Chapter 4

After supper, Nick moved to his new room on the oncology floor of the hospital. His roommate, Charles, was only 25 and suffering from a second bout of Leukemia. His hair already gone and his body stick thin from treatment, and according to the nurse, his family was far away as well in Pennsylvania.

He was cheerful enough when Nick greeted him awkwardly after being assisted into bed by the orderly, and though he was exhausted beyond words, he tried to strike up casual conversation with Charles.

"How long have you been here?" Nick ventured after the nurse left both men to their own devices, and Charles peered curiously at him over the top of his magazine.

"Six weeks," He replied, and Nick whistled. "Tell me about it," he replied. "I hear you're new to the whole chemo game, right? i was prepped ahead of time."

Nick laughed weakly. "Unfortunately," he replied, trying to keep his gaze off of Charles' bald head, but found it difficult. "How bad is it, man?" he questioned curiously. "I want the truth, too, none of this it's gonna be okay bullshit that everyone keeps feeding me."

Charles grinned at Nick's comment, and took a deep breath. "It's absolute hell on earth," he replied. "The second that liquid hits your veins they immediately feel like they're on fire. Then there's the constant nausea, the mouth sores, the hair loss..." he shrugged and closed his eyes for a moment. "I have to say that not everybody has the same level of torture as I did with chemo, but if you're sensitive to drugs then you will have a tough time."

Nick thought about his reaction to anesthesia, which most people weren't bothered by, and dreaded the following morning. He noticed something sticking out from Charles' hospital gown and pointed to it. "What's that thing?"

Charles lifted up his shirt and revealed what looked to be a tube of some kind protruding from his chest.

"It's a shunt they use to dump the poison in," He explained. "Saves them from having to find a vein every time. The more chemo you get the more messed up they are...they can really go flat, which makes it a problem."

Nick swallowed past a lump of nausea in his throat, wondering why he'd agreed to go through with this.

"So if they think chemo is such a good idea, then why are you back in the hospital?" Nick asked. "They make it sound like the best cure, but I don't see you out on the street living a normal life afterward."

Charles smiled softly and knew how confusing and scary the process of fighting cancer could be. He had been battling leukemia since he was sixteen.

"It's a crap shoot," he said. "You either make it, or you don't. I just decided I wasn't going down without a fight as long as I'm still breathing."

Nick wet his lips and nodded in understanding.

"I hope you don't mind when my friends come to visit," He told Charles. "They tend to be really overprotective, especially Jess."

Charles shook his head. "No problem...is Jess your girlfriend? I had to force mine to leave or she would have spent another night here. She and I got engaged not long before it hit me again."

Nick was taken aback by the forwardness of the question. He knew he had feelings for Jess, but he couldn't quite process them. He didn't think he'd go past friendship for anyone he lived with...it would be like falling in love with Schmidt or Winston...the idea made him sick.

"I don't know yet," he replied. "I like her, she's a good friend, but..." he shrugged. "I really don't have much to offer other than muscles, and barely that." he attempted to flex his arms but was so tired he put them down almost immediately.

"I'm sure that's not true," Charles argued. "What do you do for work?"

Nick snorted. "I'm a full time bartender," he replied. "I dropped out of law school halfway through and I serve drinks for a living."

Charles blinked stupidly at him, and Nick knew how ridiculous his answer sounded.

"Why did you quit law school?" he asked, and Nick turned his attention towards the plain white ceiling, glad for the permanent company. It was depressing once his other friends left for the night, especially since he had a tendency to suffer from insomnia.

"I didn't want to be stuck in a stuffy suit and tie all my life," he replied. "I didn't want to work under somebody, and look how that turned out." he smirked and Charles smiled sheepishly.

"Funny how you feel about that," he replied. "I'm an attorney myself, I just got a job at a family law firm, which is why I moved out here."

Nick felt his cheeks reddening with embarrassment. "Nothing against attorney's themselves, man," he insisted. "I just didn't think it was the right fit for me."

They continued to chat about Nick's interests and what he would possibly do once he beat cancer, until the nurse came to tell them it was "light's out".

"You're going to need your rest for tomorrow," She explained with a smile, and Nick returned the gesture, watching as Charles settled back as comfortably as he could.

The following morning came too quickly for Nick's liking, and he was given an IV with the bag of amber colored liquid. Charles hadn't been kidding at all about the excruciating pain that resulted, and it took all of his willpower not to scream aloud.

He also began to vomit continually into the plastic basin Charles handed to him the second the nausea hit, which was only slightly abated by the nausea medication provided by the nurse. He was too sick to eat dinner that night, and had fallen asleep when Jess arrived to visit after she made dinner for the rest of the loft mates.

"How's he doing?" She asked Charles who lay watching television, and after she'd introduced herself.

"He's having a rough time of it," Charles explained as she sat down by the edge of the bed and reached for Nick's hand. He only stirred slightly at her touch, and she took a deep breath. His face was bathed in sweat, his hair plastered against his forehead. She immediately got up from the chair and went into the small bathroom, dampening a wash cloth. She began to blot his forehead and cheeks, wishing she could trade places with him.

Jess had stopped by the receptionist desk to fill out the official insurance paperwork for Nick before coming up to his room, and now everything was set up in the hospital computer. Knowing he would be taken care of financially helped her quite a bit.

