting…so that they could protect their families and villages."

"Changing in to wolves?"

He nods.

"What happened then?" I ask.

"They were able to push the predators away. This is sacred ground, Bella. Protected."

"Like…magically?" I feel like an idiot for putting it that way, but apparently anything is possible.

Jake chuckles. "Kind of. Anyway, if these predators, the Cold Ones, ever pass through again, we'll know."

"How?"

"Our bodies sense it. The initial shift is involuntary." He looks away from me quickly. "I'm… I'm learning to control it though."

No wonder Leah said thst Jake wasn't supposed to tell me about this. It's insanity, and if I hadn't seen him change – shift— with my own eyes, I wouldn't believe a word of it.

Fear runs cold over my skin and through my body, making my stomach clench. Questions swirl through my head, dizzying me. Are the predators here now? Is that what tried to come in to my room?

I stare at Jake, squeezing my hands I to fists to stop them from shaking."So what are you saying? That these...predators are back? Is that why this is happening to you?" I clench my eyes shut, trying to understand. "What exactly are the Cold Ones, Jake?"

Twigs snap behind us. I look over my shoulder, and there stand Sam and Leah. Leah's face is pretty neutral, but Sam looks pissed off. He's usually so mellow, so seeing him glare at Jake, wordlessly signaling for him to get up, is weird.

I look back at Jake, but he's staring at the ground as he rises to stand with Sam.

"You ready?" Leah asks me, her voice soft.

Ignoring her, I tug on Jake's arm. He shakes his head and turns to follow Sam, who's already begun leaving. "Thanks for coming by, Bella. I'll see you soon."

"What was that all about?" I whisper to Leah as we follow the boys back through the woods.

She shrugs, but I sense she knows and is choosing not to tell me. Again.

I sigh, loudly. "What, is it some tribal secret the pale faces aren't privy to?"

Leah throws me a withering glance. "Don't be an idiot."

"But why –"

"Jake just keeps talking and talking." We emerge from the woods and begin making our way back to Leah's car. "He's already told you a bunch of stuff that is so, so private. Please don't ask him, or me, to tell you anything else."

"You said he and I needed to talk, though."

"About your relationship," she says, unlocking the car. "Not all this other stuff."

"We don't have a relationship."

"You know what I mean."

I leave La Push more confused than when I arrived.

Last May

The night I met Edward, I jotted his number on to a piece of paper before it could fade off of my hand. I wished he'd taken my number instead of giving me his, because the ball was in my court now. The thought of calling him totally unnerved me.

What's meant to be will be, though, and fate soon interceded.

Wanting a break from the idyllic but isolated atmosphere of the inn, I'd started having lunch at the diner. I made sure to come right after the rush, when it was quieter, and eat at the bar, where I could chat with Angela between her tables.

The bar was full that day, though. I was reading in an empty booth one afternoon, picking at a piece of pie, when someone plopped down across from me. Startled, I looked up.

Edward smiled a little, his hands clasped in front of him on the table. He was even handsomer by daylight, his eyes a little brighter. The pale sun shining through the windows caught in his hair; it was an interesting color, kind of coppery.

Sitting a little straighter, I set my book down. Two chance meetings and already he made me so incredibly nervous. "Hi."

"Hey."

My stomach lurched anxiously. "I…I'm sorry I haven't called yet."

He grinned. "About that…"

"I meant to." I bit my lip, feeling guilty.

"Well, I would've called you, but…"

"But you don't have my number," I finished. "No, I really was going to call you. I just, I don't know. I felt weird."

He cocked his head. "Why?"

I didn't know what to say that wouldn't sound completely lame. "Because…"

Angela popped up, a coy smirk dimpling her cheeks. "Fancy meeting you here, Edward. What can I get you?" She glanced down at me, winking. She probably told him I was at the diner, the little matchmaker.

We talked while he ate; casual, superficial chitchat.

He was the only child of two doctors. They'd traveled all over the world, and as a child he'd spent summers in exotic locations. He wanted to be a doctor, too. He loved the quiet of Forks. He missed the bustle of Chicago, his birthplace.

I told him about Charlie and my mom, and how they split up when I was only two. How I grew up in Arizona, and while I loved the lush green of Forks I missed the culture of Phoenix.

His eyes never left mine, not once. It was as if our gaze was a conversation all its own.

He stood up afterward, tucking two twenties beneath his plate. I fought the urge to stand up, too.

"So, since writing my number on your hand wasn't direct enough," he paused, and his eyes seemed to tease me, "can I take you out sometime?"

My heart skipped, and not for the first time since he'd joined me. "Sure."

He stared down at me, linking his hands behind his head. "How about tonight?"

Charlie knocked at my door. "Bells, your friend is here."

I rolled my eyes. He knew damn well I was going on date. I didn't over-share with my father, but nor did I keep things from him. Taking one last look at myself in the mirror, I opened the door and followed Charlie out to the living room, where Emily had apparently taken it upon herself to entertain Edward while he waited.

He glanced up at me, clear green eyes twinkling in amusement.

"She was showing me her tap routine."

"Okay, Emmy," I said, giving her a quick squeeze. "We have to go."

"Nice meeting you," he said to her, shaking her hand. I looked at Sue, who seemed just as charmed as I was with this guy.

If there was one thing Emily and I had both inherited from our father, it was blushing. She turned bright pink before slinking away. Edward turned to me, grinning. "She's cute."

"When she wants to be," I laughed.

Edward was the first guy ever to open the car door for me. I wasn't used to such chivalry; it seemed old fashioned and sweet.

He took me to a little Italian restaurant in Port Angeles, where we continued talking as if we'd never stopped. Normally new acquaintances made me shy, and I preferred letting them speak. But Edward wanted to know about me, and I simply couldn't refuse him.

It had been a long time since I'd gone out with someone, and there wasn't anyone I dated like Edward. He was gorgeous, but completely down to earth, too. He didn't seem to notice our waitress ogling him and I pretended not to notice the random frisson of possessiveness that shot through me.

At the end of the evening, he drove me right home, explaining he wanted to make a good impression on Charlie. He walked me to my door, and waited until I was inside before driving away. For a second I thought that I was relieved that he hadn't tried to kiss me, but as I watched the darkness swallow his taillights I realized I was just plain disappointed.

I wanted him to kiss me.

And I knew, by the way he'd been with me all night, that he wanted to kiss me, too.

sorry this is late. tiny tyrant struck again last night. actually, he's striking again right now, but i really wanted to get this chapter out.

i think i actually managed to answer all my reviews last time. you don't know how happy this makes me...i haven't been able to do that in a while.

thanks for all of the questions, pm's, reviews and tweets. feel free to ask me - please- if something isn't clear. the info is coming, but it's coming slowly. ;)

xoxoxo