"He's been throwing up non-stop since they started the drugs, and I think he's now gone for a record of an hour without being sick."

Jess shook her head as she peered at Nick's sleeping face, which occasionally crinkled with pain.

"How long did it last for you? The side effects, if you don't mind my asking?" Jess looked at Charles who had his Bible open and was reading intently.

"I'd say it took a good week before I started being able to eat solid food," Charles replied. "They had to put me on an IV because I couldn't keep anything down."

Jess wasn't sure if Schmidt could handle his best friend in this state...he'd planned to come by the following evening.

She jumped when Nick awoke to be sick once again only a half hour after her arrival, and she fought tears as she held the basin under him. He had nothing left in his stomach at this point, having eaten very little over the past few days, so it was mostly dry heaving.

"Don't leave me, Jess," Nick begged once he caught his breath, and gripped her arm. "I can't do this alone. Please don't..." he doubled over for the third time.

"I'm not leaving you," Jess insisted, rubbing his back, and knew she would have to get him a fresh hospital gown...he was soaked through. "Not for a single minute." She pulled her cell phone out of her purse to text CeCe, knowing she'd be in a calmer position to get her stuff for the evening. She planned on spending the night again, especially knowing how vulnerable Nick was in this state.

CeCe came by as promised and delivered a small suitcase of pajamas and a new outfit for the following day. She shook her head at Nick's unconscious form, and asked the same question: "How is he?"

Jess wiped her eyes after accepting her bag, and turned her attention back to Nick.

"Not so good," she replied. "I keep wondering if we made a huge mistake pushing him into treatment. I'm afraid if the cancer won't kill him this may..."

CeCe put a comforting hand on her friend's shoulder. "He made the right choice," she said. "Listen...Schmidt wants a full report when I leave. You know he's planning to sink every penny he has to get Nick better, right? He's been researching all kinds of stuff, clinical trials, even..."

Jess smiled softly. "Schmidt can help with whatever my insurance plan doesn't cover," she replied, and CeCe's eyes widened.

"You got him on your plan? How?"

Jess shrugged innocently. "I know the right people, and they can't resist my dazzling charms."

Cece shook her head with a chuckle. "Well...I'd better go." She quickly planted a kiss on Nick's cheek. "Call me if you need anything else, okay?" Jess nodded her thanks, watching CeCe vanish down the hallway.

Nick finally opened his eyes around midnight, and found Jess dozing with her head on the mattress. He felt completely hollow and sore, and his mouth tasted horrible. He tried not to wake Jess, but failed when he made a miserable attempt to stifle a sneeze.

"Ow..." Jess muttered when she sat up at the sound, rubbing her neck. She blinked in the darkness and found Nick watching her, his eyes shining in the moonlight. "Hey...you're awake. Is everything okay?"

Nick shrugged, helping himself to a glass of water, sipping gingerly from it.

"Thanks for being here, Jess," Nick whispered once he managed to get his voice on track, and she reached for his hand, squeezing it.

"You're welcome. You know I'm always just a phone call away." she lowered her head. "Nick, I wanted to tell you something, and I don't want you to get mad, okay?"

Nick cocked his head to one side, wondering where Jess was going with this.

"I can't promise I won't but go on," he replied with a small smile, and Jess wet her lips, trying to keep her voice down so she didn't wake Charles.

"I got you under my health insurance plan at work," She said and Nick stared at her. "I told CeCe I didn't want you to know right away, but I think it would ease your distress about getting treatment. I know being stressed about money makes relaxing and getting better a lot harder than if you knew everything was going to be fine. Schmidt is also apparently scouring the world for the top cancer doctor's."

Nick didn't know whether to laugh or to cry at Jess's comment. "How the Hell did you manage to get me on? We're not married," he whispered and she smiled sheepishly. "You lied to get me on your insurance?"

Jess laughed. "No I didn't," she replied. "I'm just really good at using my emotions to get what I want." she winked and Nick shook his head with amusement.

"I don't know what to do with you," he said. "I really appreciate this, Jess..." he winced at the headache that had slowly begun to throb behind his eyes.

"At least you haven't thrown up since ten," Jess teased as he tried to get comfortable in the bed.

"I'm sorry about all that," Nick apologized, and Jess arched an eyebrow.

"Don't be sorry," she insisted. "You couldn't help it."

Nick shrugged...he hated feeling so helpless and miserable. He didn't understand how Charles never seemed to be angry, yet he wanted to punch a hole in the wall.

"Do you know what Charles told me earlier?" He asked as Jess leaned back in her chair. "He told me that the reason he went for chemo, even though it didn't have a guaranteed 100% chance of working, he didn't want to go down without a fight of some kind."

Jess smiled at the comment...hurrah for Charles!

"He's right," she replied. "Neither of us would have let you give up. I know it's a tough road ahead of you, but you're Nick Miller...you're a tough guy."

Nick snorted.

"I'm serious!" Jess insisted. "You're one of the strongest men I know."

Nick rolled his eyes. "Then you've had a pretty poor choice of men in your past," he admitted and she jokingly slapped him on the leg.

"Shush," she scolded. "Listen...you'd better get some sleep. It can only get better from here." she kissed his hand much to his surprise, and Nick smiled at her.

"I wish I could believe you," he replied.

"Do you trust me, Nick?" Jess asked, her eyes widening with hope, and Nick stared at her.

"I trust you," he whispered.